Writing Rubbuh' Chicken and the Drummer [G]

[Aberinkula]

[COLOR=DimGray]here's a song I wrote. It's complete nonsense in terms of reality. [/COLOR] [COLOR=Blue]Enjoy![/COLOR]

[COLOR=Blue][CENTER]Rubbuh' Chicken and the Drummer[/CENTER][/COLOR]

[COLOR=DimGray][CENTER]Seeing a rubber chicken on a drum.
Drummer sittin like a bum.
Tiddling with his hair.
As the rubber chicken starts to stare.

(CHORUS)
Rubbuh chincken and the Drummer.
Started a show through the summer
Soon would fail, what a bummer.
Rubbuh chicken and the Drummer.

Going down to Northeshore.
A town which hsa many doors.
AS the chicken walked down the town.
he just stared as Drummer frowned.

(CHORUS)
Rubbuh chincken and the Drummer.
Started a show through the summer
Soon would fail, what a bummer.
Rubbuh chicken and the Drummer.

An old enemy with sharp eyes.
Brought a setting of despise.
It was Plushee and the Singer.
Just coming from a dinner.

(CHORUS)
Rubbuh chincken and the Drummer.
Started a show through the summer
Soon would fail, what a bummer.
Rubbuh chicken and the Drummer.

Drummer picked up the chicken,
and he just started swinging.
Hoping that he'd be winning.
Singer took out Plushee.
Started slaping like a husee.

(CHORUS)
Rubbuh chincken and the Drummer.
Started a show through the summer
Soon would fail, what a bummer.
Rubbuh chicken and the Drummer.

The end would soon fall.
Rubbuh had to lose it all.
The two-some were on a ball.
Then their careers hit the all.

(CHORUS)
Rubbuh chincken and the Drummer.
Started a show through the summer
Soon would fail, what a bummer.
Rubbuh chicken and the Drummer.

The fall of Rubbuh and the Drummer.
Spelt the end of the summer.

[COLOR=blue][/][/][/][/][/COLOR][/CENTER][/COLOR]

[COLOR=Blue]Weird, huh? Well what'ya think?[/COLOR]

[2010DigitalBoy]

[COLOR=DarkOrange]ForgotteÑ-HerÖ, let me be honest with you. I have never liked anything you've written. I think it's great that you're so determined, but damn if you never seem to make any progress.

Look... when you read this song, does it make you laugh? Do you actually enjoy this piece of work? I mean, if this came on the radio, could you sit through it? What genre would it be anyway? the song's gotta be long as hell what with it going through the chorus 5 times and all. I don't even know what you were trying to accomplish here, seriously.

Firstly, the rhyming issues. most of the rhymes were VERY stale. Even in the chorus you used the same line twice out of only 4 lines. In the second verse...


[I]Going down to Northeshore.
A town which hsa many doors.
AS the chicken walked down the town.
he just stared as Drummer frowned.[/I]

On the 2nd line, it rhymes with the singular, but sounds wrong with the plural which you used. 'town' rhymes with 'frown' but not 'frowned'. plus look at those spelling mistakes. For the love of ALL THAT IS HOLY, spell check your freaking work for once!!!

On the third stanza, Singer and Dinner do not even remotely rhyme. The forth verse is a different cheme altogether for reasons beyond my understanding.

[I]Then their careers hit the all.[/I]

buy a dictionary. Whoever tought you the definition of the word 'all' was lying to you.

the worst part of all, though, is that you're song has no flow, no rhythm, just a bunch of really stressed rhymes that form a nonsensical story! It takes a lot of force to get these lines to sound right even in my mind much less in a song.

i'm sorry, man, but songwriting is NOT your forte.[/COLOR]

[Dragon Warrior]

[size=1]I will come by and actually put up an argument here. Haha. So to speak, anyway. Being a fellow songwriter, I know how lyrics go. When someone reads lyrics without actually knowing the beat of the song, they can sound somewhat off meter and out of place. But songs are not poems. They do not have to match each line with the same syllables when rhyming. Depending on how the song's beat goes, that's how the lyrics will go. Therefore, I can't really shame you, Hero, for some of your lines being off meter. I'm sure you have a beat that matches these right.

As for what 2007DigitalBoy said about some of the words not rhyming, this also has to be taken into account about it being a song. If you haven't looked for yourself, some song lyrics when read are odd and the words don't exactly rhyme with each other. Not until you hear the artist sing will the words actually come off sounding right. It's either the beat or the way the singer sings it that makes it sound good. So truthfully, when sung, the word "frowned" might end up sounding like "town." It's just a matter of how you sing it. I can't speak for Hero here, but that's how I see it. Still, I do agree with DigitalBoy that it would've worked just as well if you changed it to "frown" rather than "frowned."

It's an unusual song on the whole. It's one of those weird songs that really don't make sense unless you make your own meaning to it. I think I have an idea of what I believe it's about, but if anything, I think it's actually inspiring. It reminded me of a song I wrote for one of my bands called "Suddenly Studdering," which was about random misfortunes to different people. It was very bizarre (not as random as this, but still under the same context). Some people don't like music like this, which is fine. That's the same as someone who hates rap reading lyrics that say, "I'ma gonna pop a cap in hiz--" and then commenting "RAP sucks! RAP = Retards Attempting Poetry!" I can see where 2007DigitalBoy is coming from. I do agree your rhymes are a bit dry. Even if you're aiming for the simplistic style (which I used for "Suddenly Studdering" as well), it's at that point where even [i]that[/i] needs some tweaking. Fix it up a bit and we'll see how it goes.

But still, I have to disagree. I think songwriting can be your forte. As long the beat and the lyrics match and it all sounds good, you're on your way. Now only if we can actually hear the song performed ;)[/size]