Boyfriend/girlfriend or crushes.

[Guest NIKI12345]

I know this thread is really dumb, but its to susport my friend. She has this crush and she doesn?t know how to tell him or let him know how she feels. So out of the blue I?m asking if you have a boyfriend or girlfriend how did you tell them or how they let you know. Also if your in the same position as my friend who do you have a crush on and how do you think your going to let them know. If you people are honest I?ll tell you my story which hasn?t came true yet but it?s a idea.*Smile*. So if you reply to this tread it would help me and I guess my friend a lot.

Later thanks.

[Roxie Faye]

[color=#9933ff][size=1]*grins insanely*

IM! Seriously. AOL Instant Messenger. I was half expecting him to say yes, half expecting him to say no, which he did (say no, I mean), but it was alright. It was one of the happiest 1.5 hours of my life. =)

The question I asked, "Would I ever have a chance with you? ;)" That way if he laughed in my face (figuratively) I could feign jest. >_>;

To be honest with you, though, if he hasn't shown [u]any[/u] signs of liking her, he's probably not interested. Teenage boys are ridiculously transparent with their feelings.

I read in a critically acclaimed advice book that even though women have changed, become more assertive and more equal to men in the workforce, politics, etc., [u]men[/u] haven't changed a bit, and prefer to ask women out, rather than have a woman ask them out. But if she still wants to ask him out, go ahead. I did - I needed the personal confirmation that it wasn't going to happen. ^_^;;;

And yes, if she does ask him out, she REALLY, REALLY needs to be prepared for rejection, because, unfortunately, the people we usually like just don't return our feelings in the same way. Think about a random kid in your grade. Imagine he has a crush on you, but you don't return his feelings. It doesn't mean there's anything wrong with you, or with him, right? It's the same thing - there's nothing wrong with her crush (unless she likes a bad boy, in which case she needs to stay AWAY from), and there's nothing wrong with her. It's simply what happens. *shrugs*[/size][/color]

[Retribution]

[size=1]Well, let's see. I asked my current girlfriend out on the phone in like... December. She said no, but we remained great friends. We're now going out (she asked me this time via phone).

I'd recommend just chatting with a person on AIM. It's great for having extremely long and comfortable conversations where you get to know the person, maybe hit on them, etc. But if you're going to ask them out, I suggest the phone or in person. You truly do get courage points for doing it on the phone or in person. I feel the girl takes me more seriously if I put myself out there and ask her out on a more personal medium.

As an aside: a guy at my school asked someone out to prom via MySpace message. I lol'd.[/size]

[Ellerby]

[COLOR=DimGray][FONT=Tahoma]Umm, well...

I asked her if she wanted to go out on a date to the movies. She said yes. After that we went on a second date (skating) and the third date we called it official (the third date was at her house where we watched a movie). That's it.

Pretty easy if you ask me. I should put her picture up. ;)[/FONT][/COLOR]

[Rachmaninoff]

[quote name='MistressRoxie][color=#9933ff][size=1]I read in a critically acclaimed advice book that even though women have changed, become more assertive and more equal to men in the workforce, politics, etc., [u]men[/u] haven't changed a bit, and prefer to ask women out, rather than have a woman ask them out.[/size'][/color][/quote]Well I can't speak for other guys, but even though I prefer to do the asking, it doesn't bother me when a girl does ask. ;) And I have been known to say yes, especially when it's a girl I didn't ask because I thought she was already dating someone else.

Anyway, I'd follow what White suggested, since asking someone to a movie especially if they say yes is a good way to get to know them a little better. Or to find out that they annoy the hell out of you as well.

As for myself, I usually do just that, ask them to a movie or to go grab some ice cream or something. And if we get along I just slowly make the dates a little more personal, like taking them to a nice restaurant for dinner and so on. Or inviting them to join me and my friends when we get together on the weekend to either watch movies or go to one.

[Raiyuu]

Shame on you IM / phone people. Those ways just lead to misunderstandings, because you can't read the person's face or body language. Plus, they scream to the person you're asking, "I'm too socially inept to ask you in person!"

I cooked her dinner at my place, then we watched a romantic film ([i]Garden State,[/i] if anyone's interested) in my room. And then I made a move at the point where Zach Braff kisses Natalie Portman, it worked, and [i]then[/i] I told her I liked her - though I think I'd already made it kind of obvious.

[Nerdsy]

[quote name='MistressRoxie][color=#9933ff][size=1]Teenage boys are ridiculously transparent with their feelings.[/size'][/color][/quote]

[color=deeppink]I've found that a general inability to recognize the signs kind of cancels that out. This applies to both sexes, mind you.

I've always sent my crushes letters. That ended horribly every time, so I wouldn't suggest that.

Of course, maybe it was because I wrote them mostly in Klingon...[/color]

[Farto the Magic]

[FONT=Trebuchet MS][COLOR=DarkGreen]Suave, Raiyuu. Very suave.

If she likes him, she shouldn't talk to him about them dating. Not just yet. If she does talk to him and he has no prior warning, he'll likely freak out and say no. She should spend time with him and drop in totally obvious hints that she likes him. If he's responsive, he'll ask. If he's responsive and doesn't ask, she should be more obvious. After that, she should drop him like he's hot, because he's either a coward or an idiot.

Teenage boys are also notoriously slow-witted in the female department. One of the massive penalties associated with being male.[/COLOR][/FONT]

[inactive]

Heh heh, I've never dated, and I've had a crush on the same guy for a year and a half.

I can't say for certain or anything, but I DO have a feeling that he likes me too... At least, I know that things always get really awkward when he likes someone (and it has gotten very awkward). :animeswea He's never dated either, and the whole awkwardness thing is probably the reason why. It's a vicious circle, I suppose (that is, if we DO actually have mutual feelings...). We're just too nervous to ask each other out. :animeswea

He's one of the only guys I was able to talk to...until I started liking him (and possibly he started liking me). We do still talk sometimes, though... Hee hee, I'm pretty hopeless. :D

[Boo]

[quote name='White][COLOR=DimGray][FONT=Tahoma](the third date was at her house where we "watched a movie").[/FONT'][/COLOR][/quote][size=1]Sure, you did.

I'd advice her to set up an evil plan that makes him ask her out instead. Mind and word tricks are so much fun, and it's so much more classy for a guy to ask a girl out. [/size]

[Retribution]

[quote name='Raiyuu']Shame on you IM / phone people. Those ways just lead to misunderstandings, because you can't read the person's face or body language. Plus, they scream to the person you're asking, "I'm too socially inept to ask you in person!"[/quote]
[size=1]I see your point, but I'm not really sure how much body language you need to read to decipher the hidden meaning of "I really like you, will you go out with me?"

As for the whole socially inept thing, I think it depends on everyone's specific situation, and largely you're right. It could mean more you're nervous, you can't get time alone with them to ask them, or you're socially inept. I'm glad she asked me this time around though. :p[/size]

[Guest NIKI12345]

Yeah thanks for the advise, but sadly she decided that she was not good enough for him. Sadly I like someone and I have been giving them hints. Well maybe not good ones because I'm to scared to get rejected by him. He is like my close friend so I really don't want to get rejected from him. Well I mean I don't want it to destroy our friendship if he does say no. Amazing I remember when I gave some other person here on the boards the advice that you either get accepted or rejected, but now that I think of it that really doesn't help. So got any bright ideas!! :animeblus

[SunfallE]

[COLOR=RoyalBlue][quote name='NIKI12345'] Amazing I remember when I gave some other person here on the boards the advice that you either get accepted or rejected, but now that I think of it that really doesn't help. So got any bright ideas!! :animeblus[/quote]It does if you think about the alternative, never finding out or getting a date with the person you have a crush on. By finding out, even if you are rejected, you can move on instead of wasting your time pining over someone who isn't interested in you. Or by getting accepted you finally get to date them.

It's no fun to be rejected, and though usually I'm the one who's asked since I'm a girl, I'm glad those guys took that risk since even though most of us have gone our separate ways, we still had a good time when we were dating. ^_~[/COLOR]

[Ellerby]

[COLOR=DimGray][FONT=Tahoma]Another piece of advice I would give is not to ask out close friends. I mean, I know it seems like a [i]good[/i] idea to date someone you [i]know[/i] is genuine but it's really not. It makes for awkward moments. You're used to being just friends so making that step to dating can be extremely difficult.

I've dated two friends and two strangers. The two friends lasted about 2 weeks each and the two strangers who I learned about over time through dates lasted months. Maybe that's just my experience, but I seriously think it's better to date someone you don't really know as well. It also gives you a lot more to talk about.

Also, with people you just meet it's easier to flirt with and they don't really know you well so they can't tell if you're a loser or not![/FONT][/COLOR]

[Kenshin DX]

crushing is such a 6th grade thing. I thoguht people had grown out of it by now. All they are is a bunch of stupid mixed emotions that kids have. Which is normal but when you get older the concept is ridiculous.

Now asking a guy or girl out is a different story. AIM is easiest way to ask someone out most def. That way if you get rejected it's not as devastating as in person. problem is some people are completely comfortable over the Internet but when you get face to face it becomes a huge problem. That's why its important to be face to face and feel comfortable with the person before you ask them out. Nothing is more awkward than a date where you are too nervous or unprepared to say anything.

[Retribution]

[quote name='White][COLOR=DimGray][FONT=Tahoma]Another piece of advice I would give is not to ask out close friends. I mean, I know it seems like a [i]good[/i] idea to date someone you [i]know[/i] is genuine but it's really not. It makes for awkward moments. You're used to being just friends so making that step to dating can be extremely difficult.[/FONT'][/COLOR][/quote]
[size=1]I'm going to disagree with this, sry m8. Part of a relationship, to me, was being comfortable with the person and knowing who they are. Basically, my philosophy (haha) is that you really should be at least good friends with the person you want to ask out. Most teenage relationships don't last very long because they ask out people they don't really know, and so when they realize they have glaring personality differences, they break up.

So I guess you don't need to be super-close, but go for friendship first, then for a relationship.[/size]

[BlueMoon]

One thing I've learned is that it's so much better to just ask and get it out of the way. I'm not saying rejections are fun. They can be horrible and depending on how much you like the other person, they can really hurt. But once it's out of me and that unsure feeling is gone, I know I feel better. The deciding and debating to ask or not ask is what drives me crazy. Sometimes, you just need to go through the list of ways to ask and just do it. It's like catharsis to get it out.

[Guest NIKI12345]

Thank you guys so much. I think I'm just going to ask him straight up and get it over with. I'll write back on how it went. Hopfully it will be a yes *Smile*

[Roxie Faye]

[color=#9933ff]*nods with BlueMoon* Totally! I just kinda needed the answer, even if it was in the negative, you know?

[quote name='Raiyuu']Shame on you IM / phone people. Those ways just lead to misunderstandings, because you can't read the person's face or body language. Plus, they scream to the person you're asking, "I'm too socially inept to ask you in person!"[/quote][QUOTE=Retribution][size=1]I see your point, but I'm not really sure how much body language you need to read to decipher the hidden meaning of "I really like you, will you go out with me?"

As for the whole socially inept thing, I think it depends on everyone's specific situation, and largely you're right. It could mean more you're nervous, you can't get time alone with them to ask them, or you're socially inept. I'm glad she asked me this time around though. :p[/size][/QUOTE]

Both of you make good points. My original response to Raiyuu was just that he was pretty out of my league, and it would have been really difficult for me to say it face to face. Besides, when was I going to find time to [i]talk[/i] to him in the first place - we only have one class together (gym)?

As an excuse for my own actions, I also thought that IMing gave him a good time to respond, and to respond in the way he really wanted to, instead of something on the spot. I mean, I gave him enough time to come up with a really creative way to say "I'm not interested." ;P

To the person who advised not [i]directly[/i] asking "Will you go out with me?!?" I asked him, "Would I ever stand a chance with you." Which, now that I think about it, screams of social ineptitude and lack of self-confidence, but I figured it was a good way to put it, at the time. >_>;;


Not that I mean to hijack the thread, but what do you do if you've asked said person out, they said no, and then completely, and totally ignored you. Completely and totally. I was standing LESS than a foot away from him today for a good twenty minutes, and he just completely ignored my presence.

And as a side note, I kinda had a revelation a couple days ago that there were certain things I wanted from him, and not enough that I was willing to give back, so it wouldn't have worked out anyway. >_<;[/color]

[Meatlhead1]

Well my input on this whole topic is use MySpace and AIM. Get to know the person. Then, ask if someone like me were to ask you out would you reject them? I'm just wondering. Something like that. Or just tell one of there close friends that will be sure to tell them, and make you sound awesome when they do it.

[Nomurah!]

[B][COLOR=Cyan]Well, I'm a male homosapien. I'll help you out there...

Listen, this chick is gonna have to make a move, because you can't rely on boys to make a move...Especially if they're like me. I've liked this girl I've known for a long time now...and I'm like...frozen. I can't ask her out when it gets to the perfect time.
Sometimes it better like that, though.

So... It's about...1/4 okay to ask her over IM or phone...if you're in middle school...but if your older...bout my age...then...

DO THE RAIYUU! W00T![/COLOR][/B]

[Farto the Magic]

[QUOTE=Kazuwa Nomura][B]Well, I'm a male homosapien. I'll help you out there...

Listen, this chick is gonna have to make a move, because you can't rely on boys to make a move...Especially if they're like me. I've liked this girl I've known for a long time now...and I'm like...frozen. I can't ask her out when it gets to the perfect time.
Sometimes it better like that, though.

So... It's about...1/4 okay to ask her over IM or phone...if you're in middle school...but if your older...bout my age...then...

DO THE RAIYUU! W00T![/B][/QUOTE]

[FONT=Trebuchet MS][COLOR=DarkGreen]Its ok to be frozen when around someone you like. The thing is though, that some people (I and a friend of mine, at least) sort of...transcend their bodies and run on instinct. It sounds retarded, but it works for me. Just keep casual and smile a lot. And if you can talk face-to-face, it'll be loads better. That way, you can potentially have a serious conversation and get to know what its like to be in the presence of other people. Some people drive me nuts. I won't date them. Have serious conversations and drop obvious hints. (smile, tilt the head, and look them in the eyes for three seconds...its the easiest way I know)

Part of learning if someone likes you is about their body language, so don't use words so much. Use them as a last resort. Just flirt with them...a lot.

Just today, I went into this girl I like's room (Sue, for those who care). I learned that she plays classical guitar, so we talked while she played. We talked about high school, music, and tons of other crap. It was just me, her, and the guitar. Nothing else mattered. It was amazing, and I can tell that she likes me significantly more because of it (she gives me these looks that imply potential interest). And it also gives you a chance to interact with the environment. Like, we went through a book of art in the Louvre and critiqued them. At one point, she screwed up a song and Wake Me Up When September Ends became Lake of Fire. Interraction with the environment helps, because now she'skind of turned on to Nirvana (which I also love) and the reason was justified.

The point is, AIM is not nearly as good as a face-to-face conversation...when available. You can't just show up at someone's house and talk forever with them (or can you?). I would suspect most people here of being in high school, so AIM may be your best choice. But if you get the chance, take a personal conversation.[/COLOR][/FONT]

[Retribution]

[quote name='Farto the Magic][FONT=Trebuchet MS][COLOR=DarkGreen]Part of learning if someone likes you is about their body language, so don't use words so much. Use them as a last resort. Just flirt with them...a lot.[/COLOR'][/FONT][/quote]
[size=1]Or the alternative, flirt using words. I find it's easier to communicate your intentions when you vocalize (and it's rarely awkward), and if you don't you come off as kind of creepy.

You can also do a lot more with words than body language, imho.[/size]

[Daasheus]

[QUOTE=MistressRoxie][color=#9933ff][size=1]
To be honest with you, though, if he hasn't shown [u]any[/u] signs of liking her, he's probably not interested. Teenage boys are ridiculously transparent with their feelings.
[/size][/color][/QUOTE][font=Garamond][color=blue]Actually, Some teenage boys are not transparent with their feelings. I never show mine. and to NIKI12345, it is best for her to just go up to him and ask him directly. Most guys like it when people are more straightfoward toward them and don't beat around the bush[/color][/font]

[Farto the Magic]

[FONT=Trebuchet MS][COLOR=DarkGreen]Hmmmm...some people say boys are trasparent. Some say they're not. Some say they like people being direct. Some don't. Some like talk. Some like deed. I think the problem we're having is about personal preference. To me, the right look is better than saying anything. To others, words are key. Maybe, to fix this, we need to learn more about this guy. What's he like? Is he energetic? Is he reserved? This is going to have to go on a case-by-case basis. I think that, to establish a good solution, we need to learn more about the people involved, as most of us seem to give our personal preferences.

Am I on to something, or just ranting?[/COLOR][/FONT]