Writing Random Thoughts: Dream [E]

[Boo]

[size=1]Okay, just some random thoughts that I typed down so I finally had an entry for my livejournal, but I actually like how it came out. It's loaded with references to happy personal experiences.

Enjoy. :)

[indent][b]Dreaming[/b]

I dream

I dream everything

I dream everything together

I dream everything apart

I dream everything

I dream about borders

I dream about wings

I dream about balloons

I dream about chocolate,
pancakes,
stroopwafels
and speculaas
far too early in the year

I dream about movies,
grapes,
strawberryflavour
and loads of candy
that never hurts your teeth

I dream about fireworks,
music
and dragonboats
without the ugly vikings on them

I dream about aircastles
like everyone else does
but mine are prettier

I dream about fairytales
of which I don't care
that they are fake

because fairytales are real

I dream about green elephants
whose trunks are entangled
and spout water over each other

because they like it
- like they should

I dream about stars,
comets,
moons,
planets
and milkyways I have never seen
but have walked so many times

because it's our terrain

I dream about clocks
that spin too fast
but spin slowly for me

because I love the world
and the world loves me

I dream about eyes
green as that French river
- like my mother describes them -
that look into the most beautiful eyes
in the whole world


Am I dreaming?
Then let me wake up naturally
and then I'll see where I woke up[/indent]

That was it. First time I actually used weird spacing in a poem, mind you.
[/size]

[Allamorph]

[FONT=Arial]Weird spacing? Bosh. I see no weird spacing. I see well-communicated thought and time breaks constructed from the creative use of spacing.

I enjoyed reading "Dreaming". I liked how you had the line breaks fall in the middle of a thought, and how you tied everything back to the opening line/stanza/two words. I was caught a little off guard by [I]"I dream everything on a pile"[/I], though. Not too sure where you went with that. :animesmil

I wonder if you repeated the [I]"I dream...."[/I] tag a bit much, but I can't decide. I don't think it really hurts anything, it just seems a bit quick to me. (And that comes from Mr. Verbosity, so take that as you will. :p)

I don't know what else to comment on, since poetry isn't exactly my specialty. It just didn't feel right not to say anything at all, and I [I]did[/I] enjoy it.

Well wishes on future endeavors.

-A[/FONT]

[Boo]

[quote name='Allamorph'][FONT=Arial]I enjoyed reading "Dreaming". I liked how you had the line breaks fall in the middle of a thought, and how you tied everything back to the opening line/stanza/two words. I was caught a little off guard by [I]"I dream everything on a pile"[/I], though. Not too sure where you went with that. :animesmil[/FONT][/QUOTE]
[size=1]Oh yes, sorry about the pile thing. It's dutch translated rather directly. I guess I'll take it out, as well as add an 's' to border[b]s[/b]. :P

But thankyous very much![/size]

[Allamorph]

[quote name='Boo][size=1']Oh yes, sorry about the pile thing. It's dutch translated rather directly.[/size][/quote]
[FONT=Arial]And that means it's automatically bad? I'm sure there's a more accurate translation for it. (Idiomatic, perhaps?) I mean, I knew it was there for a reason; I just wasn't following, is all.[/FONT]

[Vicky]

[SIZE=1](The Anthology [i]totally[/i] needs more posts)

I liked it. It's hard to come across cleverly crafted poetry that isn't focused on doom and gloom - damn emo kids - and this one has a nice feeling to it. It flows really well, and I'd have to disagree with Allamorph; I think the repitition of 'I dream' wasn't overused, but maybe that's me just disgareeing with Allamorph for the sake of it =p.

The 'weird spacing', as you called it, seemed to work as well.

The structure is pretty neat as well, though I'm not entirely sure how to describe it. Well, I suppose I don't need to, since you wrote it you already know what the structure is like, haha. Like I've said many times before, I'm no critic, so I don't have anything negative to say.

Very cleverly crafted, especially for random thoughts =)[/SIZE]

[Mr. Maul]

[quote=Boo]I dream about aircastles
like everyone else does
[B]but mine are prettier[/B][/quote]

[FONT=Verdana][SIZE=1][COLOR=dimgray]Brilliant.[/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT]