Writing Dream of a Sphere [E]

[Adahn]

[font=Times New Roman][size=3]Hello! This can probably stand alone as a short story, but I intend to continue it, and I may post updates here, or create a new thread if the rating of what is written changes.[/size][/font]

[font=Times New Roman][size=3]Kane opened his eyes. It was still dark, and the light of the moon shining through his window blinded him for a moment. He squinted, and after his eyes adjusted to the darkness, he was surprised to see that nothing was wrong. ?Why should anything be wrong?? he thought to himself. Kane then noticed that his heart was trying to beat its way out of his chest. Putting his hand over it, he tried to concentrate on what, if anything, had just happened. Suddenly, his memory returned, and he was seized with terror. However, as soon as those memories came to him, they were gone, and his fear rapidly dissipated. Left with a strange sense of calm, Kane lied back down on his bed and had no trouble recalling his dream.[/size][/font]

[size=3][font=Times New Roman]Kane stood in a small white room with a domed ceiling. Looking around, he noticed that there were no obvious exits, and panic began to rise in him. It was then that he noticed the pedestals, each with a different colored orb sitting atop it. There were six, and he felt compelled to approach them. His footsteps strangely made no sound, and barely a moment passed before he stood before the first orb. It was deep red, and though it sat motionless, Kane could sense that it [i]raged[/i]. As he stood mesmerized by the orb, something within it flickered faintly.[/font][/size]

[font=Times New Roman][size=3]As Kane focused, he could somehow see within the orb. A small flame was burning within it, and warmth emanated from it, warming Kane. As he stood there in comfort, the flame began to grow. Some invisible fuel was feeding it, and it was now the size of a campfire, rather than a burning candle. The fire continued to grow, and it soon seemed to be consuming an entire forest. The heat from the orb intensified, and Kane backed away. As he moved farther from the raging sphere, its heat and image no longer seemed intense. Kane thought he could see the whole world enveloped in flame before the orb sat lifeless again, just a red ball.[/size][/font]

[font=Times New Roman][size=3]Wonderingly, Kane walked towards the next pedestal, with a brilliant blue sphere set upon it. Immediately, a sense of coolness and calm washed over him. This orb reminded him of sitting at the beach, watching the waves smoothly move towards the shore, and gently recede. Soon, the waves grew larger, no longer lapping the shore, but now attacking it. In the distance, Kane saw an enormous wave coming. Afraid of being washed away, Kane turned and ran from the orb, and out of the corner of his eye, the orb seemed to be a whole world drowned in water, before it too lost energy and definition.[/size][/font]

[font=Times New Roman][size=3]Although Kane could now sense some sinister aspect to these objects, he moved the next orb, this one of the purest emerald green. Within the orb, rolling hills seemed to spread out in all directions, covered in soft, inviting grass. Kane felt so relaxed by the scenery in the orb, that he could not sense the hills were no longer rolling in a stationary manner. The ground began to slowly undulate, and small tears appeared across the countryside. As Kane snapped out of his reverie, the land was rent with fissures, spreading out in all directions. Kane quickly backed away from the violent sphere, and he saw torrents of earth being hurtled in all directions before the image faded away, leaving the calm, yet sinister object behind.[/size][/font]

[font=Times New Roman][size=3]So far, Kane had simply been observing these miraculous objects, and reacting to them. Even though he was extremely curious, he stopped to think before going to the next orb. If this is a dream, why is it so vivid? Why does it seem so real? What are these orbs, and what is their significance? ?Fire, water, earth?? Kane said, thinking aloud. Suddenly, he understood. These must be the four elements! Fire, water, earth and air he knew, but what of the last two? Kane looked over to the three remaining orbs. One was a wispy sort of grey, almost translucent. ?That must be wind.? He said. The other two were of purest white and darkest black. Kane could imagine the wind sphere himself. It would probably start with a gentle breeze, and after a few moments it would be all tornadoes and thunderstorms. Kane decided to pass over that orb, which left him with the black orb, and the white orb. Kane had always been more curious about the darker side of nature, so he made his way towards the black orb.[/size][/font]

[font=Times New Roman][size=3]As Kane walked towards the orb, images appeared within it, as they had before. It was night in this orb, and everything was filled with life. Bright green grass grew underfoot, and healthy leaves swayed in the breeze. Birds were chirping, and rodents skittered around the underbrush. As Kane thought this orb must have something to do with the night, the sounds started to fade away. Leaves began falling from the trees, changing colors in the moonlight from green, to red, to orange, to yellow, and finally to black as they hit the ground. The ground was now covered with dry, dead grass, and cracks appeared everywhere as the life of the whole world seemed to dry up. Kane was not afraid. He had always been fascinated with death, and for the first time, he sensed power within the orb. Kane reached out to touch it, and as his finger touched the orb?Kane opened his eyes.[/size][/font]

[2010DigitalBoy]

[COLOR=DarkOrange]Not bad. At first, the prospect of elements didn't appeal to me as I have played entirely too many RPGs, but you managed to turn me onto liking your story. It's simple, yet powerful. The imagery is good, and it cultivated itslef withing my mind.

There was only one part I didn't like and came as a severe disappointment to me. The ending. I liked the description of the dark orb, but everything from 'Kane was not afraid' onward totally dropped me. After such a horrifying image, I was ready for his surmounting terror as he himself begin to die before waking up, horrified.

One question -- what was happening at the beginning?[/COLOR]

[Adahn]

[size=2]Thanks for the comments, and I'll try to clarify what I intended to happen.[/size]
[size=2][/size]
[size=2]Kane wakes up confused, and has a feeling that something horrible has just happened. When he feels his heart racing, for a moment he remembers his dream completely. This includes what he saw when he touched the black sphere. However, what he saw was so horrible that his mind blocks it out, feeling that such knowledge would overwhelm and even possibly destroy Kane's mind.[/size]
[size=2][/size]
[size=2]So, he lies down and recalls most of the dream, but has completely forgotten what happened after he touched the sphere. That part of his memory has been blocked off, but as the story continues, he will begin to recall what he saw. I wanted it to be subtle, but if it's [i]too[/i] subtle, perhaps you have a suggestion as to how I could modify it?[/size]
[size=2][/size]
[size=2]I'll post more of the story after I finish the first chapter, modifying this post if necessary.[/size]