Writing indifference vs. SunfallE [Poetry Contest]

[Sabrina]

[FONT="Tahoma"][CENTER][SIZE="3"][B]Poetry Contest - Round One [/B][/SIZE]

[hr=Sienna]100[/hr]
[CENTER][SIZE="4"][B]indifference [/B]vs. [B]SunfallE[/B][/SIZE]

Topic: [B]Seasons[/B][/CENTER]
[hr=Sienna]100[/hr]

[B]Triple Quatrain Poetry[/B][/CENTER]
For this round you are challenged to write a triple Quatrain poem. Now a basic Quatrain is a poem that has four lines and also has a specific rhyming scheme. So for a triple Quatrain, you will be writing twelve lines in groups of four, based on the topic that you have been given. For example:

[CENTER][COLOR="Sienna"][B]Topic: The Fall[/B]

I love the mountains in the fall,
as the leaves begin to turn.
Like decorations for the ball,
it makes my heart just yearn.

Fall colors seem to transcend
with yellow, orange, and browns.
It'll soon cover all the towns
with a warm and hearty blend.

The cool crisp autumn air
there's nothing that can compare.
To this color filled wonder land
what could ever be this grand.[/COLOR][/CENTER]
As you can see in each section the ending lines rhyme with one of the others. And just like the poem, they do not have to be in a specific order. So long as they rhyme, it works. In theory, for this contest, the ending of each line could rhyme with every single one.

Each contestant has till [COLOR="Sienna"][U][B]Friday the 11th[/B][/U][/COLOR] to get their poems in. At which time the voting will begin, sooner if both members submit their poems before the deadline. Now all members are welcome to vote include those involved. If it is the thread you are in though, only comments and critiquing is allowed since obviously you can?t vote for yourself. But definitely take the time to vote on the other entries! Now if there are any questions, be sure to direct them to this thread here: [URL="http://www.otakuboards.com/showthread.php?t=58871"][U]Poetry Contest[/U][/URL] And now lets have some fun![/FONT]

[Horendithas]

[COLOR="Indigo"][CENTER]It starts with what seems like a hint of ice,
Wrapped in delicate dances of elegant lace,
Seemingly held secure in it?s grasp,
The air begins to stir, changing pace.

A caress of warmth, friendly, soft and sure,
Swaying in showers as they gently call,
Outbreaks of green are everywhere,
Hot and sweltering, you can feel it all.

Abandonment sweet, leaves upon the ground,
Frost gracing the edges, a promise nice,
Fluttering down through the chilly air,
Found once again, taking on, a hint of ice.[/CENTER][/COLOR]

[SunfallE]

[COLOR="RoyalBlue"][FONT="Lucida Sans Unicode"][CENTER]It?s far more than just that time of year,
Memories are to be had, they?re everywhere,
From spring, summer, whichever one is near,
Not a moment to be wasted, not one to be spared.

Precious flowers to be seen and treasured,
The days, beautiful wonders beyond compare,
Walking in the rain as one?s steps are measured,
Dancing among the leaves, such sweet pleasure.

It?s more than that time of year, that one holds so dear,
Remembering soft fragrances, the crisp clean air,
Those recollections of back then, precious, clear,
No matter which season, I will always be there. [/CENTER][/FONT][/COLOR]

[Treble]

Hmmm this round is going be a bit tougher for me to cast a vote since I really enjoyed both poems.

I like indifference’s poem simply because of how well she illustrates the changing weather of the four seasons. And I like SunfallE’s poem because of how it seems to be more personal. For every season, there’s a special moment to experience and share with others. Good poems both of you, but if I had to vote, my vote would go to SunfallE.[I][/I]

[Aaryanna]

[COLOR="DarkGreen"][FONT="Book Antiqua"]I like how indifference?s poem is all about the actual seasons as they change. Beth?s is fun for how it?s more about what a person enjoys about the actual season instead of just the change. It makes it hard since I like the image of change presented in the first and the emotion of experiencing it for the second. And since I can't choose both... I vote for [B]indifference[/B]. [/FONT][/COLOR]

[Allamorph]

[FONT=Arial]I like the difference in approaches: one watching as the seasons cycle around; and the other looking at them all as one, and yet not as one, removed from time.

[COLOR="DarkRed"]Indi[/COLOR]: [I]"...in [COLOR="Red"]its[/COLOR] grasp,/"[/I]. Also, drop the comma before the final [I]"...a hint of ice."[/I] The repetition was a nice feel, but it didn't need the spacer to accentuate it; all that the comma did was disrupt your flow, really. (^_^) The line will catch by itself.

[COLOR="DarkRed"]SunfallE[/COLOR]: Your rhyme scheme was interesting. I noticed you went for a solid [I]abab[/I] through the entire poem, and you did really well, variating to one other [I]c[/I] rhyme, and even counting the way the first stanza went [I]abab[/I]'. (read as "[I]b[/I]-prime") Your second stanza, though, was a little odd, with its ...
... [I]cbcc'[/I] ? :p

I wouldn't say anything, but the final line of the second stanza is close enough to your [I]c[/I] rhyme that it feels almost intentional. Not really a big concern, just a curiosity.


This call is an empathic one for me. I'm much more drawn emotionally to the first one, since it's in my nature to just sit and watch and let time flow by me.

[B]indifference[/B][/FONT]

[Darren]

Okay...

Well, I can't really say anything that hasn't already been said. I like them both and there really wasn't anything wrong with either poem. Obviously, I can't gauge who's was truly better, just because it's all opinion.... Such a hard decision, but

[B]SunfallE[/B] gets my vote

[Aberinkula]

[size=1][COLOR="DarkSlateGray"][B]Indi[/B], some of your words don't rhyme with other ones. The words 'grasp', 'ground' and 'sure' didn't rhyme with any other line... unless I just can't see the rhyme.>_> But it was stilll a good poem.

[B]SunfallE[/B], the poem was well done, very artistic and it was great. But for some reason it doesn't hold that same experience the second time. The first time was good, the second time was like seeing a move 50 times in one day, meh. Unlike Indi's which held the same grace the second time around. But I like your poem nonetheless.

...God it's very hard to decide. But my vote will have to go with [B]Indi[/B], despite her rhyme issues.[/COLOR][/size]

[Horendithas]

[COLOR="Indigo"][quote name='Aberinkula'][size=1][COLOR="DarkSlateGray"][B]Indi[/B], some of your words don't rhyme with other ones. The words 'grasp', 'ground' and 'sure' didn't rhyme with any other line... unless I just can't see the rhyme.>_> But it was stilll a good poem.

//snip//

...God it's very hard to decide. But my vote will have to go with [B]Indi[/B], despite her rhyme issues.[/COLOR][/size][/QUOTE]Silly, Sabrina already explained that only two of the lines in each section had to rhyme. So some of the lines [I]aren't suppose to[/I]. :p[/COLOR]

[Aberinkula]

[quote name='indifference'][COLOR="Indigo"]Silly, Sabrina already explained that only two of the lines in each section had to rhyme. So some of the lines [I]aren't suppose to[/I]. :p[/COLOR][/QUOTE]
[COLOR="DarkSlateGray"][SIZE="1"]Quite the contrary my dear Indi. Each stanza has four lines, and two of them rhyme with each other. By that I mean that two lines rhyme and the other two rhyme. AABB, ABAB, ABBA and AAAA are those patterns. :p:p DOUBLE! My music teacher last year taught us the types of poems, haiku, quatrain. And he said for quatrain's the lines have to rhyme in those 4 patterns. So I'm only going by what I've learned from him.[/SIZE][/COLOR]

[Horendithas]

[COLOR="Indigo"][quote name='Aberinkula;810145][COLOR="DarkSlateGray"][SIZE="1"]Quite the contrary my dear Indi. Each stanza has four lines, and two of them rhyme with each other. By that I mean that two lines rhyme and the other two rhyme. AABB, ABAB, ABBA and AAAA are those patterns. :p:p DOUBLE! My music teacher last year taught us the types of poems, haiku, quatrain. And he said for quatrain's the lines have to rhyme in those 4 patterns. So I'm only going by what I've learned from him.[/SIZE][/COLOR][/QUOTE]You're forgetting that Sabrina sets the rules for this contest not your teacher. And those rules are:[quote name='Sabrina'][FONT="Tahoma"]The idea is that at least one line has to rhyme with another one in each section. [B]So out of four lines, the endings of two have to rhyme, for a total of six lines throughout the poem.[/B] [B]The two lines that rhyme in one section do not have to rhyme with the next section unless you want to do that.[/B'] Also, if you wish for all of them to rhyme throughout the entire poem that's fine too.[/FONT][/quote]:p Pay attention Prem, the idea is to judge and write by the rules set forth, not what you learned elsewhere.[/COLOR]

[Allamorph]

[QUOTE=Aberinkula][COLOR="DarkSlateGray"][SIZE="1"]Quite the contrary my dear Indi. Each stanza has four lines, and two of them rhyme with each other.
..........
And he said for quatrain's the lines have to rhyme in those 4 patterns. So I'm only going by what I've learned from him.[/SIZE][/COLOR][/QUOTE]
[FONT=Arial]True, but then he should also have impressed meter and rhythm upon you. :animesmil

Besides, that was irrelevant for this contest. Read [COLOR="DarkRed"]Sabrina[/COLOR]'s rules again:
[quote name='Sabrina'][FONT="Tahoma"]The idea is that at least one line has to rhyme with another one in each section. So out of four lines, the endings of two have to rhyme, for a total of six lines throughout the poem. The two lines that rhyme in one section do not have to rhyme with the next section unless you want to do that. Also, if you wish for all of them to rhyme throughout the entire poem that's fine too.

Sorry if I was not clear on that. [/FONT][/QUOTE]
No one was required to hold with traditional Quatrain format. All we had to do was write three stanzas of four lines each, and two lines out of each set of four had to rhyme.

Just like how in the Cinquain thread, no one is required to follow traditional Cinquain format, other than five lines with specific ideas for each line. True cinquains actually limit the amount of total syllables you have in each line.

Not snarkin' at ya; just make sure you get your facts straight.

[B]Edit:[/B] Confound it, [COLOR=Indigo]Indi[/COLOR], we did it again![/FONT]

[Aberinkula]

[SIZE="1"][COLOR="DarkSlateGray"]I know it's Sabrina's rules, I read them all before I made my poem. But it's my vote so I'm using my experience to help form my opinion. :p It may be someone elses rules, but I'm not forcing her to change them, but it's still how I'm basing my vote, from what I've learned.

May seem foolish, dumb and immature, but that's the way I think and I"m sticking to it. [/COLOR][/SIZE]

[Aaryanna_Mom]

Both poems here speak of seasons in a different manner, the first of the actual cycle itself, the second of one experiencing it first hand and the beauty of seeing it. The thing that draws me the most is how the first one seems to call to itself a bit, as if nature is the one celebrating the change. So with that thought in mind, I choose to vote for [B]indifference[/B].

[Shy]

[size=1]I live in a part of the country where we don't really have seasons. It was nearly 100 degrees yesterday, and during the winter most people wear shorts around town. For that reason it's difficult for me to connect to Indy's poem, even though she had some very strong imagery.

To me the seasons are all about traditions and memories, so for that reason I'll be voting for [b]Sunfall[/b]. Indy's poem was better from a technical standpoint, but it didn't present the unique viewpoint that is required for writing about an ultra-generic subject matter.

-Shy[/size]

[Raiha]

[FONT="Times New Roman"][COLOR="DarkOrchid"][i][b]Oh Crystia Crystia Crystia.[/b] With a hint of ice, I'll take it. That secured your victory for me.

But still, hard choices. Two divas duking it out in a duel of delightful devastation is just so dastardly disorderly.... ........alas.[/i][/COLOR][/FONT]

[Gavin]

[SIZE="1"]This is actually the one I've been dreading having to choose a winner for.

Crys, I loved your opening paragraph. I'm one of those romantic types who absolutely loves snow in winter, despite the fact we rarely get it. I also liked the way you cycled through the seasons, which I think given the theme of the poem, was almost a prerequisite. If I had to nit-pick something, I think you focused slightly too much on the winter aspect of the seasons, at the expense of the others.

Beth, I really liked your poem too, your middle paragraph especially I felt really captured the romanticism of the changing seasons. Again, as with Crys, if I had to nit-pick, I felt you didn't distinguish enough between seasons.

Alright, I actually can't choose, so I'm going to leave this to chance/fate/God and flip a coin.

[b]SunfallE[/b] you won the toss.[/SIZE]

[Sandy]

I liked [B]indifference[/B]'s approach to the subject of "Seasons" better, although I have to applaud Beth for overcoming her fear of poems that she had in OB Survivor 4. Great job, both of you.

I actually like art related to seasons and their changing, no matter how worn-out the subject might be.

[Rachmaninoff]

[B]Crystia [/B]- The thing that brings your poem together the most is the hint of ice. The shortness of the season's between only reminds me of how short spring summer and fall can be here in Utah. It feels like you're telling the story of seasons from the perspective of where you live, something I can relate to.

[B]Beth[/B] - Your poem is more about someone experiencing and cherishing the seasons. Something I can also relate to since what makes them so enjoyable in the first place is what a person gets out of it. It speaks of the seasons making one feel alive.

Of the two, and believe me this isn't an easy choice, I feel more connected to [B]Crystia[/B]'s poem so she gets my vote.

[Sabrina]

[FONT="Tahoma"]Thank you very much everyone for your poems and participation on all sides. With indifference receiving 7 votes and SunfallE 4 votes... [B]indifference[/B] wins this round. Congratulations! You advance to the second round. :catgirl:[/FONT]