Cicatrice Du Adieu Posted December 9, 2006 Share Posted December 9, 2006 Ok. let me just say it right now;I HAVE INTIMACY ISSUES!!!!! My boyfriend is kind,witty and paitient,especially with me. I hug him, but I can't do anymore than that.I have a difficult time speaking to him, open heartedly and push him away whenever he tries getting close. We're becoming a laughing stock because he can't get close enough to kiss me and I feel he may be growing impatient and frustrated with this. It s frustrating me too! :animedepr I'm so ignorant! someone help?!?! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lava Lamp Posted December 9, 2006 Share Posted December 9, 2006 [COLOR=SeaGreen][FONT=Tahoma]So just let him kiss you. Boys don't have cooties, you know.[/FONT][/COLOR] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sandy Posted December 9, 2006 Share Posted December 9, 2006 I'm not trying to be a shrink here, but you should really think about the [B]reasons[/B] behind your intimacy issues. When you acknowledge where the problem lies, then you can do something about it. Just don't push yourself to do anything you really don't want to do. If your boyfriend doesn't understand it, then you probably shouldn't be together. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cicatrice Du Adieu Posted December 9, 2006 Author Share Posted December 9, 2006 I fear. I just can't. I don't know why and he won't try because he fears I might feel uncomfortable. He wants to but i'm not so sure if i want to.I imagined my first kiss differently with some one different. Not him. But the person I wanted was never there, he was non-existant. I fell in love with a dream and now i'm doudting the real thng....maybe. Or maybe not i'm just trying to trace it back to it's origin. Thank you!!! :animeswea Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sojiro47 Posted December 9, 2006 Share Posted December 9, 2006 [QUOTE=Lava Lamp][COLOR=SeaGreen][FONT=Tahoma] Boys don't have cooties, you know.[/FONT][/COLOR][/QUOTE] Some boy's do. We call them STD's. But that's a different story... Anyway, (thought you were rid of me, huh?) Lava has a point. You should just let him kiss you. It doesn't need to be a five minute make-out session, but just let it happen. Is there a reason you don't want him to kiss you? Because if there is, just tell him. I'm sure he'll understand, and respect it. Otherwise, he isn't worth it. Besides, once it happens, you'll be less...afraid. As for the issues with talking, just kinda tell him about your past, secrets, family life, ect. And ask questions about him. Thing get a lot easier when you strat small and grow from there. But take your time, but let him in on why, otherwise he will get frustrated. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cicatrice Du Adieu Posted December 9, 2006 Author Share Posted December 9, 2006 hard to do so when you don't know. I don't know. Somethings stopping me. Would it be shameful to say that perhaps I fell in love with the idea of being loved and not the person himself? That seems so low,so very low. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lava Lamp Posted December 9, 2006 Share Posted December 9, 2006 [QUOTE=Sojiro47]Some boy's do. We call them STD's. But that's a different story... Anyway, (thought you were rid of me, huh?) Lava has a point. You should just let him kiss you. It doesn't need to be a five minute make-out session, but just let it happen. Is there a reason you don't want him to kiss you? Because if there is, just tell him. I'm sure he'll understand, and respect it. Otherwise, he isn't worth it. Besides, once it happens, you'll be less...afraid. As for the issues with talking, just kinda tell him about your past, secrets, family life, ect. And ask questions about him. Thing get a lot easier when you strat small and grow from there. But take your time, but let him in on why, otherwise he will get frustrated.[/QUOTE] [COLOR=SeaGreen][FONT=Tahoma]Wow. I had a point?! I mean. Yes I had a point. A very good point. Ah, about asking questions! Very, very important. The only way to get to know someone is to find out about them, and asking questions is a wonderful place to start. p.s. Sojiro: Oh I bet you're one of the boys with cooties, hmm?[/FONT][/COLOR] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sandy Posted December 9, 2006 Share Posted December 9, 2006 [QUOTE=lostvoice]hard to do so when you don't know. I don't know. Somethings stopping me. Would it be shameful to say that perhaps I fell in love with the idea of being loved and not the person himself? That seems so low,so very low.[/QUOTE] Fret not. The first guy you fall for does [I]not[/I] have to be the one you live the rest of your life with. Just seize the moment, and don't worry about the future too much. Love is a tricky thing, you know? And you're still young. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cicatrice Du Adieu Posted December 9, 2006 Author Share Posted December 9, 2006 Am I over-anilyzing things? I have a tendency to do that. I just don't want to hurt him. If I do not really love him than how do I dump him without hurting him? How do you even tell if you are in love? I don't want to screw this up! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Solo Tremaine Posted December 9, 2006 Share Posted December 9, 2006 [quote name='lostvoice']Am I over-anilyzing things?[/quote][color=#503f86]Usually when someone asks that question, they probably are :p On the other hand, if something doesn't feel right then it's probably right to question it. Slightly different scenario, but I've been in a few situations where I could have had sex, but didn't becaue for whatever reason it wasn't right. When I didn't feel ready, it wouldn't have been right to force myself to just for the sake of it because it could have ended up damaging myself later. But, there will always be a time when you have to take a leap of faith and trust that it's going to be alright. But usually you know when you have to make that choice at the time. If he doesn't feel like someone you can be comfortably intimate with, then don't be. Something obviously isn't gelling.[/color] [quote name='lostvoice']I just don't want to hurt him. If I do not really love him than how do I dump him without hurting him? How do you even tell if you are in love? I don't want to screw this up![/quote][color=#503f86]For qeustions about love, I'd see the 'Falling in Love' thread a little further down. But a break-up will almost always hurt no matter what you do. Some people would say that if you're afraid of hurting people then you shouldn't get into relationships in the first place, but that's a little cynical. And you could miss out on something special. If you're having difficulty opening up to him as well, then that's another thing to address. If you don't know how he's going to react when you tell him something important to you, then you won't necessarily feel that you've built up the trust necesarry for intimacy. I'd try opening up to him a little more first. If he's witty, patient and kind then chances are he should take it well and you may find something stronger come from that.[/color] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lava Lamp Posted December 9, 2006 Share Posted December 9, 2006 [quote name='lostvoice']Am I over-anilyzing things? I have a tendency to do that. I just don't want to hurt him. If I do not really love him than how do I dump him without hurting him? How do you even tell if you are in love? I don't want to screw this up![/quote] [COLOR=SeaGreen][FONT=Tahoma]There is [I]no way[/I] to dump him without hurting him. Also, to tell if you are in love and it's not just one of those grade-school crushes, ask yourself how often do you think about him? How often do you wish you were with him? And the most important question of all, do you look at other guys? [/FONT] [/COLOR] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Charles Posted December 9, 2006 Share Posted December 9, 2006 Maybe you're gay. Perhaps you should try dating some females and see how that works. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cicatrice Du Adieu Posted December 9, 2006 Author Share Posted December 9, 2006 [QUOTE=Lava Lamp][COLOR=SeaGreen][FONT=Tahoma]There is [I]no way[/I] to dump him without hurting him. Also, to tell if you are in love and it's not just one of those grade-school crushes, ask yourself how often do you think about him? How often do you wish you were with him? And the most important question of all, do you look at other guys? [/FONT] [/COLOR][/QUOTE] Uh-Oh! Damn it. I think about [I]everything[/I] often. Iwish Iwas with my frinds or him all the time. And I have caught myself looking at other guys (espeicially the ones at hot topic :catgirl: ). :animestun :animeshy: :animecry: :animedepr [quote name='Charles']Maybe you're gay. Perhaps you should try dating some females and see how that works.[/quote] That sounds interesting. I've alawys sort of wondered but.....it's against my religion and most other girls really piss me off just for being there. Except for one.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lava Lamp Posted December 9, 2006 Share Posted December 9, 2006 [QUOTE=lostvoice] That sounds interesting. I've alawys sort of wondered but.....it's against my religion and most other girls really piss me off just for being there. Except for one....[/QUOTE] [COLOR=SeaGreen][FONT=Tahoma]Except for one girl? What makes her so special?[/FONT][/COLOR] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cicatrice Du Adieu Posted December 9, 2006 Author Share Posted December 9, 2006 [quote name='Lava Lamp][COLOR=SeaGreen][FONT=Tahoma]Except for one girl? What makes her so special?[/FONT'][/COLOR][/quote] I don't know exactly. She was everything I wanted to be. And she was pretty. She had friends and a boyfriend and she could handle situations without violence and.........She was everything Ib wanted to be. I didn't in envy her. In fact we were good friends. (She was even closer friends with Julie.) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sojiro47 Posted December 9, 2006 Share Posted December 9, 2006 [quote name='Lava Lamp][COLOR=SeaGreen][FONT=Tahoma]p.s. Sojiro: Oh I bet you're one of the boys with cooties, hmm?[/FONT'][/COLOR][/quote] Nope, but I know boys with cooties. [quote name='lostvoice']She was everything I wanted to be.[/quote] Lostvoice, do you ever try to be like her. I mean, act like her, handle things like her? No right or wrong answer, just wondering. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cicatrice Du Adieu Posted December 9, 2006 Author Share Posted December 9, 2006 [QUOTE=Sojiro47]Nope, but I know boys with cooties. Lostvoice, do you ever try to be like her. I mean, act like her, handle things like her? No right or wrong answer, just wondering.[/QUOTE] I end up losing my temper wen i try handling things ike her and shes picked me up off the ground too many times. No ican't be like her I'm to much like me. But no in some apects we are a like. we both like the same bands same shops same hobbies. She s been alot of help too with my issues but i try hard not to be [I]just[/I] like her, lest we lose our individuality. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sojiro47 Posted December 9, 2006 Share Posted December 9, 2006 Well, I suppose that's good. You should be your self. Just try to understand that right now, you're everywhere an the rictor-scale. So just try to be a little more patiant in matters. If you're going to dump the BF, don't worry about doing it softly. If you drop an egg off of a roof, there is no soft. So just do it, if you think you need to. Just wondering, but how lond have you known him? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cicatrice Du Adieu Posted December 9, 2006 Author Share Posted December 9, 2006 ummm...Since last year I beleive. We were aquaintences and this year we spent ore time with eachoter.We've been dating for bout a monthe now. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ol' Fighter Posted December 9, 2006 Share Posted December 9, 2006 To put my one cent in on this lil' matter I would have to say be yourself and constantly ask yourself questions like: do I really like this person, do I see myself with this person in the near future, you know questions like that and if 5 of the 10 questions are no I think it's time to call the relationship off eh. And guys stop trying to turn her gay... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sojiro47 Posted December 9, 2006 Share Posted December 9, 2006 [QUOTE=Lonley Fighter] And guys stop trying to turn her gay...[/QUOTE] Way to tell them Lonley Fighter. Makes me happy. Perhaps we should make a list of questions that could be used to tell whether a relationship is working or not. Kind of like a guild to relationships. Except for the fact, you know, that not all relationship are alike. Lostvoice, do you think that you know him. I mean, [i]really[/i] know him? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cicatrice Du Adieu Posted December 9, 2006 Author Share Posted December 9, 2006 [QUOTE=Sojiro47]Way to tell them Lonley Fighter. Makes me happy. Perhaps we should make a list of questions that could be used to tell whether a relationship is working or not. Kind of like a guild to relationships. Except for the fact, you know, that not all relationship are alike. Lostvoice, do you think that you know him. I mean, [i]really[/i] know him?[/QUOTE] He tells me alot. I do feel like I konow him. And why would anyone be trying to turn me into a lesbian. :animeblus Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sojiro47 Posted December 9, 2006 Share Posted December 9, 2006 [QUOTE=lostvoice] And why would anyone be trying to turn me into a lesbian. :animeblus[/QUOTE] They're not really trying to turn you lesbian, they're just saying it's posible that you are. But I think not. Anywho... It's good that you feel you know him. Now let me ask this; Do you feel that the relationship is going anywhere? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ol' Fighter Posted December 9, 2006 Share Posted December 9, 2006 Well not to "bash" anyone or anything but some people are just plain ol' mean or they just want to laugh in your face do to your suprised reaction or whatever ya' know. And that's good that he atleast tells you a little about himself and you feel you know him....Hey Sojiro47, that's one for the list- do you feel you honestly know the person. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cicatrice Du Adieu Posted December 9, 2006 Author Share Posted December 9, 2006 [QUOTE=Sojiro47]They're not really trying to turn you lesbian, they're just saying it's posible that you are. But I think not. Anywho... It's good that you feel you know him. Now let me ask this; Do you feel that the relationship is going anywhere?[/QUOTE] I don't know...I can't tell. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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