Writing Never dig the Darkness Out [PG-VL]

[Aberinkula]

[COLOR=Blue]Her's a song I wrote for my band. They liked it, so why not bring it over to the Ob t see wht you guys think.

[CENTER][FONT=papyrus][U][I][B]Never Dig the Darkness Out[/B][/I][/U][/FONT][/COLOR]

[COLOR=DimGray][FONT=copperplate gothic bold]Chained to the lies for hours on end. Brocken, scatered, shattered again. I may be healing but like athe rest of the world. I'll never be whoe again.

Chaos takes away the happiness, as I start to digress. Torn to the grain, out comes the pain. Without the truth in my eye, I'll never dig the darkness out.

Never dig the darkness out.
Never dig the darkness out.
Never dig the darkness out.
Never dig the darkness out.

My bed of spikes, toruring my every movement. As I drag my blood drenched coul into the light. Fighting my way into the night.

Never dig the darkness out.
Never dig the darkness out.
Never dig the darkness out.
Never dig the darkness out.

Chained to the lies like a freak on a leash. Waiting to come out. Blades in my heart, tearing me apart. From the joints, I start to bleed. Falling down at high speedds. the darkness starts to corrode me. I'm not long for this world, wait and see.

Never dig the darkness out.
Never dig the darkness out.
Never dig the darkness out.
Never dig the darkness out.

Trying to dig out the premise of darkness. But it's stuck in my world, pushing the stress. The horns of my sleeping spirit pierce my soul, ripping it apart. As the blood starts to drip.

Never dig the darkness out.
Never dig the darkness out.
Never dig the darkness out.
Never dig the darkness out.

I can feel my body rot in hell. the death bringer call my name, as the darkness doees the same. It's no longer a game.
My spine twists into unseen shapes.Filling the gaps of my once lit soul. I feel the chaos grip at my heart. Tearing my soul to shreds. I can feel the darkness sprout. Never dig the darkness out. I can't get it out, from my soul. As I reach for the light.

Never dig the darkness out.
Never dig the darkness out.
Never dig the darkness out.
Never dig the darkness out.

Chained to the lies for hours on end. Brocken, skattered, shattered again. While I'm diging my grave, i'll never dig the darkness out. [/FONT] [/COLOR][/CENTER]

[2010DigitalBoy]

[COLOR=DarkOrange]Can you spell cliche? Cuz that's the only word you've written, I'm afraid.

Wait, no, I shouldn't be asking if you can spell because you've proven countless times in this poem that you can't. It's actually hard to read this there's so many spelling mistakes! It's like you thought grammar was uncool and just said 'screw it! I'll spell everything wrong and let them figure it out!'

Anywho, back to the poem itself. The lack of breaking is sort of confusing, but it's made maddening by your erractic rhyming. At some points it seems like you were trying to force a rhyme scheme, but there's also parts where there are none. If you broke it into lines, you'd be able to tell where the rhyme scheme changes or where the meter changes, but as it stands each stanza is just an unintelligible runon sentence. I can't tell how I'm supposed to be reading it.

Then you've got some contradictions. For the most part, your voice seems to be tortured by the darkness which he can't escape. Apparently he can't, or isn't willing to try as he says he will 'never dig the darkness out' though this is slightly confusing as to what he means. Is he enjoying it and doesn't want to dig it out, or is he saying he's overpowered by it?

you've got a lot of repeat words, and some stuff that's been used a million times. "freak on a leash?" come on now :rolleyes: in every way, the song is cliche.

I'm guessing your band sounds just like every other metal band out there.[/COLOR]