Family Issues

[vegeta rocker]

Right now, my family is about to split down the middle; i don't just mean nuclear family.

My ENTIRE family of aunts, uncles and cousins are going at it, and the worst part of all is that my grandmother is dying slowly from cancer and she has to witness it all.

Heres the story, my sister and I are a little different from the rest of the family. We are both in college, and we both work hard for what he have.

My sister has been helping take care of my grandma more than me because between work, interning and school i find it difficult to find time.

Well, two of my cousins and their mothers started making fun of my sister and I in front of my mother. They said we were good for nothing, sucked **** for money and all kinds of stuff. They said my sister wasnt' a virgin, (she is) and they can tell because she has put on weight.

First of all, one of the cousins had a kid at 17 and never finished college and lives at home and the other dropped out of high school and has been called a ho by her own mother.

My sister has done nothing but help them and I have done nothing to them. In fact i am hardly ever there.

So my question is this:

Should we sever all ties?

[KingEarthEater]

Well, I think its pretty much obvious that you should at least attempt to either (a) come together in some way (that is of coruse if they want to, heh heh) or (b) just ignore them. Me personally, I wasn't close to my Grandmother at all and so when she died I didn't feel bad at all. On the other hand, if you are close to her, you should at least attempt to come together and be a good family (for the time being).

I know I'm not the best one to say all of this (since my family kinda went through the exact same thing and we just divided), but I think you guys should at least come together and try to be a family. I think it will turn out better than what we decided to do.

KingEarthEater

[TheShinje]

If they are going to put the boot into your reputation like that, stuff them. Sever ties and cut them out immediately. They're not worth the extra grief and strife when you're trying to care for your grandmother at this most difficult time.

Just dont give them the time of day to peddle their rubbish.

[affection]

[SIZE=1][FONT=Georgia]My Grandmother means the world to me. If anyone was to say that I was using her for money, that would be completely and utterly absurd. Family means a great deal to me and usually old folks too.

If I was in your position, I would just calmly say, "Fine. You are right..." Honestly family shouldn't be broken apart and I'm sure it would hurt your Grandma a little more if she had to see a broken family. I would try my hardest to get my cousin to calm down and show her that Grammie means a whole lot to both of you guys.

I realize it's easier said than done but it would be worth it. I'm not saying that I'd be best friends with these cousins but I'd at least make a truce. There is absolutely no reason to have such horrible arguments when there are more important things going on. These cousins need to realize that.

But like I said, this is what I would do. I just think breaking all ties is just cowardly. (No offense hun!) I think it would be more honorable and right if you would at least try and come to a state of agreement and show them that Gram means the world to you and you would never hurt her in any way.[/FONT][/SIZE]

[vegeta rocker]

I'm not going to say they are right when all they said was complete and utter filth and lies!

If someone in your family said you sucked **** and you were useless you would agree with it?

No family is worth that, they are trash and i have pretty much made my decision but i would really like more input.

[KingEarthEater]

[QUOTE=vegeta rocker]I'm not going to say they are right when all they said was complete and utter filth and lies!

If someone in your family said you sucked **** and you were useless you would agree with it?

No family is worth that, they are trash and i have pretty much made my decision but i would really like more input.[/QUOTE]

Well, personally, I can't very well say that I would do much different than what I believe you are thinking, because I did the very same (besides that I wasn't at your age or anything).

In my shoes, I just basically forgot about them and didn't even think about them for about two years until I just happend to see them at church. But, whenever that happend it was mostly about normal things. Like, Hey how are you and How things been. But, it actually ended in a silence which made it very very awkward.

So basically, I'm not family with them anymore. It didn't even have anything to do with me, but my parents and them. But, I guess it just ended up that they would hate us and I would be kinda forced to hate them. So, I was basically on the side, but it kinda effected me more than them.

[Andrew]

[SIZE=1]I find that blood relationships aren't the be-all and end-all for everything. More often than not you'll find family members annoying and a right pain in the Áss, as you're obviously aware.

So like I said, just because they are family, that shouldn't really sway your opinion, especially since their not immediate family too. Regardless of blood links or not, treating people the way I understand your cousins have been treating you doesn't fly well for me.

As others have said, you may want to just be as pleasant as you can for your grandmother and then forget about them later or just forget about them now. If that's the way they want to be I'd just drop them now. But if you do, that doesn't mean that your grandmother has to know about it. Just stray away from the subject.

I don't know, you've said you've already made up your mind so maybe my rambling doesn't really help either way. Just do what you think is best for primarily yourself and your grandmother secondary.[/SIZE]

[affection]

[QUOTE=vegeta rocker]I'm not going to say they are right when all they said was complete and utter filth and lies!

If someone in your family said you sucked **** and you were useless you would agree with it?

No family is worth that, they are trash and i have pretty much made my decision but i would really like more input.[/QUOTE]

[SIZE=1][FONT=Georgia]It's not that they are right... it's just that they like to pretend they are. Probably anything you say or do is going to be useless. I'm not telling you what to do, I'm just saying what I would do. I was brought up by my Grandparents and still have an old fashion way to deal with family (especially since my family are mostly Italian!). I am no way agreeing with your cousins but like I said, it's not like they will budge.

It's hard for me to support any kind of family break ups because my Grandmother was sort of in your sister's position. My Uncle told my Grandmother that she was only in it for the money and started to ignore her. She is very hurt by what he has done to her but even more hurt that he doesn't even call her a sister.

Every family is different though. I'm speaking this as my own. My family are really close so it would hurt me to not talk to my cousins. My cousin has said some stupid things but we accepted her mistakes and moved on. I don't know how easy it is for your family.

Que sera sera.
Whaever will be... will be.

Good luck with everything though.[/FONT][/SIZE]

[dd protector]

[QUOTE=affection][SIZE=1][FONT=Georgia]

Que sera sera.
Whaever will be... will be.

[/FONT][/SIZE][/QUOTE]
[COLOR=Indigo][SIZE=2][FONT=Tahoma]I could not agree more.

I've learned that family is one of the most important things in a persons life becasue they will be there for you through thick and thin. Normally I would say that you should seriously just dump these people. Honestly this is something only you and your family can decide.

But consider, your grandma is sick, does she want that side of the family around? Can you handle them? Are the insults worth what they provide to your life. Contrary to popular beleive you can pick all the people you chose to keep around you, friends and family both. If these people can give you nothing good in return for the help you provide them, then are the worth the effort? Don't feel obligated to people who bully you whethere they have blood ties or not. Then again, is this commonplace or there way of communcating with other family members? I don't know. [/FONT][/SIZE][/COLOR]

[Horendithas]

[COLOR=Indigo][quote name='vegeta rocker']Should we sever all ties?[/quote]The question I have is have they always been like this or is it a new thing? Is there an inheritance involved with the Grandmother? Since people say and do the nastiest things over money or the thought of getting money. It's not a pretty thought, but I've been stuck between relatives arguing over who gets what before someone has even died.

But another thing to consider, do you even want to have a relationship with them? If not then there's no need to even try. I've got relatives I've severed ties with and I haven't missed them at all.[QUOTE=affection][SIZE=1][FONT=Georgia]My Grandmother means the world to me. If anyone was to say that I was using her for money, that would be completely and utterly absurd. Family means a great deal to me and usually old folks too.

If I was in your position, I would just calmly say, "Fine. You are right..." Honestly family shouldn't be broken apart and I'm sure it would hurt your Grandma a little more if she had to see a broken family. I would try my hardest to get my cousin to calm down and show her that Grammie means a whole lot to both of you guys.

I realize it's easier said than done but it would be worth it. I'm not saying that I'd be best friends with these cousins but I'd at least make a truce. There is absolutely no reason to have such horrible arguments when there are more important things going on. These cousins need to realize that.

But like I said, this is what I would do. I just think breaking all ties is just cowardly. (No offense hun!) I think it would be more honorable and right if you would at least try and come to a state of agreement and show them that Gram means the world to you and you would never hurt her in any way.[/FONT][/SIZE][/QUOTE]I completely disagree with you here. Calmly telling someone who is openly slandering someone, even if it is 'family' that they are right, only encourages the behavior. Being related by blood isn't a magic thing that makes people's actions acceptable.

As much as I'd like to agree with you, willingly putting up with such slander and lies is never worth it. It's like telling them, yes I'm a door mat, please walk all over me and do come back again some time since you missed a spot or two.

You're forgetting that even if there is more important things going on, no one can make these cousins realize it. And to be blunt, not breaking ties when the situation calls for it is in my opinion far more cowardly than having the courage to not be someone's personal door mat.

In the end the only advice I have is to ignore it as best you can, at least in order to be there for your grandmother. But beyond that, if they really are treating you that way there's no need to continue associating with them.

On the other hand if it's a new thing, don't be to quick to jump ship. They could just be stressed due to her being sick and taking it out on you. It's still not very nice, but hardly the same as someone deliberately being spiteful and mean. Also, just how old are these cousins? If we're talking about kids here, then there's no reason to take them serious since they're probably just repeating what they hear their Mom's saying. [/COLOR]

[vegeta rocker]

well my cousins are about 19 and my mom said that grandma just wants us to sever ties once she is gone.

But i dont know right now.

[affection]

[SIZE=1][FONT=Georgia]Ohhhhh I didn't know their ages, so maybe 19 is old enough to know better.
But they are still too immature to care.. so it is best to sever ties.
For some reason I guess I thought they were like 13 or something...

I wish you luck in the future.[/FONT][/SIZE]

[Retribution]

[QUOTE=vegeta rocker]I'm not going to say they are right when all they said was complete and utter filth and lies!

If someone in your family said you sucked **** and you were useless you would agree with it?

No family is worth that, they are trash and i have pretty much made my decision but i would really like more input.[/QUOTE]
[size=1]Oh f___ that, you need to sever all ties with them. They aren't your family if they treat you like that. Real family sticks together and looks out for each other, not gossip and call people names.

It's terrible that they'd do this, and I feel sorry for your grandmother who has to watch this happen as her sun sets. But you cannot let your cousins insult your sister. The fracture is on their hands, not yours.[/size]

[The Heart]

[B]My Dad...[/B] is hardly ever there.
[B]My Mom and Sister...[/B] are very nice half the time, and violent/mean the other half.
[B]My Brother...[/B] is just a foul-mouthed little brat. End of story.

I try to stay out of family arguments, but I just get dragged into them. I don't know what to do sometimes.

[ChibiHorsewoman]

[color=#9933ff][font=lucida calligraphy]I'm not blood related to anyone in my family except for my daughter. I've managed well enough. There was a rough spot between my mom and dad a few years ago... but thankfully they got through it.

But in your case I say sever ties then let them decide later on if they want to be a part of the family. Because your grandma is dying and all they want to do is be stupid and cause drama and no one needs it.[/color][/font]

[Tibby]

I agree with everyone else. Sever ties, just not with your grandmother. If you're stuck in a room with them, and they start slandering you, just leave. I had some issues with my immediate family like that, and I packed my essentials and walked out the door. Just because they are family doesn't mean they can treat you however they please! Maybe, after a cooling off period, they'll realize how stupid they've been and apologize. That's what happened with me. However, maybe they'll never realize their mistake, and you will never hear from them again. Or you could get the occasional angry contact. It could be that they are jealous of you and your sister, because they see you two as being successes, and they and their children have made nothing of their lives. However, I don't know all of the situation, so, in the end, you have to make the decision on your own. I wish you strength in dealing with this very tough situation!