Writing In My Dreams [E]

[DeathKnight]

[color=crimson]In opposition to the steady flow of dully pessimistic people I present to you the following piece. I hope you like it.

[In actuality I was inspired to write this due to my girlfriend which caused me to look at the broad majority of my peers and realize most of them were so fixated on negativity they forget to stop being blind to the light that was desperately trying to illuminate their path.]

[b]In My Dreams[/b]

Imagine this, if you will.

You stand in the midst of the most magnificent of hurricanes upon this Earth bearing the brunt of the wind ripping through your very being as the rain pelts down upon your face and yet eventually you know the eye will rest upon you. All of what this grey tempest can throw at you has been wrought and now you can feel the first moments of stillness following the storm wash over your body.

The most brilliant peaceful serenity amongst the turmoil will rest upon your weary soul and you can know that for that moment you can relax for the maelstrom around you will grant you the most brief of brief respites. Relax and take a deep breath within this vision, reflect on what you have faced yet do not keep your eyes shut for long.

Open them again. Can you see the blue sky above you? There is littered destruction spread around you and yet all of it seems so insignificant compared to the majesty of this moment, this serenity amongst the ruins of what was. Reflect and see what will be, imagine the rebuilding of it all as people come together from the wreckage and struggle for normalcy from this new beginning amongst the skeletal ruins of the last chapter. What is lost is not lost forever, from the destruction will come the beauty of construction, from death will come life.

The sky will go grey once more and you will struggle against the tempest again but right now, at this very moment do not allow yourself to lose focus on the brilliant azure canvas above you looking down upon you with curiosity as you stare back up at it. It says to you "Do not falter" though you cannot hear it, it earnestly says it so. This is what it says:

"Do not falter, child, do not give up your struggle. All across this world I see you in all things, all of them encountering hardships as you do. We are all with you, across this planet wishing for you to find safe haven. Even now among you there are people who wish with all their heart to guide you to a sanctuary."

There will times and situations when you will feel that the crashing winds and rains could tear you from your place, that perhaps you will not see the end of the storm but know that nothing short of death can bring you down as long as you feel within yourself the capability to fight on. Feel the willpower, understand that beyond this storm lays a thousand days, a thousand possibilities, a thousand smiles.

You are not alone. You will never be alone. In the crowds that teem this planet you can feel so far removed from all of them you feel melancholy, but always on the face of this Earth there is at least one person connected to you that earnestly desires your company. They wish to hear you, to see you, to be with you. As if a mirror to you, they similarly squalor in anonymity unknowingly wishing for you to come along. Find them, know them, love them.

The majesty of you rests within the possibilities of who you are: your strength, your intelligence, your creativity and so much more. It is often hard for us to see our potential, hard to see the growth that can be achieved but you are such a beautiful person, do you know? You will find out someday hopefully, you will look into the mirror and realize the magnificence of what you are.

Dark times will ebb into lighter ones and ebb once more into darkness but do not ever lose hope in the fact that the light will come once more. Do not give way to depression. Do not doubt your capabilities. Do not let the disease of darkness fester within your mind as that would be a tragedy. Most of all do not let yourself become so addicted to your flaws that you forget the beauty that you have, never forget the sheer splendor of what you are, what you can be and what you will be. Love yourself and love others. Be generous, be lively, be.. human. The Earth is not a cold dark place, don't let yourself fall into that opinion. There is much to see, much to do, much to feel.

Little do you know how many of us are cheering you on.[/color]

[Rachmaninoff]

You?ve got a great concept here, but it?s bogged down by long sentences when it feels more like it should be flowing like a poem or song. I?m not sure how to explain this so perhaps an example would serve. Take this part: [quote name='DeathKnight][color=crimson']Dark times will ebb into lighter ones and ebb once more into darkness but do not ever lose hope in the fact that the light will come once more. Do not give way to depression. Do not doubt your capabilities. Do not let the disease of darkness fester within your mind as that would be a tragedy. [/color][/quote]Rewriting part of it would produce a format like this:

[INDENT]Dark times will ebb into lighter ones
And then once more into darkness?but?
Do not ever lose hope
The light will come once more

Do not give way to depression.
Do not doublt your capabilities.
Do not let the disease of darkness
Fester within your mind[/INDENT]
Not that what you haven?t written isn?t good, but the format is so tight and so much crammed into it that I think it distracts from the overall message. Not that I know how to do it any better mind you, I just found myself thinking of it in the format I wrote even as I read it so it got me wondering how this would evolve if re-written.

Anyway, overall, it was interesting to read and thought provoking as well. ;)

[DeathKnight]

[color=crimson]Yes, it would probably be interesting if trimmed down into a more flowing song or poetic form. I like that idea.

Originally this was just a rant more or less I wrote for a blog but I enjoyed what I said enough that I thought it was worth saying in other places, lol.[/color]

[Retribution]

[size=1]I'm really sorry I didn't read this until now (a week or so later). And it's rather sad that something this good only got one comment.

I absolutely loved it. You really capture the essence of hope and optimism even in the darkest moments, and I do notice that many of my peers fail to see the light in their lives. I agree with Rachmaninoff that it is a bit thick and slow, but I don't think it loses anything from long lines. I think you lose momentum in your meandering. You could conceivably cut out sentences here and there that don't really add anything and simply restate what you said earlier to make it flow more.

[QUOTE]Do not give way to depression. Do not doubt your capabilities. Do not let the disease of darkness fester within your mind as that would be a tragedy.[/QUOTE]
I loved this, but I think would read better as:
[QUOTE]Do not give way to depression. Do not doubt your capabilities. Do not let the disease fester within your mind. That would be a [adjective] tragedy.[/QUOTE]
The adjective could be something conveying gravity and magnitude, I just can't think of the right word right now.

And I think it could end at "be... human." It ends on a powerful note, the rule of three considered.

PS: This was delicious to read, man.[/size]