Court Experience or just support?

[ChibiHorsewoman]

[color=#9933ff][font=lucida calligraphy]Hey I don't know how it managed to come down to this, but it has. I actually have to go to trial with my ex husband over custody/ visitation of our daughter because I wouldn't let her go to Texas with him.

Long story short I have to go to a 2 day trial this month and I'm nervous. I know I haven't been on here that much recently and I might grate on a few people's nerves. But if anyone has any advice or support I'd appreciate it. Because I'm either gonna start crying or something soon...

Thanks

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[Guest Copycatalyst]

Well, I don't know what to say to you. I mean, you knew the lawful terms of the court's decision that your daughter must have visitation rights with your ex so-and-so many days or whatever those terms are (you do not really spell them out in your post). I understand your daughter means a lot to you, but the law is the law, and you either set things straight with the law, or the law sets you straight. It's the way it works, as unendearing as it can be at times. You do not really implicate if your ex is abusive to your daughter or yourself so I cannot assume anything as far as the situation at all and really justify this action you chose to take. I do, however, wish the best for yourself, your daughter, and even your ex.

As far as advice. . .well my first advice would be, not knowing the situation, to in the future follow the terms of your divorce so as to not have to deal with such bothersome matters as going to court ever again. Secondly, you will need a defense and valid, actual proof that your daughter was mistreated/ neglected in some way by your ex, otherwise the terms of your divorce agreement are the terms of your divorce agreement whether you dislike them or not.

[Sojiro47]

[FONT="Book Antiqua"]I can understand why you don't want to let your ex tske your daughter to Texas, but Copycat is oh so unfortunatky right, there isn't really anything that you can do legally.

I've only been to court once, and it wasn't my trial, but the only thing you can do [i]that[/i] way iis be honest about why, while making it sound semi-worse than it is... Emotionally, surround yourself with friends who will be beside you all through the trial. Outside of that, I'm useless. I'm sorry I couldn't help any more. Good luck.[/FONT]

[Aaryanna]

[COLOR="goldenrod"][QUOTE=ChibiHorsewoman][color=#9933ff][font=lucida calligraphy]Hey I don't know how it managed to come down to this, but it has. I actually have to go to trial with my ex husband over custody/ visitation of our daughter because I wouldn't let her go to Texas with him.

Long story short I have to go to a 2 day trial this month and I'm nervous. I know I haven't been on here that much recently and I might grate on a few people's nerves. But if anyone has any advice or support I'd appreciate it. Because I'm either gonna start crying or something soon...

Thanks

[/color][/font][/QUOTE]As much as I'd love to say something, I'd have to know why you wouldn't let her go to Texas. Because if he has the visitation rights for her being with him for certain periods of time and you interfered, then what do you expect? Regardless if you and your ex get along, it's not fair to interfere with another parents right to be with their kid.

Perhaps you could clear up the question of whether or not this was time with your daughter that by law your ex was entitled to, or simply him wanting to have her visit him for additional time. Or if there's a reason for you to not want her to go with him. And by reason I am not talking about grievances between the two of you. Those are irrelevant in my opinion.

I honestly don't know what to tell you. My dad has the visitation rights for me to be with him all summer and one weekend a month. But since he lives close he leaves that completely up to me. I never spend the night at his place but I do visit him several times a week since we get along just fine.

Either way, I do wish you the best of luck in getting it sorted out. [/COLOR]

[Aaryanna_Mom]

I'm sorry hun, but without more details than what you've given I can't possibly offer you support. You say you don't know how it came down to this, but as a divorced parent I find that a little hard to believe. Especially if this trip to Texas fell under your ex's rights as a parent to have your daughter with him.

I'm sure it's not pleasant to talk about, but just what reason do you have for refusing the trip? And like my daughter already mentioned, not liking your ex or issues between you two is 100% irrelevant. Even if I do not like my ex that does not give me the right to interfere with the relationship between him and my daughter.

Anyway, I'd like to see you clear this up, to explain what's going on since without that information, as the others have said, that's the way the law works. Those visitation rights are expected to be followed and if not you have to have a very good reason as to why they are not.

[Allamorph]

[FONT=Arial]To everybody so far:

From what CHw has posted in other threads, the situation doesn't fall under Texas jurisdiction:
[quote name='ChibiHorsewoman'][color=#9933ff][font=lucida calligraphy]So I call my lawyer and find out what everyone's known all along that [U]the Texas divorce (Long involved story) has no jurisdiction over our daughter since she's a resident of New York and has never LIVED in Texas[/U].

[center]-----------[/center]

He called the town police and tells them I'm being neglectful of our daughter. Long story short the cops come and tell him that [U]the Texas decree has no jurisdiction over our daughter[/U] and he can't take her if I won't let him take her....[/color][/font][/QUOTE]
She's already told us more than she was required to, which I find very generous. The information is there guys. You just have to look for a bit.



I assume you're going to be put on the stand, then? In that case, constantly assume that the lawyer from the other side will be searching for a way to warp anything you say. Stick to clear answers, think about everything you say, and [U]do[/U] [U]not[/U] let him/her rush you. Pay attention to the questions you're asked, and try to listen for when he/she is leading you into a particular answer.

Other than that, I'd say take some good instrumental music to listen to, to clear your head beforehand. No sense in going into a stressful environment while you're already stressed.

(If you can manage to keep a hint of resentment simmering beneath your surface without letting it affect your head, then by all means do so.)

Good luck.[/FONT]

[Guest Copycatalyst]

Well sorry I don't read other threads and she left out this info. Yes it was hard to find. I don't read every single post in every single thread. Sorry, but I do have a life. Secondly, it doesn't matter; the terms of a divorce usually instate that it is [i]required[/i] the child gets to see both parents, even if one has primary custody. So no matter what, in the end, it's going to be this daughter is going to see her father; unless of course her father is actually some terrible man who she is thus not warranted to be around.

[SunfallE]

[COLOR="goldenrod"][quote name='Allamorph'][FONT=Arial]To everybody so far:

From what CHw has posted in other threads, the situation doesn't fall under Texas jurisdiction:

She's already told us more than she was required to, which I find very generous. The information is there guys. You just have to look for a bit.[/FONT][/QUOTE]Allamorph... It still isn't that hard to put that in the post you know. ^_~ Not everyone is going to hunt through a person's past posts to look and see if they [I]might have posted about it before[/I]. That's kind of an [I]unrealistic expectation[/I] to have when posting, to expect others to dig up what you've posted before. [I]Unless it's in the same thread[/I]. And even then I know from experience that an ex can go back to court and fight to change the current custody/visitation rights.

Texas law may have nothing to do with it. Her ex may have decided to challenge this to gain better rights. I have a friend who's going through that sort of mess at this very moment. So in the end, one would think CHW could have clarified just which it is. A mess up over what you highlighted from a previous thread or if he's starting a new custody/visitation dispute altogether. [/COLOR]

[ChibiHorsewoman]

[color=#9933ff][font=lucida calligraphy]Sorry about the lack of info- 11.25 hours of work- thanks Allamorph for trying to search for the stuff.

Okay the basics are that my daughter and I are New York residents. She was born here in Upstate New York, has never lived in Texas. The court up here has already decided that the Texas divorce (While having jurisidiction over our marriage) has no jurisdiction over our daughter. Even the town police who came to my house back in February came to that conclusion. (Long story short on that, he was forced by my town's police to leave my property and was almost arrested.)

Our daughter is nearly three years old. My ex is a member of the U.S. Army so he's been out of her life for most of the time she was born through no fault of his own. He's also re-married to the woman he had been seeing while we were married, but that's not really the point. They were living at Ft. Drum NY up until May and have moved to Ft. Bliss TX. He's missed visits that were approved by the court because he didn't feel like driving three hours. He missed one because it was his step-daughter's 12th birthday and even told the law guardian it was a military obligation that kept him from coming that weekend (He had a dentist appointment) He skipped his last visit in New York prior to moving to Texas claiming that he was too busy packing. And he's now allowed virtual visits and phone calls once a week. He claims he can't find his web cam.

We have had approximately ten previous court dates where we have tried to reach an agreement in visitation. The two most recent have resulted in him thinking that our 2 year old should be allowed to stay with him in TX for the entire summer. Of course that didn't happen.

I'm just at my wits end on this because he has a tendancy to be a very vindictive person when he can't get his own way. And now I have no idea what else to add except can we change my screen name on this board and I have to get to work.

Ciao[/color][/font]

[Allamorph]

[quote name='ChibiHorsewoman'][color=#9933ff][font=lucida calligraphy]Sorry about the lack of info- 11.25 hours of work- thanks Allamorph for trying to search for the stuff.[/color][/font][/QUOTE]
[FONT=Arial]No problem. I already knew where it was, so it wasn't really that difficult for me. (I tend to retain stuff like that....)

So, what was up with that ten-page paper you mentioned earlier?[/FONT]

[Guest Copycatalyst]

It's okay. . .your first post was rather scatterbrained. Well, it sounds like he just needs to agree to come up and see her sometime. . .otherwise he's out of the game. The fact that he's had ample chances to come up and see her yet didn't come shows truth to his character. . .Trust me I know what this is like; my mom divorced my real father when I was three, and one time my real father called me basically saying [i]oh hey what's going on[/i] and so on. . .and then he asked me if I could get a blood test to see if I was really his son. We've since met up and I don't hold a grudge. Anyway. I think your daughter needs to have a strong father-figure in her life and I don't think you can necessarily provide that. . .so I think she deserves to see some strong male-figure; not necessarily this father whom may or may not actually want to be a father to her. . .Well, he's in the army, and he's obviously very busy very often. . .so I suppose maybe that will be what he says as to why he couldn't make it down. But you say it's because he just didn't want to come down.

Anyway. . .if you merely present what you've said about him not coming when he's had visitation rights. . .then you can basically get him there. He might say [i]oh I was busy with such and such[/i] but I think the court will rule mostly in your favor. . .but rights are rights; he has the lawful right to see his daughter if he wants to, it just seems he wants it on his own terms and turf which is not necessarily how it's going to work, which is what he's finding out. . .

Just say the truth and say it clearly, potently, and beautifully, and you'll do fine. You don't need to be so nervous about this. This is where you prove to the law that you are a mother law or no law. You see?

[spy46]

i know what your talking about.

my mom and dad split when i was about 10-12 years old, and we have been talking about you and what your going thru enough so that i know whats going on.

from what i have heard, the ...... so called father just wants to use your kid, he wants to use her to help him and not have to pay or do things like he would while you have her.

the stories you told me show that he wants things his way when it helps him, he wants to see her only when it would make him look good or .... again when it suits his needs.

you even told me about him making a statement that he would just take her with him one day while he had her for a visit.

here is what i think you need to do.

call on witnesses that you know would help your case, his commander, your family and who ever else you know that would tell it as it is.

do not hope for rainbows and sun shine, be mean.

dont hold back, just hit him with all the crap that he had and is putting you thru, comment on the police report that he was forced to leave your place after becomming beligerant (sp?) to you and even the cops that told him to leave.

resulting in a restraining (sp?) order to keep him from your house unless invited to.

any threats or other such things that you can prove he has said or done where he could have but decided not to see her, comment on.

again do not be nice, chances are he wont be, he would try and use every thing against you to try and get her, and from what it sounds like, he just wants her to he does not have to pay for her any more. :animeangr

[Aaryanna_Mom]

[quote name='Allamorph'][FONT=Arial]No problem. I already knew where it was, so it wasn't really that difficult for me. (I tend to retain stuff like that....)[/FONT][/QUOTE]Glad to hear that you retain stuff hun. Here's another one to retain. Quite a few of us [I]do not retain stuff[/I], nor does it occur to us to hunt through previous posts. ;)

As for the topic, now that you've clarified more I can and will wish you the best of luck. And in spite of what others have said. Do not be mean. Be calm and rational as well as logical. The whole point is to show the judge that you are the one who is best equipped to care for your daughter.

Try to state your points as facts instead of accusations against your ex. If at all possible do not resort to personal attacks, even if he does. In the end, if he's vindictive and vicious it will only back fire on him. However I won't lie, some ex's are masters at using the system just to hurt you regardless of what it does to their children.

I've been fortunate, my ex has never been like that, ever. But I have friends who are not so lucky. It's a situation that often is unpleasant. But for the sake of your daughter, try to not sink to that level of pettiness. Be firm in simply stating what has happened and why you did not let him take her to Texas for the summer.