Writing Heaven or Hell? (PG)

[Guest NIKI12345]

All you could here were the banging of her leather white boots on the creaky wooden floors.
?Cris where are you. Please I need your help. I?m sorry you were right and now it?s trying to kill me. Cris please.?
She started to run down the hall into a small room. She crammed herself into a little closet form the monster.

?You can?t hide forever Amy?. ?I will find you.?

Then the monster made a quick jump into the small room. He was red and he had eyes black as the dark side of the moon. His wings came down to his feet.

Then he began to sniff the air and right after the most frightening smile came upon his face. He turned his head to the closet and suddenly he disappeared. Amy slowly walked out of the closet when suddenly BOO.

?I found you Amy now its time for you to burn. ?

?Who are you she screamed??
?Your Worst nightmare.?

He pulled out the knife and brought it up to her neck.

Well now I was hoping that you guys would write a little part that was going to happen next and the person after you will start to write where you left off. Oh you can rate what I wrote so far too if you like. After you make up the next parts to the story I'll write what actually is going to happen. If your part is really good I'll use it in my story. Later

[2010DigitalBoy]

[COLOR=DarkOrange] :animedepr i'm sorry, but I don't know where to pick up the ball. Your story was... incoherent. Everything was happening too fast and I couldn't decifer what was going on. I cought the name 'Amy' and a black monster or something, but you need to be more descriptive by a long shot. It's near impossible to go off of what you've written.

I'm sorry, but unless I make a fireball crash on your scene and shift focus to a whole new scene, I doubt I can continue on your portion of the story.[/COLOR]

[Guest NIKI12345]

[QUOTE=2007DigitalBoy][COLOR=DarkOrange] :animedepr i'm sorry, but I don't know where to pick up the ball. Your story was... incoherent. Everything was happening too fast and I couldn't decifer what was going on. I cought the name 'Amy' and a black monster or something, but you need to be more descriptive by a long shot. It's near impossible to go off of what you've written.

I'm sorry, but unless I make a fireball crash on your scene and shift focus to a whole new scene, I doubt I can continue on your portion of the story.[/COLOR][/QUOTE]

Thanks every reply helps even if its not good because now I can learn from my mistakes. So it really helps.

[Albert Flasher]

[COLOR=Sienna]In the spirit of the thread...

"My god! This... can't be... Happening!" The monster - who was, conveniently, wearing a name-tag marked "Jim Sim" - anyway, Jim Sim bellowed, roaring, flashing his teeth, pulling out a toothbrush with his free hand, and simultaniously peeling a banana with the end of his tail. "My... doctor told me that if I... started using the medicine I... wouldn't get these... erections... in the heat of battle. My god!"

"Why do you talk like Captain Kirk?" Amy managed between screams, a comment she followed up with "Ahhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!! Crisssssssss!" As she screamed, the spines on the mon- er, Jim Sim's back stood up on end, erect. He shuddered a bit and went red in the face.

"God dammit, that's the last time I let Dr. Robert prescribe me anything!" He huffed and pushed the knife blade up aginst Amy's neck, closing his eyes for a second and shaking his head to get rid of the images stuck there. "Dammit!" he said again.

As if on que, the door burst open, letting a groovy disco-ball light pour in and causing Jim Sim to shriek louder and sway his hips side-to-side. In through the door burst a shirtless man with huge muscles, a tatoo marked "TeddyBear 4 Lief" and a .50 cal machine gun clasped in his hand. He slammed the door shut, spit out his cigar, lit a new one, placed it in his mouth, spit it out, just because he was THAT cool. He opened his mouth to say something cool but then bit back his words, with an outraged face on.

"Ohhh... I know what's going on here!" he said, noticing the erect spines. "Humph, well, I'll let you two BE, but don't come crying to me when you get AIDS!"

He turned and opened the door, adding "Whore!" before leaving the room and slamming the door shut with a crash.

"Now, where were we?" Jim Sim smiled.[/COLOR]

[kalon]

I agree with everything [b]DigitalBoy[/b] said. Just slow things down, set the mood, tell us more about the characters' personalities. Also, I think you should consider what you want out of the story. Why are you writing it? If you get other people to write parts for you without it being a co-authoring situation, that's not fair to you, your work, or them. And if you're wanting people to write their own parts for it anyway, then why don't you make it into an RP? (But if you do turn it into an RP, you still need to give more background info and tell what's happening, because I can't even tell what the setting is.)