Share Some Good Jokes

[Doublehex]

One day, a family of three are having guests over. To prepare for the party, the father was shaving his face, and the mother was cutting the turkey.

When their son entered the kitchen, the mother cut herself on the knife and said f-u-c-*.

"Mom, what's f-u-c-*?" asked the son.

"Its what I'm doing to the turkey", said the mother.

When the boy entered his father's bathroom, his father cut himself on the face with his shaver, and said s-h-i-*."

"Dad, what's s-h-i*?"

"Its what I'm doing to my face," answered the father.

Then the guests arrived. Since both parents were busy, the boy answered the door.

"I'm sorry, but my mother is f***ing the turkey and my dad is s***ing his face. But they'll be done soon."

[ChibiHorsewoman]

[color=#9933ff][font=lucida calligraphy]Well here's a little pagan humor.. Hope you like

Pagan in Hell:

A Pagan dies and, to his great surprise, he finds himself standing before some pearly gates. St. Peter asks him, "May I help you?"

The Pagan asks, "Where am I?"

Peter says, "You're at the gates of heaven."

The Pagan says, "But I don't believe in heaven."

Peter frowns at him. "You're one of those Pagans, aren't you?"

"Yes. I believe I'm in the wrong place; I'm supposed to go to Summerland."

Peter says, "Sorry. We took over Summerland, and it's temporarily closed for remodeling."

"What should I do now?"

Peter says, "Well, since we don't allow Pagans in heaven, you have to go to hell. Sorry. Just follow that path that leads downward and to the left."

The Pagan walks down to hell, where the gates are standing open. He walks in and finds beautiful meadows, happy animals, and clear streams of water.

He walks on in and begins exploring, and after a few minutes a courtly gentleman walks up to him and bows politely. "Hello, I'm Satan. You must be the guy that St. Peter phoned me about. Are you a Pagan?"

"Yes, I am. What's going to happen now?"

Satan says, "Well, the fishing's pretty good, if you enjoy that sort of thing. There's a little refreshment stand down the road. And I believe the Pagan meeting grounds are right over the next hill."

Suddenly, a hole opens up in the sky above, and a yawning chasm opens directly underneath it. The stench of sulphur fills the air. Hundreds of screaming tortured souls drop down into the flaming pit, which immediately closes up with a thud.

The Pagan, hardly believing what he just saw, asks Satan, "And what was THAT ???"

Satan rolls his eyes. "Oh, just ignore them. They're Christians; they wouldn't have it any other way."

---------------------------------------

A letter from a 3rd grade teacher sent home to Pagan parents:

Dear Mr. and Mrs. Thomas, I write this letter in concern of your daughter, Aradia Moon. Please don't take this the wrong way, however, although she is a straight A student and a very bright child, she has some strange habits that I feel we should address.

Every morning before class, she insists on walking around the classroom with her pencil held in the air. She says she is "drawing down the moon." I told her Art Class is in an hour and to please refrain from then to do any drawing.

And speaking of Art Class, whenever she draws a night sky, she insists on drawling little circles around all the stars and people dancing on the ground. And that brings up dancing, I had to stop her twice for taking off her clothes during a game of Ring Around the Rosy! By the way, what does the term "sky clad" mean?

Aradia has no problem with making friends. I always find her sitting outside during recess with her friends sitting around her in a circle. She likes to share her juice and cookies. It is nice how she wants no one to ever thirst or hunger. However, when I walked over to see what they were doing, she jumped up and told me to stop, pulled out a little plastic knife and started waving it in front of me. I thought this was a bit dangerous, so I took her to the Principal's Office. She explained to the Principal that she was "opening the Circle" to let me in. She also said that her Mommy and Daddy always told her not to play or run with an "athame" in her hand, that she could put someone's eye out. I don't know what an "athame" is, but I am glad that she keeps it at home.

As for stories, your daughter tends to make up some whoppers. Just yesterday while I was talking sternly to Tommy Johnson and shaking my finger at him, he started screaming and ran from the room. When I finally caught him, he told me that Aradia told him and the rest of the class that the last time I shook my finger at someone, they caught the chicken pox. I explained to him that the Sally Jones incident was just a coincidence, and that things like that don't really happen.

One of the strangest things that happened was when I asked the children to bring in Halloween decorations for the classroom. Aradia brought in salt, incense and her family album. I see she has quite a sense of humor. One of Aradia's worst habits is that she is very argumentative. We were discussing what the Golden Rule was (Do Unto others as you would have them Do Unto You), she firmly disagreed with me and stated it was "Do As You Will, but Harm None" and she will not stop saying "So Mote It Be" after she reads aloud in class. I tried to correct her on these matters and she got very angry. She pointed her finger at me and mumbled something under her breath.

In closing, Mr. and Mrs. Thomas, I would like to set up a parent/teacher conference with you sometime next week to discuss these matters. I would like to see you sooner, but I have developed an irritating rash that I am quite worried about.

With Deep Concerns,

Mrs. Livingston

P.S. Blessed Be. I understand that this is a greeting or closing from your country that your daughter informs me is polite and correct.

A Very Modern Princess

A fairy tale for the assertive woman of the millennium.

Once upon a time, in a land far away, A beautiful, independent, self-assured princess, happened upon a frog as she sat contemplating ecological issues on the shore of an unpolluted pond in a verdant meadow near her castle.

The frog hopped into the Princess' lap and said: Elegant Lady, I was once a handsome Prince, until an evil witch cast a spell upon me. One kiss from you, however, and I will turn back into the dapper, young Prince I am and then, my sweet, we can marry and set up housekeeping in yon castle, with my Mother... Where you can prepare my meals, clean my clothes, bear my children, and forever feel grateful and happy doing so.

That night, as the Princess dined sumptuously on a repast of lightly sautéed frog legs seasoned in a white wine and onion cream sauce, she chuckled to herself and thought:

I don't friggin? think so. [/color][/font]

[Gavin]

[SIZE="1"]Got forwarded these from a friend in college.

A man was walking in the street when he heard a voice. "Stop! Stand still! If you take one more step, a brick will fall down on your head and kill you." The man stopped and a big brick fell right in front of him. The man was astonished.
He went on, and after awhile he was going to cross the road. Once again the voice shouted: "Stop! Stand still! If you take one more step a car will run over you and you will die." The man did as he was instructed, just as a car came careening around the corner, barely missing him.
"Where are you?" the man asked. "Who are you?"
"I am your guardian angel," the voice answered.
"Oh yeah?" the man asked. "And where the hell were you when I got married?"

|||

Sometimes women are overly suspicious of their husbands. When Adam stayed out very late for a few nights, Eve became upset.
"You're running around with other women," she charged.
"You're being unreasonable," Adam responded. "You're the only woman on earth."
The quarrel continued until Adam fell asleep, only to be awakened by someone poking him in the chest. It was Eve.
"What do you think you're doing?" Adam demanded.
"Counting your ribs!"

|||

Q: How can you tell if your wife is dead?

A: The sex is the same but the dishes pile up.

|||

Q: How many men does it take to open a beer?

A: None. It should be opened by the time she brings it.[/SIZE]

[SunfallE]

[COLOR="goldenrod"][FONT="Comic Sans MS"]^ Those last two Gavin... Mean! :p Just for that I found these jokes for you. Though you'll probably laugh at them Heh.


[CENTER][B][SIZE="5"]You know you're a redneck jedi when...[/SIZE][/B][/CENTER]

· You hear . . . "Luke, I am your father... and your uncle..."
· You ever said the phrase, "May the force be with y'all."
· Your Jedi robe is camouflage.
· You have ever used your light saber to open a bottle of Bud Light.
· At least one wing of your X-Wings is primer colored.
· You can easily describe the taste of an Ewok.
· You have ever had a land-speeder up on blocks in your yard.
· The worst part of spending time on Dagobah is the dadgum skeeters.
· Wookiees are offended by your B.O.
· You have ever used the force to get yourself another beer so you didn't have to wait for a commercial.
· You have ever used the force in conjunction with fishing or bowling.
· You have ever had your R-2 unit use its self-defense electro-shock thingy to get the barbecue grill to light up.
· You have a confederate flag painted on the hood of your land-speeder.
· You ever fantasized about Princess Leia wearing Daisy Duke shorts.
· You have the doors of your X-wing welded shut and you have to get in through the window.
· Although you had to kill him, you kinda thought that Jabba the Hutt had a pretty good handle on how to treat his women.
· You have a cousin who bears a strong resemblance to Chewbacca.
· You suggested that they outfit the Millennium Falcon with redwood deck.
· You were the only person drinking Jack Daniels during the cantina scene.
· Your father has ever said to you, "Shoot, son come on over to the dark side...it'll be a hoot."[/FONT][/COLOR]

[Gavin]

[quote name='SunfallE'][COLOR="goldenrod"][FONT="Comic Sans MS"]^ Those last two Gavin... Mean! :p Just for that I found these jokes for you. Though you'll probably laugh at them Heh."[/FONT][/COLOR][/QUOTE]

[size=1]Heh heh, call it payback for your Bermuda post Beth. :p And yes I did laugh at those jokes. My buddy also forwarded me the site he got the jokes off of, so I think I'll post a few more.

A wife woke of the middle of the night to find her husband missing from bed. She got out of bed and checked around the house. She heard sobbing from the basement.
After turning on the light and descending the stairs, she found he husband curled up into a little ball, sobbing. "Honey, what's wrong?" she asked, worried about what could hurt him so much.
"Remember, 20 years ago, I got you pregnant? And your father threatened me to marry you or to go to jail?"
"Yes, of course," she replied.
"Well, I would have been released tonight."

|||

1. The last fight we had was my fault. My wife asked, "What's on the TV?" I said, "Dust!"

2. In the beginning God created earth and rested. Then God created man and rested. Then God created woman. Since then neither God nor man has rested.

3. My wife and I are inseparable. In fact, last week it took four state troopers and a dog.

4. Do you know the punishment for bigamy? Two mother-in-laws.

5. Young son: Is it true, Dad, I heard that in some parts of Africa a man doesn't know his wife until he marries her? Dad: That happens in every country, son.

6. The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once.

7. How do most men define marriage? An expensive way to get laundry done for free.

8. If you want your wife to listen and pay undivided attention to every word you say, talk in your sleep.

9. Then there was a man who said, "I never knew what real happiness was until I got married; then it was too late."

10. Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they look beautiful.

|||

Q: Why are hurricanes normally named after women?

A: When they come they're wild and wet, but when they go they take your house and car with them.

|||

On a transatlantic flight, a plane passes through a severe storm. The turbulence is awful, and things go from bad to worse when one wing is struck by lightning.
One woman in particular loses it. Screaming, she stands up in front of the plane. "I'm too young to die!" she wails. "Well, if I'm going to die, I want my last minutes on Earth to be memorable! I've had plenty of sex in my life, but no one has ever made me really feel like a woman! Well I've had it! Is there ANYONE on this plane who can make me feel like a WOMAN??"
For a moment, there is silence. Everyone has forgotten their own peril, and they all stare, riveted, at the desperate woman in the front of the plane.
Then, a man stands up in the rear of the plane. "I can make you feel like a woman," he says.
He's gorgeous. Tall, built, with long, flowing black hair and jet black eyes, he starts to walk slowly up the aisle, unbuttoning his shirt one button at a time. No one moves.
The woman is breathing heavily in anticipation as the stranger approaches. He removes his shirt. Muscles ripple across his chest as he reaches her, and extends the arm holding his shirt to the trembling woman, and whispers:
"Iron this."

That last one is officially my favourite joke ever. :animesmil[/SIZE]

[Horendithas]

[COLOR="Indigo"]Number ten is totally true. Anyway... Here's a fun one that pokes fun at guys and women.

[CENTER][SIZE="1"]A brand new store has just opened in New York City that sells Husbands. When women go to choose a husband, they have to follow the instructions at the entrance:

"You may visit this store ONLY ONCE! There are 6 floors and the value of the products increase as you ascend the flights. You may choose any item from a particular floor, or may choose to go up to the next floor, but you CANNOT go back down except to exit the building?

So, a woman goes to the Husband Store to find a husband.

-The 1st floor sign on the door reads: Floor 1 - These men have jobs
-The 2nd floor sign reads: Floor 2 - These men Have Jobs and Love Kids.
-The 3rd floor sign reads: Floor 3 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids and are extremely good looking.

"Wow," she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going.

-She goes to the 4th floor and the sign reads: Floor 4 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Good Looking and Help with Housework.

"Oh, mercy me!" she exclaims, "I can hardly stand it!"

-Still, she goes to the 5th floor and sign reads: Floor 5 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Gorgeous, help with Housework and Have a Strong Romantic Streak.

She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the 6th floor and the sign reads:

-Floor 6 - You are visitor 31,456,012 to this floor. There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please. Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store.

To avoid gender bias charges, the store's owner opens a New Wives store just across the street.

-The 1st first floor has wives that love sex.
-The 2nd floor has wives that love sex and have money.

-The 3rd - 6th floors have never been visited[/SIZE].[/CENTER][/COLOR]

[Dragonmanm2]

[quote name='Allamorph'][FONT=Arial]As long as we don't start with Chuck Norris. 'Cause we already know he can divide by zero and he counted to infinity twice.


[COLOR="Blue"]I think you got Chuck Norris confused with David Carradine.

AND NOW FOR SOMETHING COMPLETELY DIFFERENT.

Q: What do you call two blondes standing next to each other?
A: A wind tunnel.

Q: Why is a beer better than a woman?
A: Because a beer won't get mad if you have another beer.

Q: What's ten feet tall, breathes fire, has bat wings, carries a battle axe, is green and scaly, and horns?
A: I have no idea, but I think you should run.

"KAMEHAMEHA!"

Dragonmanm2[/COLOR]

[The Spectacular Professor]

Boo, where did you get that joke? THAT'S MY FAMILY HEIRLOOM!
*Ahem*

Anyway, this is another one my dad never stops telling. Maybe you guys will like it more.

[B]The Duck and the Bartender[/B]

One day, a bartender is up to his usual business, cleaning mugs and breaking up rowdy customers, when a duck waddles through the door and hops up onto a stool.

"Excuse me," says the duck.

"Yes, may I help you?" asks the astonished bartender.

The duck is quick to reply. "Got any grapes?"

"No, I'm sorry," says the bartender.

The duck just gets up and leaves.

The next day, the duck comes back and, just like the day before, hops up on the stool, turns to the bartender and asks, "Got any grapes?"

"No, this is a bar," Says the bartender, watching the duck head for the door.

The next day, the exact same thing happens. This time however, the bartender is fed up.

"Got any grapes?"

"NO! WE HAVE NO GRAPES! THIS IS A BAR! WE HAVE NEVER HAD GRAPES AND WE NEVER WILL! IF YOU COME IN HERE ONE MORE TIME TO ASK ABOUT GRAPES, I'LL-I'LL NAIL YOUR BEAK TO THE BAR!!!!"

The next day, like clockwork, the duck arrives. However he now has a new question.

"Got any nails?"

"No," replies the confused bartender.

"Good! Got any grapes?"

[eleanor]

[font="trebuchet ms"]Sinx and e^x walked into a party. Everyone was having a good time except for e^x, and when sinx asked him why he was sitting alone at the bar, e^x said: "even when I try to integrate, nothing happens."

*brick'd*[/font]

[Tetra of sound]

Gavin! I wanna beat the ____ out of you so bad, you'll have no limbs AND be unable to hear, speak, see, and smell. It won't actually happen, though, because I ain't Chuck Norris. Seriously, all I can do is give purple nurples and the nutcracker(the name speaks for itself.). :animeswea Hehe! Oh well! I'm giving you something.

A rooster lays an egg on a roof. Which way will the egg roll?

I'll give you the answer later on.

[Allamorph]

[quote name='Dragonmanm2][COLOR="Blue"']I think you got Chuck Norris confused with David Carradine.[/COLOR][/quote]
[FONT=Arial]No, my friend, it is [I]you[/I] who are confused. Because when God said, "Let there be light," Chuck Norris said, "Say please."
[quote name='Lunox][font="trebuchet ms"']*brick'd*[/font][/quote]
Speaking of nerd-jokes:

One evening, C, E-flat, and G go into a bar. The bartender says: "Sorry, but we don't serve minors."

So E-flat leaves, and C and G have an open fifth between them. After a few drinks, the fifth is diminished and G is out flat.

F comes in, tries to augment the situation but isn't sharp enough.

D comes in and heads straight for the bathroom saying, " Excuse me, I'll just be a second."

Then A comes into the bar but the bartender isn't convinced that this relative of C isn't a minor.

He notices a B-flat hiding at the end of the bar and exclaims, "Get out, you're the 7th minor I've found here tonight."

The E-flat, not easily deflated, comes back the next night in a three-piece suit with nicely shined shoes. The bartender (who used to have a nice corporate job until his company downsized) says, "You're looking sharp tonight, come on in. This could be a major development."

...which proves to be the case, as the E-flat takes off the suit and everything else, and stands there [I]au natural[/I].

Eventually, C sobers up & realizes in horror that he's under a rest. The C is brought to trial, found guilty of contributing to the diminution of a minor, and sentenced to 10 years of da capo without coda at an upscale correctional facility.

On appeal, however, C is found innocent of any wrongdoing, even accidental, and that all accusations to the contrary are bassless.

The bartender decides, however, that since he's had only tenor so patrons, with the soprano out in the bathroom, and everything has become alto much treble, he needs a rest, and closes the bar.

[I][strike]*shot*[/strike][/I]
[I]*rim-shot*[/I][/FONT]

[Aberinkula]

[quote name='Tetra of sound']

A rooster lays an egg on a roof. Which way will the egg roll?
[/QUOTE]

[COLOR="DarkSlateGray"]Roosters don't lay eggs gunious.[/COLOR]

[Allamorph]

[quote name='Premonition][COLOR="DarkSlateGray"']Roosters don't lay eggs gunious.[/COLOR][/quote]
[FONT=arial]Isn't he great, folks! Let's give him a [I]big hand!![/I]



So there's these two muffins, right? And they're sitting in an oven baking, right? And one turns to the other and says: "Good L[SIZE="1"]ORD[/SIZE], it's hot in here!"

And the other says: "[I]AHH!![/I] A talking muffin!"

P.S.: genius :animesmil[/FONT]

[Aberinkula]

[COLOR="DarkSlateGray"]Your humor doesn't cease to amaze me Allamorph. :p

So Bill Gates and his girlfriend... that's the joke. >_>

[B]Life Advice:[/B] Never go to a docter whos plants have died.

[B]Girl[/B]: Mommy, Lucy broke my new doll!
[B]Mommy[/B]: How did Lucy do that?
[B]Girl[/B]: I hit her in the head with it.

So a man dies and goes to heaven, there he sees his aunt, his uncle and Jack the Ripper. [B]"Oh my god! Jack the Ripper, you're in heaven?"[/B]
Jack turned around and shrugged. [B]"I'm just as surprised as you are."[/B][/COLOR]

[Rachmaninoff]

Okay, time for some Lawyer jokes. XP

[B]
How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb?[/B]
"How many can you afford?"
It only takes one to change your bulb...to his.
[B]Two.[/B] One to change it and one to keep interrupting by standing up and shouting "Objection!"
[B]Three.[/B] One to do it and two to sue him for malpractice.
[B]Three.[/B] One to turn the bulb, one to shake him off the ladder, and the third to sue the ladder company.
[B]Three.[/B] One to sue the power company for insufficiently supplying power, or negligent failure to prevent the surge that made the bulb burn out in the first place, one to sue the electrician who wired the house, and one to sue the bulb manufacturers.
[B]Fifty four.[/B] Eight to argue, one to get a continuance, one to object, one to demur, two to research precedents, one to dictate a letter, one to stipulate, five to turn in their time cards, one to depose, one to write interrogatories, two to settle, one to order a secretary to change the bulb, and twenty-eight to bill for professional services.

[B]How many lawyers does it take to screw in a light bulb?[/B]
None, lawyers only screw us.

And finally, my favorite lawyer joke...
[B]
How can you tell if it's cold outside?[/B]
When a lawyer is walking down the street with his hands in his own pockets.

[Tetra of sound]

Premonition is correct! We have a winner!!!!

*Crowd cheers*

What did he win, folks?

[B]CROWD:[/B] NOTHING!!!

Thank you!!! Good night!!!

Here we go. Who is it? You get five clues.

[COLOR="Red"]1. Eggheads really scramble me up. Chew on that cholesterol, fatties.[/COLOR]

[COLOR="DarkOrange"]2. I'm not a drunk, but I sometimes - OK, a LOT of times - fall on my ***.[/COLOR]

[COLOR="SeaGreen"]3. My best bud's pretty fly... though he can't keep up with me.[/COLOR]

[COLOR="Blue"]4. I don't care much about cars - using your feet shouldn't be so far - fetched.[/COLOR]

[COLOR="DarkSlateBlue"]5. What's the fuss over the coveted One Ring? Looks like all the others.[/COLOR]

[B][COLOR="Magenta"]WHO IS IT?!?!?!?[/COLOR][/B]

Till next time.

[Illusion Knight]

A friend of mine e-mailed these to me, I thought they were great:

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A successful businessman flew to Vegas for the weekend to gamble. He lost the shirt off his back, and had nothing left but a quarter and the second half of his roundtrip ticket -- if he could just get to the airport he could get himself home.

So he went out to the front of the casino where there was a cab waiting. He got in and explained his situation to the cabbie. He promised to send the driver money from home, he offered him his credit card numbers, his drivers license number, his address, etc. but to no avail.

The cabbie said "If you don't have fifteen dollars, get the hell out of my cab!" So the businessman was forced to hitch hike to the airport and barely caught his flight.

One year later the businessman, having worked long and hard to regain his financial success, returned to Vegas and this time he won big. Feeling pretty good about himself, he went out to the front of the casino to get a cab ride back to the airport.

Well who should he see out there, at the end of a long line of cabs, but his old buddy who had refused to give him a ride when he was down on his luck.

The businessman thought for a moment about how he could make the guy pay for his lack of charity, and he hit on a plan. The businessman got in the first cab in the line, "How much for a ride to the airport?" he asked.

"Fifteen bucks," came the reply.

"And how much for you to give me a blowjob on the way?"

"What?! Get the hell out of my cab."

The businessman got into the back of each cab in the long line and asked the same questions, with the same result.

When he got to his old friend at the back of the line, he got in and asked "How much for a ride to the airport?" The cabbie replied "Fifteen bucks." The businessman said "Okay," and off they went.

Then, as they drove slowly past the long line of cabs the businessman gave a big smile and thumbs up sign to each driver.
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A woman got on a bus holding a baby.

The bus driver said: "That's the ugliest baby I've ever seen."

In a huff, the woman slammed her fare into the fare box and took an aisle seat near the rear of the bus.

The man seated next to her sensed that she was agitated and asked her what was wrong.

"The bus driver insulted me," she fumed.

The man sympathized and said: "Why, he's a public servant and shouldn't say things to insult passengers."

"You're right," she said. "I think I'll go back up there and give him a piece of my mind."

"That's a good idea," the man said. "Here, let me hold your monkey."
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George W. Bush and his veep running mate, Dick Cheney were talking, when George W. said, "I hate all the dumb George W. jokes people tell about me."

Wise Old Cheney, feeling sorry for his old boss kid, said sage-like, "Oh, they are only jokes. There are a lot of stupid people out there. Here, I'll prove it to you."

Now Cheney, to patronize George W, took him outside and hailed a taxi driver.

"Please take me to 29 Nickel Street to see if I'm home," said Cheney.

The cab driver without saying a word drove them to Nickel Street, and when they finally got out, Cheney looked at George W. and said, "See! That guy was really stupid."

"No kidding," replied George W. "There was a pay phone just around the corner. You could have called instead."
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Tired of his low approval ratings, President Clinton called up the head of the CIA and said, "I want your very best agent over here first thing in the morning."

Moments later, a call went out to the Middle East, and the most gifted American agent was headed back to Washington.

The next morning, the agent was escorted into the Oval Office. The President said, "I hear you're the best in the business. I can't trust what my staff tells me.

So I want you to visit every state in the union, every major city. I want you to stay out on the road until you have an idea of what the vast majority of Americans would like to see happen in the Oval Office. Understand?"

The CIA agent responded affirmatively. He left the White House and wasn't heard from for nearly four months. Finally, he showed up early on a Saturday morning, and the President saw him immediately.

The President said, "Did you find out what an overwhelming majority of Americans want done here in this office?"

"Yes, sir."

"Well, then, express the will of the people," Clinton ordered.

So the agent stood up, pulled out a gun, and shot him.
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Morris and his wife Esther went to the state fair every year,
and every year Morris would say, "Esther, I'd like to ride in that helicopter".
Esther always replied, "I know Morris, but that helicopter ride
is 50 dollars and 50 dollars is 50 dollars".

One year Esther and Morris went to the fair, and Morris said,
"Esther, I'm 85 years old. If I don't ride that helicopter, I
might never get another chance." Esther replied, "Morris that helicopter is 50
dollars and 50 dollars is 50 dollars".

The pilot overheard the couple and said, "Folks I'll make you a deal. I'll
take the both of you for a ride. If you can stay quiet for the entire ride
and not say a word I won't charge you! But if you say one word, it's 50
dollars."

Morris and Esther agreed and up they went. The pilot did all
kinds of fancy maneuvers, b ut not a word was heard. He did his daredevil
tricks over and over again, but still not a word. When they landed,
the pilot turned to Morris and said, "By golly, I did everything I could
to get you to yell out, but you didn't. I'm impressed!"

Morris replied, "Well, to tell you the truth, I almost said something when
Esther fell out, but you know -- 50 dollars is 50 dollars."