Interracial Relationships

[Guest Copycatalyst]

Fine. I'll state my point and end this. Violence is never a means to any progression of any human situation. I don't care if he's going to fight only if this man fights with him. What he must do is implicate authorities into this matter; for the law instates that violence, as a means of expousing hatred of those in color, is a punishable act which is not to happen. [i]If[/i] he was a better man he would implicate the authorities into this matter and put his pithy pride aside.

[Malkav]

[quote name='Copycatalyst']I'm sorry, but you're not the only black man on the Earth. Did you know that white people have this thing called affirmative action which goes in your favor, against their favor? Did you know that your pride means nothing when it's an egocentric, pigheaded fashioning of your own ignorance? So some guy is calling you names. Oh poor little thing. So that means you have the right to let him keep doing what he does and to in the end, be violent alongside him? You're no Buddhist to me. You're just a rogue who won't let go of fickle values. I realize you're black. I respect it. I don't respect your own self-righteousness and your own blatant disregard for accepting your life as it is, and not on your own ****ing terms. You can come to have life on your terms in time; it doesn't just happen. Oh no you have to deal with a little bit of mistreatment. . .So does everyone. What do you want? A prize for all your little egocentric pride and your little self-valuation and egocentricism? The prize you will get is the one that will happen due to how you handle situations; and it is a violent one, and it is a punishing one, until you learn the lesson I have been trying to explicate into your little plastic head. Violence is never the solution, and you are not a coward to ignore/ not approach/ not let said person start a fight with you. In fact you are much more prideful if you do such, because you realize the only pride you need have is that of being a human being. So I'm done with you. Go and do your little violent act or do your little pride; in the end your little ****ing ego is going to be broken say like a twig is broken in a beaver's mouth. So go have that and shut the **** up.[/quote]

He's half white and greek, not black. What does affirmative action have to do with his problem? Even if he was black, why would you bring that up? Are you jealous or something? If so just walk into a black owned business and make affirmative action work for you. Or better yet, go to a historically black college or university, they have minority scholarships for white people.

Lastly, why should the law get involved in his situation? I don't see anything illegal happening. If the threats become death threats, then it'll be ok for the police to get involved. He's been a good one not to say anything to this guy yet.

Truthfully boss, I think you should confront this guy and tell him you don't appreciate the stuff he says to you. Try not to say: **** you, don't do it anymore or i'll..., etc. alot can translate into fighting words.

[Rachmaninoff]

I only see one problem with your stance of protecting your honor and pride. And that's if the consequences cause more harm than good. Mind you I'm not talking about physically defending yourself if attacked but the potential damage it can cause to a relationship. It's not just your pride and honor but [I]her's [/I]as well. And sometimes it's better to turn the other cheek and let it go.

And by let it go I mean reporting him for threatening you. The police are there for a reason after all. Do you really want to go on the premises that if he did attack you, things would work out just fine? Many guys like the one your describing have no issues with playing dirty. And I don't care how in shape you think you are. Things get ugly real quick if weapons are involved. So if this guy has a history of violence at all, then that's something you don't want to be a part of. Or risk having her dragged into as well.

[eleanor]

[color=dimgray] I'm cool with interracial relationships and all, but I'm not going to deny that (real) relationships between whites and asians can be heavily conflicted. Of course I am also a romantic and wouldn't care about any of that, anyway. :)

It's BS that people think there's something inherently 'wrong' about interracial relationships, though. It's like they can't accept that a black guy and a white girl are dating, but an Italian and a French can do it and it's fine. There was plenty of racism between European nations before black people became the target in the US.[/color]

[affection]

[quote name='The Boss'][color=darkred][size=1]
So, I dare ask, has anyone else been in an interracial relationship? What are your views on the subject? Have you encountered these kind of public reactions from the relationship?

And do you have any advice in dealing with rascist problems at home or abroad?[/color][/size][/QUOTE]

No, I've never had one but I'm not against them either. I believe love has no color, no gender, no boundaries... As far as interracial relationships here (particularly black and white) they aren't well liked. This whole .... town is pretty racist. Some of my family members are racist but not to the extreme. Generally everyone around here scowls at interracial.. it reminds me of the way Linda's Mom acted at first in The Story of Bruce Lee. It's really a shame. (Not to mention I have a great attraction to Asians... so I can never be against interracial relationships even if I wanted to be)

I wish I knew what to tell you. You can't change someone else's mind... :(

[Guest Copycatalyst]

[quote name='Malkav']He's half white and greek, not black. What does affirmative action have to do with his problem? Even if he was black, why would you bring that up? Are you jealous or something? If so just walk into a black owned business and make affirmative action work for you. Or better yet, go to a historically black college or university, they have minority scholarships for white people.

Lastly, why should the law get involved in his situation? I don't see anything illegal happening. If the threats become death threats, then it'll be ok for the police to get involved. He's been a good one not to say anything to this guy yet.

Truthfully boss, I think you should confront this guy and tell him you don't appreciate the stuff he says to you. Try not to say: **** you, don't do it anymore or i'll..., etc. alot can translate into fighting words.[/QUOTE]

Firstly, I wrote that just to watch people like you say "Why did you say that?"

Secondly, as far as the law thing. Read my post prior.

[Semjaza]

You don't need death threats for a threat to be considered serious enough for legal recourse anyway. Part of the point of such things would be avoid even getting on the level of threatening murder to begin with.

[Aaryanna_Mom]

Personally I have no issues with Interracial Relationships, but I won't lie. I was raised in an area and time when it was highly frowned upon. That sort of thing is not easy to get over. Just as I was raised to not marry outside of the religion I am in.

Now I have to ask, have you actually talked to your father? Has he actually told you that you are dating her just to spite him? This is important since he may just be uncomfortable with it. And without clarification I am not sure if you are saying he only seems that way or if he has actually come out and said this.

Now I am going to take to you to task about this bit on pride and honor. Pride and honor are in many ways every bit as stupid as the prejudice being directed towards you and your girlfriend. You mentioned pride for my people, just what does my people mean to you? I sincerely hope you are not talking about being white/black/etc. That's the same reason they are attacking you, implying that your race is not good enough for theirs.

You say they are insulting who you are but it sounds like they are making a judgment based on how you appear. That's not the same thing at all. Because if they were to actually know you or be more opening minded, which it sounds like they are not, then they wouldn't say such stupid things or try to break the two of you apart.

One final thing even though others have already touched on it. Being too prideful to ask for others to help is a big mistake. You're placing yourself above everyone else instead of looking for a solution. As Rachmaninoff put it, this includes your girlfriend as well and by refusing to look at options you're ignoring her or the potential for things to get out of hand if this person does become more of a problem.

I don't know how much of a problem this person is, but if they are threatening you that should not be taken lightly. Pride and honor are also about doing what's best instead of what your emotions are driving you towards. Instead, pride yourself on having the courage to do what's best for both you and your girlfriend, even if that means seeking help.

[Zen]

[color=darkred][size=1]

When I say I'm proud, I mean I am proud of who I am, proud of my heritage, and proud of who I have become. I'm Greek, and I'm proud to be Greek. That, however, does not mean I find myself to be superior to anyone. I just happen to like the heritage that I have in the people of Greece.

Yes, I have talked to my father about it. And yes, he for a while, believed that I was attempting to spite him. He may not believe that any longer, but when I ask him to meet her, he begins saying that I need to "Stop trying to force my relationships on him." and that he "Doesn't need to meet every girl I get with." even though he has, without a problem, met every other girl I have dated (save the one other black girl I have dated).

The thing that bothers me the most is that my father is full-blooded Greek. His family had the same exact problems with him marrying my mother, who is of Irish/Indian descent. He went through the same troubles and all, however, he does not understand my pain for him to do the same thing to me. Me and my father have other issues to settle beyond his problems with my relationship. However, I've met her parents and they like me and are always glad to have me over. I feel like it's unfair and completely embarrassing to me that my father won't meet her and won't accept her in the same way.

As for the pride and honor thing, I just want to be left alone to protect myself shall the time ever come. It will not have been the only fight I've ever been in. I doubt this individual will actually attack me, and I feel his threat was simply the ramblings of a person who simply doesn't like me. It was much of a threat as it was a "If that guy looks at me wrong like that again, I'm gonna kick his (expletive deleted)". I didn't take it as a serious threat, but being a martial artist who fights for recreation within a school, I take that as a challenge deep inside. I can rationalize that out, however.

Believe me, if things went past a fist fight, I have no problem running away and telling the authorities. I completely understand the concept of "violence is not the answer" and I agree. But I'm also confident enough in my own fighting abilities to handle myself without worry should it happen. I'm not the type who gets on top of a guy and beats his brains out, I would just put him down and tell him to leave me alone. But, as I said before, I want this to be settled peacefully without conflict and without outside interference. As immature or foolish as that may sound, I need you to understand that I have to be left to settle my own problems like a man.

This is my girlfriend's friend, and I know she doesn't want anything bad to happen, which is the main reason I want this settled peacefully. I don't want this to turn into a fight, and I'll try my best to keep it from happening as such. If it does happen, I won't take it to far, and if it becoems to serious, then I will step away with my life and get the authorities.

I'm trying my best to keep this mature and civil.[/color][/size]

[Retribution]

[quote name='Aaryanna_Mom']Now I am going to take to you to task about this bit on pride and honor. Pride and honor are in many ways every bit as stupid as the prejudice being directed towards you and your girlfriend. You mentioned pride for my people, just what does my people mean to you? I sincerely hope you are not talking about being white/black/etc. That's the same reason they are attacking you, implying that your race is not good enough for theirs.[/QUOTE]
[size=1]I think that's an overstatement. There is nothing wrong with pride and honor at its purest. All this talk about "Pride goeth before the fall" is absolutely ridiculous.

Sure, maybe facing insults with a violent threat isn't the best idea, but when The Boss takes this as a serious and personal affront, is it outrageous to think that he'd want to fight? I don't think anyone's really understanding his situation fully (with the exception of Mitch) by just telling him to turn the other cheek.

I personally would verbally confront the person/people and ask what all the hate was about. I'd show them how idiotic they were being, and never acknowledge their presence again.

Of course, it's pretty tough to find open minded people in the US south. Flee to the north where the [marginally] more sophisticated people live.[/size]

[SunfallE]

[COLOR="goldenrod"]I?ve removed your off topic posts[B] Copycatalyst[/B] and [B]Malkav[/B]. Lets not derail this thread any further please. indifference already asked that we leave personal insults and attacks behind. Lets leave off topic ones that also insult others out as well. [/COLOR]

[James]

[color=#606060]If this is your girlfriend's friend (and if she is aware of what he is doing), I think it is ultimately her responsibility to tell him to knock it off.

If I've misunderstood anything there, let me know. :catgirl:

In my relationship...if a friend of mine had some kind of objection to it and was causing problems, I would confront that person and tell them that if they're a true friend they wouldn't be trying to derail my relationship - which is ultimately no business of theirs.

And if that person continued to make my life a misery, they simply wouldn't be my friend anymore. I wouldn't be talking to them.

As far as the whole honor/pride thing goes...I don't think anyone is suggesting that you shouldn't be proud of yourself or your heritage. Of course you should.

Having said that, I think you have to be realistic about the situation - you have to be the responsible, adult person in this conflict. If the guy in question is not doing anything violent - if he's just talking crap behind your back - he is best ignored. If he's trying to damage your relationship or get your attention, [i]don't let him[/i].

If he's really making some serious threats or whatever, then definitely, I'd start talking to various adults around you (whether that involves police, parents or whoever else).

As I said though, if he's your girlfriend's friend, I really think it's more her responsibility than yours - she should be going to this guy and telling him to knock it off. He needs to understand that he will lose her friendship if he doesn't stop acting like an idiot.

And if she feels too threatened by that or whatever, then definitely, I'd look at the other options mentioned above. I wouldn't even be thinking of getting into a fight at this stage, no matter who starts it - from what has been said here it doesn't seem to have gotten to that level. Getting your back up to this extent is only putting you exactly where this other guy wants you anyway. Better to cool off and think about things in a mature way - don't let this guy's petty stunts win out.[/color]

[Aaryanna_Mom]

[quote name='Retribution'][size=1]I think that's an overstatement. There is nothing wrong with pride and honor at its purest. All this talk about "Pride goeth before the fall" is absolutely ridiculous.

Sure, maybe facing insults with a violent threat isn't the best idea, but when The Boss takes this as a serious and personal affront, is it outrageous to think that he'd want to fight? I don't think anyone's really understanding his situation fully (with the exception of Mitch) by just telling him to turn the other cheek.

I personally would verbally confront the person/people and ask what all the hate was about. I'd show them how idiotic they were being, and never acknowledge their presence again.

Of course, it's pretty tough to find open minded people in the US south. Flee to the north where the [marginally] more sophisticated people live.[/size][/QUOTE]Nonsense, though he may not have intended it The Boss's posts came across as if he was angry enough to pick a fight, something that he has answered well enough to convince me that that is not the case. That's where the jab about pride came in since too often people fall into that line of reasoning and get hurt. The saying exists because it is true.

And telling him to turn the other cheek? I assure you I was not saying he wouldn't or shouldn't have the desire to fight. I was pointing out that it's a foolish response to actually do it. This is not just a blind statement. My brother has worked in law enforcement for decades as a sheriff, I've seen and heard quite a few horror stories resulting from domestic violence. It's far from pretty and situations like this can escalate all to easily into something that would be a problem.

My values may be different but I find the saying that I have to handle this myself as a man, silly and stupid. (No offense meant The Boss) We are a highly dependent society, we depend upon others for everything we do (food, shelter, jobs, etc) and yet we try to maintain the mentality that certain things can only be solved by ourselves. And to actually do so is admirable. But at the same time, I am saying don't let that same mentality blind you to seeking help when it's appropriate.

There is no shame in a situation that requires outside assistance. It does not make one less of a man/human. I've lost count of the times my brother has discussed stuff with me that a simple phone call to the police would have ended it, or at the very least defused the situation. What I don't understand is why people are taking the advice as if we don't understand how The Boss feels. When (and correct me if I'm wrong The Boss) I see someone who is beyond frustrated and yet trying to keep that frustration in.

Anyway, I am sorry that your father is so difficult about the relationship. I've never had to face that type of problem, but I have had other things with my older kids that were hard to accept and I honestly wish I could go back and do things differently. Also, thank you for explaining things more clearly. I appreciate it. ;)

[Guest Copycatalyst]

Basically, Boss, I just don't want it to resort to physical violence, no matter how small that violence is. I understand your situation. . .but trust me, you'll have just as much pride if you were to call the authorities and get them involved. And no it's not going against something to call authorities to deal with this matter. . .Dealing with it on your own is just asking for it to not go as smoothly, even as much as you may intend. You'd be surprised how powerful, and absolutely violent people can be when under the influence of their own prejudices. So trust me, even as much as you're all "I can take this guy" that doesn't mean anything at all. . .It merely means to me this.

They are making fun of your girlfriend because she is black. Here in the US, such treatment of blacks goes way back. Now, I understand this man has been confrontational in many ways. But I do think you're blowing it out of proportion in ways. They're calling you names. . .they're deriding you. What you do is you be blatantly kind back to him, and simply say; "Listen. I am not going to fight you. And I am not going to listen to your insults. If you have this opinion of interracial relationships that is your deal. I do not, and I am happy with my significant other. If you keep bothering me about this matter, I will call the authorities and I will tell them that you are threatening to fight with me. It's our country's position that such insults and such treatment as you've given me are not to happen any more, and when they do, they are to be stopped. I'm holding my hand out to you and I'm asking for you to shake it. If you don't want to shake it you don't have to shake it. I still consider you are a very beautiful human being. . .despite your prejudices towards my situation. All I merely am asking for is for you to stop bothering me. . .and to realize that from my position what I'm doing is making my happier and more alive. It's my right to do this and it's your right to think what you think of it. . .but to let me have what I have. I will call the authorities if you keep up with this. I am not kidding at all when I say this. . .Have a good day."

If that doesn't work you call the authorities.

End. Of. Story.

Basically all you're doing, Boss, is completely letting their own animosity and anger control you in so many ways. . .The fact that you created a thread about it shows how much it bothers you. My man, you suck it up. I thought you were all about pride? Be proud with what you have, but do not be prideful to the point of assuming others have to agree with what you do. No one is ever going to agree with everyone. . .it's the sad, blatant fact. I know it is ridiculous to have to have listened to someone do this to you--and how degradent it is. I know. I was, as I've said before, beaten by my own father, called names by my own father, bullied at school, and to this day I am endlessly disrespected for what I am. . .and the way I handle it is as above. Kindly. Understandingly. If you do that, there is not a thing they can do; especially if you do it in the way I try to get across above.

All you're doing is allowing such mistreatment of your kind, and hers, to continue to happen. . .merely because you're deciding to handle it all on your own. When people handle things all on their own that's when they get hurt. . .because they often do not understand the depths of their own actions in the situation. I am outside this situation and I understand that you've shown me how you will act in this situation is going to only worsen it.

[Princess_Keiko]

Well, I am asian and my bf is white, theres lots of people that look at us odd.
You just have to let it go, no matter what you do or who you blame, it won't change anything, you don't have control of what others do or what they say. So, just trust in yourself and be strong.If you keep letting these people get to you, you're gonna drive yourself crazy.

[Zen]

[color=darkred][size=1]

Thank you for the advice [b]Aaryana_Mom[/b]. I understand what you are saying, and while I find that it is more than likely the correct reasoning, I just couldn't call the authorities on someone who has yet done any physical harm to me, nor could I attack him less that be the situation. Again, I do intend on going with the peaceful route, and hopefully this will result in a much more friendly relationship between me and this fellow should everything go well. If not, then hopefully nothing to badly will come of it. If things do become bad, I fully plan on reporting it to authorities.


[b]Copycatalyst[/b], you still don't understand the situation what so ever. This fellow is my black girlfriend's friend. He is black. He finds that I am stepping over morale boundaries to date her and dislikes me on the basis that I am NOT black. That is the conflict, and his pacive-aggressive attacks on me are because he believes she should be with a black male and not me. Please, this is the second time you've offered your word and have been wrong.

Aswell, there is no justification to his racism, should it be against black, whites, asians, or any other race. It's just not acceptable. If I were allowing his anger and animosity to control me, then he would have been bruised and bloodied already, but I have maintained control over myself and my emotions to this extent, and I have always maintained my code that I would not lay a hand on another man until he has done so to me or my loved ones. This situation is no different. Even if he insults me and attempts to sabotage my relationship, as long as he does nothing physically, I don't really care. Sure, they will annoy me, possibly even anger me, but I have my own ways of dealing with anger.

I fight as sport and art, I'm a martial artist. So forgive me for placing physical conflict on a pedastal, that's an honest mistake on my part, but I still find it to be a more honorable resolution should I be attacked than running away and telling someone. As I said, if it goes beyong and one on one hand to hand confrontation, then I have no problem with leaving the then dishonorable situation and alerting authorities. But remember, any fight I ever get into will be a purely defensive one.

But again, this is all hypothetical, and I completely intend on this reaching a peaceful resolution between two people who have yet to even speak to one another. Maybe when he finally decides to talk with me, he'll find that I'm not such a bad guy... I hope that happens, heh.[/color][/size]

[Guest Copycatalyst]

Yes, I do understand the situation. I understood it was your girlfriend whom is black. . .and thus on. What I said still stands as much as you're trying to defend your own blatant idiocy. I don't even know why I try to talk to you. It's like talking to a wall. So I'm done, do whatever it is you're going to do, and pay for your consequences.

[Zen]

[quote name='Copycatalyst']Yes, I do understand the situation. I understood it was your girlfriend whom is black. . .and thus on. What I said still stands as much as you're trying to defend your own blatant idiocy. I don't even know why I try to talk to you. It's like talking to a wall. So I'm done, do whatever it is you're going to do, and pay for your consequences.[/QUOTE]

[color=darkred][size=1]

The situation is this. Her black friend is insulting ME. You thought he was making fun of her for being black. You were wrong.

But very well.[/color][/size]

[Guest Copycatalyst]

The specifics of the situation don't matter. . .what it comes down to is that people are discrediting you, and I understand this is painful. But I mean, the point was that you posted this thread to ask for advice. . .yet you're endlessly not listening to what 90 % of people in this thread have said, and are still saying you're not going to do this or that. So I really don't see the point of the creation of this thread if you're not even going to use it as a means to you know. . .listen and change how you're handling this situation? Again your deal and I'm done with this and you can do whatever you want; some people never learn except the hard way, and in time you will learn it then.

[Horendithas]

[COLOR="Indigo"][quote name='The Boss'][color=darkred][size=1]Thank you for the advice [b]Aaryana_Mom[/b]. I understand what you are saying, and while I find that it is more than likely the correct reasoning, I just couldn't call the authorities on someone who has yet done any physical harm to me, nor could I attack him less that be the situation. Again, I do intend on going with the peaceful route, and hopefully this will result in a much more friendly relationship between me and this fellow should everything go well. If not, then hopefully nothing to badly will come of it. [B]If things do become bad, I fully plan on reporting it to authorities.[/B][/color][/size][/QUOTE]In the end, even though I gave you a hard time about pride as well The Boss, it's only because I'd hate to see anyone hurt if it wasn't necessary. So long as you've got it in mind to be as peaceful as possible when dealing with this guy, and are willing to as you put it, leave a dishonorable fight behind to get assistance. I'd say your set. It's really sad that people just won't let such silly prejudices such as skin color go.

But yeah, stick with the attitude of handling things as peacefully as possible and either defending yourself or getting outside help if the situation warrants it. And if possible avoid the jerk altogether. Though I'm not sure how feasible that is. [/COLOR]

[Tibby]

I'm a white American, and my fiance is Japanese. Around here, that is a very unusual combination. There are many asian women with white men, but not many white women with asian men. Most of our problems came from his male asian friends, because they are told their entire lives that they must marry a nice asian woman. Even after we got serious, his friends would try to introduce him to other asian women. His parents hated me at first, but, after they got to know me, and see how happy he is, they are starting to accept our relationship. They decided they'd rather put up with a white daughter-in-law than be cut out of their son's life! My parents were worried that our cultural differences would cause problems, but we've worked through most of those. I think one of the hardest parts about an interracial relationship are the cultural differences. He and I have almost broken up because we just couldn't communicate properly with each other! Not only are we dealing with culural barriers, but there is also a language barrier! We definitely get some strange looks when we're out in public, but the snide comments are in languages that we can't understand, so we don't care! I know that I'll never be fully accepted by his family and his asian friends, but I've accepted that. I love him and plan to stick around no matter what anyone says or does! Besides, the way I see it, the only thing that matters is the two of us, and not what other people say. Why bother focusing on the negatives?