Love, Betrayal & Forgiveness?

[Pumpkin]

[color=#CC0066][font=tahoma][size=2] Most people have felt betrayal at one point whether it be by someone you love, a friend, or even relatives atleast once in their lifetime. However...have you ever felt so betrayed that you have yet to forgive that person? Have you ever been cheated on by your partner? How did you deal with it? Did you forgive that person or did you move on with your life? If you moved on, how did you get over it?

I heard a quote from a friend that says "It is harder on the human SOUL to be cheated on then to get over a death". Years ago, I probably would have said this quote was ridiculous and stupid. However in this past year, I'm starting to believe it might have some truth to it. I was discussing some things with some friends at work about cheating and many dont believe that cheating on a spouse is wrong. That everyone cheats and its a part of human nature to explore.

What is your opinion? And what are your thoughts on cheating? Do you think someone can truely change their cheating ways or is it part of who they are? Have YOU ever cheated and how did you deal with it? How do you react to someone who you know is cheating? Do you know many people who cheat on their spouse? Is there a big difference on cheating on your wife/husband then on your bf/gf?

I read statistics that a lot more women are cheating now on their husbands then ever before. However most people seem to think that because someone is a "man" that is more exceptable however for them to cheat. Which leads me to ask, IS it harder on a girl to cheat in society then a man? What do you think? Share your thoughts. [/font][/size][/color]

[James]

[font=franklin gothic medium]I think that cheating is something that each couple really makes a determination on.

I mean, some people consider flirting to be cheating. Others believe it needs to be nothing short of sex to be cheating.

Personally, I have a pretty dim view of any kind of infidelity. I personally don't have any desire or need for anything else when I'm in a relationship - I guess the only thing I really insist on is occasionally having time to myself. I think if you live out of the other person's pocket 24/7, things can become too claustrophobic.

Although I pretty much don't tolerate any form of cheating, I don't really judge other couples if they have different rules. After all, it comes down to what you are comfortable with.

In terms of changing attitudes, I can say that my youngest sister's friends have few cares about cheating. And that really saddens me. On the other hand, this may change if they grow up and mature a bit.[/font]

[Rachmaninoff]

[quote name='Pumpkin;803183][color=#CC0066][font=tahoma][size=2] Most people have felt betrayal at one point whether it be by someone you love, a friend, or even relatives atleast once in their lifetime. However...have you ever felt so betrayed that you have yet to forgive that person? Have you ever been cheated on by your partner? How did you deal with it? Did you forgive that person or did you move on with your life? If you moved on, how did you get over it?[/font][/size][/color][/QUOTE]I?ve never experienced this so I can?t really answer it.[quote name='Pumpkin'][color=#CC0066][font=tahoma][size=2]I heard a quote from a friend that says "It is harder on the human SOUL to be cheated on then to get over a death". Years ago, I probably would have said this quote was ridiculous and stupid. However in this past year, I'm starting to believe it might have some truth to it. I was discussing some things with some friends at work about cheating and many dont believe that cheating on a spouse is wrong. That everyone cheats and its a part of human nature to explore.[/font][/size'][/color][/quote]I would have to disagree with that quote, if only because I?ve seen close and dear friends have to deal with a death. Losing someone you love is something that though you may get over it enough to smile and move on with your life, I think that hurt which is deep inside, on some level, never goes away. Cheating, depending on the situation can be equally as hard to get over, but at the same time I think one has the potential to eventually move past it and find someone who truly loves them and doesn?t cheat on them. Something I think would help to heal those scars from being lied to. However since I haven?t been cheated on or lost a loved one, I can?t say for sure, other than what I?ve seen my friends go through.

The only time I would say cheating is something that is a part of human nature to explore is when one is a child and doesn?t know any better. Because even though that?s not the same type of cheating as one would do to say a girlfriend/boyfriend/spouse, it?s still the very concept of cheating to begin with and it?s something that often takes getting caught for a kid to realize that it has real consequences. Once one is an adult, I don?t agree, there?s really no point in being more serious with someone, with committing to that person if you?re going to break that commitment. [quote name='Pumpkin'][color=#CC0066][font=tahoma][size=2]What is your opinion? And what are your thoughts on cheating? Do you think someone can truely change their cheating ways or is it part of who they are? Have YOU ever cheated and how did you deal with it? How do you react to someone who you know is cheating? Do you know many people who cheat on their spouse? Is there a big difference on cheating on your wife/husband then on your bf/gf? [/font][/size][/color][/QUOTE]I already started to cover this, but as far as I?m concerned, cheating is wrong. If you feel the urge or desire to cheat with someone who is already committed or you wish to cheat on the person you are with, then you need to evaluate your motivations and feelings and get your head on straight before you make that mistake.

I also think that the idea that cheating is part of one?s nature is an excuse, unless the person in question is mentally ill. Now as for changing? I think people are human and that they make mistakes, so yes I think it?s possible to truly change.

I myself, to my knowledge, have not been cheated on nor have I cheated on someone. Honestly, once you move to caring about someone, I find the thought of hurting them in that manner sickening, literally. Whether it?s a spouse or a girlfriend/boyfriend. If you have gotten to a point where you are serious at all, then it?s wrong to cheat, period. In my mind, it?s just as bad for someone who isn?t married as for someone who is at that point.

Sadly, I?ve seen friends go down the road of cheating and thinking nothing of it until it was too late and the damage was done. It was surprising at how arrogant they were about how they were hurting no one. Hell one guy was even cocky enough to make the claims that if she had known he existed, she would have never married her husband. It was sad to see. [quote name='Pumpkin'][color=#CC0066][font=tahoma][size=2]I read statistics that a lot more women are cheating now on their husbands then ever before. However most people seem to think that because someone is a "man" that is more exceptable however for them to cheat. Which leads me to ask, IS it harder on a girl to cheat in society then a man? What do you think? Share your thoughts. [/font][/size][/color][/QUOTE]I don?t know about statistics, but it seems like cheating is becoming more common period. I honestly wonder if it?s because people are rushing their relationship into the next level before they are truly ready for such a commitment. And though society may act like it?s more acceptable for a ?man? to cheat. I personally think that as a ?man? I should have more sense than to do something so foolish and heartless. But then I could never forgive myself if I hurt my girlfriend in that manner.

I do think it?s harder on a girl to cheat, if only because they are often expected to hold to a higher level of morals than a man does. At least here anyway. I see that all the time too, a guy cheats, it?s shrugged off, a girl does and she ends up being labeled by others for being a horrible and unfeeling person.

[Allamorph]

[quote name='Rachmaninoff']I don?t know about statistics, but it seems like cheating is becoming more common period. I honestly wonder if it?s because people are rushing their relationship into the next level before they are truly ready for such a commitment.[/quote]
[FONT=Arial]I'm reminded of the French idea of Free Love during the Renaissance, where basically true love could be found only when it was forbidden. ...which, admittedly, is an excuse to fool around with anybody you want to.

Not so much people rushing into commitments they're not ready for, then, but people not actually wanting a commitment in the first place. "Love as thou wilt," in the words of the D'Angeline. (Jacqueline Carey. Good author. Bit graphic, though. [COLOR="DarkRed"]Raiha[/COLOR] would like her.)[/FONT]

[Raiha]

[COLOR="DarkOrchid"][FONT="Times New Roman"]And I DO like her. But the Marquis De Sade is more up to my speed...

But seriously. I've been in relationships where I was so smothered I felt I HAD to cheat, just to get back some of my own. And I've been in others where the partner trusted me implicitly and was so secure in our relationship that I could go out late to clubs dancing and partying without him turning a hair. To his thinking, as long as I came home to him every night, he didn't care in the least.

And that's the kind of relationship I'm looking for now in my woefully single state. I do however believe that once I'm engaged, married, etc, my interest in cheating will be severely diminished. I think swearing your life to another person implies that your reproductive organs are for their personal use and vice versa.

I've been cheated on before. Nobody ever admitted it to my face, but I'm not stupid and I've figured it out. Now I'll tell you this from experience. It is far easier to deal with death than cheating. With cheating you can let your anger burn like fire. But with death, it's not the same. It feels different, it hurts different. While being cheated on rankles and burns, getting over a death means you'll just be spending the next few months in misery and confusion. And then just confusion.[/FONT][/COLOR]

[Adam]

Well, if you think about it, death = loss and cheating often equals loss + betrayal. So by that logic cheating > death since that betrayal strikes deeply.

However, if you suffered betrayal and then went on and found a better, more honest person, then it ends well. But if you married someone wonderful and that person passed away, you'll have longer-term sadness because no matter who you'll end up with you'll still remember the deceased (and might not ever find someone better).

Also, I think most would rather their significant other stay alive and cheat vs. die, because part of you will always still care for the person on some level despite their actions.

In the short term cheating feels worst, but long-term death is worst, because the person who cheated can be replaced but the person who died cannot.

[Sojiro47]

[FONT="Book Antiqua"]I've never lost someone I've [i]loved[/i] to death, so I probably don't know what I'm talking about. But it seems to me that death would take more out of [i]me[/i] than being cheated on. Death has a way off taking more than the person from you, leaving you with more holes than the one left by the deceased.

I have been cheated on, and it is a painful experience, to say the least. But I eventually got over it. It felt like someone blew a hole in my chest with a shotgun. But you learn to live like the hole was never there. You move on and find someone better. But death....?

I've had friends lose others to death, and I can't say that they've ever recovered. I couldn't explain how deeply they were torn. Holes can be filled, but from what I've seen one can't recover from death-pain. So an analogy for death would be like having a piece of you torn off, and incinerated right in front of you. Which sound's harder to recover from?[/FONT]

[onenuttytanuki]

Well to frank, having had both a ex-girlfriend who screwed around behind my back, broke up with me before I could find out in May of 2005 (although I found out a month later) ,blamed the whole thing on me, and turn some of our friends against me till they figured out it wasn't me that much and also I almost died of cancer in December of 2005. I'd say betrayal is worst than almost meeting the Grim Reaper.
With death for the most part it doesn't come out of no where. Betrayal for the most part comes of no where when you are deeply in love.

Also, I should note that my ex-girlfriend had ADHD, Bipolar Disorder, was partially deaf in her left ear, was Obsessive Complusive, and had Major Daddy issues. When she was on her meds she was fine, when she was not she was like a 20 something version of Asuka Langley Soryu from Neon Genesis. So I'm probably better off with out her although I feel sorry for the St. Louis Garabage man she married and is currently moching off of.

-I am not putting down anyone who has any of the conditions that I mentioned. I'm just trying to get across how much of a head case my ex. was. That one Pablo Ridson Francisco joke has nothing on her.-

Plus she never wished me well when I was going through my cancer treatments, although she did tell to go do something with a razor studded item and that she thought me going through cancer would have changed me through a few comments on a Xanga account that I uses to post on regularity on posts that had nothing to do with her.

It's also interesting how karma works in that the better I was getting in life during the past couple years, the worst she's been getting. Before she moved out of the Chicago Area to live down in St. Louis she severed almost all her ties in the area. Not really a smart idea of burning all of ones bridges since now all of the one time mutual friends are on my side. And to quote one of them, " You put up with her for two years, that should be an automatic ticket into Heaven."

I see going through and surviving Cancer as almost a rebirth of sorts. I now try to enjoy every day and not to dewell on the negatives of life.

As far as forgiveness goes in her case. I don't really think I could forgive her completely since she basically left a hollow shell of my former self at the time, two mintues after breaking up with me over the phone she was posting on Xanga everything that she found wrong with me, and she was pm one of the guys who she fooled around with behind my back at the anime convention that she was now single and when would be a good time to hook up later in the week.< As I would be told a year and half later from the same guy when I ran into him at another convention>, and spent the longest time in returning my stuff she still had of mine with a note saying notice that nothing was been damaged< I returned all of the stuff that I had of hers the day after the break up to her house>. Although I would never wish for her to go through cancer., No one deserves that fate.