Writing Sin Chronicles

[Vicky]

[SIZE=1]Sort of a collection of poems in a few odd styles that makes little sense at all. Pretty much every sentence is some kind of metaphor. Anyway, the Sin Chronicles is about an odd character called Sin who's plagued by a unique sense of time - in fact, he's so in tune with the flow of time that it drives him mad. There's a lot more to that, but I'll leave it out.

I could post exactly what's going on (each part is a different part of his life, or an experience), but I'll only do that if someone asks instead of ruining it. I'm not to keen on making each part follow completely or have some kind of... well... flow to it. Nah, not really keen on that at all. I mean, you all change through your lives, and so do mad people.

These are only the parts up to Part III. I'm not done with it yet, so I thought I'd post the first three.[/size]

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[CENTER][B]Introduction[/b]

Sin wasn't a very nice boy;
He was rapture and madness.
There was a desperate howl inside his head
Of ticking clocks and blotted crimson red
When he walked through a desert in the ancient
(always with a look on his face obscene and vacant)
He met a lost girl
and killed her.

Time kept Sin's darkest memories living day-long
and his greatest moments of ecstasty fade away.
A child had wandered from her little land
And Sin drew a picture to her with his hand
He told her stories and magic secrets so profound
Then dually ripped a part the light; buried her in the ground.



[b]Part I - Tick Tock[/B]

Time moves sporadically back and forth
repeating beat that leaves you sightless
senseless deaf and dead or dying.

There's this constant ticking in your mind
rhythm pulsing like blood, dancing on ice
a little echo of what we leave behind
Sin knows if he lives with this tireless suicide
then he can't complain nor doubt his words
Sin will just sit there, beating through the ride.

So for the first years of Sin's concious life
he spent them with open ticking in his head
that would drive him to destruction, or off of heaven's edge.

They planted the seeds of genius in his head
there is a barely visible point of no return
seemingly cursed after that girl lay dead.
He causes obstacles that are scourges of this place
sharp claws shimmering brighter
proud of the crimson mystery on his face - his face.

Sin is plagued by tireless suicide ticking in his head
to keep track of time and every little mistaken death.



[B]Part II - Copyrighted[/B]

Sin thinks they used Jesus
Like a Second Sid Vicous except the money
wasn't really involved this time.
Sin thinks that watching a man take into account
the literal meaning of words
and the authority above the truth
makes every human an organised version of his evil soul.
Sin thinks, through the ticking in his head
lives should be copyrighted
and should not be used
to control nations.
Sin thinks there is a vision in this idea
but people should pursue ideals
rather than names.
Sin watched the world rotate - he saw no evidence
Sin thinks it's a lie, and how could they name the deeds after him?
No, Sin thinks it's a lie - therefore Sin is a lie.
organised evil does not think - therefore He does not exist.



[B]Part III - Lonely Boy[/B]

Having lived in misery
and dwelled in history
lofty life of loneliness
(and eternity)
dyed his future in fresh blood.

Sin met a girl in a black-and-white setting, once
in a black-and-white city, on the edge of forever
in golden hair, golden eyes and expensive leather
when she sat beside him, he apologised and went to move
but she stood up, laughing and ranting about being so rude
she kept him with her, asked him his name
he said 'Sin,' without an inch of shame
his eloguence to her audience gave him a smile
although, being the deadly Sin, it took him awhile
she laughed at his stories like they were fairy tales
ran fingers down his neck like silk on the scales

And then that night
A lonely boy drew a picture in the ground
And a secret of magic, so profound.
Until she lay freezing on the cobblestones
Desire gushing out cold dead dying blood
falling down on a limitless night.[/CENTER]

[Sabrina]

[FONT="Tahoma"]I don't have much to say as far as critique goes or rather what I'm going to say will only be based on my impression instead of any actual knowledge for this type of poetry. You see, it reads more like a story poem and sadly, I'm not that familiar with that format.

The main thing that seems off to me is the lack of capitalization for the beginning of the lines, it tends to fool the mind in attempting to read it like sentences instead of individual lines of a poem. It kind of forced me to reread parts to avoid getting confused. And with your inclusion of a period every know and then, I wonder if you yourself are seeing them as sentences too.

But like I said, I'm not familiar with this format so for all I know, it's suppose to be like that. Hehe. Anyway, it was an interesting read, even if Sin seemed rather creepy with how everyone he met ended up dying at his hands. o_O[/FONT]