Frustrating Situation

[Akieen Cloud]

[COLOR="Navy"][FONT="Comic Sans MS"]Okay, my husband and I have been married for like a year now and he still has a habit that I can't stand and I don't know how to go about talking to him about it cause I know if I bring it up he might think I'm attacking him and I don't want that. The thing is, he has more friends that are girls than guys and the habit he has is calling them nicknames I don't think is appropriate for him to call them, example, sweetheart, baby, honey. Some of them I can understand cause I know them too and they are like our sisters but there are others I don't like and he knows it but no matter how many times I ask he keeps doing it and it's really getting on my nerves now and I dunno how to tell him. Any ideas? And don't say start calling my guy friends nick names like that cause I'm not that kind of person and if you were going to say it, keep it to your self please. I just need some idea of how to start the convo with out him thinking I'm attacking him about it. [/FONT][/COLOR]

[Aberinkula]

[COLOR="1234"]First of all, I'm going to say that this could lead to trouble. And honestly, who cares if he thinks your attacking him, he shouldn't be callng people you hate honey. Believe if I did that, my girlfriend would hang me by my nuts. If I were you I'd just tell him you don't like it, plain old simple as that. And if it doesn't work, then you need to get really serious about it. [/COLOR]

[The Spectacular Professor]

Well, the only thing I can think of is to tell him how uncomfortable it makes you feel. If that doesn't help, I'm not really qualified to go beyond that.

[Inculta_Bellum]

Why not try distracting him over a game of cards? Or any game for that matter. He's less likely to get upset if he's having fun, and that's the time when you should bring up his habit.

The only problem I can forsee in this is that he may not take your arguement seriously. Still, this is the best advice I can give you for an icebreaker.

PS: Monopoly is a TERRIBLE game for this purpose.

[Rachmaninoff]

I guess it might be a good idea to explore why you feel it?s inappropriate since it sounds like it?s a habit instead of something he?s doing to deliberately upset you. When we?re annoyed, we usually consider others to be the one who is inconsiderate, especially when we?ve explained that the behavior bothers us. The continual use of the habit, if you will, isn?t so much the problem as is the thought behind it, the idea that they just don?t seem to care.

However, when we engage in behaviors that annoy others, we tend to make light of the situation. After all, it?s often just a little thing so the thought is why make a huge fuss? We think, why can?t other people adjust to it? We often don?t see that it?s something the other person really can?t tolerate for whatever reason.

My advice, and mind you I?m no expert here, but I would suggest talking to him and explaining that you?ve tried to let it go but it still bothers you greatly. And to make it seem more evenhanded, suggest that he think of something you do that he finds equally as annoying. Suggest that the two of you make a goal of eliminating one annoying habit together. Him working on calling people by their first name and you on whatever he finds annoying.

I think if you approach it as a dual effort, it?s likely to go over a lot better than simply demanding that he make a change. Tell him that you want to work on things that annoy you and things that annoy him because you don?t want it to come between the two of you.

[Pumpkin]

[quote name='Premonition'][COLOR="1234"]Believe if I did that, my girlfriend would hang me by my nuts. [/COLOR][/QUOTE][color=#CC0066][font="tahoma"][size=2]H a h a, that just made my day complete.

On a more serious note, if the fact that he calls other girls "Honey" bothers you, then you need to talk to him. In marriage or even in relationships, some things are sacrificed both ways. Thats just the way it is. He should respect that this upsets you, and will become a big issue. You shouldn't have to put up with it. Heck, if my boyfriend did that stuff, well...I don't even want to think what I'd do to him. Honestly, sit him down and talk to him. That's all you can do. If you get across how much this hurts you, I think he will understand.

And if that doesn't work? Then I say go with Premonition's gf's idea. [/size][/font][/color]

[The13thMan]

[COLOR=DarkOrange][FONT=Century Gothic]I don't know what to think. My first impulse is to think you're overreacting and just need to chill. Buuuut, it's not like you gave a lot of info, i have no idea in what context he calls those girls those names. And i also don't understand the kind of relationship he has with those women. So, my advice can only be as useful as your information was.

The only reason you'd be mad at him, so far as i can tell, for calling those women those names is that you think there might be something behind them, something more than what goes on between friends. You need to find out either on your own or by talking to him whether this is true or not. If it's not true then i would say that you should probably just let it go. If it is then obviously you've got issues with your husband that need to be sorted out.

But i suppose the bottom line is to find out who has to sacrafice the most and make sure the one who sacrafices the least is the one sacraficing at all. If it really really really bothers you and it wouldn't be a big deal for him to stop then it's obvious who needs to do what. If it's the other way around then once again it's obvious.

If you're worried about bringing it up in a way that seems like you're attacking him you could always just express that to him straight up. Just say, i'm not trying to attack you and if you feel that i am just tell me and i'll rephrase or explain further. Just be sensitive of each other and talk like adults.

If all else fails, i'm always here for you, baby. ;)


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[[Sound_Nin]]

[COLOR=Navy][FONT=Book Antiqua]Wow, all these people asking for advice these days.
I remember when I asked for advice once.
I got a whole lotta 'This isn't the place for that' and 'we aren't qualified, go see a psychiatrist'.

But my two cents now:

Well, I'd say just talk to him about it. Like most people say. If he laughs it off, or doesn't take you seriously, that should show you a lot about him.
But if I was him, I'd stop after being talked to about it.
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