Breaking Up

[Pumpkin]

[font=tahoma][size=2]Everyone has gone through a break up once in your life. Okay, so there are rarely those people who marry their highschool sweethearts. But for most, we all remember the small and big ones in our lives.

I didn't really want to make this an advice thread (although advice is always welcome hint hint) but I've been going through one recently. I've been with the same guy for 2 years and he broke up with me although at the time it felt mutual. However, things just didnt just end there, he continued to tell me he cared about me however his actions say differently. Not only that, but told me when he was moving near me he wanted to start dating again etc. Best believe I have become a little fed up with this story, especially since he grew so close to my family and he recently upset my own grandmother. Ahem, Anyhow...

Most guys do NOT need closure. For guys who do not know what closure means, its a definate anwser or conclusion. " No I DO not want to be friends. Partners. Anything " or " Yes. I would like things to work out. This is how we can do that..." instead it seems that people (for I do realize women have done it too) drag things on. I guess on Oprah, there was a show actually on the fact that 50% of women in relationships or so dont get closure. Sad.

If anything, this taught me that break ups and relationships can be very complicated. For example, you can love someone and not want to be with them because your miserable. I don't think I could have believed that possible.

I guess the point of this thread is simply, why can't someone tell the truth and give closure? Especially if theres no benefit in it for you. Besides just being a coward. Also, do you have any bad break up tales? Did you ever need closure from a relationship? A tale of blood and gory revenge?

Please do tell.[/font][/size]

[Japan]

[COLOR=DarkRed]I've had three major break ups in the past two years or so. All turned out ugly but I am friends with at least two, so all is good. I recently broke up with my last boyfriend. Now he is being all emo and immature saying that he can not live without me. When we broke up, he'd make his hand like a gun and shoot himself in the head. He would also say that he is writing poetry when I ask him what is up and then he refuses to tell me. So basically, he's told me that it is me or no one. He practically has me wrapped around his finger. Which is depressing and stressful on my part. Though, I am trying to meet up with one soonish and I hope it is soon![/COLOR]

[TheResplendent]

[FONT=Tahoma]First off, do not take everything you hear on a show like Oprah (especially Oprah) too seriously as the fact of the matter with that is that anybody will believe what a rich host of a highly rated show will say despite holes in the validity of most of their so called statistics. Too much is involved with compiling an accurate sample to make such a claim with confidence to as large of an audience as the people who watch Oprah, and i do very much doubt that each one is taken properly. So whether it's true or not I don't know, but i wouldn't put too much stock in the presented number.

What your asking is completely based on the individual and his/her personality or own agenda. Though stereotypes arise from the amounts of such instances within each gender in comparison to the other is widely accepted, but it would be inaccurate to believe that this is some kind of gender scheme or expected method of behavior because no matter what the percentage, the minority is still an extravagent number considering the people you'd personally meet in your own lifetime. This goes for many things, not just who doesn't give closure and who doesn't tell the truth.

Personally, I have been through a very hard break-up about 3 1/2 years ago. I've had a few but this one I took the hardest because I legitamately loved her with all my heart. This was a very life changing one at that and i'd honestly rather not get into it now. Simply because it's an exceptionally long story. Even now, I don't think I can admit to being completely over her. But thankfully our foundation of friendship was strong enough to keep us as best friends to this day.

I wouldn't neccesarily say I need closure, things are alright for the most part. Saying there aren't any unanswered questions would be a lie, but we've been open enough with each other since then about what happened, how things went wrong, etc. So i'm not at a lack for closure. It's more like a lack of being completely ok with what happened. Honestly though the friendship is very worth it, and I am satisfied with the way things are now. Friends will typically last much longer then any boy/girlfriend will in your lifetime.[/FONT]

[Nerdsy]

[quote name='Peanut][font=tahoma][size=2]Everyone has gone through a break up once in your life. Okay, so there are rarely those people who marry their highschool sweethearts. [/font'][/size][/quote]

[color=deeppink]Even if we don't take into account the "highschool sweetharts," there are those who haven't ever had a break up. I'm sure there are those among us who've never had a relationship, and thus ever never had to break up with someone. I can name a few local friends who are like that.

My last breakup went smooth. I could tell that we were drifitng apart, and decided to end it. She took it well (too well, actually, heh) and we stayed friends for quite a while after that.[/color]

[Zen]

[color=darkred][size=1]

In my life thus far, I've had quite a few relationships. For some reason, I'm fascinated by women, heh. But thus far, I've only had three what I would consider MAJOR relationships.

The first started in eighth grade and lasted until the end of my sophmore year of high school. Beautiful blonde girl, blue eyes, killer body. Prep crowd-type named Kayla. High achiever, honor student, studio dancer, and home-town girl. We dated for two and a half years. She was my first sexual partner and I hers. We were together just about every weekend, and saw each other at school. We became very close to each other's families and it was almost like we were married. To say the least, we meant alot to each other.

About two years into it, things became rocky. We spent less time together, her interests differed from me. We got into arguements normally and things slowly declined, but it never crossed my mind to break up with her until her birthday party when she all but ignored me while I tried my best to give her all my attention.

Shortly after we broke up during a big arguement. For a short while, we attempted a friendship until we got into yet another arguement. When Junior year started, we didn't speak to each other at all. It was all very cold, and despite having a few classes with her, I always felt awkward with her in the room, almost hostile. That's been over for about a year now, but when I think of her, it still brings up strange butterflies.

A few months after her, I met a petite brunette named Kim. A real country girl, I still don't quite understand what she saw in me. I suppose I represented something exotic and different than what she was used to in the small town we inhabited. We became pretty close very quickly. News that I was moving came before her, so I suppose she wanted to live a long relationship in a short time. She suggested we had sex, despite her being a virgin, and we did. We came together as such once a week for about five or six weeks before I finally moved.

Our departure was very emotional. After having sex, I took her home in a rain storm and she gave me a teary hug and kiss in the storm. It was all too theatrical, actually, haha. But yes, the next day, we moved and now I'm in my current location. We broke up over phone two weeks into the move, I just couldn't do the long distance thing, especially after I was told I had little chance of seeing her again.

Two weeks after we broke up, I got news she was with a new guy. A week after that, she was engaged. The guy's going to Iraq for a year, he's 21. She's about to turn 17... It's all very sad and weird to me, because I know it's all a revenge thing, but it's not working.

Now I'm with my current girl friend, and hopefully, we won't have a break up story.[/color][/size]

[affection]

[QUOTE=Peanut][font=tahoma][size=2]I guess the point of this thread is simply, why can't someone tell the truth and give closure? Especially if theres no benefit in it for you. Besides just being a coward. Also, do you have any bad break up tales? Did you ever need closure from a relationship? A tale of blood and gory revenge?

Please do tell.[/font][/size][/QUOTE]

[FONT=Georgia]It's natural for someone to be afraid to break someone else's heart. Even if you stop loving them, doesn't mean you stop caring about them. You don't want to be the one to hurt them, you'd rather them hurt you. I think that everyone is a coward when it comes to that. (at least if they have loved them)

I have really only one crappy break up and I did the breaking up. I was dating this guy, Brian, for 2 years. I finally (after a few months of thinking about it) decided that it was time for me to move on. He was just too controlling for my independent spirit ^_^;; Well.. boy that didn't happen as easy as I thought it would be. I thought since he claimed to love me, that he would try to move on or maybe even admit that we weren't together anymore.. but he didn't. He insisted that I was brainwashed by my friends (god forbid me hang out with my friends alone) and said it was just a phase... he'd watch my every move. Sometimes sit beside me and just watch me and cry. Then call me heartless because I didn't do anything about it. There's not much I can do! I wasn't going to change my mind, and that's all he wanted. I just wanted to be alone. He got my Grandmother very angry with me and had her talk to me and him at the kitchen table for about 5 hours. It was horrible. Then at school he dropped my books and kept threatening me (my teacher soon got involved)... Long story short.. he made my life miserable as soon as I dumped him and insisted that we were still together. I don't ever want to go through that again. It's not like I acted like I was in love with him, I was really distant.. he knew it was coming... he just didn't know when. :( [/FONT]

[Tibby]

My worst break-up was also me doing the breaking up. I was dating a man who started acting stranger and stranger and more and more possesive. I won't go into detail, but I eventually figured out he had lied to me about his age (he was much older!) and was married! I guess he was financially ready to take on a mistress with all the bells and whistles: house, clothes, shoes, car. So, I dumped him, and didn't pick up his calls. He started showing up at my work and following me around! It was really scary.

About closure, I pretty much made all my own closure. I made it clear to the guy whether it was possible for us to still be friends once things settled down, or that he was a total jerk and I wanted absolutely nothing to do with him.

[Guest younggurl03]

I want to let poeple know that I have never in my life broke up with nobody. When we are going together we either do not see each other because we moved or I moved. Because when you are going with someone you are not suppose to break there heart because in the longrun something is going tombreak your heart. And this is why. But, some poeple say that they do not care if there boyfriends are doing this type of stuff. Well, put it this way i care because you are being dumped and people are going to be teasing you because of what just happened between you and your loved one. i

[strwpoptart]

[font=garamond][color=green][indent]HI. Just wanted to say that not every relationship actually offers you closure. I know from my own personal experience that sometimes when you want closure you aren't exactly able to attain it. It actually took me a long while, but I just learned to let it go and not care anymore.[/indent]

[indent]I was with this guy in high school for a year and a half and towards the end I knew the relationship was getting bad and that it would be over soon. I was very devastated about it and I had a lot of questions that I wanted to ask him, but he ended up leaving (without saying goodbye) and I never was able to get the closure that I wanted from that relationship. People eventually started telling me things that he said behind my back, or that he never really loved me to begin with but was actually just using me, or just more things to that extent that I never knew. But because I knew that I would never see him again and never get to ask him all those questions of what was true and what wasn't that one day I finally said to myself "I don't care anymore. I'll never see him again, he's not part of my life anymore, so stop worrying about it." And that's exactly what I did. I let it go and just moved on.[/indent]

[indent]You stated yourself that he keeps saying the same things over and over again, but his actions don't show it and he can't stand up or back up what he says, so personally I think your right in not letting him back in. Maybe as a friend that's a different story, but I wouldn't have an intimate relationship with him again. If he couldn't learn after the first couple of times what makes you think he's going to start changing now? Those are the types of questions I would ask myself. As far as love is concerned...yes some people get lucky and some people don't. I don't think we really have control over that. Loving someone and having the relationship end is always hard, but sometimes it's necessary in order to keep the friends part of the relationship going or just simply maybe it was meant to happen for a reason. So yes there will pain and hurt, but with time it will slowly go away or at least not hurt as much.[/indent][/color][/font]

[pooperson]

[SIZE=1][COLOR=DeepSkyBlue]Breaking Up? It's hard to do.[/COLOR][/SIZE]

[Sasori]

Most of my relationships seem to have one thing in common: they end very badly. In most cases I was at least partially to blame along with the particular "her" at the time. I'm usually a very confrontational, up-front, outspoken person, except when it comes to expressing my dissatisfaction to some effect in a relationship. As has been mentioned in this thread previously, I am gripped by a fear of doing harm to my partner. I'm afraid they'll react badly to what I have to say, and come away from it hurt deeply.

Out of all my experiments in partnership, only two of them really stand out above the rest as very significant. This is because in many ways they shaped my opinions and beliefs permanently, for better or for worse.

The first was with a stereotypically-fiery red-head who went to a different high school one city over. I met her through a mutual friend, and we soon started spending most of the time together, drawn to each other due to our mutual interests and belief systems. As time went by, our lives began to overlay on one another: a house key here, personal/confidential info there. At about the 1.7 year mark for our pairing, I noticed some really strange stuff going on with my bank account and odd mail with my name on it, demanding that I pay my overdue balances on a cellphone I never had. Basically, she was using my name and personal info (like SSN) to get all sorts of stuff. She seemed to find nothing really wrong with this, because after all, we were so close to each other, we could act as a single individual, right? WRONG.

Legal action took place, and tears flowed like beer on Superbowl Sunday. She was just...blind to how badly she had betrayed me, and she looked upon me as the villian. It hurt, seeing her so distraught and mad at me, but reason always kept me on the path of truth: she was a compulsive liar and thief, and she had used me. Screw. Her.

That whole ordeal very much made me distrust people for a while, and it was long after that that I actually even engaged in a relationship, and even then, they were shallow and meaningless. I never really opened up to anyone, and my distant and uncaring attitude drove all of them away.

About 2.5 years later though, I met a girl in my hometown that was just...different. She was hardworking, opinionated, stubborn, musically-inclined, strong beyond words and just...synched up with me every time I saw her. It only took us hanging out a couple of times before me confessed our feelings for one another very strongly. This woman was just...eveything I could possibly desire. Despite all the horrible things that she lived through, she was still strong and optimistic.

That kind of take on life was what I wanted for myself, so I began to come out of my shell. I was living for the first time in years, and I KNEW it. I could FEEL it. I was changed utterly by this beautiful person, and owed my life as it was to her. Her situation was strangly similiar to mine at that.

But a little over two years into that bliss, shadows began to show themselves. She was just uncomfortably flirtatious, and she began to drift away from me. She seemed to hate being around me after awhile, and I couldn't understand why. Whenever I actually talked with her about it (probably too late), she shrugged it off. I knew better though, and I became quite depressed over the matter. It got to the point where I was drinking myself into a stupper on a semi-regular basis to grieve over what we once had: perfection or damn near it. My thoughts became darker and more self-hating, and I started to think about that which I thought I had left behind years ago with the help of my friends.

I hid my decaying state from everyone, but one person caught it anyway; truely my brother-from-another-mother. Because of him, I got myself together enough to confront my girlfriend, who at this point was semi-openly longing to either cheat on me or leave me for an old flame of hers. My grief turned to anger as I thought about all I had done to get her life back together. When I met her, she was living in a friend's apartment, sleeping on the couch, with a car that didn't work. I helped her get a [I]house[/I] to rent, a working car, and got her in touch with the local music scene, which was her ultimate dream. I cared so much about her, and wanted to see her happy.

But even through my anger, I knew she would be happy with me not around, and I wanted that for her, so with a waffling mix of fury and tears, it was ended. She said she didn't say anything to me because she didn't want to hurt me, which I understood, but loathed at the same time for the price of cowardice. The last time I saw her was leaving her house with a few of my things. I was so afraid of reverting to how I was before I met this demon/goddess. Indeed, I am still afraid of who I used to be.

It's been about 2 months since the end, and while most of the pain is gone, and I am still standing strong, what stings is the fact that I have all these wonderful memories of her behind the bitter feelings. It's like looking at two different people: the woman I met and fell utterly for, and the deceiving being at the end. I will forever judge every woman I enter a relationship with by how I felt with that woman. I was the happiest I had ever been; every day was bliss.

We have alot of mutual friends, so I know sooner or later we will meet again, but I [i]think[/i] I'm ready for that. I think.

...Wow, sorry for uber-posting like this. I read this thread and decided then to stop lurking and sign up and start posting, starting here. Thanks to anyone and everyone that actually read through this bloated corpse of a post. *bows* :animesmil

[Raiha]

[font=times][color=darkorchid]Breakups are about as fun as getting injections of Novacaine in your mouth repeatedly. The part where you get home and try eating and slobber over yourself like a raving drunk is usually the equivalent of how you feel the next three days after the initial excitement.

I've had several breakups and the easiest are the ones in which there was no
a: sleeping together
b: cheating during the relationship
c: anyone watching.

The worst are usually when you were romantically and physically involved. And then of course there's the manner in which the breakup is managed. If he breaks up with you in person, and is a man about it, I tend to feel better and am less likely to become a vengeful and raving maniac. When a guy breaks up via e-mail or phone, he'll usually discover he has no friends in two days because word of his ***** breakup will get out. And then everyone will agree with me, the aggrieved that he's a lame jerk and I'm better off alone.

Of course I can't stay single for long, so I'll probably have more advice for you all very soon.[/font][/color]

[Rachmaninoff]

Breaking up...honestly I can't say that I've had a really bad break up. Probably because the few relationships I've had that started to get more serious ended by virtue of her moving elsewhere and the two of us eventually moving on. It didn't make it any more fun, but it wasn't because we decided that things weren't working.

Most of the rest have been a case of realizing within a very short time that even though we had fun, beyond simple friendship there just wasn't anything else. We didn't connect in a meaningful way at all. Opposing views as well as lifestyles have often been the biggest problem I've run into. And by opposing I mean that quite literally. It's hard to get along when your date enjoys things you find distasteful and vice versa.

Probably the worse one, if I can even call it that since it was completely one sided, was one where I had the crush on her. But she never felt the same way, ever. That took a long time to finally let go.

Oh and there was that psycho stalker who wouldn't leave me alone even though we'd never been on a single date. I'm sure I mentioned her before and frankly I'd rather not go into detail again. It's safe to say, she was and still is, insane. And I'm glad I haven't seen her this year, yet.

[DeadSeraphim]

[COLOR=Indigo][SIZE=1][FONT=Arial]Most guys DO need closure, you'd be surprised (well, maybe not, you do seem to be a ****ing cynic about everything love atm). It's rarely immediate though - even if you doing the breaking up after a long term relationship, you can never deny you really truly cared about them at some point, and that'll always linger a bit, and those lingering feelings try and keep you close for a little while at least, while the mind and heart plays over possibilities of reuniting in the face of cold logic. Most (if not all) guys I known, whether dumped or dumping, have gone through a phase like that, until they inevitably consolidate their feelings, their thoughts and the reality of the situation and move on. That's closure.

Closure is that final realisation that "I'm over them, I'll never care for them like I did", and apparently he's not over you. There's a good chance he will be eventually, though.[/FONT][/SIZE][/COLOR]

[ForsakenUndead]

[COLOR=DarkOliveGreen]I've never had a bad breakup, or even a regular break up. In fact, i've never been in a meaningful relationship at all. I will say this though, it doesn't eem right to assume that guys don't need closure. I can't speak from personal experience, but I think I'd be pretty sad if i was really in love with a girl and it suddenly ended. It would bother the hell out of me. Guys have feelings too! And besides, if you're a girl, how can you really say how a guy feels?[/COLOR]

[Trigun 11]

[color=green]Sasori, I have you beat. xD

I?ve had a total of four boyfriends my first three years of Highschool.

[size=1]
Boy number one, Kaleb. We met my freshman year of Highschool. He was 16 and I 14. He was the first guy who I wrestled that wasn?t from [i]my[/i] school. He was the sweetest thing ever. Real gentleman. Story goes like this:

I was psyched for my first round at my first wrestling tournament. I lost to him, but I was not going to let it bother me. I knew what I did wrong and wasn?t going to let it happen again. Second round, the guy choked me out. I was upset afterwards, to the point I was crying into my hoodie. Kaleb and one of his teammates came over to where my team and I were sitting in the bleachers. He asked me what was wrong, then asked me if the kid choked me out. I nodded. He then introduced himself and then took me to a side hallway and showed me a move that?d help me get out of that.(Reason why we went to a side hallway is cause his coach would?ve gotten mad at him for showing me it.) I had a bye third and fourth rounds. During those two rounds, I hung out with Kaleb and his teammates. Fifth round I had the kid who was the only guy that he?d lost to.I lost that match. It pissed me off to the point of tears. I wanted to win that match, for him. I started to walk down a hall way, he followed suit. He comforted me in such a way that I wasn?t really mad anymore about it.We started dating at the end of December of ?04. His mother instantly loved me. In January, he?d drove from his town which is like an hour away or so from where I live to ask my step-dad if he could take me to his homecoming. Yeah, it?s cheesy and old-fashioned, but it was sweet. [b]At[/b] the homecoming while we were slow dancing, he?d told me that he?d gone out with three girls at one time before. I?m sorry, but you just [i]don?t[/i] tell your girlfriend that.

We ended up breaking up sometime in March. Just really because of that and plus, it was getting facetious and a jerk about the fact that I?d never be able to beat him. It was getting annoying. After things had ended, we had agreed that we should?ve just stayed friends. Him and I still keep in contact, just because I don?t want things to be awkward between us and plus he?s a really good friend. Thus, I?m over.
[/size]

[size=1]
Boy number two. I hate this boy with a utter passion. I met him when it was the summer before my freshman year started. He was the older brother of a good guy friend of mine. We dated my sophomore year for I don?t know how long. Quite honestly, it?s a hard subject to talk about because he was abusive. Yes, abusive physically and emotionally. I stayed with him for reasons unknown. I was afraid to leave him I guess. I blamed the hits from wrestling. Mom believed it. She didn?t know about the instability between the two of us. I ended it once I got the balls to do it. I felt relieved about it. I was over him the moment I broke it off.
[/size]

[size=1]
Boy number three. Trey. He was seventeen and I fifteen when we started dating.
My best friend. EVAR. We?ve known each other since the summer of ?04 and we?ve grown the closest that people could ever be. Yes, it?s Kayin from the OB. I was suicidal back in April of ?06, who was there talking me out of it? Kayin. I owe him my life.

He?d told me that he?d liked me than via a text. It was the night before I left for Texas for spring break with a good friend of mine. I found it sweet, and quite honestly, I had been crushing on him. Trey is just ah-mah-zing. It was so weird, we were so alike. I won?t go into the infinite ways that we are alike, let?s just say he?s just the quiet, short and black version of me. ( Me: loud-mouthed, tall white girl). We broke a record: ten hours talking on the phone. BEAT THAT. XD

We started dating on Saint Patrick?s Day in ?06. It was a long distance relationship. I didn?t have any fears about him cheating on me because I trusted him that much. (I trusted him, hell, I still trust him a lot. I trust him to the point that I?d let him take my virginity.)

Unfortunately, my friends and my mother, also my aunt, decided to go telling me that ?Oh..how do you know that he?s not being unfaithful?? and things like that. My aunt told me that I shouldn?t be wasting my Highschool years on some boy that lives so far away from me. I replied with that they should trust my decisions. I love him and if you don?t like it, tough ****.

About at the six month mark, I unfortunately started to believe them for a slight period (meaning I was just starting to think of how I honestly didn?t know if he was cheating on me or not). And due to us being so open to each other, I told him. It wounded him. I noticed that we started getting more and more into arguments (we?d never fought before) and things like that.

We broke up two weeks after our anniversary. When we broke up, I cried on the phone for like thirty minutes. What happened next? We went back to how we were before, we acted like nothing happened. We?re just as close as ever, possibly even closer. I?m going to where he goes for school for college. And no, I?m not going because of him. I?m going cause I like the school, and it has what I want.
I?m still not really over this one. Knowing us and what we?ve decided, is that if we get back together when I start college, then so be it.[/size]
[size=1]
Boy number four. Matt. He?s 18 and I 17.
This has just happened, like not even a month ago.

I had liked him because we got along so much in the class we had together. I snuck out for the first time to go hang out with him in the last week of May/start of June. I snuck out at like 11:30 at night and didn?t get home until a little after 1 am. After walking around for awhile, we went back to the school that he?d parked by. We cuddled on the jungle gym. xD We texted each other for like two hours. He?d told me that he?d wanted to kiss me but he didn?t because he didn?t want me to feel awkward. Come 3:45, I had snuck out of the house again, and we went back to the jungle gym. I made out on the jungle gym that we?d cuddled on. It was the farthest I?d gone with a guy.

I?d snuck out a few times more to hang out with him, which always ended up with making out. I didn?t mind because I liked the guy. He?d told me that he?d liked me more than a friend. His friends didn?t like me and he didn?t care: he?d give up his friends for me. I couldn?t let him do that. I told him people don?t like me because I?m loud-mouthed, opinionated, I don?t drink, I don?t do drugs, and I?m staying a virgin till marriage.

To which he replied with ? Maybe sooner : ) ?.

It had been bothering me since. I wasn?t going to be used like that, it just wasn?t like that. I?m not going to be in a relationship when the guy was talking about having sex BEFORE we even started dating, I was feeling like he was starting to pressure me into it. And yet I dated him anyways. We dated anyways before I finally confronted him about it. We ended it two weeks ago come this Friday.

So yeah. Long story short, I?ve had two good relationships and two bad ones. I?m not fully over Trey, the other three I am.
[/size][/color]

[Sara]

[color=#b0000b]He's not over you. Are you over him?[/color]

[quote name='Peanut][font=tahoma][size=2][b]Most guys do NOT need closure.[/b] For guys who do not know what closure means, its a definate anwser or conclusion. " No I DO not want to be friends. Partners. Anything " or " Yes. I would like things to work out. This is how we can do that..." instead it seems that people (for I do realize women have done it too) drag things on. [/size'][/font][/quote][color=#b0000b]I don't think that's really true. After I broke up with my former boyfriend, there was a very awkward period when [i]he[/i] was seeking closure?as far as I was concerned, we were matter-of-factly over and done with, but he felt like I was still stringing him along. I was startled when he finally told me this, because I had no idea he was still under the impression that I might be interested in him. I guess the point of that little anecdote is that the need for definite and clear [i]endings[/i] to relationships is pretty universal... and there's probably a [i]lot[/i] of miscommunication on the subject.[/color]

[quote name='Peanut][font=tahoma][size=2] If anything, this taught me that break ups and relationships can be very complicated. For example, you can love someone and not want to be with them because your miserable. I don't think I could have believed that possible.[/size'][/font][/quote][color=#b0000b]This is exactly the situation I was in when I finally broke up with my former boyfriend. I finally realised that, yes, I was miserable?but [i]he[/i] was the person making me miserable, and [i]I didn't have to put up with that[/i]. Breaking up didn't change that immediately (he still made me feel crap, but at least he wasn't my [i]boyfriend[/i] making me feel crap), but I felt exponentially better as time went on.

Ending that relationship was probably the single most difficult, and [i]best[/i] decision I have ever made. I was still very much in love with him at the time, but we had talked time and time again about how he made me feel, and none of it ever changed. I finally took a stand. It was hard, and I felt [i]awful[/i] (and guilty) for a long time, but in the end? The only thing I would have changed would have been to break up with him six months sooner.[/color]

[quote name='Peanut][font=tahoma][size=2] I guess the point of this thread is simply, why can't someone tell the truth and give closure? Especially if theres no benefit in it for you. [/font'][/size][/quote][color=#b0000b]I think the idea of [i]giving[/i] closure is a scary one for a lot of people. In most relationships, you probably still like (at least a bit) the person that you are in the process of breaking up with. It's hard to put that all behind you. I think a lot of people secretly hope that there's a chance (however slight) that things might work out someday, and it's hard to admit (to yourself, your friends, or the other person) that you've completely given up on the possibility.

It's the same reason people [i]want[/i] closure, actually?they still like (at least on some level) the other person, and they want the [i]other[/i] party to make the decision.

[b]Is it [i]really[/i] over for good?[/b]

In your situation, the guy still likes you (or he just doesn't want to be alone). You need to be the one who makes the call. If you're done, tell him.[/color]

[Fyxe]

[size=1]I always love the ex-boyfriends that get angry with you when you are attempting to date other people, especially when he's getting around the block, while he still claims that you are his, or he is going to ask you out again. :P Haha.

In all truth, I've never been broken up with. I was always the person to do the breaking up. Well, I suppose my first "boyfriend" broke up with me when I called his friend a skank, but... hey, it was sixth grade. So it didn't count.
I don't see what the big deal was...
.... she was totally a whore. XD[/size]