Malkav Posted June 19, 2007 Share Posted June 19, 2007 Next semester I'm going to have a very attractive chemistry teacher. I need to know the best way to seduce her. I know she likes to take shots. Is there any way I can get her drunk I wonder? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Copycatalyst Posted June 19, 2007 Share Posted June 19, 2007 Talk to her about homonuclear diatomic love. Talk to her about the chemicals and how much they love us. Ask her to marry you and present her with a phenol ring. Ask her if she knows about dimethyltryptamine, and how it's endogenously produced in the pineal gland. Ask her about the endocannibinol system, the catecholamine system, the endorphin system. Ask her how she likes her polyethylene, her polystyrene. Ask her if she's a phenol barbidoll like Marilyn Manson. Ask her if she likes methylenedioxymethamphetamine. Tell her alcohol is a funny molecule that looks like a dog that was barfed into nascent geometry. Ask her if she'd like to titrate some love. Tell her, [b]All virtuality is real, all realness is chemical, all chemical is love, and all love is virtual[/b]. Tell her about Terrence McKenna, Bill Hicks, Hoffman, how Kerouac was on amphetamines when he wrote [i]On the Road[/i]. Tell her about Shulgin, Timothy Leary, Robert Anton Wilson. Tell her Crick discerned the geometric structure of deoxyribonucleic acid while on the influence of lysergic acid diethylamide. Tell her you'd like to be her methylphenidate date. Tell her the methyl clusters in her molecular structures are full of beautiful wonders. Tell her about the holy trinity of substances in our society, and how they're the new holy trinity. Tell her ice floats on water because its density is less. And density is mass divided by volume, and that the crystalline structure of the bonded water molecules, which make ice, are gone through by the smaller water molecules. Tell her it's groundhog day and instead a mole came out and said Avogadro's number. Turn into her various chemistry problems solved by dimensional analysis. Perhaps some Molecular Formulas, some Empirical Formulas. Show her the Molecular Mass of your dreams, and say, she's going to be in them. Tell her your love's no sugar of phenylalanine. Tell her they've banned plants in our societies, and the substances, to keep the herd mentality. Tell her to add some salt to the waters of love to make it boil faster. Ask her if she likes Schrodinger's Copycatalyst. Tell her catalyst is just the scientific word for guardian angels. Tell her man is the God of Atoms. Tell her the atom of eve was a bomb. Ask her if the stoichiometry of the geometries will yield any anomalies. Ask her if the mole ratios are digging holes. Tell her she can view her life as endless chemical reactions, all manifest and altering each other. Ask her if she's a dextromethorphan orphan. Tell her one time Peter Pan used some dextromethorphan. Tell her your love is Schedule I. Tell her you need a Schedule I DEA license to get married. Tell her, the drugs, they say, are made in California. Tell her maybe if only we looked past the interred meme of anti-substances in our society, and realized the inherent value of substance use. Tell her that in the past, various shamanic cultures employed substances in entheogenic means in order to bring about divine inspiration and progressive insinuation for the betterment of mankind. Tell her they slit the throat the chesire cat so now we've just got chemire cats, hidden amidst the schism, wandering Buddha-bes construing the truths to deaf ears. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
desertphoenix Posted June 19, 2007 Share Posted June 19, 2007 [COLOR=DarkRed]You hear about about guys having sex with teachers all the time in porn, but I'm not the kind of guy that would tell you to [I]study porn[/I]. Just remember two key pick-up lines. "Do you come from heaven, because I have an erection"? Does this smell like chloroform to you"? The second one works all the time if you have the right [I]things[/I] with you. The first one I just do for kicks.[/COLOR] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Farto the Magic Posted June 19, 2007 Share Posted June 19, 2007 [FONT=Trebuchet MS][COLOR=DarkGreen]Ha ha ha! This is hilarious! Ask her her sign. No, ask her if you could borrow her panties, because you forgot yours. Or just do well in her class, and spend time there after class...for extra credit.[/COLOR][/FONT] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mr. Maul Posted June 19, 2007 Share Posted June 19, 2007 [size=1][color=DimGray]No, no, no... You want to do [i]poorly[/i] in class so you can stay after for some much needed "extra help." Get the pity factor working for you. [/color][/size] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Malkav Posted June 19, 2007 Author Share Posted June 19, 2007 Purpose for seduction is mainly to get an A. I made a "D" last semester with a different teacher. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aberinkula Posted June 19, 2007 Share Posted June 19, 2007 [quote name='Malkav']Purpose for seduction is mainly to get an A. I made a "D" last semester with a different teacher.[/quote] [COLOR=Navy]A"D"! How did you get your teacher to bend backwords like thst? I've never seen a women bend like )! I mean "A" position is easy.[/COLOR] [COLOR=Navy]Give her an apple with some estrogen. the hormoans will fly![/COLOR] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
2010DigitalBoy Posted June 20, 2007 Share Posted June 20, 2007 [quote name='Premonition][COLOR=Navy']Give her an apple with some estrogen. the hormoans will fly![/COLOR][/quote] [COLOR=DarkOrange]I can't figure out if you were trying to write 'hormones' or 'whoremoans'. Either way, funny as hell. Anywho, I have no way to advise you. I can't even pick up girls who are in my class, much less the teacher XD[/COLOR] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
James Posted June 20, 2007 Share Posted June 20, 2007 [color=olive]Actually you want to give her an apple with testosterone. As far as I know it's testosterone that partly governs libido (don't forget that women have both testosterone and estrogen - they just have more of the latter). [/color] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Raiha Posted June 20, 2007 Share Posted June 20, 2007 [font=times][color=darkorchid]As someone who has seduced a teacher in the past I can tell you that it's loads easier when they find out you're over 18. I recommend definitely doing shots, but lie and say you're actually legal, which I KNOW you're not. Refrain from corny jokes and the chloroform, while highly amusing will go badly for you in the end.[/font][/color] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dagger Posted June 20, 2007 Share Posted June 20, 2007 [quote name='Malkav']Purpose for seduction is mainly to get an A. I made a "D" last semester with a different teacher.[/quote] Aw, man, don't do it just for the grades. Why let ulterior motives sully the noble goal of getting in your teacher's pants? ~Dagger~ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
2010DigitalBoy Posted June 20, 2007 Share Posted June 20, 2007 [QUOTE=Dagger]Aw, man, don't do it just for the grades. Why let ulterior motives sully the noble goal of getting in your teacher's pants? ~Dagger~[/QUOTE] [COLOR=DarkOrange]you know, as someone who's seen tons of anime and thereby seen more fair share of student/teacher relationships, I half expected you to have some real advice, Dagger :p [/COLOR] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shy Posted June 20, 2007 Share Posted June 20, 2007 [size=1]If she's an [i]attractive[/i] teacher then she most likely has no trouble with the getting of sex. You're also assuming that her feelings of attraction towards you (if any) are stronger than her fear of being fired and/or sent to prison. Just the same, I admire your spirit. How will you get her drunk when you aren't old enough to purchase alcohol? Keep us posted! -Shy[/size] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Malkav Posted June 20, 2007 Author Share Posted June 20, 2007 This is America, the legal drinking age be damned! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fyxe Posted June 20, 2007 Share Posted June 20, 2007 [size=1][IMG]http://img264.imageshack.us/img264/6282/tag20body20spray20singliv1.jpg[/IMG] One spray before class should do it.[/size] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aberinkula Posted June 20, 2007 Share Posted June 20, 2007 [QUOTE=Fyxe][size=1][IMG]http://img264.imageshack.us/img264/6282/tag20body20spray20singliv1.jpg[/IMG] One spray before class should do it.[/size][/QUOTE] [B][COLOR=Navy]I tried that and it didn't work!>_O DigitalBoy, your life partner is lying![/COLOR][/B] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
2010DigitalBoy Posted June 20, 2007 Share Posted June 20, 2007 [QUOTE=Premonition][B][COLOR=Navy]I tried that and it didn't work!>_O DigitalBoy, your life partner is lying![/COLOR][/B][/QUOTE] [COLOR=DarkOrange]No, it's just that you are increadibly repulsive. I know for a fact that Tag works - how do you think I convinced her to marry me XD (actually, it was her idea - no kidding!)[/COLOR] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Darren Posted June 20, 2007 Share Posted June 20, 2007 [QUOTE=Premonition][B][COLOR=Navy]I tried that and it didn't work!>_O DigitalBoy, your life partner is lying![/COLOR][/B][/QUOTE] No no, you want to use Axe because it has added "Bow chika wow wow!" Seriously. Commercials don't lie. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sara Posted June 20, 2007 Share Posted June 20, 2007 [quote name='desertphoenix][COLOR=DarkRed']"Does this smell like chloroform to you?"[/COLOR][/quote][color=#b0000b]Please. She's a [i]chemistry[/i] teacher. That'll never work. Also, you know, just for the [i]record[/i], rape is a good way to get [i]arrested[/i]. Not a good way to get an 'A' in a class.[/color] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
eleanor Posted June 20, 2007 Share Posted June 20, 2007 [QUOTE=Fyxe][size=1][IMG]http://img264.imageshack.us/img264/6282/tag20body20spray20singliv1.jpg[/IMG] One spray before class should do it.[/size][/QUOTE] [color=dimgray] Ew.... Never use TAG.[/color] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sara Posted June 20, 2007 Share Posted June 20, 2007 [color=#b0000b]"My favorite element is uranium, because I love U!"[/color] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Retribution Posted June 20, 2007 Share Posted June 20, 2007 [size=1]Raiha's right, you need to convince her you're 18 which means you have to look the part. If you don't look 18, ggkthxbai. I'd recommend becoming pretty good friends with the teacher (which might be hard if your grades are low in her class). Once you do, start staying after for extra-help and work from there. Perhaps when you're one-on-one, you can try to sit closer and closer to her? Wow, I can't believe I offered semi-serious advice for someone to seduce a teacher. Oh how the mighty have fallen![/size] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
desertphoenix Posted June 20, 2007 Share Posted June 20, 2007 [QUOTE=Sara][color=#b0000b]Please. She's a [i]chemistry[/i] teacher. That'll never work. Also, you know, just for the [i]record[/i], rape is a good way to get [i]arrested[/i]. Not a good way to get an 'A' in a class.[/color][/QUOTE] [COLOR=DarkRed]I kind of figured nobody wants to fail at seducing a teacher and be known for it. I all for the ways of ninja-like seducing. That teacher I guess would recognize the chloroform, plus it may be a bit illegal. But hey, it's not like I'm telling the guy to put a [I]roofy in the apple[/I] or anything. I guess if he wants to do things the hard way, being friends is the way to go. Nothing more than a teacher likes than a class clown or the enjoyable active student. From here, I can't help you, me being the classic loner and all. P.s. Tag: Lucky Day smells pretty good.[/COLOR] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sara Posted June 20, 2007 Share Posted June 20, 2007 [quote name='desertphoenix][COLOR=DarkRed]I kind of figured nobody wants to fail at seducing a teacher and be known for it. I all for the ways of ninja-like seducing. That teacher I guess would recognize the chloroform, plus it may be a bit illegal. But hey, it's not like I'm telling the guy to put a [I]roofy in the apple[/I'] or anything.[/COLOR][/quote][color=#b0000b]No, you're suggesting that he [i]knock her unconscious[/i] by giving her a possibly-lethal dose of chloroform. Also, again, it wouldn't work. Chloroform doesn't actually knock you out instantly like they show in old movies.[/color] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
desertphoenix Posted June 20, 2007 Share Posted June 20, 2007 [QUOTE=Sara][color=#b0000b] Also, again, it wouldn't work. Chloroform doesn't actually knock you out instantly like they show in old movies.[/color][/QUOTE] [COLOR=DarkRed]Thank you for telling me that before I did something stupid with that. What actually works in the movies as well real life anyway? Soon, somebody is going to tell me hiding in a closet with a boar mask and a syringe filled with tranquilizer isn't going to work.... P.s. I thought we were planning evil here. What happened?[/COLOR] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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