So How Honest Are You?

[Rachmaninoff]

It?s a tricky question right? What do you lie about and what do you not lie about. Just what prompts you to be dishonest and what prompts you to be honest. In other words, where do you draw the line? Do you always tell the truth? After all we often use white lies when being truthful isn?t always necessary. Like pretending someone?s cooking isn?t as bad as it really is [[SIZE="1"]well unless it?s mine since I suck at cooking[/SIZE]] or telling someone that they look good in a new shirt even though the color is hideous. XP

I tend to be pretty honest since it just seems pointless to lie about things, I hardly ever tell a white lie either. Though it helps that my girlfriend [I]is[/I] a good cook so there is no need to lie. lol Anyway? So what?s your take on this? is it okay to lie sometimes or would you say it?s wrong to lie at all?

The few times I have told those white lies, it?s always been over something I consider trivial and not worth it since I?d rather not hurt someone?s feelings over say a dinner being slightly dried out or the color of their shirt being one I don?t like. Though I suppose one could argue that such things would be trivial enough that even the person involved shouldn?t take them so seriously.

But I?ve never lied to someone I care about when it was something important since at that point I think being honest is better and avoids trouble down the road. Anyway? so where exactly do you fall? For myself I?d say I fall closer to the being totally honest end of the spectrum. Hell I won?t even lie to keep friends out of trouble when they?ve done something really stupid.

[James]

[font=franklin gothic medium]When it comes to white lies (such as complimenting cooking or whatever), I think it can be a mixed bag. For example, a white lie might make the person feel better, but sometimes you can be constructive and honest at the same time.

For instance, if I was helping someone with homework and they were doing badly, I might not say "You're doing really badly". I might just say "Have you tried this approach?" or something like that.

The same is true with artwork. I will never really say that someone's art is bad (especially because I know there are a million people who are better at art than I am). However if I can see promise in the art I might make some suggestions about how to further improve it, while also focusing on the positives.

In terms of lying in general...well, I try to be pretty honest. Again this isn't for some kind of moral reason as such, it's more because lying is often pointless. If I don't like someone and they're bugging me, I'll usually make it clear to them that they're bugging me (at least if it's a significant enough problem). There's no point lying to spare someone's feelings if you're miserable.

I mean, sometimes when I tell people that I can apply whatever rules I like on my own site, I get accused of being arrogant. But I don't think it's arrogance, I think I'm just telling the truth.

I could sit there and come up with some stupid, convoluted reason for deleting someone's post or blocking something from the site.

In the end that's an insult to everyone's intelligence. It's easier - and better - for me to just point out that ultimately I can set the standard for what I expect on the site. And in turn, I would never complain about others doing that on their own sites.

So yeah, with a lot of things like that, I just tend to be honest because I think it's the most reasonable way to approach things.

As for the more complex moral issues - like covering for a friend or whatever - I think it totally depends on the circumstances. It's very hard for me to make a general statement about that.[/font]

[Retribution]

[font=Arial]Quick post before I head to sleep.

Lying is absolutely acceptable in many cases. Generally, if the intent of deception is for good (not of your own) then it is acceptable. Here's an example: An infant refuses to take a medicine because it hates the taste, however it is absolutely necessary to take if the baby is to survive. The mother slips the medicine into her breast milk to mask the taste, thus deceiving her child, but her child is also saved through this. I think Plato called this a noble lie.

Other times it's alright to lie:
- When a social faux pas will result if you tell the truth (i.e. "your cooking is terrible")
- When the lie will not deal any damage (i.e. don't say "No, I didn't steal it, she did")
- When preserving your own social standing can be done with a non-damaging lie (i.e. "No, of course I don't hate your brother")
- When the lie will deal less damage than the truth... in a sense, this is damage control (i.e. "I'm just not looking for a relationship right now" instead of "Get away from me, you're gross")
- Or whenever you deem socially expedient (jk... kinda)

Generally I keep away from too many white lies. If I were to always say "Oh yeah, I love that band too!" people would accumulate a false picture of who I am while I am solely trying to gain friends. In order to preserve these lies, you have to start living a false lie, or tell the truth, which might irreversibly alter your "friends" mental picture of you.

Although I definitely have told some major lies. The trick with those is that you have to use them very sparingly, and come up with good back story to support them. If you tell an extremely intricate lie, you're bound to contradict yourself somewhere. So when my mother asks why I smell like pot, I tell her:
"I had to ride in the car with [insert name], who turns out to be a stoner, and he was smoking up in the car. When we got out at Burger King for food, we talked him into extinguishing the thing since [insert name] has asthma."
There's enough detail to make it believable (compare with: "Uh, this guy I was hanging out with was smoking near me"), yet the details are all throw-away and nondescript.

Erm, exercise good judgment, kids. Or something like that.[/font]

[AzureWolf]

I do what James does, basically: tell the truth or just omit the parts that I'd rather not say. The only downside to this approach is when someone thinks you implied just what you were trying to avoid saying. "But you said my cooking is great" "No, I only said it was better than last time"

I used to lie a great deal when I was in elementary school, playing the good boy and being more sinister than you can imagine, but I turned a new leaf for no particular reason afterwards. As far as I know, I don't lie. Doesn't mean I won't do it if I need to, but yeah...

[Nerdsy]

[color=deeppink]I only tell the truth. However, my twin brother only tells lies.[/color]

[Starwind]

I'm not good with white lies. Or any lies in general. Those who know me know that even if I try to lie, I'm a terrible liar, so I simply try to honest as often as I can. Sadly, this leads me to be a little brutally honest at times. This explains my rather small group of friends. I don't compliment food I don't like, if the music someone is listening to sucks I'm more then happy to tell them right to there face, if I don't want to do something I'll tell them I'm not going to do it and why. I just can't help myself sometimes. I know there are plenty of people here who know I can be a real jerk sometimes. I can't help it. It's part of who I am.

I can understand why it would be important to tell a couple of white lies to be nice or considerate. But I'm just a little to impulsive with my mouth. If asked my opinion I tend to say whatever is actually in my head, no matter how mean it might sound. In my life I have had to suffer the consquences of this impulsion many times. I've taken a few beatings for it, both physical and verbal depending on who I was talking to.

But hey, at least I'm honest. Which is more then I can say for some people I know. If you don't want to suffer at the wrath of my impulsion, don't ask for or let me express my opinion to you. This is only recommened to those with extremely tough skin.

[Ravenstorture]

[color="darkgreen"][font="garamond"]You know, a long time ago when I started using this damn font, it wasn't so small and hard to read. Resolution settings on computers have changed since then and i'm too damn stubborn to stop using it. Anyway, back on topic.

The only reason why people lie (ignoble intentions aside) is to avoid hurting someone. But I have found that you can always avoid hurting without resorting to lying. If you have have good intentions then there is no valid reason why someone could get upset with what you say to them, and if that's not the case, then it's probably something they need to hear.

If I was doing something wrong I'd like to know I was doing something wrong so I could fix it. Learning and growing is more important then social comfort and smiles. I appreciate complete and total honesty in friends and I DEMAND it in relationships.

If someone says something to me that hurts me either they are doing it to hurt me, or they are doing it to tell me something important, or they are doing it for some ****** up personal reason like to avoid their own pain or something to that effect. None of those reasons are reasons to get upset. Unless you don't like the truth - but who does. Life does, after all, suck quite a lot sometimes.

Edit: Sorry, I didn't directly answer your question, but you have probably already worked out that I am extremely honest.
[/font][/color]

[Japan]

[COLOR="DarkRed"][SIZE="1"]It is kind of a mix for me. I lie a lot to my parents but I am pretty much honest and blunt everywhere else. I do no have to worry about being dishonest or honest anyways. I never talk much to even have to worry about lying or being honest. [/SIZE][/COLOR]

[visualkei]

Today I was reading Shiloh (a book for older children) to a group of students, and I came upon a meaningful paragraph about lies. The main character's conscience was killing him because he lied by not saying anything at all, and the children and I had a brief discussion about that "confusing" paragraph we just read.

My biggest lies thus far have been the ones where I don't have to open my mouth and say a thing at all. The ones born from avoidance or apathy are the ones that have managed to snowball and cause the most damage. Somewhat connected to what I read aloud today, so I couldn't help making the connection when I saw this thread.

[The13thMan]

[COLOR=DarkOrange][FONT=Century Gothic]I think Retribution has pretty much got it figured out.

When it comes to a choice of either a lie or the truth i only consider the consequences. There is nothing else that should be considered. If you feel bound by some moral code (possibly one enforced by religion) then you can very easily find yourself in a very difficult position. So be it the truth or a lie i simply choose whichever one has the better outcome. The trick, of course, is being smart enough to see those outcomes.

I think anybody out there that always tells the truth (or a lie) because of some moral code is foolish. It's so easy to find yourself in a position where the truth can only do harm. Even with the best of intentions.


[/FONT][/COLOR]

[2010DigitalBoy]

[COLOR="DarkOrange"]I think I only manage to lie to my parents. I'm completely honest with everyone else, but them I can't help but lie to. However, I reveal the truth none to long afterward. [/COLOR]

[SunfallE]

[COLOR="RoyalBlue"][FONT="Lucida Sans Unicode"]I?d have to say that I?m pretty honest and that for the most part I don?t even use white lies very often. For the simple reason that I try to find a way to say what I think tactfully instead of outright lying. Not that white lies don?t serve a purpose, but rather I prefer to avoid them since it?s just easier to keep things straight later on if you didn?t use one.

I think there are times when they are necessary, similar to like what Retribution was saying about one for the child. It was a lie and yet the child needed the medicine, so that kind of lie or deception is acceptable in my opinion.

I really dislike white lies when used on me though. The cooking is a good example, I?m a fairly decent cook and like anyone else, there is times I mess up or I fix something that they don?t care for. In that case it?s not going to offend me if they are honest about not liking it or mentioning that it tastes funny. XP Though if I do mess up, usually at that point even I can tell since I know it shouldn?t taste bad. lol

Also like Ravenstorture mentioned, in a relationship? I don?t outright demand it, but I do expect pretty clear honesty at that point. Especially when you?ve moved past the point of simple dating into the phase where you know you like each other a lot. At that point I want to know that I?m getting to know the real person instead of dealing with white lies. And that includes him being honest enough to admit if a shirt I have is a color he thinks looks hideous. ^_~

As for lying for friends who have gotten in trouble? that?s iffy. If it?s a friend avoiding a previous boyfriend who won?t take the direct words leave me alone seriously. Then yeah, I?ll lie and say she?s not home when she really is. If it?s something serious, it would depend on just what happened as to why she/he would wish for me to cover for them. [/FONT][/COLOR]

[Dagger]

I use white lies about as much as anyone else, but I don't often find myself with cause to lie about important things. I couldn't call myself honest at the core or anything, though; I lie without hesitation on the rare occasion when I feel compelled to do so, either to cover up for someone else or to save my own butt.

~Dagger~

[Korey]

[FONT="Franklin Gothic Medium"]I tell lies, I won't fib about that one. Everyone does, but I tend to weigh in my two cents about everything, no matter how trivial or stupid it may be. I'm kind of bad about giving out advice that's really blunt and brutally honest. I try not to do that, but sometimes you need to have your feelings hurt while you're trying to feel better so that you can see what it is that hurts you more, the actual act that was perpetrated against you, or what YOU think is wrong.

I'm honest like 90% of the time to just about everyone. I tell lies to my parents, but they are like 100% lie proof. They can sniff out a lie the minute it escapes my mouth. So I try not to lie to them, but sometimes it just can't be helped. Some things you just don't tell your famliy.....no matter what.[/FONT]

[Panda]

I consider myself pretty truthful. I do tell little white lies as much as every other person does. For instance, if someone asks me how I am doing I will automatically say "great" or "fine" even if I am not. I doubt a store clerk asking me the question really wants to know about my sore joints.

[Horendithas]

[COLOR="Indigo"]I tend to be honest, though it helps that my parents just don't ask about certain aspects of my life anymore. Not that I would say it's bad, only that we have different values and opinions when it comes to what's considered acceptable. Nothing illegal mind you, just mature stuff that really isn't their business anyway.

Beyond that I do use white lies of course, I don't know anyone who doesn't, but I avoid them like the plague since like Beth said, it's easier to keep things straight if you never use them to begin with.

The only drawback... sometimes being blunt and honest about certain topics is taken the wrong way. And yet at the same time, there are some things I just won't lie about in a relationship since I've no interest in being in something that on some level is a lie. And I'm not talking about the more simple, your cooking is fine, that shirt looks fine... but the more serious stuff that is important if you want things to ever go anywhere. [/COLOR]

[Boo]

[quote name='Panda']... if someone asks me how I am doing I will automatically say "great" or "fine" even if I am not. I doubt a store clerk asking me the question really wants to know about my sore joints.[/QUOTE]
[size=1]I usually answer that question with "fine enough" if I'm not really convinced of how well I'm feeling, as I'm always fine enough.

Well, honesty for me is one of the most important things in the whole world, so I try to live up to my own standards and it's a really rare occasion when I lie. I'll feel bad afterwards too. White lies are too much too, anyway. If someone can't cook, but asks me how it tastes and it's not the kind of atmosphere to make a joke about it, I'll just mention something that I did like about the food. There's always something, though you should try avoiding "special" and "different" at all cost. If someone has something to say to me, I'd want them to say it to me, too.

Though people often think I don't mean what I say, because I can say things with a really ironic or dramatical undertone... Which every so often is actually intended. [/size]

[Aaryanna]

[COLOR="goldenrod"][FONT="Comic Sans MS"]I should learn to lie or at least to do more than those white lies people talk about. XP It's just that I hate pretending to be something I'm not so I end up telling the truth even if it puts me at odds with other people. I won't go to church and lie and pretend I like it or even sit there and agree with everything the adults are telling me. I won't lie and tell my friends it's okay if they are doing illegal stuff, etc.

I hate being fake in that respect so I definitely tend to be pretty honest. It goes both ways, even if I hate it, I accept that some of my former friends and some adults will have nothing to do with me because of those views. But seriously, if I have to lie to be friends with them... what's the point?[/FONT][/COLOR]

[Konata]

I'm extremely honest, in everything I do. But of course, I would be lying about that. And that recent statement would be honest. Unless of course, it's a lie. Which would mean that I was lying about lying I was honest, so I was honest in saying I was honest, but conclusively I would be a liar, which would therefore cause me to be a liar.

So whether or not I am telling the truth or lying about the truth, I would say that I am honest about lying. I won't lie unless it truly benefits me, and if I know how to support that lie. But I try to be honest because most likely, that's easier to support than a lie. However, like I said, I lie when I benefit from it, even if it means to be cruel. But it's cruel to be kind, isn't it? For example, if I meet someone who I deem as a low-self esteem writer who shows me her work, and it's absoutely horrible to my standards, I will compliment her and say it's a wonderful masterpiece. That would benefit my relationship with her. If I believe the writer is confident and appreciates the truth more than typical lies, I will tell her the truth. Whatever I believe to strengthen ties with them will ultimately impact whether or not I lie or tell the truth.

Although this usually happens offline exclusively, I will lie to someone online on some occasions. Because even though it's not great to pretend I do something or am something I am not, it has helped me in the end.

[Goodbye, Face]

[font=arial][size=1]Everything I say is a lie. Except for that. And that. And that. And that. And that. And that. And that anatandthatthandthatanthat...[/size][/font]

[Allamorph]

[FONT=Arial]I wonder how many of these replies are honest?[/FONT]

[Rachmaninoff]

[quote name='Allamorph'][FONT=Arial]I wonder how many of these replies are honest?[/FONT][/QUOTE]*wonders if Allamorph is honest* :p [spoiler]You [I]did [/I]dodge the question after all. *poke* [SIZE="1"]kidding![/SIZE] [/spoiler]

[Konata]

All of the replies are honest, silly =P

[Allamorph]

[quote name='Konata']All of the replies are honest, silly =P[/quote]
[FONT=Arial]...honestly?



:p[/FONT]

[2010DigitalBoy]

[quote name='Allamorph'][FONT=Arial]...honestly?



:p[/FONT][/QUOTE]

[COLOR="DarkOrange"]honestly.


NOT! HAHAHA! ...but no, seriously, I'm yanking you. Really. It's true. [/COLOR]