I think my girlfriend is cheating on me, how do I go about this?...

[Guest Heero yuy]

Plain and simple, I believe my girlfriend is being unfaithful towards me and our relationship. It's hard to tell, considering this is a long distance relationship. But it's not like we met on the net or anything, I went to middle school and most of high school with her. I moved away due to the fact my father is in the Marine Corps. Well, I got this 'feeling' first off by the way she talked to me on the phone, and it just grew to not even answering my phone calls. I just thought, 'She's probably busy with school and work, no reason to jump the gun...' But my friends have told me somethings about the men she hangs with, of course they humor me with some of the detail. I've voiced this to my friends and family. Most of them are older than me, and the one's that are not...I doubt their judgement, due to their previous choices in life. But what I'm getting is..."Dump her either way, you're too young to be committed with anyone, especially one that's so far away..." "You're only 18, you need to party, live life and go sow some oats..." I don't even know what "sow some oats" means...

It'll be nice, to get some feedback on this from people my age. I'm sure some of you have had gone through something like this.

Thanks.

[DeadSeraphim]

[size=1][color=indigo][font=arial]Sow some oats means to ****.

Dump her. Long distance never works anyway, long distance plus denial about cheating is a recipe for emotional disaster on your part. Escape now before you get really hurt. I speak from experience.[/font][/color][/size]

[Cat]

I think you should just say goodbye to her if she is really cheating on you. If she really cared she would wait and find away to be with you not some other guy. Long distance rarely workout and she showing that she doesn't care enough to make it work. Its sounds like she has moved on. Of course you should find out first if she really is cheating on you first before doing anything that you might regret later. For regret is the worst feeling.

[Guest Heero yuy]

[QUOTE=DeadSeraphim][size=1][color=indigo][font=arial]Sow some oats means to ****.

Dump her. Long distance never works anyway, long distance plus denial about cheating is a recipe for emotional disaster on your part. Escape now before you get really hurt. I speak from experience.[/font][/color][/size][/QUOTE]

Yeah, I was assuming 'sow some oats' meant that, just by the way my cousin was nedging me with his elbow and laughing like middle schooler. I wasn't too sure, if he was laughing at what he said, or just the way I was opening up to him.

I'm getting a lot of "end it now" responses all around. To be honest, I agree with most of the opinions I'm getting from family and friends. It's just what if I'm just being paranoid...and I'm dump her for no reason. We've been going out for awhile, I don't know if I can end right away. I don't know, it's just a huge dilema for me...I do adore her a lot.

[Pumpkin]

[QUOTE=Heero yuy]Yeah, I was assuming 'sow some oats' meant that, just by the way my cousin was nedging me with his elbow and laughing like middle schooler. I wasn't too sure, if he was laughing at what he said, or just the way I was opening up to him.

I'm getting a lot of "end it now" responses all around. To be honest, I agree with most of the opinions I'm getting from family and friends. It's just what if I'm just being paranoid...and I'm dump her for no reason. We've been going out for awhile, I don't know if I can end right away. I don't know, it's just a huge dilema for me...I do adore her a lot.[/QUOTE][color=#996633][font=tahoma]Alright, do me a favor. Get a piece of paper and pen and on the top write down "Positives and Negatives" on two seperate sides. On each side, write down on one the negatives of your relationship and on the other the positives. Are there more negatives? This could mean that you don't find your relationship worth saving and you should talk with her about it. I think if you be honest with her and ask if she wants your relationship to continue, this will let her be honest with how she feels.

Even if you two do break up, eventually you will feel better. My friend once told me "You survived without them, you can do it again" and it always seemed to help me. Love is kind of like breaking your arm, it hurts but it always heals. As corny as it sounds, it's true. I didn't want to give you a post simply stating "Dump her" that's a bit too harsh for me. Wish you the best. [/font][/color]

[Red]

[quote name='Heero yuy']"Dump her either way, you're too young to be committed with anyone, especially one that's so far away..." [/quote]

I'd suggest that. Part of the long distance relationship package is stress, and at your age (I feel flippin' old for saying that one) it's unnecessary. The second guessing you've already done is only going to carry on when you get another 'feeling'. You won't know if you're right, either.

End it either way, you'll be happier in the long run. Give that level of commitment when you need a zimmer!

[Kenshin DX]

[quote name='Heero yuy']Plain and simple, I believe my girlfriend is being unfaithful towards me and our relationship. It's hard to tell, considering this is a long distance relationship. [/quote]


I stopped reading there.

Like everyone said they never work out. If it's long distance chances are she is cheating on you. Because people need constant love and attention and in a long distance relationship you really can't have that kind of intimacy. They never ever work out. You are better off ending it and find someone new close by. No matter how many phone calls you make or how long you chat on AIM it won't work. And if she is cheating on you well that be reason enough to break up with her in the first place because if you are committed and she isn't then it's obvious you shouldn't be with her.

[Retribution]

[size=1]Even if she hasn't been cheating, dumping her is still a good way to go. Considering the fact that you'll see one another rarely, if ever again, IMO it's just not worth it to continue something like that. You're young, you're probably not bad looking or socially inept if you had a girlfriend before (unless she was ugly and/or socially inept, lol), so get back into the game.[/size]

[Guest FlaccidSheep]

Well.. you did go through a lot of history by the sounds of it throughout your education, to be fair i think long distance relationships depend entirely on each person, by the sounds of your input it's that your "missus" is a flirter, you could just generally meet up with her, unless the distance is a severe seperation between you two, only thing i would suggest as a viable input from me is to just plain confront her in person/webcam, this way you get the true feeling from her and you can determine for yourself what she is upto/not upto, i really wouldn't suggest long distance relationships, but if you two are into the relationship together, go for it.

Dead end line is, see it out yourself, and that long distance relationships don't tend to plan out positivley.

[Gavin]

[SIZE=1]Interesting, most interesting.

Break it off, long distance relationships rarely, if ever work as the opportunity for either party to cheat is just too available. In my experience constant physical contact is also a necessity, and I'm not just talking about sex, I'm talking about simple stuff like holding hands or a hug.

If she is cheating you're better off without her, if you're not then she's better off because you think she's cheating on you and they'll destroy the relationship eventually.[/SIZE]

[Zidargh]

Having just got out of a long term relationship literally half an hour ago I have some advice... And this is genuine.

Screw the whole 'long distance relationships never work' argument because that's a complete lack of respect for the many people that do manage to work it out. Many wives lose their husbands when they serve at war (they managed it for years in World War II) and they work it out. Sure you're 18, but there are many circumstances besides marriage where long distance relationships do work.

If you believe you want to be with her, and if you've managed it so far, then **** what everyone else has said with regards to LDRs.

I guess I was in one as I'm at university, but my relationship wasn't supposed to be anyway (trust me on that one.) However, with regards to your insecurity over the cheating aspect, bear in mind the feeling is exaggerated for she is away.

Personally mate, I believe the innocent until proven guilty philosophy. No one on here knows your nor your relationship, perhaps you should use Panda's method. Just take it easy.

HOWEVER

If there's one thing I've learnt, you're 18. And I think Ret summed it up the best, get back in the game... but only if you want to.

I feel that we need to kiss a few frogs before we find our princes/princesses.

[2010DigitalBoy]

[COLOR=DarkOrange]Sonds like you need to go all Justin Timberlake on that ho and kick a few tails XD

Seriously though. The end of a relationship is a new bwginning, a breath of fresh air. If you value your health, you will leave a painful relationship. As it stands, you could probably just not contact her and let it end itself easily. Go find someone new.[/COLOR]

[John]

When considering everyone's advice, don't forget that we're giving only bare guidelines for the general type of situation you described, and we don't know any of the people in question or exactly how they've acted around each other and what it could mean. Also, if you were to dump her, we would feel no loss for our parts, and that factors into our opinions.

[Rachmaninoff]

I'm assuming that the two of you agreed to not see other people? Because if you didn't, then how can she cheat? If that is the case try to find out if she is seeing other people or just talking to them. But if you don't know when you'll be back together again then you might want to consider moving on. Because if she is seeing other people it sounds like she's lost interest in you since you aren't there anymore.

Also, what about yourself? Do you find yourself thinking about other girls and asking them out? Because if you are then you have lost interest as well. Be honest, do you want to try to keep the relationship or is the distance making it seem less and less like a relationship?

There's also what Peanut suggested, making a list of pros and cons and seeing which outweigh the other. And then try and talk to her to find out how she feels about it, since it may be time for the two of you to move on to other opportunities. But I'd definitely try to find out how she feels instead of outright dumping her, especially if you don't have confirmation that she did indeed cheat on you.

[Guest Heero yuy]

I wasn't gonna call her til Sunday to voice my concerns about our relationship, but after I had band practice I had the whole drive back home to kill. So, I pretty much mustered up all the courage I had (which isn't saying much) and called her. It rang a couple of times, but eventually she picked up. I've never felt crappier in my life, I mean if I had drank anything before I called her...I would probably wet myself. We chit chatted for awhile, I was trying to find a great place in our conversation, in which I could tactfully throw my worries in...but really there is no tactful way of asking "So, are you cheating on me?"...As she talked about her day, it all creeped in. Just all the things she has done for me, all the times she's always comforted me...She's truely great, she gave up a whole summer's pay to buy me a American Fender Jazz bass, that retailed in the thousands as a going a way present. My own mother wouldn't do that. It was all the great, awesome things she's done that I just cut out while I became outraged at the thought of her being unfaithful. And all this skepticism was just brought on from being so far away. Just like Zidargh stated "However, with regards to your insecurity over the cheating aspect, bear in mind the feeling is exaggerated for she is away." When I was done reaching this conclusion, I didn't really ask if she was cheating on me, but I used the whole "Where do you see us right now in our relationship?" And she seemed caught off guard about me asking that. Her reaction wasn't like "Oh, well...we have problems" insecure, out of place, but was like "we're doing awesome, why would you ask that?" type. And she just came back with "Everything is going well, you're gonna move back in the summer. So you know... Why you ask?" I just told her how all these thoughts that have been plaguing me. She reassured me that everything is fine, that nothing bad is going on. I believe her, thinking about it...it's not like her at all. I mean she knows what we have been through before, it would be dumb just to jeopardize such a good thing. I felt re-newed in a since, more like giddy like a school girl. I thought we were done talking about our relationship, but apparently she had her own worries about us. And I don't know what that means for us, both of us having some type of doubt. For me, I just chalk it up to the distance. You know, manifestation of uncertainity. But we talked and talked about our feelings and what we aspect from each other. We reached a milestone in our relationship. In the end, we both concluded that we will stay together for a long as we can...and if something goes wrong. There's too much good history for animosity and/or malice. I feel guilty for accusing her, granted she also had doubts but I've done things in the past that would give her a reason to doubt. This just brought on something that needed to be said. So, yeah.

Thanks though to everyone that gave their two cents on my situation, and especially to Zidargh...who helped me avoid a critical mistake...and just all in all, giving faith...(Corny I know, but very true.)

Once again, thanks...

[John]

[quote name='John']When considering everyone's advice, don't forget that we're giving only bare guidelines for the general type of situation you described, and we don't know any of the people in question or exactly how they've acted around each other and what it could mean.[/quote] [img]http://pressthebuttons.typepad.com/photos/uncategorized/icalledit.jpg[/img]

[Zidargh]

[QUOTE=Heero yuy]

Thanks though to everyone that gave their two cents on my situation, and especially to Zidargh...who helped me avoid a critical mistake...and just all in all, giving faith...(Corny I know, but very true.)

Once again, thanks...[/QUOTE]

;) Anytime buddy.