That Girl

[Justin]

"The sting of missed opportunity is the sharpest pain of all, I think."

I'm the kind of person that really does love a lot of people. And when I say I love someone, I mean it--I'd do anything for the people I love.

About two years ago, I came across a diamond in the rough, as it were; a rose in a bed of thorns. Her name is Reid, she's about 5'2" and has gorgeous red hair. I love her more than my life. She's always been a dear friend of mine. She's always been the person I trusted the most out of all the people in the world that I know. She's just a good, good person.

When we met, she was dating a friend of mine. In spite of this fact, I developed a nearly uncontrollable romantic connection with her. I knew, probably after the first time we ever spoke, that I would marry this little redhead someday.

This 'friend' turned out to be no friend at all; in fact, he was a snake. He hurt me, which sucks, but I have thick skin. But where he really cut me deep is the time he hurt her; and the time after that, and the time after that, and so on.

This snake's name is Alex. Alex is a sociopath. He tried his best to ruin Reid's life, then he'd reel her back in under the false pretense of a change of heart. She cared for him, as she does for anyone, and so she'd try to nurture him. Then he'd try to hurt her again.

Now, I'm a gentleman. It's just how I was raised--I won't interfere, and I won't intrude. Eventually, I was able to bury those feelings and move on. Part of that process required a certain distance be set between me and Reid, and I did that.

Over a year has past since that time, and I've only just now realized what a terrible thing I did. Reid has always loved me with her whole heart. Recently, we've made a quick, strong reconnection. This reconnection brought with it a literal flood of emotion, and an immediate reminder of how much I really did care for this girl.

So, I determined that enough time had past with this issue still unresolved. I decided to kiss her, and I did so. She kissed me back, too.

A couple of days later, we talked. She told me she loved me, she was glad that it happened, but those feelings were from a long time ago. She doesn't want to be with me.

So, I'm having something of a hard time. I really just needed to get this off my chest; but I hope it generates some meaningful discussion.

-Justin

[2010DigitalBoy]

[COLOR="DarkOrange"]hmmm... the only meaningful relationship I ever had was a netship, which ended when the girl left the country. Yes, I'm aware that the internet still connects you to other countries, but I used it as an excuse to get over her (a very, very arduous ordeal, the signs of which I could probably find posts on OB that reflect) I wouldn't be surprised if I ended up talkking to her again and ended up falling in love with her again, because at the time, she trusted me with her life. She told me that she didn't have romantic feelings for me, but trusted me more than just about anyone. And that was around the last time we spoke, which is sort of funny when I think about it, just like you realized how much she cared for you.

All I can tell you is to always belive in yourself and do your best. Life is not worth living if you can't follow the desire of your heart. There is always a way to make things work, and if anyone tells you otherwise they are a liar, and if anyone stands in your way, they are either an enemy or an ally waiting to join you.[/COLOR]

[songsofsorrow]

At first when i was reading this, I was laughing all the way through, because I thought it was *cough*2007*cough*2008digitialboy and just kept on thinking back to a quote of, "nothing can beat 2008db he mast... so much that by the end of the year every kitten will be dead"

but then read through it a second time and then realizing you should have helped her when she kept on going back to that guy, and also realized it wasn't 08db, and stopped laughing.

instead of her going back to this guy over and over again you should have helped her, or that's my opinion, I tried once, but she's way outta my reach, so it was just more of a talk of me talking a little chuckle from her, some more crying from her, and someone else to talk to her, but since she goes to a different school, no problem anymore.

I guess the only other thing that i can say is an example, what happens when you take painkillers? it delays the pain so it hurts when you get off the medicine, but slowly


Just think of House.

[conpiracymonki]

[size=1]
I actually typed out a long post (well, compared to how little I usually type) yesterday about a similar recent/current situation I was going through. When I got to the end of it though I decided I didnt want to show it so I deleted it lol.

Felt great to get it off my chest too though, like you said. Figured I'd come back to say this thread wasnt a flop, 3 replies or not.
:animeswea[/size]

[Heaven's Cloud]

[color=indigo]I am the last person that should be handing out advice concerning one’s love life, still….

Don’t beat yourself up over it. It is just as much her fault as it was yours, after all, if she cared for you that much why didn’t she initiate a relationship beforehand?

Also, it seems that she is just coming off of a long relationship and is probably afraid of rushing into another one. Give her time, be around, and make sure she knows how you feel about her maybe something will come of it. [/color]

[Korey]

[FONT="Franklin Gothic Medium"]If there's one thing I can't stand, it's a guy with emotional problems who takes his issues out on a woman. The sadder part is, however, that the girls come back to those guys out of pity or fear. It's just hardwired into most girls emotional systems (I am speaking from my perspective, please don't take anything I say as fact). It sucks that your girlfriend had to deal with that in her life. I can't say I know what she went through, but I can sympathize with her emotional state.

Justin, I commend you for being true to your emotions about her and still finding that she is somone that you love. Even though you may find that you were being a gentleman by not meddling in her problems, you could have offered the best advice you could and if the problem was truly bad, you needed to interfere if not for her well-being's sake. But that is past.

Y'know sometimes it's the unrequited feelings that are the hardest to deal with, but to be honest, I still think she's reeling from the feelings generated by her last relationship. Give her time and I'm sure she'll come around. If there is one thing that women like, it's a guy that's always around to help them, no matter what. I have plenty of female friends that know this about me, and while we harbor no romantic feelings towards each other, we have a deep trust and respect for each other. We're just really really good friends. But I have a feeling that she'll come around and be with you ^_~ [/FONT]

[Nerdsy]

[color=deeppink]General incompetence has kept me from ever getting the girl. Normally, some girl will start talking to me, I become interested, but then I say something stupid and she leaves.

The nuances of social interactions are too much for me.[/color]

[Raiha]

[COLOR="DarkOrchid"][FONT="Times New Roman"]Nerdsy dearie, you're going to grow up to marry your lab partner in college. It's just how it'll go.

But seriously. I've been in that situation, only not playing the part of you, but the part of the girl that has to reject you. Not a fun time. Just rest assured that being the one to crush all the romantic inclinations and dreams of any man that you care about, is a terrible thing. It stings and it aches and it doesn't feel like anything you'd think.

You feel like a terrible coward, and part of you just wants to go for it, but then you realize that you'd only be doing it so you don't feel guilty. But it'd never be a real relationship, and it'd never be something beautiful like you'd always imagined.[/FONT][/COLOR]

[Goodbye, Face]

[font=arial][size=1]I have gone through this exact same thing, Kam. It's scary.

Of course, the same thing resulted from it! So I can't give you any advice! Just do what you can to stay a big part of her life and who knows what will happen later. You're not alone, man.[/font][/size]

[Nerdsy]

[quote name='Neuvoxraiha'][COLOR="DarkOrchid"][FONT="Times New Roman"]Nerdsy dearie, you're going to grow up to marry your lab partner in college. It's just how it'll go.[/FONT][/COLOR][/QUOTE]

[color=deeppink]Hah. Ironically, the situation I described actually happened with my last lab partner.[/color]

[lea]

Like HC said, she came out of a long and emotionally abusive relationship, so a relationship would be the last thing she would want to go into now.

Are you guys going to stay friends?

[Solo Tremaine]

[quote name='Kam']Over a year has past since that time, and I've only just now realized what a terrible thing I did. Reid has always loved me with her whole heart. Recently, we've made a quick, strong reconnection. This reconnection brought with it a literal flood of emotion, and an immediate reminder of how much I really did care for this girl.

...

So, I determined that enough time had past with this issue still unresolved. I decided to kiss her, and I did so. She kissed me back, too.

A couple of days later, we talked. She told me she loved me, she was glad that it happened, but those feelings were from a long time ago. She doesn't want to be with me.

So, I'm having something of a hard time. I really just needed to get this off my chest; but I hope it generates some meaningful discussion.[/quote]
[COLOR=#503f86]I'm sorry things aren't working out for you Justin. I won't go into it, but I can identify, heh.[/COLOR]

[COLOR=#503f86]I'd still keep your friendship with her- a strong resurgence in your connection can only be a good thing, but she may still need time to adjust to knowing you outside of Alex. After all, she may still have unresolved emotional issues relating to the whole thing, and she may see some lingering threads of emotion in you (but not necessarily about you) arising from it. But if you keep your friendship (and I'm sure you will, as she means so much to you), then things may turn out somewhere along the line. I mean, at this stage it may be better to try as you can to focus on the friendship, but better things may grow from it.[/COLOR]

[COLOR=#503f86]I've missed opportunities and always, always hated myself for it afterwards. At least you had the guts to follow up on it even after all his time. I think it's a huge credit to you that you gave her the time and space you know she needed even though it was at the expense of something you desperately wanted. I know I'd have done the same thing in your place. It's all very easy to judge in hindsight but there would have been no guarantee that she would have been in the right emotional state to cope with a relationship had you stepped in, and that might have changed things between you for the worse.[/COLOR]

[Rachmaninoff]

[quote name='Kam']A couple of days later, we talked. She told me she loved me, she was glad that it happened, but those feelings were from a long time ago. She doesn't want to be with me.[/QUOTE]I only have one thing to say really, since the others already covered what I would have said. And that is to agree with the sentiment of being there for her in the form of a good friend. Then once things have moved on, if you are ever going to develop more, it will be from that friendship instead of from what happened before. Which is far better than going from feelings that come from a time when things were messed up.

[Aberinkula]

[COLOR="1234"]They say to have loved and lost is bettter than not to have loved at all. But I'm only 15, I hardly know a thing about love, yet I'm in a realationship that means the world to me. All I can say is this, it may not be too late, who knows. Love isn't like firewood, it doesn't stay destroyed, it's more like the Sunday paper, it can be recycled when destroyed and it can come in one way or another.

What I'm saying is, love isn't the same every time. It might end up that the feelings recindle. [/COLOR]

[Nomurah!]

[SIZE="1"][COLOR="HotPink"]Well, whether or not this helps in the least bit. You're a nice guy. Nice guys DON'T always finish last. But you gotta keep up. And keep going.

If you love her, and she still has a spark for you...

Make that spark turn into bursting flame of fire.

...My words are cheesy, but that's just how I feel about the situation. [/COLOR][/SIZE]

[Charles]

[quote name='Kam']Over a year has past since that time, and I've only just now realized what a terrible thing I did. Reid has always loved me with her whole heart.[/QUOTE]

Distancing was not a terrible move--it was the right move. Putting yourself in the middle of other peoples' relationship is messy business--especially when you have romantic feelings for one of them. In many cases, by trying to intervene, you may end up driving the person you care for even further away. I think that on a certain level she had to take responsibility for herself and decide to stop putting up with his guy's nonsense. She consciously decided to continuously return to him and you couldn't deal with it, so you backed off and let her live her own life, learn her own lessons. That's good.

It's one thing to exalt her for her compassionate nature. However, on some level, she must love herself enough not to become involved with guys who are going to treat her like crap. That lesson of inner-strength is something that she has to develop through these formative experiences.

If you stayed around and supported her emotionally, then she would probably have remained with the guy. Think about it: She would have fulfilled her emotional needs with you, only to go back to him for the physical portion. In the end, the dysfunctional nature of her actual relationship would not have been as apparent because all of her needs would have been met. That's a mistake that a lot of guys make.