Writing 1,000 memories [PG][Poem]

[Aberinkula]

[COLOR=DimGray]Here's a poem I'm just wrote. I'm practiing ryhme skills.[/COLOR]
[COLOR=DimGray]
[CENTER]1,000 Memories down memory lane

1,000 memories down memory lane.
Hoping that my soul will stay sane.
As I remember the times of the sad,
and think of the days that just made me mad.

As the sun set's on the street.
Old days past, I soon come to meet.
As the darkness starts to get plain.
I walk down the streets in the warm summer rain.

I think of the days,
of glee and pain.
Realizing there's more to gain.
As the sun sets down, losing it's rays.

I come to the bend.
To the street's end I see.
While my mind wonders from me,
My heart starts to and mend.

1,000 memories down memory lane.
Thinking of happines, and pain.
A symbol of hope, and strife.
Walking down the street for the rest of my life.[/CENTER][/COLOR]

[COLOR=Blue]What do you think? Personnaly it is my best poem on the OB.[/COLOR]

[Doublehex]

[QUOTE=ForgotteÑ-HerÖ][COLOR=DimGray]Here's a poem I'm just wrote. I'm practiing ryhme skills.[/COLOR]
[COLOR=DimGray]
[CENTER]1,000 Memories down memory lane

1,000 memories down memory lane.
Hoping that my soul will stay sane.
As I remember the times of the sad,
and think of the days that just made me mad.

As the sun set's on the street.
Old days past, I soon come to meet.
As the darkness starts to get plain.
I walk down the streets in the warm summer rain.

I think of the days,
of glee and pain.
Realizing there's more to gain.
As the sun sets down, losing it's rays.

I come to the bend.
To the street's end I see.
While my mind wonders from me,
My heart starts to and mend.

1,000 memories down memory lane.
Thinking of happines, and pain.
A symbol of hope, and strife.
Walking down the street for the rest of my life.[/CENTER][/COLOR]

[COLOR=Blue]What do you think? Personnaly it is my best poem on the OB.[/COLOR][/QUOTE]

Well Hero, I have to say that on the rhyming aspect of it, it was very well done. However, I found it to be very confusing and hard to read. I think it was the choice of words, and the length of those words. Now, this was probably because I was reading them out loud, but these were my two cents.

[Tekkaman]

[quote name='Matt'] Well Hero, I have to say that on the rhyming aspect of it, it was very well done. However, I found it to be very confusing and hard to read. I think it was the choice of words, and the length of those words. Now, this was probably because I was reading them out loud, but these were my two cents.[/quote]
[font=Palatino Linotype][size=2][color=black]No real argument here, Matt. Hero, you have a really great poem here; I really like this piece that you came up with. But, like I talked with you about, grammar is key: the difference between a comma and a period is crucial. I also noticed that you had a couple of statements in your poem that were stopped abruptly by a period. Think of a period as a 16-wheeler -- it's gonna stop pretty much anything coming at it. Now try to read the poem to yourself and stop where there's a period. I'm sure you'll figure out what you need to fix then.[/color][/size][/font]
[font=Palatino Linotype][size=2][color=black][/color][/size][/font]
[font=Palatino Linotype][size=2][color=black]But, nevertheless, I loved your poem. :animesmil[/color][/size][/font]