More boyfriend/girlfriend advice wanted

[Roxie Faye]

[color=#9933ff]For all the mad-crazy crushes and near-obsessions I've had with various boys in my life, I've never actually been TRULY interested in any of them.

I love the [b]idea[/b] of having a boyfriend (dating, kissing, making out), but not actually having one. I've never wanted to really get to know a guy, never wanted to know everything about him, listen to his problems, cheer him up on that rare time he's upset, stuff like that.

The thing is, I mean, I want to know all that stuff about my friends (guy and girl friends), and I want to help them. But I don't really want to have a boyfriend like the way I mentioned, and I feel like I never will, ever. I hope that will change, but I just can't envision myself ever wanting to get to know someone like that.

Has something like this ever happened to you? Is it an absolute requirement to [b]truly[/b] care for someone (the way I described), to be in a relationship?[/color]

[Andrew]

[quote name='MistressRoxie'][color=#9933ff]...Is it an absolute requirement to [b]truly[/b] care for someone (the way I described), to be in a relationship?[/color][/QUOTE]

[size=1]Absolutely not! Well, I wouldn't put myself in a relationship like that but there's plenty of people I know who have relationships [I]just for[/I] the very things you mentioned as well as the sex. I've known so many friends to get out and cheat on their other half on a night out and then go home and get it on there too!

Personally that kinda seems like a really bad thing to do in my opinion. I've only had one major relationship in my life but it's one of the greatest feelings in the world to know how someone works, inside and out and to be that close with one deserving person.

So, yeah, you can have a relationship like that, quite easily since half (if not more) of the population of the planet have relationships like that, although I don't condone such a relationship.[/size]

[Sandy]

I don't get it. Are you saying you don't want to be friends with your future boyfriend? Then what [I]do[/I] you want from him (besides the physical aspect)?

To me it sounds you're just not ready for a relationship. Or maybe you've just lost all hope in finding a suitable man to actually care about. Or maybe you're a lesbian after all (well, you never know!).

Of course you [I]can[/I] have a relationship without the emotional bond, but that'd be one crappy relationship to be in for both of you, I'd say.

Give it time, Roxie. You will find your soulmate (be it a boy or a girl) eventually if you just keep your eyes and mind open. ;D

[Boo]

[quote name='Sandy']I don't get it. Are you saying you don't want to be friends with your future boyfriend? Then what [I]do[/I] you want from him (besides the physical aspect)?

To me it sounds you're just not ready for a relationship. Or maybe you've just lost all hope in finding a suitable man to actually care about. Or maybe you're a lesbian after all (well, you never know!).

Of course you [I]can[/I] have a relationship without the emotional bond, but that'd be one crappy relationship to be in for both of you, I'd say.[/QUOTE][size=1]Might as well shoot me, I agree with Sandy.

Hm. Sounds like a catchy song. [/size]

[Retribution]

[IMG]http://i5.photobucket.com/albums/y170/retri_trib/relationshipdiagram-1.jpg[/IMG]

[font=Arial]So what if the image is only vaguely applicable to this instance. :p

On a more serious note, don't feel compelled to get a boyfriend based on mere principle. I would agree with everyone else in saying that a meaningful relationship is based in a thorough understanding of the other person, as well as an emotional attraction.[/font]

[Roxie Faye]

[quote name='Sandy']I don't get it. Are you saying you don't want to be friends with your future boyfriend? Then what [I]do[/I] you want from him (besides the physical aspect)?[/quote]
[color=#9933ff]You know? It's a good question. It's not that I don't want to be friends with some future boyfriend of mine. I guess it's that I find the concept [b]of[/b] being friends with a boyfriend really bizarre. When I think of boyfriend, I only think of the annoying obnoxious things like holding hands and cuddling and being mushy, or kissing and making out. I never really think of the mental/conversational aspect of it. I dunno, it's just hard for me to connect the concept of friend + romance = boyfriend. O_o; I hope I do get there eventually, though, lol. [/color]

[quote name='Sandy']To me it sounds you're just not ready for a relationship. Or maybe you've just lost all hope in finding a suitable man to actually care about. Or maybe you're a lesbian after all (well, you never know!).[/quote]
[color=#9933ff]I think you hit the nail on the head for me. You've brought it to a perspective where I realize that no, I'm not ready for a relationship. Thanks for all the help. (but man do I ever wish I was a lesbian, I think that would make my problems ten times easier)

Incidentally, I met this guy at college who is also from Finland. He's also available - are you? lol, j/k If you just want to talk to him though, let me know your MSN/AIM handle. I'm sure he'd be glad to chat with you - I think he's a little homesick for Finland (he was so excited last week when my indie goth loli mag had an article about Finland in it, lol).

And Retri - love the image. :P[/color]

[Charles]

[quote name='Sandy']Or maybe you're a lesbian after all (well, you never know!).[/QUOTE]

Lesbian? What? Where?

Suddenly my interest in this thread has peaked.

[2010DigitalBoy]

[quote name='Charles']Lesbian? What? Where?

Suddenly my interest in this thread has peaked.[/QUOTE]

[COLOR="DarkOrange"]Is it bad that that's [i]exactly[/i] what I was thinking?!

Also, that chart is stupid. The zone of pain and dating zone should be laced tight. [/COLOR]

[Korey]

Hmmmm...well it seems that you are at a point where you aren't really ready to get intimate (not in the sexual sense, mind you) with any guy right now. You want to have male friends, but you aren't ready for the personal part of the relationship. Don't worry about it being bad or anything like that, it's a part of living. I've went through that phase as well. For right now, I would adivse staying close to your original group of friends and have fun with them.

As far as truly caring about being in a relationship....ummm...there have been plenty of relationships where 'care' isn't a part of it. All they are is friends with benefits. It's a total physical thing. I personally believe that a relationship needs to be more than physical attraction because otherwise it self destructs very quickly, almost as quickly as it begins. So just be patient and wait for your special someone. They may be closer than you think.... O_O

[Aberinkula]

[COLOR="Olive"]Everything was blah, blah, blah, until I heard Sandy say "lesbian." Like DB and Charles, my interest is peaked.

One of my old loce interests is like a sister to me, and she's kissed me on the cheek before. A sibling kiss too. That was last year before she went back out with her boyfriend.[/COLOR]

[The13thMan]

[COLOR=DarkOrange][FONT=Century Gothic]My only word of advice is just not to do anything that would hurt another person. If you're in a relationship just for the sex, then make sure the other person doesn't get too close or you could really hurt him/her. If you're both in it just for the sex, then let the good times roll!

As long as you're young, don't worry too much. =D

Later.
[/FONT][/COLOR]

[Rachmaninoff]

[quote name='MistressRoxie'][color=#9933ff](but man do I ever wish I was a lesbian, I think that would make my problems ten times easier)[/color][/QUOTE]If your not ready for knowing a guy better, what makes you think knowing a woman would be easier? It's the same deal really, getting to know them, understanding their problems, etc. I think the only way this would apply is if you really are into women more than men, so having that kind of connection with a guy just doesn't work. Because it's not your thing. Otherwise... just make sure you're not leading someone on.

Also, if you really want a more meaningful relationship you might want to try seeing if there is something keeping you from getting there. It could be that you're just not ready for it yet, you haven't found the right person, or you've got some fear that's keeping you from going any further. Or the timing is off, some guys or in my case women, even though the dating is fun, it's apparent immediately that you're not really interested in getting to know each other more.

It's hard to put in words, but when you date someone who interests you more... For me it just happened. It moved into the caring about what was going on beyond the initial dating bit almost on it's own. In the end I think it's pretty normal to not be interested in wanting to get more in depth in a relationship, if only because it's not that easy to find someone who truly interests you.

[Roxie Faye]

[quote name='Rachmaninoff']If your not ready for knowing a guy better, what makes you think knowing a woman would be easier?[/quote]
[color=#9933ff]Mostly I was jesting, but guys often say that women are a mystery and that they can't figure us out. But for me, even though people often say men are much simpler to figure out, I [u]still[/u] don't understand them at all. ...Boys have cooties... j/k :p[/color]

[quote name='Rachmaninoff']Also, if you really want a more meaningful relationship you might want to try seeing if there is something keeping you from getting there. It could be that you're just not ready for it yet, you haven't found the right person, or you've got some fear that's keeping you from going any further. Or the timing is off, some guys or in my case women, even though the dating is fun, it's apparent immediately that you're not really interested in getting to know each other more.

It's hard to put in words, but when you date someone who interests you more... For me it just happened. It moved into the caring about what was going on beyond the initial dating bit almost on it's own. [b]In the end I think it's pretty normal to not be interested in wanting to get more in depth in a relationship, if only because it's not that easy to find someone who truly interests you.[/b][/QUOTE]
[color=#9933ff]*blinks* Actually, that makes a lot of sense to me. (And it also makes me feel like less of a freak.) I do remember, though, that among the reasons I decided not to continue going out with this one guy a while ago was that in the end, I really wasn't interested in him or what he had to say. I didn't like his taste in music or movies or religious views or social views or political views. So you're right - finding someone with whom you share interests is half the battle. I think I've known that somewhere subconciously, but never put it into words like you did. Thanks for the advice. =)[/color]

[Horendithas]

[COLOR="Indigo"][quote name='MistressRoxie'][color=#9933ff] Is it an absolute requirement to [b]truly[/b] care for someone (the way I described), to be in a relationship?[/color][/QUOTE]No, and for the same reasons others have mentioned. Finding someone who interests you enough to want to know more isn't exactly easy. I've have very few relationships that got to that level. Most, if not all, of my relationships have ended up being nothing more than just having fun. Though those types don't last long because after a while they do get kind of boring. I mean it's not fun when your date is only interested in talking about football or hockey. Especially when you're not into those sports.

I agree with Rach on this, usually it does sort of just happen. You'll start dating someone out of initial attraction and then as time goes on you'll find that you have similar interests and tastes. Sometimes that translates into wanting to know more and sometimes it doesn't. I wouldn't give up on it. It's just not that easy to find someone you really do get along with. [/COLOR]

[Yono]

I think you're just thinking way to hard.... XD You've obviously watched to much t.v.. :animesmil

Holding hands and all that mush.

A relationship can be whatever you make it.

Though, some emotional attachment may be good.

For example, when you feel you're worst you've got someone to understand and help you out.

Don't want to sound mean or anything... But you kind of sound like a cold person. But then again you don't have to know every single thing about a person and all that crap.

Like others have said you probably just not ready for a serious relationship.

[Roxie Faye]

[color=#9933ff]Nah, not cold, just confused. You obviously just don't know me that well.[/color]

[Allamorph]

[quote name='Yono']Don't want to sound mean or anything... But you kind of sound like a cold person[/quote]
[FONT=Arial]Naw, I've talked with her a smidge...and if anybody's cold, it's me.

And I'm a right friendly guy. :p[/FONT]

[SunfallE]

[COLOR="RoyalBlue"][FONT="Lucida Sans Unicode"][quote name='MistressRoxie'][color=#9933ff]Nah, not cold, just confused. You obviously just don't know me that well.[/color][/QUOTE]Definitely not cold and I wouldn't say confused either. For one thing, it's to easy to pretend there is interest when there really isn't any. I honestly think that gets people into trouble more than anything since they think they [I]should [/I]care about getting to know their date more.

I run into the same thing when it comes to dating and marriage. When it comes to being more serious... I have no interest at all since most if not all of the guys I've dated ended up being someone I just didn't connect to on that level.

I don't think it means it can't or won't happen or that your indifferent, rather I think it's that your smart enough to realize that love or interest is more than initial attraction. I've only had a few guys where I wanted to know more, the rest, it just wasn't there.

So I'll say I have no interest because honestly, most of the time I really don't. It's not that I intend to stay single, but rather I've made up my mind to take things as they come instead of trying to force it. [/FONT][/COLOR]

[JCBaggee]

[color=darkred][size=1]I can assure you all, Roxie is anything [i]but[/i] a lesbian.

It sounds like yer in the same boat I'm in dear. A lot of loneliness coupled with your own insecurities and the fact that all the people around you are idiots.

Or, in my case, drug addled, alcohol chugging idiots.

--Chris[/color][/size]

[Roxie Faye]

[color=#9933ff]Aww. Thank you, Chris. *hugs* ^_^[/color]