Custody Rights

[cancer]

[SIZE=1]So here's the deal. I live with my mother, I'm 17 years old, and I want to go live with my father four hours away. He's agreed that it's fine, but my mother doesn't want me to go. At 17 years old, is it my choice who I live with, or could my mother say no and not allow me to go? Is there a place where I can find information on my rights? [/SIZE]

[Rachmaninoff]

I've always understood that so long as you are under 18 your parents make the choice, however, I've also heard of parents going back to court to change the custody. So I would recommend calling a law office that deals with custody cases, many of them offer initial advise for free, and see if it's even possible to get it changed if your father is willing to do so. Or they might know if at that age your mom can decide for you or not.

And since many states vary on the actual law in regards to custody, a law firm would be the best place to find some answers since they will know what those laws are for where you live.

[ChibiHorsewoman]

[color=#9933ff][font=lucida calligraphy]That's a tough question. I don't know how custody rights work in every state. I know here in New York that there's the whole custodial parent and if there's nothing settled the parent who the child lives.

I think at seventeen even though you're not considered an adult you are definately within the age of reason so you can make your own descisions about who you want to live with. But you should understand that in order for your mom to allow you to live with your dad and for your dad to be okay with it takes a lot more than just them agreeing on it. They have to get lawyers to draw up papers again. Plus think of how your mom feels knowing you don't want to live with her anymore.

But I think you can probably look stuff up on law books to find out when you're considered an adult and can choose your own living arrangements. From what I understand, it's usually around college.[/color][/font]

[Aaryanna]

[COLOR=Red]I?d do what Rachmaninoff says, I?d ask a lawyer if you are old enough to decide for yourself and if not at what age can you decide. I?d also find out if you can challenge your mom?s decision. I wouldn?t know what to tell you since I don?t know what the laws are for custody.

I know my mom has custody of me and supposedly I?m suppose to spend the summer with my dad, but we live in the same area and I visit him all the time so we never follow the court rules that I have to live with him. So it?s never been an issue.[/COLOR]

[Hanabishi Recca]

I'm sure that at the age of 13 you are at the age where you can choose who you are going to live with. You don't need any proof of your rights, most sites lie anyway.

You can go live with your Father. Your parents have to pay 1k though. I pretty sure thats how it works. So, maybe your Mother doesn't want to spend that money so you can go to your Father. Who knows, I was once at that point. I was 11 (Or around there) and all of my other Brothers were old enough to make their choice. So, I could go live with my Father now, but I'm waiting for him to (at least) get his own house. SO, I won't have to deal with his brother.

Most of the time, you get to choose if you want to go live with him or not. But I couldn't choose because I was so young. Now thinking about it, I'm pretty sure but not very sure positive. You can look into it, just be careful. Thats all I know about the whole deal.

Dae

[Aaryanna_Mom]

[quote name='Hanabishi Recca']I'm sure that at the age of 13 you are at the age where you can choose who you are going to live with. You don't need any proof of your rights, most sites lie anyway.[/quote]Actually, the idea that once you are older you can choose which parent you live with is a myth. I am divorced myself and I have many friends who are divorced as well. The thing is that once a kid is over 16 often the judge will actually listen to why they would prefer one parent over another and even then the judge still makes the final decision.

I would follow the advice about talking to a lawyer; a few questions would at least let you know where you stand. For example, ask them, how old do I have to be to make my own decision as to where I live? Secondly, if you have to be eighteen, ask what can I do to have it changed so I can live with the other parent? At that point you'll know what you need to do and can act accordingly.

[Ikillion]

[color=#d2b43b][SIZE=1][FONT=Trebuchet MS][quote name='Aaryanna_Mom']Actually, the idea that once you are older you can choose which parent you live with is a myth.[/quote]

That's exactly right. In my own custody case, I had to wait until I was 14 to even have any kind of say in the matter of who I had wanted to live with. For me, what I had to do was go and have a one-on-one talk with the Judge, tell her who I had wanted to be with and why, then wait on her decision of who I should live with. (Although we had the conversation over lunch, she was really nice.) Yet by then I had a lawyer so that I could even get that kind of chance.

Although from what I have heard, the age range and circumstances depends on where you live since each state, (I believe) have their own way with dealings with custody cases. So yeah, basicaly I would recomend the advive that Aaryanna_Mom gave as well as the others in the thread.[/FONT][/SIZE][/COLOR]

[Hanabishi Recca]

[quote name='Aaryanna_Mom']Actually, the idea that once you are older you can choose which parent you live with is a myth. I am divorced myself and I have many friends who are divorced as well. The thing is that once a kid is over 16 often the judge will actually listen to why they would prefer one parent over another and even then the judge still makes the final decision.[/quote]

Okay, well thanks for telling me that. When I was there thats all I was told so I just went with it and ended up believing it. Its nice to know I was lied to *laughs*

Well, I guess you can only talk to a lawyer (like almost everyone else said) because he knows your rights more than anyone else. I think you should talk to a couple of them if you deside to. Because sometimes you might end up talking with one that sides with women and they might tell some false info. Who knows? I was obviously lied to by my parents/lawyers. So, I guess you should try to talk to a couple, okay?

Dae

[SunfallE]

[COLOR=RoyalBlue][QUOTE=Hanabishi Recca]I was obviously lied to by my parents/lawyers. So, I guess you should try to talk to a couple, okay?

Dae[/QUOTE]I wouldn't be to sure about that, your parents and the lawyer may have come to the agreement that you were old enough to make the choice yourself. Some parents don't make an issue and fight over custody of their kids. So if that were the case then no they didn't lie to you. ;)

My parents are divorced, and my mom initially got custody, but later on my mom decided it was something we should decide and as a result some of my siblings moved in with my dad and the rest of us stayed with her. And there was no objection from the court on that at all.

I understood that unless one parent is considered incompetent and not capable of having the kids, unless there is a disagreement the court doesn't give one parent sole custody. I think they give a joint custody or something along those lines, though I could be wrong, I just know that my brothers moving in with my dad required no court action to change the fact that they were suppose to live with my mom.

But since cancer's mom has said no, they'll have to find out legally how they can move in with their dad.[/COLOR]