Your past, your present.

[Adahn]

[size=2]I like to examine events in my past and try to think about what effect they had on who I am now. I also like to look at who I am now, and try to discover what in my past caused me to be this way. Whichever way you choose to answer is good, and I hope those who choose to participate enjoy the exploration.[/size]
[size=2][/size]
[size=2]I have worn glasses since I was very young. I was almost put into developmental kidnergarten because I lacked social skills. My mother didn't allow this, so I went to normal kidnergarten. When I was young, I was very bright. My teacher accused me of cheating because I did so well on one of the tests. That was when I learned what cheating meant. I, of course, did NOT cheat. So, I was just your normal oblivious kid until about third grade. I still have hardly any social skills, big cokebottle glasses, and it's become known to the children around me that I'm smart. For an indeterminate time, I was teased by the other children, because I fit the mold of a nerd. I was never beaten up, so I never really had a reason to talk about what was being done to me. Needless to say, it [i]affected[/i] me.[/size]
[size=2][/size]
[size=2]Without many friends, and with my natural intelligence, I concentrated on school. When most other people were developing their social and intellectual skills, I only developed intellectually. I became a learning machine, and one with a great respect for teacher's authority. My political party was almost changed by one of my teachers in my senior year. I see no faults with teachers, even if they have faults.[/size]
[size=2][/size]
[size=2]So, now I still don't socialize much, but people who make an effort to get to know me tend to like me. I've been told I'm witty, with a dry sense of humor. If there are many different kinds of intelligence, I know which is mine. I am wired to learn and understand things. I do not presume to understand [i]everything[/i], but if it's school related, absorb it like a sponge. That's sort of what it feels like. I sit in my lectures and pay attention. I don't usually study things, but if I ask someone to quiz me on the lectures, I find that I can recall everything that was taught. I don't think many other people can do this, and this is the kind of intelligence I lay claim to.[/size]
[size=2][/size]
[size=2]On a side note, if any of you feels you have a great understanding of something, and have trouble talking to someone about what interests you, you may bring it up with me. I will listen attentively, and if you are a good enough teacher, I will soon be able to understand your ideas, and present some of my own.[/size]
[size=2][/size]
[size=2]This sort of relates to the other thread I created, but given the context of past and present, I thought it would be appropriate to create a new thread.[/size]

[2010DigitalBoy]

[COLOR=DarkOrange]My beginning are not unlike yours, comrade.

I was born to a heavy metal family. I grew up on Beevis And Butthead and Sesame Street like any child. It had never occured to me at the time, but until I was around 5 years old I'd never really met anyone outside my family. I was apparently really smart because I never forgot anything and I was writing my name before preschool (all over the walls, no less!) and I was wearing glasses since early childhood.

One thing I've always been trademarked for is having long hair (being a guy.) I very much looked like a girl (and did all the way till over a year ago when I grew a moustache). By second grade I was being called a genius by my teachers and they decided to send my to a 'gifted school'. Now, around this time Pokemon had just recently peaked in popularity and I was more into it that basically anybody. When third grade began I was there with dorky glasses, long hair, and Pokemon t-shirts on and was insatntly a laughing stock.

Kids would make fun of me, try to get me in trouble, play keep-away with my jacket, such things. Like you, Adahn, I never got beat up, so I never told anyone.

On top of that, my parents were going through some very rough 'adult things' and both were in constant emotional turmoil. My mom has always been very pressuring when it came to school work, and to me, getting a 'C' on my report card was no different from death. [I]I was obviously not ready for this school, but I desperately clung to it.[/I]

i have the most vivid memory of putting clothespins on my mouth and nose in an attempt to kill myself while I cried over my life. How could I understand what was wrong?

Anyway, because of a teacher in 4th grade who was insane (and later got fired) I left that school to go back to my old one (we lived in that house for 4 years, the longest I've ever lived in one house by far) where I still sufered obscurity.

Even as I progressed to 7th grade, I was picked on. I still wore glasses, which people often stole, still had long hair, which people often pulled, and was way obsessed with anime and nintendo at the time. I also had never sworn so it was pretty crazy.

In 8th grade I took a new stance. People were now laughing at me for a whole new reason. At this point (also, my glasses had now been left behind) I decided to act like a complete idiot before everyone. While I knew I was really a genius (and at this time a big-time gamer) everyone who I hung out with (nerds) knew me as the crazy idiot. I began cussing like a sailor and making perverted jokes out of everything. my grades started to thin a bit and things looked grim.

At the start of 9th grade I moved to an all-black school and only about 4 people (anime nerds) were willing to pay me any mind. I was still a crazy idiot and because my family was poor at the time, I was mentally deteriorating. I spent all my time on message boards and completely lost myself. For the first time, I began to really feel my emotions.

Halfway through that year I moved to where I live now. Over time, I began to learn much more about society, psychology, politics, the world, what people were thinking, all at once until I got to the point where I could practically read minds. After a MAJOR depression last summer and some strange experiences I came out as I am now.

All these things culminated me into what I am now. A creature. a monster. An entity. A beholder of the truth. A witness of mankind's hatred. A belover of evil and hatred. A sworn enemy of the human race. A hopeful romantic. A depressed abbarition. A patient ghost.

I live part in my own world and part in yours, looking at you with hope and pain, like a mother who has to watch her son slowly die.

(admittedly, Im glad all this happened to me lol)[/COLOR]

[Zen]

[color=darkred][size=1]

I'm very confident my past had a huge impact on me.

I was born in the rural south to a northern, second/third generation American father (Greek) and an all-American/Irish mother from the south. My father is a career soldier and my mother a house wife. I've never lived in a single location for more than two and a half years save my current location which I am in the process of leaving.

My first move was from N. Carolina to S. Carolina. There I stayed through my early childhood. Then I moved to Tennessee for sometime, and then to Kentucky. I remember few things of either period save the video games I avidly played and my deep love of dinosaurs and animals.

Around eight, we moved to Georgia on a military post and stayed for about two and a half years. I grew up alot there. I remember my first real friends and my first relationships on a personal level. I got really into gaming and anime while here, which sparked two of my favorite past times. After this, my family picked up and moved to Germany for sometime. I gained alot of friends, my first girlfriend, and my first interaction with another language past Greek. We vacationed to Greece twice while there, Disney World France, and Romania. While there, I began shaping into who I am now. I forged friendships with people of all shapes, sizes, colors, and creeds. Acceptance of others' differences came very natural to me because I was never brought up around discrimination, racism, or the such. Save my small time in SC, I never really heard any of that.

When I finally moved back to America, in Kansas, I quickly found myself another group of multi-cultural friends, which seems to be a constant in my life. I then became deeply enthralled in martial arts, starting my first Tae Kwon Do classes while there. I was thirteen at the time. Now I'm seventeen and I'm about to test for my black belt, heh. Also while there, I got into comic books, creating them myself, manga, writing as a career, and the such. Also at this time, I discovered a little website called the OtakuBoards, which I'm obviously still on.

After Kansas, we moved back to South Carolina, where I still live now in a small town that I can't wait to get out of. I've found that racism and what not is still very alive, despite my former ignorance to it. I can't stand it. I'm the Greek kid who hangs with the mexicans, blacks, whites, etc. My core group of friends are nearly all minorities, I've been told. I've been told by them that my being Greek classifies me a minority aswell. So now I have to deal with the whole race identity bull crap that I've never wanted to.

While here, I've had my first girlfriend, lost what would be considered my virginity, grown to consider my future as an adult, watched death in action (my Grandmother died of cancer before my eyes), began going to rock shows for local bands, made life friends, and decided that I would be a writer and/or martial arts instructor in my career. I'm the kinda guy who listens to Chamillionaire and Jay-Z while reading Naruto comics. I go from doing crazy martial arts kicks to doing some ridiculous hip hop dance routine. I'll flirt with girls while I'm in the middle of writing a novella. That's who I've become after the strange and traveled past that I've had. My past is still being made though, and alot of new travels are up a head for me. I'm moving to the big city next, and that should make things all the more interesting.

Let's see what comes up...[/color][/size]

[Retribution]

[size=1]I like this topic quite a bit. Very interesting pasts thus far.

I'm afraid my younger years were normal, devoid of tragedy and heartbreak. I was not considered a genius, I did not learn to read, write, or speak ahead of time. In kindergarten we learned things like colors and numbers, and I played with the starship (and yes, damnit, that is a relevant detail! lol). In first grade I wrote stories about space exploration.

In second grade, my future would be heavily impacted. I tested into a TAG (Talented and Gifted) Magnet School. My parents admitted to me a year ago that they were surprised I got into the program. In any event, I learned information a grade accelerated and with greater rigor that a typical school, public or private.

This affected my future because it gave me an enormous academic advantage over my peers. This advantage bleeds over to my current standing as a senior in high school, but we'll get to that in a minute.

So I was basically a moderate-to-less liked kid in grade school. I played soccer fairly well, I was pretty good in school, but I just was never a cool kid. But I have always, for as long as I can remember, have had a disconnect with other black kids. There is a rift between me and the majority of black society due to a culture shock. They liked different sports, didn't care too much about school, and had a certain bravado about them I lacked. They hated that my hair is partially straight, so I was considered a half-breed (despite the fact I'm only 1/4th white).

High school wasn't much of a change from the aforementioned. But in junior year I decided to break out of my shell after hanging out with my extremely outgoing friend and I made many friends. I discovered I'm witty, I can be funny, people generally like me, and I don't look half bad. Over the summer, I went to this Notre Dame University black scholars program and realized that I wasn't alone in my disconnection from the black community. I had my first girlfriend this summer (and break up, interestingly enough).

Senior year is basically I got into Columbia University, which is in the Ivy League. Aside from that, I've been dealing with ladies. And that's always great fun.[/size]

[DeathKnight]

[color=crimson]I was adopted by the people who adopted my mother within weeks of being born. My biological mother was only 16 and has some issues. She was adopted at such at late age [5] that there was time enough in her development for some things to go wrong in her head. Respectfully to any of us who consider our lives to have been difficult some of the things she dealt with in her first five years are probably well, well beyond things you have suffered and it screwed her up for the rest of her life.

She's not been a part of my life at all, same thing with my biological father. I have a half sister and that is about the extent of the people who I'm 'related' to that have my blood in them. I don't know my lineage or my family history. Since my mother was adopted and my father's relatives I know nothing of I consider myself to pretty much be the beginning or the end of my family history depending on if I have kids, adopt, or do neither.

I was raised and currently live with a pair of senior citizen, socially conservative Jehovah's Witnesses who have been retired for two decades or more from disabilities. They are not such a perfect match for marriage, the dysfunctional parts of their personalities grate on each other's nerves. So they argued, sometimes pretty intensely, for most of my childhood about the most useless and meaningless of things, lol. They almost had a divorce when I was 12 but, almost miraculously, they reconciled and entered a really peaceful, nice period of their marriage. They still have disagreements about things but it's no where near the bombastic, shrieking arguments they had in the past.

My childhood I, well, I was a normal kid. I played, mainly with little toy dinosaurs and legos. At the age of three they got a computer and I started playing on that too- educational games at first and slowly I did other games. I wasn't always too successful- trying to beat Myst at the age five doesn't work too well. Started school, they thought I was illiterate early on in First Grade but that assumption changed when they realized I couldn't see what was being written, lol. I got glasses and being able to see improved my grades [i]ever so slightly[/i].

I was invited into the Gifted and Talented program that year. The program itself was interesting although I don't really remember what we did for the first three years, but we were always doing neat projects and stuff. Like in fourth grade the GT program did a production for a couple of acts [the closing ones I think] of A Midsummer Night's Dream and I was King Oberon. Since then I always joke to people that at one time I was King of the Fairies so, you know, don't **** with me. It was fun, I think GT classes were my favorite part of school most of the time. It wasn't as stuffy or bland as normal classwork was, it was dynamic and challenging most of the time.

Grades were a big focus for my parents. They did everything they could to make sure I had good grades- helped me with my homework, forced me to study, punished me if I was lazy about my work. With their pushing and whatever intelligence you say I have I've managed to have a good track record academically.

Other than that the most important thing in my life was religion. I was a Jehovah's Witness too and it was such a huge part of my life. I did the whole thing- went to meetings three times a week, went out door to door to bother people, participated in their public speaking school. It taught me such a variety of things. Obviously I learned about the various Christian doctrines and sects there are (mainly why they weren't 'right'). Learned how to talk to people door to door- to present ideas in a method to try to get them to agree with you. Any shyness you had to go if you were going to talk to random strangers at their home or give speeches in front of hundreds of people, so that died in me quickly.

Most of all, well, it did what religions do for people- it gave me hope, it made me feel good that there was a God above that was looking down on it all and planning something paradisiac. That after all the suffering, after the bloodshed, after the struggle mankind has had against a host of elements that there was, awaiting a faithful bunch, paradise.

I slowly drifted from my religion after I became a teenager. I questioned it and started coming to my own opinion about things. I came here around that time and assaulted the members of this board with a mix of pseudo intellect and stubbornness that was more annoying than enlightening. Eventually though I genuinely started to study topics that I was curious about- Eastern religions, philosophy and politics. Politics especially interested me because Jehovah's Witnesses include in their dogma a strict political neutrality so I really had no clue about what was going on in this country let alone most of the world politically. At fifteen, after reading some books, I decided I was an anarchist. This stopped when I decided that was stupid since Anarchy could never exist on the grand scale necessitated by modern nation-states, so I became a Trotskyist. I took my sweet time in deciding that the same was true of any brand of Communism and now I'm Democratic socialist. In relation to the politics of the United States I don't find either party particularly appealing, Republicans especially due to their Conservative stances on several Domestic issues. I'm an independent. Religiously, now, I'm an agnostic although I say I'm a Discordian for my own amusement and on the off chance someone else gets the joke.

Socially, well, I was made fun of when I was in public school. Most of my friends were from church or kids on my street. I wasn't ostracized or anything, I just had some of the usual unflattering traits to some kids- I was overweight at the time, nerdy, wasn't into popular culture (music/T.V.) and so on. Ignoring the people who made fun of me I had a great many friends from a wide range of cliques- A couple of preps, some nerds, loners, some would-be jocks. I was friends with anyone and everyone.

Nowadays, having graduated from home schooling just a bit back, I still love to socialize with anyone and everyone. I'm pretty easy going and care free, I don't really care who you are just as long as you're cool with yourself. I have a few pet peeves with people like anyone else but, overall, I'm fine with a wide body of different types of people.

Presently I have a beautiful, smart girlfriend; I'm getting into college; I'm doing alright for myself.

Things go as they go.[/color]

[Guest NIKI12345]

Well to tell you the truth my life began in Turkey and then when I was 1 we moved to the states. My dad was in the military and he job caused him to be gone for long periods of time. I remember my mom telling me that my dad was gone so long one time that when he came back I had forgotten who he was. So for awhile I feared him, but then he became my best friend.

When school began for me I was very bright and I still am. My parents use to tell my teachers to give me harder work so I wouldn?t be bored. Yeah I also was accused of cheating on this big test. Me I had no clue what cheating was.

Now just because I?m smart people didn?t treat me like a nerd and I also became a pokemon fan. I was also very fortunate to have a close bond with all my teachers. I wasn?t an ugly girl and I had many admires and friends to help me if I was to be picked on.

The problems only began when I was 10. I started having these big fights with my mom and our bond fell apart. We are trying to rebuild it, but it?s really hard to do. No I never felt like dieing or killing myself, but I have wished to run away. I?m very sensitive, but it?s really hard to tell. Yes I have spent endless nights crying and praying. Most of the time things that I do to help me is write or listen to music.

Now I?m in Honors all classes and I?m going to take a big test. So there you go my short life. Don?t worry I will reply again in the next five years. So be ready to here my life part two. Laughs
:D

[Minako]

Yet again, what an interesting thread, Adahn!

Well, my past is very interesting (at least most people tend to think so). My whole family, including me, is from Finland. We moved to the States when I was two years old, after living for a year in Germany. (If you'll talk to me, you'll notice I don't have an accent when I speak English) I'm bilingual in Finnish and English, and I've found that set me apart from the other kids.

But anyway, because of the fact that I had lived in 3 countries by the time I was 2, I was confused as to which language I should speak. So I didn't speak at all until I was four years old. The teachers at my Montessori school ( a school for young children, I started there as soon as I moved to the states) thought I had a learning disability, so I had speech classes from then until first grade. (I was so proud of the little graduation cap they gave me on my last day of speech class!) Then, in 4th grade, I transferred out of the public schools into a private, Lutheran grade school. It was there that my grades soared and I was known as one of the smart students. Not the best, but smart enought that people would ask me for help in math. Other than that, I had a broken childhood. My parents argued and nearly got divorced several times in grade school. I even thought about killing myself in 5th grade (weird, I know), but didn't do it. I was forced to grow up really fast because of the tension in my home. When I was in 4th grade, I could carry on an intelligent conversation with someone in High School.

On the first day of class, people would ask, "Where are you from?" so I'd have to say Finland, and that would spark many questions. I never got teased badly about it, but I always [I]felt[/I] different. But then again, when I was smaller, I wished we had moved back to Finland, so that I could be a [B]real[/B] Finn, not a stupid American. (not that I think all Americans are stupid now!) I was teased about being a dork though. I wore glasses (still do), had braces, and I didn't exactly wear the top of the line clothing, like my other classmates, so I really got teased about my weight and looks more than anything. I also didn't have many REAL friends. The ones I had always shunned me and left me, and then they'd just [I]let[/I] me play with them, except for one. Amanda. She always had wanted to be my friend, and we became the best of friends my 8th grade year. Also during 8th grade I hated practically everyone in my 27 person class except for a handful of people. I [I]loathed[/I] them with every fiber of my being for teasing me so, and shunning me. Though on the last day of class at that grade school, I got a letter from the most popular girl in my class, which said how much she admired me for not caring what other people thought of how I looked. She said that she wanted to be like me. And to think! This from the most popular girl in the school at the time! I SO looked forward to high school, but all but 5 people went to the same small Lutheran high school as me. (I didn't really talk to them except for 2 after grade school) High school is where I've made my dearest friends. I really enjoyed my freshman and sophomore years there. During my Junior year, I went abroad to Finland, and stayed with my Uncle and his family.

My foreign exchange year changed my life forever. It's not like my uncle and his family were complete strangers to me, I'd visited them every summer! However, their three unruly YOUNG (all under the age of 8) children drove them mad. I remember the very first night I was there, my aunt was screaming at my cousins because they wouldn't behave. Every. Single. Day. was like this. It broke my heart that this family had to live like this. My uncle was hardly ever home, because of their business that they ran, and I didn't receive any attention at all. I pretty much just lived there, no matter how much my grandma tried to convince me that I had become "part of the family." I also have never felt so alone in my life. I felt deserted, and broken. I literally [I]broke[/I]. I've never felt so sad, or angry at the world in my LIFE. It changed me.I turned back to my God and Father. It was through Him alone that I made it out alive, not to mention my LOVELY LOVELY friends that I made. I would have gone crazy without them. When I came back to the states, the world had moved on without me, and all of my friends had changed. Some for the better, and some had forgotten about me and moved on with their lives. For those who had changed for the worse, I've never re-established our friendships like they were. I just never felt the need to. I have great friends now, and I realized that they weren't who I thought they were. I became stronger, fearless even. During my foreign exchange year, my grades SUCKED whereas I used to be a nearly straight A student. Senior year wasn't much better. I slacked off when I had 8 finals (which was un-heard of at my high school), and it cost me. Not badly, but my GPA has never been the same. But During my Senior year, I've found the friends that really matter the most, including my first TRUE best friend, as well as my first boyfriend ( and ex-boyfriend, and he's the best friend too!).

When I started college, I was excited. FINALLY! No one telling me what to do, I can do things on my own time, and I slacked off last semester (my first semester). I've resolved to get better about study habbits. Also, last semester had another life-changing experience. I went on Campus Crusade for Christ's (our Christian student org) Fall retreat. I've never felt so [I]close[/I] to God before, and I'm a much stronger believer now. My faith has become very important to me, and I wouldn't change it for the world.

As for my past, it wasn't pretty. Wrought with stress, pain, broken hearts, and so on. But I've become that much of a stronger person. "What doesn't kill you, makes you stronger" is one of my mottos. Though I didn't do it on my own, I did it with God's help, and the help of my lovely lovely friends.

[Raina]

[COLOR=Blue]The past is something I would like to forget, but it's had such a big impact on my life that I can't forget...

The biggest impact was during my first kindergarten. I was living in Japan at the time, and there was alot of discrimination back then. My mother's Turkish, so she and I were looked down upon. So was my father for marrying a non-Japanese. So when I was in kindergarten, I was picked on and bullied by the other children, their parents and the teachers. Yes, I was bullied by the teachers. I quit that kindergarten in less than a month.

It's been 15years, and I still can't get over my experiences at that kindergarten. I'm always trying to get approval and recognition from people. Kind of like Naruto, but I don't go around vandalising faces carved in a mountain. I want people to see me for who I am, not my nationality. This is a hard thing to do, because I now live in Australia. The Turks were Australia's enemy in WWI, and Japan was an enemy in WWII...

The good thing that came out of my experience is that I can fake an illness really easily. I skipped kindergarten about 45% of the time because I had a "fever". And I am now a good lier. Since telling the truth got me into a lot of trouble in that kindergarten... Once, these 2 boys broke a window when the teacher was out of the classroom. When she came back and asked who did it, I told her that it was the boys. I got into more trouble than the boys because I tattle taled...

Well, I'm getting depressed just remembering, so I'm going to leave it here...[/COLOR]

[Guest sesshylove]

[SIZE=1]My first ever memory is when I was three. My dad was showing me a stick bug in a trailer park in Georgia, and I was letting it clime all over my arm. I was outside a lot when I lived there, because it was cramped inside. I didn't have any brothers or sisters so I was independent and outdoorsy at the same time. I'm still the same way. I rely on myself more than I rely on others. I rely on my mom as second. My dad was in the Army, and always had to go to different countries while I was young, so my mom and I were closer than ever.

Throughout my childhood, I was the only kid on our Army base to stay in the town for more than four years. I lived there from the time I was five (when we moved.) until I was eleven. I had so many best friends, and I knew they'd come and go so I wasn't too attatched. I didn't take anything mean from anyone because I had a mom with a big mouth and so I sort of inherited that. Being a military kid, and going to a military school, I was taught to be respectful.

Then I moved to Ohio. The towns I've lived in are three different ones, all with disrespectful kids and annoying music interests.. But hey, it's their opinions. I'm just stubborn. And well.

That's my past so far.

Mostly what's affected me now is my early early childhood, when I was more independent and outdoorsy. I'm sure in another year there'll be about a million and one more things to tell.[/SIZE]

[SunfallE]

[COLOR=RoyalBlue]My life as one would say it has been both good and bad. With each phase having effects on who I am and what I?ve become. I started out fairly well and I have good happy memories of my first couple of years in school. I wasn?t super smart, but I wasn?t dumb either. I enjoy learning and playing with my friends was a blast.

Then right before I turned eight, it took a darker turn. One of our neighbor?s teenage sons was every parent?s worst nightmare. At that age I had no idea I was being stalked and when I was caught unaware and raped by him my world was shattered. Even more so when my own mother did not believe me, I did not understand that she had her own issues and that her and my dad were not getting along.

I became the school bully at this point. I couldn?t stop him from hurting me other than to avoid him as much as possible. I took all my frustration out on other kids even ones that had done nothing to me at all. I quickly earned a reputation as a troublemaker and on some level I didn?t care.

This vicious cycle continued for four years until my parents got divorced. I was horribly unhappy especially when I turned eleven since at that time the kid who had assaulted me the first time now had buddies who would help him gang up on me or any other girl they had targeted and would gang rape us at every chance. Before I could avoid him for most of the time, but four of them? One tiny little scrawny girl didn?t stand a chance.

At this point I planned on running away, I even had my things packed and I was only going to wait for the weather to change so I could flee to the southern states where it was warm. No one believed me and I wasn?t going to stick around since every time I got caught the boys kept getting meaner, I was sure that the next time I would end up dead.

The only thing that kept me from leaving was my mom announcing that she was divorcing my dad and moving to Dallas Texas. So I stayed. All I had to do was survive until we left as there was no way any of them could get me down there.

But as anyone who?s had his or her parents break up can tell you, it?s no picnic. We moved to Texas and I hated it because I lost the few friends I did have. I was one of three LDS/Mormons in the entire school and they teased me to no end over it. Though I could handle being teased far easier.

And when my mom eventually moved back to Utah it wasn?t to the same neighborhood I grew up in so I never saw those boys again. But then even though things seemed to get better, they didn?t stay that way for long. My mom had deep bitter issues towards my father and if we didn?t hate him as much as she did she was verbally cruel. I?ve lost count of the times she pulled out her scriptures to prove how I was an evil child for my behavior as a kid and for not supporting her in her insane hatred of my father.

This battle continued even after I moved out and was attending college. She would call me up for no reason to scream at me over how everything was my fault. She even had my younger siblings calling me telling me how it was all my fault.

For those of you who know me here, at this point you might remember the thread I started about suicide. At this point I wanted to die. I was sick and tired of hurting. I was lucky; a good friend saw that took me to get help. It was like the difference between night and day. I had already spent fifteen years having everything go wrong, now everything was going right.

From the first move by the shrink in the hospital to call my mother and inform her that she was to never contact me again to my getting help to deal with all that had happened, at that point there was no turning back. It was hard to deal with what had happened, but it many respects it was over. I finished college and began working, I made lots of new friends as I gained my self-confidence back and began to believe in myself. I?ve now spent the last ten years moving on. I?ve accomplished so many things that when I was younger I thought would never happen.

It makes me feel as if my life during that time was simply a nightmare that I?ve since woken up from. People never guess my age right they always think I?m younger and I contribute that to the fact that I feel like the last ten years was my teenage years. As if I got off to a late start.

It?s made me an optimist in that I think so many things are possible no matter what happens. However it has also made me cynical as I see the possible trap in others actions all to easy, even when there isn?t one. I?ve still had bad things happen, [not anywhere as drastic] but since that fateful day when a true friend reached out, I have the courage to face what happens and make the most of it. And such painful memories no longer hurt or haunt me. Definately a good thing.[/COLOR]

[Darren]

*Cool, I like* I might jump around a lot. I'm just writing the things that stick out to me the most.

Let's see: I was born in a small northern town in Kansas. It was a dying town. The only way you could survive is if you owned farmland or cattle. Businesses came and then went bankrupt in about a month. The only things that survived was the grocery store, hospital, school, fast-food resturaunts, and the movie theatre. (which only played 2 movies) I was actually born in the hospital there and I believe that I lived a pretty normal life while I was there. My parents said that before I was a year old, I was speaking. I would say things like "look, puppy" or I would point to something and say, "Want." For the first 6 years of my life, 16 members of my family (outside of immediate family) lived in town with me. My parents bought property for their business for 1$!!! My dad built a 3-D maze out of cardboard boxes down in the basement of his business and me, my brother, and my cousin would always go down there and play tag. I almost died at 5 years old from swallowing a bead to a necklace. My older cousing would baby-sit my brother and I along with her little sister. (the one that played tag with me) She once tricked us into believing that her house was haunted. She also once convinced me that I was turning into a dog... My parents always used to watch scary movies and I was subjected to them since I was in the womb probably. And don't think that makes me brave: I had to hide behind the chair when "Tales from the Crypt" came on.
When I started pre-school is the first time I remember having friends. My mom and the other mothers would pick up the kids each week. I remember one of the kid's mom had a cool van and there was a compartment in the back where about 3 five year olds could hide. That's where I remember my first friend. His name was Austin, but that's about it. (Besides that he always wore a Troy Aikman jersey)
When I got to Kindergarten, there's one day where a person from Pre-school can come up and spend the day with you. My cousin (the one who played tag with me in the cardboard boxes) came to visit, but the sixth grade band came through and she didn't know any better so she ran out into the hallway. It looked as though she'd been swallowed by a river of brass and tall people. I followed... :D Then I ran into a rather large girl who looked like she was about to hit me with her trumbone... It was odd. I met this couple that was dating and they were a couple years older than me. Their names were Laura and Brian. It stuck out to me because my aunt and uncle's names are the same. They were fun to hang out with, but that's when I got into my first fight... I lost miserably, but it wasn't really a fair fight. I got blindsided and plus Brian was two years older. (He was jealous)
I went to Disney World... And I got lost in Disney World! What's worse, I lost my micky mouse stuffed animal. :(
My dad's business had to close. (of course) and so we moved eight hours away to another a big city in Arkansas, but we only lived there for a year because my parents didn't like the size. I personally loved it: I had my first girlfriend and I was popular. (As popular as a 7 year old could be. You know how that goes)
We moved about 30 minutes away from there to another small town in Oklahoma and that's where I am currently. I grew up a lot here. I was really liked at a young age, whereas my brother was not. I had a lot of friends, including my first memorable one. After about a year, I had a lot of friends but only 5 could be considered close. Many more girlfriends, all of whom dumped me, haha. There was so much glamour about my time in elementary school that I don't think it's possible for any of it to have affected my life now. I was a bit dorky, but I was always the funny guy and I was still popular. I vacationed in New York City about 6 months after 9/11. I loved the big city!
Then came Junior High: that's where everything went downhill. Once everyone hits puberty, they turn into jerks. People just had to find someone to pick on and since I was one of the few who was slightly on the dorky side and didn't play sports, they chose me. (I actually did play sports, but not very well so I quit after the first year)of my 5 friends: 3 quit talking to me altogether. (The became sports jocks or druggies and didn't want to have anything to do with me) That left only the three amigos: Myself and my two closest buddies. There was another that was jealous because he was the odd man out so he always tried to get us in trouble. He even spread rumors about me having sex with this girl that I knew. I kicked his ***, shortly after he picked up Tae Kwan Do and kicked my ***. We're friends now, haha.My favorite teacher was my 7th grade english teacher. She was also the drama teacher and that's how I got involved in that. I starred in my eighth grade play and every one since then. I've known that I want to be an actor ever since 7th grade.
In 9th grade, my absolute best friend moved away and there was only me and another. Then we got into an argument and since it was close to summer, I never had a chance to apologize. He killed himself that summer. That's when I was alone. I conciously knew I was changing my personality from dorky and slightly popular to something altogether different.
I became dependant on music! I let my hair grow out and began wearing nothing but black. I stopped caring what others felt about me. I actually like conflict so I intentionally dressed that way to get attention. And then when people would say something about me, I would do something about it. I've been kicked out of school once for "terroristic threatening," But it was during the summer time so my mom called the school and griped them out. (By the way, all I said was that I was going to beat the kid up but his mom works at the school so she told them that I was going to kill him. It was dumb really, but he was making fun of my friend that passed away)
In the end, my brother and I changed places.

There's so much that affected me, I'll just tell you what I think about that so you don't have to come up with conclusions yourself. *Gah, I'm rambling*

1) I hate small towns because I've lived in one practically all my life. I've also visited Orlando, NYC, London, and Paris and I foudn that I love the big city.
2) I've always love talking. My communication skills came at an early age obviously and from there, my interest in reading, writing, acting, poetry, all that jazz started.
3) I don't wear necklaces. It really doesn't feel comfortable to me, but I like to say it's because I almost choked on a bead when I was little. :D
4) I'm not big on family because I've lived a large portion of my life with a huge family and I didn't like it that much. They tend to be bigger jerks than so called bullies. And that's probably why I never want kids.
5)My two favorite games as a child were tag and hide and seek. This was because, they were the most fun for me when I got to play tag in cardbard boxes.
6) I love scary stuff as long as it doesn't have to do with dead people or ghosts. The cryptkeeper still gives me nightmares just thinking about him popping up out of his coffin and laughing. It's just creepy.
7) I hate trumbone players. Every time I watch them play, I can't help but think they're about to beat me over the head with it.
8) I hate fist fights, (I've only been in 3) and I'm hard to make angry. But when you've had it, you've had it. Besides I can't fight anyway.
9) I hate being alone, (I'm relating this to the fact that I got lost in Disney World for a few hours) but I hate people in general. (This is because everyone that I've ever liked or respected have left me in one way or another or they make fun of me)
10) I feel sorry for younger kids because they're too naive to know what's coming up. I especially feel sorry for the ones that are unlucky enough to be the victim of all the jokes.
11) I'm not athletic. That's simply because I'm lazy and get enough sports watching my brother play or my dad talk about it constantly. It just gets a little redundant. Especially football.
12) I want to be an actor when I get older. I know 100% that I'm moving to L.A. when I graduate.
13) I don't believe in God because of all the cruelty and hipocracy I've seen through church officials. When my friend passed away, they actually told us that he was in Hell! There was so much more than that, but I'll spare you the details.
14) I listen to music constantly because it helps me think and it gives me an excuse not to listen to people. (see above: I hate people)
15) I like the color black. I don't know why, but I'm sure it has something to do with my past. I like other colors such as gray and blue, (sometimes brown) but not really. I also love pinstripes.
16) I've been identified as different, so I give people a reason to think that. I definately dress differently: It's a cross between a skater, emo, and punk rocker.
17) I hate conflict (See above: I hate fist fights) even though I say I like it. I guess I just like watching it between others. Generally I'm a pascifist and if I ever get the chance, I want to help people. (Not the ones I hate; innocent people in third world countries)
18) I'm motivated to succeed. I want to prove everyone in my class wrong and be the richest or most successful at the 10 year reunion. That's probably why I'm determined to be the valedictrian as well. Currently I'm second, but I'm closing in.

I was looking to get 20, but I don't think I can seeing as I'm already staring to repeat myself slightly. Oh well.

[silpheedpilot]

[COLOR=DarkSlateGray][SIZE=1]Oooh, I like this one. Past to present.

Lets start from the beginning...My dad met my mom and--Oh, too far back.

Alright, well, lets skip ahead a few years to the times I can remember. Lets begin with my pappy. He was a vicious, destructive, woman-beating, rock and roller who put cigarettes out on the back of my neck and drank too much. Gotta love the guy. Split with my mom and us (us being my bro) in '96, so we moved from Colorado to Kansas.

In Kansas my mom struggled to keep a job to keep a roof over our heads and food on the table while balancing her 'marijuana and drinking addictions'. That sucked. The times she'd walk in at 3 a.m. or not at all. In '99 my mom met a great guy named Rick, they are now married and he is now my step-father, and we all moved in to his house. Much better living. More money to go around, my mom stopped drinking and smoking pot, just mucho better. Rick has been a great influence in my life and has taught me everything I know about cars, which is a hobby of mine. The other is video games.

In school I'd never been beaten up because I was always the one picking fights (I blame my upbringing. It was my crutch.) but things have calmed down now that I'm out of school and into retail sales. Gotta put up with people. Despite my pretty crappy dad and living conditions back in the day, (lemme tell ya...we was po') I'm not the one to buy into all that teenage drinking, smoking, and partying thing. This goes out to all you underage drinkers out there; TEEN DRINKING IS STUPID.

Like I mentioned before; I'm a gamer at heart. I'm perfectly content just sittin' around playing some Metal Slug over drinking and acting stupid. You call me a loser, I call you an idiot.

I think I've turned into a pretty slick fellow. I'm not the sharpest block of cheddar when it comes to brainy things or drawn out arguments, but I think I'm intelligent enough to make my own mark in this world.

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