Discuss The Chopper: Where Ideas are Judged

[Aberinkula]

[COLOR="77656"] [CENTER][IMG]http://i141.photobucket.com/albums/r43/atomic_sorcerer/NEW.jpg[/IMG][/CENTER]

Welcome to The Chopper. Here I will post three of my past RPG's. I will let the members decide which RPG I will re-do. So here are three of my past ideas that never really made an impact.

[B][U][CENTER]THE CERBERUS ERA[/CENTER][/U][/B]

[QUOTE]As earth faded away the last years grew dominat and blood was the only goal for most.

A world where nothing exists and everything appears existant is confusing. Knowing what it trully is scares them. A creature exists to feed them. An angel exists to kill them. What is 'Them" you ask. Nobody trully knows but it will become clear.

just imagine a world without love or hate. Happy or sad. Malice and despair. They do and they have to live with it. These creatures are called humans. They will soon come to deal with the fact that, their world is falling apart.

The story begins with an event that changed earth. The apocalypse. In the year 2666 an atomic missle was sent to destroy a meteor. It hit the moon instead.A piece of the moon hit the meteor. But the moon soon fell onto earth. Pieces destroyed cities and left the planet devastated. More destruction was caused from chunks of the meteor. people died. But not many. a place in the eastern continents grew inhabited, by "them". But these people are normal humans exept one thing. No emotions. Well hate and happy, love and sadness are still left. All the others are out.

This area consists of 4 continents. Africa, Asia, Europe, and Australia. Each one with 5 tribes. Somehow able to rebuild, the people prospered. But their memories were drained. Now the planet is stuck in an era different than any other. The Cerberus era. the reason for the name is only known by the 4 grand tribes. these tribes made the cerburus era come true. But a few years later the grand tribe of Australia was taken out of the picture. Giving true name to the cerburus era.[/QUOTE]

This idea never really went anywhere, butit was one of my favorite concepts. Ithas BIG flaws, but if I redo it, it will be much better.

[B][U][CENTER]CURSED LANDS: SLUMBER OF ANCIENT EARTH[/CENTER][/U][/B]

[QUOTE]This Earth or ?Atlas?, was falling under despair. It seemed as if the planet was crying. People were believing that the ?Apocalypse? was drawing near. Yet, little did they know it wasn?t Armageddon. The planet was losing its power. For you see, this earth isn?t anything like ours. Atlas is dependent on a magical core. Their planet?s core is made of a mystical material knows as Xandamite. Xandamite has been drilled from the planet, making Atlas start to die. But the people on the surface don?t know that it?s killing the planet.

Also they are unaware that the planet?s leading company for Xandamite drilling, Zangra is using it to create a super warrior. Not only are they a company but the president of the world Hiabata Zangra is the company?s creator. So far he?s committed crimes against humanity. Secretly. But just recently word got out that the Xandamite drilling is killing the planet. Currently protests have stopped. But one organization is trying to stop it. Requiem is a secret resistance consisting of only 10 members.

One of the newest members, Alvash codename: Zero has just joined after quitting the president?s company. The resistance?s leader, Ezekiel codename: The Tesla has decided to take their plans further. His next plan is to attack the drill within sector 3, district 5. This is where the story starts.

Alvash looked around after being let off the bus. His comrades, Louise and Jerry were standing at the drill?s gate. ?So this is the 5th district drill, eh?? Alvash asked through his handkerchief. Jerry nodded. ?Yes it is. Plus this our first drill to take down. Personally I thought we would have disbanded a month ago.? Alvash turned back to see Ezekiel get off the bus. ?Damn fools, always asking for bus fare to get out! Why?d the bastards past a law that you have to pay to get off, the bus. Pathetic!?

Alvash entered the door with the others. As he entered he saw an amazing site. the drill. He may have worked for Zandra but he was just a secretary. ?A beauty, right? Heh not for long!? Ezekial chuckled. Alvash looked up and down the structure then proceeded on.
[/QUOTE]

This went off, but only had 3 posts. It was a story with Final Fantasy-esque themes, which I loved. Some notible people joined too, Tekkaman, Allamorph and dodeca.

[B][U][CENTER]THE MELODY OF CHAOS[/CENTER][/U][/B]

[QUOTE]Many years ago 7 elders created a magic. Only few could use it. After crimes such as murder, theft, and destruction. The magic was sealed away. Yet, 100 years later their grandchildren unsealed the magic. But as before the magic was abused. So six demigods were born to stop this magic. Each one harboring two elements.

Fire and Death.
Water and Despair.
Earth and Anger.
Air and Hatred.
Ice and Ruin.
Lightning and Disease.

Each one killed a grandchild. But one was left. So the last grandchild decided to seal himself away, along with his magic. He foretold that generations later, a foolish mortal would bring back the chaos he put asleep. But while the demigods were out murdering the other 6, a new magic was formed within the darkness of the void.

Now the year is 2039. And a mad man, who researched the magic, has brought the darkness back.

But two groups of people are trying the keep the magic sealed. Alpha Afflictus and Omega Strain. Once a big group now they are enemies.

But the good magic or pure magic was seeping from the gates of the void. Now children born in the years of 2021-25 were blessed with this pure power.
Yet the six demigods have returned as well.

Ifrit of Fire.
Leviatheen of water.
Elephantus of earth.
Breeya of air.
Chillus of ice.
And Thundress of Lightning.

?The story shall unfold.[/QUOTE]

Out of all three, this one saw more success. owever, it was ruined after Inuyasha_Fandom commanded the front.

So which one should I redo? If I redid them, would you join? Discuss.[/COLOR]

[Allamorph]

[FONT=Arial]I don't remember seeing The Cerberus Era before, or else I may have skipped over it, but the other two I remember. And I stand by my earlier statement: your concepts would go very well on a Sony platform. Hone your writing skills more and you might look at a career as a video game storyboard writer. :animesmil


From where I stand, all three could use a good bit of work. I [I]would[/I] like to see one in particular possibly come back, but I wouldn't worry about cranking one out right away; right now I'm going to give you my thoughts on each one. (Don't worry — it'll be quick.)[/FONT]


[CENTER][B]THE CERBERUS ERA[/B][/CENTER]
[FONT=Arial]This one seems skeletal, to be honest. The timeline given didn't really make much sense other than to say [I]"this happened, and this happened, and...,"[/I] which doesn't help matters much; a lot of the intro was rather ambiguous; and the intended plot in general was extremely confusing and difficult to pull out of the text, which means that most people probably won't have much of a clue where you want to go with this one, or even what you want to do in the first place. Basically, it feels like I'm reading your notes instead of an actual finished concept, and the story doesn't speak to me. If you were going to reuse this one, you'd need to do a lot of figuring-out.[/font]


[CENTER][B]CURSED LANDS[/B][/CENTER]
[FONT=Arial]Of the three, I like this one the most. It may be similar to one of the FinalFantasy storylines, but since I've yet to play one (arrgh), I really don't mind.

I think part of what drew me in last time was the combination of the intro [I]and[/I] the sign-up sheet. I'd have to go back and find the thread to make sure, but I feel like there was some information on your sheet, or at least in your OOC section, that lent some more clarity to the RP. (If it means anything, I've still got [I]my[/I] sheet archived somewheres about. I liked that character.) I do know that this RP involved the use of some form of magic, which is a key part of the concept, I believe, and which you neglected to mention in your intro.

CL was definitely the most laid-out of the three; that said, it's still in need of a healthy touching-up before you should try running with it again.[/FONT]


[CENTER][B]THE MELODY OF CHAOS[/B][/CENTER]
[FONT=Arial]This one interested me as well, but I think it was more because I saw the glimmer of direction in it and wanted to figure it out. Obviously I failed, which is why I never tried to craft anyone for it.

It, too, seems more cohesive than did [U]Cerberus[/U], but I still felt like I was looking at notes, and some of your content seemed very loosely connected, with little reasoning behind it. Essentially, what you tossed out for [U]Chaos[/U] was just disjointed enough that I couldn't actually tell you whether or not to try it again. I think you might have something to it, but there isn't enough material for me to tell.


[CENTER]---------------------[/CENTER]

Your main problem, I feel, is that you have too little information, and sometimes too much of the wrong information. To show what I mean, let's look at the beginning of [U]Chaos[/U].

[QUOTE][I]Many years ago[COLOR="Red"][B],[/B][/COLOR] 7 elders created a magic.[/I][/QUOTE]
That's really vague. What kind of magic was it? What was the intent of the elders who created it? Was the process difficult? Is the art they used lost? You can do so much more with just this idea right here. Expand.

[QUOTE][I]Only few could use it.[/I][/QUOTE]
Again, why? What were the qualifications for the use of magic? Bloodlines? Intelligence? Will power? Certain types of life forces? Random selection?

[QUOTE][I]After crimes such as murder, theft, and destruction[COLOR="Red"][B], [t][/B][/COLOR]he magic was sealed away.[/I][/QUOTE]
Okay. Still a little sketchy, but it works. You could still expand on that concept, though. I mean, logically these crimes probably involved the use of magic, else it wouldn't have been sealed, but say so. Otherwise, it may end up looking like the elders just sealed it up for the devil of it and used the high crime rate as a convenient scapegoat. :p (I'm also assuming it [I]was[/I] the same elders who made with the sealing....which begs another question: why were they "elders"?)

[QUOTE][I]Yet, 100 years later their grandchildren unsealed the magic.[/I][/QUOTE]
Just for a lark? :p
[INDENT][I]"Hey Johnny! Let's go unseal ole' Gramps' magic!"[/I][/INDENT]
Was the known world in some kind of dire need? Were these descendants lusting for power? Was it an accident bred from insatiable curiosity?

[QUOTE][I]But as before the magic was abused. [/I][/QUOTE]
Gasp.



Sorry. Couldn't resist.

That's also not bad by itself, but you could still elaborate on the who and why.

[QUOTE][I]So six demigods were born to stop this magic. [/I][/QUOTE]
Wait. [I]What!?![/I] Why?

More importantly, by whom? The descendants who erred? The spirits of the elders? The spirit of the Earth? Whatever gods might happen to exist in this universe?

[QUOTE][I]Each one harbor[COLOR="Red"][B][ed][/B][/COLOR] two elements.[/I][/QUOTE]
Okay, I'll buy that. Still, what for? And why that particular pairing? (It's kinda morbid....)

I could go on, but I think you get the idea. Basically, you have good concepts inside your head, but you're not really pulling enough of them out to merit a well-received RP.

Hope that helps.

-A[/FONT]

[Aberinkula]

[COLOR="77656"]Actually my original job idea was to become a story writter for video games, possibly Square Enix. But thanks for the input. I wanted to re-do Cursed Lands, but I decided to ask about the three. My projects seem to get off the ground than fall soon after, which bugs the HELL oughta me.

Thanks for your input as always, Allamorph, you help me a lot... a lot.

With Cursed Lands, I didn't see the similarities between it and FF7 until after I made it. The Cerberus Era was a filler between the time of The Keyblade War: Academy, which actually had a redux of it's on. As for Chaos, the story was going to go onto an apocalyptic theme.

So right now I'm decided if I should redo Cursed Lands.[/COLOR]