Writing Metalcore's Works (With my Works)

[Metalcore501]

[COLOR="DarkRed"]Here are 4 of my favorite poems that I've ever written, this will be the start of the thread.

Wait For Me-
I wait to see you in me dreams,
that day will never come.
So I wait in dark sorrow,
I wont see you tommorow,
oh I weep with sorrow,
For what I must say; your gone.
So I bid you goodbye nevermore,
untill we meet in heaven.

Shadow-
Darkness covers all I see and all I touch,
no feeling of pain or sorrow.
My hand loses grip on the life I once held,
and turn to become a true shadow.

My Goddess-
The way she moves across the floor,
so elegant.
Gliding like the wind,
with a red dress of dancing fire,
black hair of a twirling tornado.
So swiftly like a flash flood,
and with the music booming and cracking,
like thunder, it's as if she was sent from the heavens just for me.
She is me goddess.

I Still Remember-
I still remember,
the smell of the due,
the feel of your skin.
I still remember,
the dark cold night.
And I still remember,
kissing you in the moonlight.
I still remember.[/COLOR]

[Aberinkula]

[COLOR="Navy"]These weren't the greatest poems I've read, but they do have passion. I can't help you much, but I can say that your at a start.[/COLOR]

[Metalcore501]

[COLOR="DarkRed"]Here's some more poetry for you guys.

Anger-
The anger rushes in,
like the water on a ship,
It takes a while to compleatly fill,
but eventually in will sink.
Like with anger,
it'll build up, slowly at first.
But then when you least expect it,
you'll blow up on everyone you love.
To ruin every relationship you ever made,
to blow away everything you ever knew.

Falsly Accused-
Why does love end in such tragidy?
Maybe it is false love,
Like the sustaining years of adolesince after the S.R prom.
Losing their innocence in the elegant night,
and gaining nine months later the one thing their not ready for,
Parenthood.

[/COLOR]

[Aberinkula]

[quote name='Metalcore501'][COLOR="DarkRed"]Here's some more poetry for you guys.

Anger-
The anger rushes in,
like the water on a ship,
It takes a while to compleatly fill,
but eventually in will sink.
Like with anger,
it'll build up, slowly at first.
But then when you least expect it,
you'll blow up on everyone you love.
To ruin every relationship you ever made,
to blow away everything you ever knew.

Falsly Accused-
Why does love end in such tragidy?
Maybe it is false love,
Like the sustaining years of adolesince after the S.R prom.
Losing their innocence in the elegant night,
and gaining nine months later the one thing their not ready for,
Parenthood.

[/COLOR][/QUOTE]
[COLOR="Navy"]Better than teh first 4. As for teh second one, have you been watching family guy or the Girl Next Door? Anger was pretty well writtin. But remember to make teh number of words around the same. Otherwise it just seems to run on.[/COLOR]