Teen Parent

[Ol' Fighter]

I'm going to get straight to the point here and say what's been bothering me and that being I "knocked up" my high school sweethart and am on my way to father-hood well, teen pregnancy type father-hood but it's been bothering me a bit like what's it going to be like and what the hell now and just the whole situation is crazy but my girlfriend whom I love dearly is just as relaxed and sweet as ever so my question to everyone (especially those who have experienced this before or are currently parents) is what to expect and how do I prepare mentally?

[Kitchen Sink]

[youtube="Kids!"]wQ9c-wC6x-g[/youtube]


Welcome, to your brave new world!

[Ol' Fighter]

[quote name='Kitchen Sink'][youtube="Kids!"]wQ9c-wC6x-g[/youtube]


Welcome, to your brave new world![/QUOTE]

Guess I'd better buy lots and lots of cakes then...:animesigh

[Odin M Yggdrasi]

Here's what to do.

1. Get a job. And not just any old job, I'm talking 2-3 full time jobs doing anything you can possibly do. She needs to get a job as well, otherwise you'll never have enough money.

2. You can forget college. Between working to pay for your kid and spending time with her and the kid you won't ever have a chance to go.

3. Don't even think about getting government aid. They'd be all too willing to hand it out, and you would piss off everyry hard-working middle class person out there by getting handouts at their expense.

4. (Should probably be #1 or #2): Marry the girl.

5. Before your kid has a chance to have the same thing happen to them, educate them on safe sex and how to avoid having this kind of thing happen, so that they don't end up in the same situation as you.

[Horendithas]

[COLOR="Indigo"][quote name='Odin M Yggdrasi']3. Don't even think about getting government aid. They'd be all too willing to hand it out, and you would piss off everyry hard-working middle class person out there by getting handouts at their expense. [/QUOTE]My advice for you... Ignore this one. Government aid is there for a reason and letting your kid suffer just because someone [I]might[/I] find it annoying is pretty stupid. There are a lot of good programs out there that are meant to benefit the kid and not you. So don't let that mentality scare you away from getting aid if you really need it.[/COLOR]

[chibi-master]

For one, marry the girl! (DUH!) Job and child now, college and stuff later. But Odin already said this stuff, so...yeah...go Odin. Urgh! Sorry for wasting your time!><;

EDIT: Oh yeah, there's probably going to be some problems emotion wise, so just remember, she's all chalk-full of hormones and a baby! Try not to get too frustrated with her moodiness, 'kay?

[Gavin]

[quote name='Indi'][COLOR="Indigo"]My advice for you... Ignore this one. Government aid is there for a reason and letting your kid suffer just because someone [I]might[/I] find it annoying is pretty stupid. There are a lot of good programs out there that are meant to benefit the kid and not you. So don't let that mentality scare you away from getting aid if you really need it.[/COLOR][/QUOTE]

[SIZE="1"]Completely agree, the idea that you should pass up aid that would help you ensure your child is fed, clothed and kept safe on the grounds of what someone else would think of you would be laughable except for the implications.

Personally knowing a few people who've been in the teen pregnancy situation, I would also advise you to finish high-school and certainly get through college. Your opportunities to provide for the child through employment by having a college degree of some kind will be drastically better than without. If one of the sets of grandparents would be willing to care for the child while you're both at college, and I'm sure they would, then so much the better.[/SIZE]

[Allamorph]

[FONT=Arial]Yo, [COLOR=DarkRed]Odin[/COLOR]. When offering advice to a guy who's a little blindsided but trying to do the right thing, the best way to respond is as follows:

[CENTER]Offer all advice in a
[SIZE="3"]SUPPORTIVE MANNER[/SIZE][/CENTER]
Regardless of whether or not you're right on all counts (which is highly debatable), the basic undertone of that post was: "Dude, you're an ***, and now all bright futures are gone, crushed, and burned. Congratulations." Nicely done.


Right, [COLOR=DarkRed]Fighter[/COLOR], here's the thing. College is still an option, but it's highly contingent on how many jobs you get. Three full-time jobs will drain you faster than a keg at a frat house; and with the time that kind of extreme commitment requires, you may also end up spending exactly nil time with your kid, who [U]will[/U] need your presence. Now, two or three [I]part-time[/I] jobs would be a more feasible option, but even that might leave you grouchy and short-tempered around a young buoyant kid who doesn't deserve getting snapped at. (Which you would, even if you wouldn't mean to. I've said some really nasty things to my own siblings before I realized my mouth was open. Stuff happens.)

If you end up with a full-time job, you can still take a class or two a semester and work through a degree that way. Sure, it's gonna take a lot longer than four years to muddle through, but it's certainly not out of the question; and I'm sure there'll be faculty who can appreciate your situation and who'll be willing to work with you. And in the meantime you're gaining good amounts of work experience to pad your resume.

Seeking government aid is your decision to make. That's about all I can say there.

And most of all, don't let stuff get ya down. Mistakes happen, but it ain't the end of the world, and least of all your life. It just means stuff gets harder. Like upping the difficulty on life.

Definitely pwnable. =P[/FONT]

[Raiha]

[COLOR="DarkOrchid"][FONT="Times New Roman"]I'd say Mazel Tov, but odds are your slightly freaking out in the way someone realizing he doesn't have health insurance and yet has Stage II liver cancer feels.

Don't feel bad though. People here on the whole are supportive when they're not wallowing in self righteous jerk-dom. And since I've seen your position before, yet wouldn't presume to know exactly how you feel, I can only say that the best thing you can do now beside taking Allamorph and Indi and Gavin's advice is to give your girlfriend the love and support she'll be needing more than ever. I've been the pregnant girl, and while I didn't stay pregnant I felt alone even though I had people to support me.

Nobody can really know how bad it's going to be for the mother of your child, since she's the one that has to hold the damn thing inside her for the next several months. So breakfast in bed, kisses, compliments, they won't go amiss. And this too, will pass, so I'm not going to tell you that your life will ever go back to the way things were, but the ability to bear it will eventually become easier.[/FONT][/COLOR]

[Ol' Fighter]

Thanks everyone for the advice and let me add a few things, I'm totally done with high school graduated with a 3.1 overall, wasn't the brightest star in the sky but I've got other talents that make up for it, I'm a certified nurse's assistant and I'm working at a hospice center and the pay's great so money really isn't a big issue and as far as her getting a job I'm kind of against it because, well...she's preganant and what if something happens to the baby so I prefer her not to work, and as far as someone else taking care of my kid, ABSOLUTLY NOT because I never new my real parents or anything and I was cared for by my foster mom and dad for pretty much my entire life so I don't want my kid to feel like the way I used to you know, even if it was my or her family it still wouldn't be what I want. To continue on I right now succumb to her every need no matter what it may be but every now and then I totally piss her off without knowing so I'm still trying to prepare for everything and anything mentally and sometimes physically because on a fuuny note she so kicks me in the nads when I really piss her off or do something stupid.

[visualkei]

[QUOTE]Government aid is there for a reason and letting your kid suffer just because someone might find it annoying is pretty stupid. There are a lot of good programs out there that are meant to benefit the kid and not you. So don't let that mentality scare you away from getting aid if you really need it.[/QUOTE]

Got to agree with this one. If you want to get government support, it's there for you if you choose. I'm middle class, pay taxes, and it doesn't bug me that some of my money goes to people who need it.

As far as advice on marrying the girl, I have to disagree. It's up to you and the girl if you want to get married, but I don't think that is necessary. Throwing marriage into the mix out of this situation could bring you two closer together, or it'll cause more pressure for you both, so if you're considering it, think long and hard about it. I don't see anything wrong with accepting responsibility without getting married.

College is hard, but not impossible. I don't think it's priority as of now, though. =)

It's not bad to think that money's not a problem, but I think the kid's gonna cost a lot more than you think. Unless you're living with your parents, it's going to be a giant chunk out of your pocket.

Good luck, man.

[Allamorph]

[quote name='Lonley Fighter']I'm a certified nurse's assistant and I'm working at a hospice center and the pay's great[/quote]
[FONT=Arial]That's good news already. Means doing some classes on the side to build up to full nurse is an easy route, and won't really be a problem if you decide you want the status-boost; and yeah, I expect the pay there to be good.

[QUOTE][I]and as far as her getting a job I'm kind of against it because, well...she's preganant and what if something happens to the baby so I prefer her not to work,[/I][/QUOTE]
Oh, not [I]now[/I], silly. More like after she's had the kid and back to moving again. And as far as I know, working during the first (and possibly the second) trimester isn't really a problem.

[QUOTE][I]I was cared for by my foster mom and dad for pretty much my entire life so I don't want my kid to feel like the way I used to you know[/I][/QUOTE]
You're a good man for that. Never let anyone tell you different. (^_^)

[QUOTE][I]To continue on I right now succumb to her every need no matter what it may be....[/I][/QUOTE]
Well, within [I]reason[/I], man. :p I mean, pickles and ice cream ain't so bad, but I expect you to draw the line at the Cribomatic 4000. :D[/FONT]

[Roxie Faye]

[color=#9933ff]I'm very glad to see that you're doing the right thing by supporting your girlfriend, and already (mentally) taking responsibility for the (soon to be born) child. There are a lot, and I mean a lot of guys who would totally take off in the middle of the daytime and not look back. You're already on the right track.

I would definitely suggest looking into government aid as well. Like Indi said, government aid is there for a reason, might as well take it.

College is your choice - my suggestion is to look into something like night school so that you can still work to support the child but also get a college degree which really will help you get higher pay, but that's just my opinion.

You don't necessarily have to marry her, and I'm thinking doing so might not be in either of your best interests. Most teen couples who get pregnant and subsequently get married actually get divorced after a couple years. If you want to marry her because you love her and she's the center of your world, that's one thing. If you're marrying her for the sake of the child, that's another, and inadvisable.

I know someone who did this, and I'd also consider looking into not signing the birth certificate, and only having the mother's name. I only advise this on the un-researched assumption that it would qualify the child for more federal aid, things like free school lunches, or even a larger scholarship for college, or whatever. Obviously you'd have to look into that, do your research, talk to some people, and discuss it with your girlfriend, but you've got nine months to do it.

I'm not sure anyone, whether you're 18 or 48, is really ready to be a parent when they hear the news, but you've got nine months to sort it out for yourself. Read some books on parenting, child development, and being a father. There's no 'parent manual' but those books might help.

Best of everything for you, your girlfriend, and the little one.[/color]

[Sandy]

[quote name='MistressRoxie'][color=#9933ff]You don't necessarily have to marry her, and I'm thinking doing so might not be in either of your best interests. Most teen couples who get pregnant and subsequently get married actually get divorced after a couple years. If you want to marry her because you love her and she's the center of your world, that's one thing. If you're marrying her for the sake of the child, that's another, and inadvisable.[/color][/quote]

I don't know how marriage works there at the United States, but in my country it gives both social and monetary security, in the form of inheritance rights and many services.

And I don't believe that marriage causes splitting up itself,I think most of the divorced couples would've split up even if they hadn't gotten married in the first place.

So even though I believe couples can live happily together for a lifetime without being married to each other, for the child's sake you should at least look into the pros and cons of marriage.

[quote name='MistressRoxie'][color=#9933ff]I know someone who did this, and I'd also consider looking into not signing the birth certificate, and only having the mother's name. I only advise this on the un-researched assumption that it would qualify the child for more federal aid, things like free school lunches, or even a larger scholarship for college, or whatever. Obviously you'd have to look into that, do your research, talk to some people, and discuss it with your girlfriend, but you've got nine months to do it.[/color][/QUOTE]

You mean he would give up his rights as a parent and a father to give the kid some monetary benefits? How can you even compare those two things? The child would obviously not inherit him without a specified will, and he would lose all rights to make decisions in the child's life.

Look, I know they're quite young for parenthood, but it's not automatically a negative thing that will drain their money and ruin their future. With some support from their families and friends, I believe Lonley Fighter and his girlfriend will do just fine.

And Lonley Fighter, despite you growing up in a foster home and all that, please [I]don't[/I] refuse help when it's offered to you. There will become times when you or your girlfriend can't be with your child 24/7, but I guarantee that the kid won't hate you for that. Daycare or baby-sitting is [I]not[/I] equal to foster care. It's only temporary.

[Ol' Fighter]

[quote name='Sandy']
And Lonley Fighter, despite you growing up in a foster home and all that, please [I]don't[/I] refuse help when it's offered to you. There will become times when you or your girlfriend can't be with your child 24/7, but I guarantee that the kid won't hate you for that. Daycare or baby-sitting is [I]not[/I] equal to foster care. It's only temporary.[/QUOTE]

Yeah, your right, that was kind of selfish of me it's just I'm pretty sensitive when I comes to things like that and from the whole ordeal I myself have become kind of like a lone wolf but of course if it was needed I would get a baby-sitter or daycare provider.

Now about the marrage... after about 10 hours ( seriously... :animesigh) of telling eachother how we really felt it turns out she doesn't want to really think about that right now at this stage which is totally understandable so we both agreed marrage can take a back seat for now and we'll focus mainly on our child and income.

On another note government aid is something that I would only seek out as a last resort because I'm not exactly poor or in a finacial hole or anything so I would kind of feel a little fraudulant.

And college as of right now is an option but I don't want to put all that extra pressure on myself and I don't want my shcedule to say, kid, work, college. I know a lot of other people do it but I would much rather prefer kid and work besides, I'm only 18 college can wait a bit.

And Allamorph, I'm sorry but I so can't stop being so nice to her, I'm that really nice guy that gets walked over right now.

[Roxie Faye]

[color=#9933ff][b]Sandy:[/b]
In regards to marriage, I'm just citing statistics that I've read about before. And yes, there are certain benefits that come along with marriage. Pros and cons - you're recommending one thing and I'm recommending the other.

And I'm not going to get into the institution of marriage; that's best left for another thread.

In regards to my other suggestion, like I said, I *know* someone who did that and it's working quite well for them, actually. It's a personal choice that's Lonely Fighter and his girlfriend's decision to make, but I'm offering that suggestion. If you're suggesting they look into marriage for "the sake of the child," even if they may not be completely and utterly head over heels in love with each other, so am I throwing out a suggestion for "the sake of the child." *shrug*[/color]

[Allamorph]

[quote name='Lonley Fighter']Now about the marrage... after about 10 hours ( seriously... :animesigh) of telling eachother how we really felt it turns out she doesn't want to really think about that right now at this stage which is totally understandable so we both agreed marrage can take a back seat for now and we'll focus mainly on our child and income.[/quote]
[FONT=Arial]Hmm. You guys sure you're not making a bigger deal out of it than need be? The reason the institution exists is to publicly recognize the mutual decision of two people who now wish to live as one, and the reason it is 'public' is so that the community can support you. It shouldn't be a term that causes people to quake upon hearing it.

However, I agree that the decision cannot be a snap thing. In the Old World, if you (as a man in a male-dominated culture) screwed around and got the same results, instantaneous marriage would be the best means to save face for both parties. Since you seem to be less focused on the 'mistake' and more focused on what you need to do now, I don't really think you have any face in need of saving, so the decision can wait.

I would recommend it, though. And I would like to counter both [COLOR="DarkRed"]Roxie[/COLOR] [I]and[/I] [COLOR="DarkRed"]Sandy[/COLOR]; marriage only for the kid or only for the girl, while good reasons, are still flawed. Marry her for both their sakes, and for yours. I think you might be happier that way. Sure seems like that's what's in your head. (^_^)

[QUOTE][I]And college as of right now is an option but I don't want to put all that extra pressure on myself and I don't want my shcedule to say, kid, work, college. I know a lot of other people do it but I would much rather prefer kid and work besides, I'm only 18 college can wait a bit.[/I][/QUOTE]
That works. And yes, it can.

[QUOTE][I]And Allamorph, I'm sorry but I so can't stop being so nice to her, I'm that really nice guy that gets walked over right now.[/I][/QUOTE]
Aw shucks, man, don't be sorry. It ain't a bad thing. Besides, I was half-joking anyway.[/FONT]

[Akieen Cloud]

[COLOR="Navy"][FONT="Comic Sans MS"]Okay, being in your shoes about 2 years ago I know what your going through, my husband and I were going through the same thing a few years ago. Every piece of advice up here has been great, the only thing I can give you more is this much, just be patient, girls and guys take this kinda thing differently, like you said you were worried and she was just a calm as can be, Having kids can be really stressful, I know my husband and I separated plenty of times before we finally did get married. So I mean if things happen just think it might have to happen. But as far as getting married I'm in agreement with the ones who say you should wait, it's best just to see how things go, there's nothing worse than a kid being in the middle of two parents who really don't want to be together but are that way just for the kid. It's a bad situation that I've been in and its not fun. As far as outside help goes, take it where you can get it. My husband is an E3 in the Navy and we're still getting government help you'll need, babies aren't cheap and formula alone is like close to 30 bucks and it only lasts maybe 2 and a half weeks. So take the help, you will need it, here's just a small list of things you'll need to start.

Clothes,
Blankets
Diapers
Bottles
Bottle nipples
Bottle brush
Formula
Bassenet
Crib
Bassenet sheets
Crib sheets
Spit clothes
Car seat

So I mean all that together is close to 300 bucks, trust me, I've done it twice now. It get expensive fast so if the only thing you take from some one who has been there, take the help as soon as you can get it. It helps, even if just a little bit. I really hope everything goes well and I wish you the best of luck.[/FONT][/COLOR]

[Darren]

[SIZE="1"]Okay... *Few supportive pats on the back*

This may not have happened directly to me, but let's just say that I became Uncle Darren at an age I was NOT expecting. My brother had his first kid when he was a junior in high school. He had his second just after he graduated high school.

College is always an option! Don't let your having a child hinder you. There is so much financial aid and scholarships available if you want them. But knowing that you're a CNA, here's my next bit of advice: A CNA's pay is nice and all, but it's not enough to support a child. You should look into LPN classes. My mom works as a medical staffing administrator and you can get LPN schooling paid for by hospitals, if you agree to work for them up 3 years after your schooling. Basically: More pay, less grunt-work, and way more stability... It's always worth it to further your academic endeavors.

Government aid will definitely help: WIC, Food Stamps, Medicaid, etc.
You qualify for all of these if you're going to be filing independently for 2008. If not, then your parents, or her parents, or whoever should be able to help you out. The point is, if you're independent when you apply for these programs, you'll get more. (But I don't think you should take it all just because you can. Only take what you need)

Lastly, I can't stress this enough:
[SIZE="4"]DO NOT MARRY HER![/SIZE]
I know that some of the other members have suggested it, but this might not be the best option for you. I should know: My brother and his girlfriend got married briefly after they had his first-born, and they didn't even make it a full year.
Now this could have something to do with how much they loved each other. (Because I've always thought his definition is more on the lust side) But just the same, having a child and trying to become an independent family is one of the most stressful things a young couple can go through. (Again, I've seen this first-hand) It's best to wait and see if you both still want to be together after the rough times are over. If you decide to get married afterwards, go for it. If you decide to split up, then you'll have had the child-rearing experience (and hopefully maturity) to know what to do next. Plus, you won't have to go through the annulment process.[/SIZE]

[Allamorph]

[QUOTE=Darren][SIZE="1"]Lastly, I can't stress this enough:
[SIZE="4"]DO NOT MARRY HER![/SIZE]
I know that some of the other members have suggested it, but this might not be the best option for you. I should know: My brother and his girlfriend got married briefly after they had his first-born, and they didn't even make it a full year.
Now this could have something to do with how much they loved each other. (Because I've always thought his definition is more on the lust side) But just the same, having a child and trying to become an independent family is one of the most stressful things a young couple can go through. (Again, I've seen this first-hand) It's best to wait and see if you both still want to be together after the rough times are over. If you decide to get married afterwards, go for it. If you decide to split up, then you'll have had the child-rearing experience (and hopefully maturity) to know what to do next. Plus, you won't have to go through the annulment process.[/SIZE][/QUOTE]
[FONT=Arial]Respectfully, man, that is possibly the most cynical, pessimistic, hopeless take on the situation I can think of. And I know you mean well. But I think you're focusing on all the wrong outcomes based on one (or more) scenario(s) you have witnessed. So let's look at your phrasing here and see what doubts you might have caused in the process of trying to help.

First, you started with an example of what [I]can[/I] happen and suggest that the possibility should impact the majority of his thinking process. The implied statement behind that is "my brother didn't even make it one year; how long do you think [I]you'll [/I]last?" That's extraordinarily pessimistic; instead of having him ask 'how can this work', you want him to think 'what if it doesn't'? Why? Planning contingencies is one thing, but why set yourself up for failure (which was also implied through the tone)? The more you worry about things going wrong, the more likely you are to believe things have gone wrong.

Second, you voiced concerns about your brother's true feelings. Whether you meant to or not, you've now cast doubt into his mind; the implied thought being "what if I [I]don't[/I] really love her?" Again, setting yourself up for failure. If you want to love a girl, then love her. It's part effort anyway. (And [I]I[/I] have personal experience to back that one up.)

Third, you're right about the upcoming times being stressful, but you mention them as if they're somehow inherently bad. They are neither; they're just difficult, and they [U]can[/U] [U]be[/U] [U]overcome[/U]. And if this couple [I]does[/I] overcome them together, why would they then want to separate when the fair weather returns?

Also, in the big picture the rough times are never really over. You get through one storm and get a few bits of calm before the next one, but with each one you conquer you are better able to face the successive trials. If this relationship lasts through this fire?which it has a good chance to do, despite the possible bleak outcomes?why break what the fire has now forged?

And then the part that really gets me:
[QUOTE][I][SIZE="1"]Plus, you won't have to go through the annulment process.[/SIZE][/I][/QUOTE]
This implies that they'll separate anyway, and not 'officially' joining means less expenses all around. Good advice [I]economically[/I], but again you're focusing on the negative instead of the positive.

Again, I know you mean well. But that was a stream of "if this goes south, you're gonna have to do [I]this[/I] and [I]this[/I] and . . . ," and that's just not healthy thinking.

Point is, if you want something to work, and you think about how to make it work, your head's better set up to figure out ways to make it work.

My father spent a year in México to make things work for us, and he only got to see us one day a month. I betcha he had doubts, too. But he didn't focus on them.[/FONT]

[Darren]

[quote name='Allamorph'][FONT=Arial]Respectfully, man, that is possibly the most cynical, pessimistic, hopeless take on the situation I can think of.[/FONT][/QUOTE]

Me? Cynical? Hmmm...

I didn't really mean for the comment to sound like that, but then again, I was merely giving opinions. (Which was what the thread is for) And since you know I meant well even if it sounded pessimistic, why so angry? I've based my advice on what I've actually seen first-hand. And maybe it's pessimistic because I thought my brother's marriage would fail from the start. However, I believe it's better to be a realist rather than fill your head with fantasies. And if I implied a "What if it fails?" scenario, then I would say that equally implies a "What if it succeeds?" scenario. After all, only Lonely Fighter knows how the situation truly is. And if my measly comment could fill him with doubt about whether he loves her not, then he doesn't.

I do know that of all the teen pregnancies that occurred in my brother's graduating class (there were four) they were the only ones to get married. They're also the only ones who aren't together today...
If only I had some kind of statistic to show how many teen marriages actually work. :rolleyes:
Not that any of that matters anyway since, in my opinion, marriage was the least important thing (in my mind) that I [I]apparently tried[/I] to give advice on.

[SunfallE]

[COLOR="RoyalBlue"][FONT="Lucida Sans Unicode"]You know Darren, using [B]all caps[/B] to advise someone to avoid marriage does make you look [B]very[/B] cynical. ^_~ No need to shout for your advice to be heard you know. So slow down and ease off the shouting okay? Anyway...

In my opinion, you're better off getting counseling from someone who really is a counselor Lonley Fighter. There are a lot of programs out there that will help people in your type of situation and they're far better qualified than anyone here. [/FONT][/COLOR]

[James]

[font=franklin gothic medium]I think that everyone else here has pretty much covered this, but I did have a couple of thoughts about it as I was reading responses.

First of all, you guys have obviously chosen to keep this child so you've also therefore made the decision to support and parent it.

I can understand that it's easy to be freaked out by the prospect of suddenly becoming a parent, but I think that your primary bases seem to be covered at the moment (i.e. you have a well-paying job and a solid relationship with your girlfriend). These two elements are, I think, very important. They're probably fundamentally important.

It goes without saying that your girlfriend is going to need all the support she can get, both financially and emotionally. She needs to feel secure and loved and she needs to know that you will be there no matter what.

So, whether or not you marry (which I see as a separate issue), you [i]do[/i] need to be there in support of your child.

In terms of whether or not your girlfriend works, I think that really depends on what she wants to do and what your financial position is. If you need the money, then yes, I think she should work - it's more than possible to work right up until she's close to being due (depending, of course, on the type of work she's doing). Exercise is beneficial during pregnancy, for sure.

Certainly though, once she has given birth, she's probably going to be better to stay at home (given what you've said about not wanting to involve outsiders in that time of your child's life).

There are two things I'd say about that though. First, that time is going to be the [i]most[/i] important time for you to support her. She's going to need your help at home and she's going to need you to be around as much as you can be. It will be very stressful for her and the extra support will be invaluable.

Also, don't be afraid to seek the support of extended family (whether yours or hers). [i]Any[/i] outside family support is a major help, especially to give her a night off here and there. At least, if you do have the option, I think you should take it where possible.

Anyway, I don't really know what else to say here. I think a lot of these things will unfold naturally and you will work your way through the issues as they arise.

As long as you're covering the fundamental bases that I mentioned earlier, though, you'll be fine. Just remember to put your child before everything else. In that vein, I would not be too concerned with the question of whether or not you marry her. If you choose to marry, that's fine, but right now your child's birth is the most critical factor - worry about this before worrying too much about marriage.[/font]

[Retribution]

[quote name='Lonley Fighter']I'm going to get straight to the point here and say what's been bothering me and that being I "knocked up" my high school sweethart and am on my way to father-hood well, teen pregnancy type father-hood but it's been bothering me a bit like what's it going to be like and what the hell now and just the whole situation is crazy but my girlfriend whom I love dearly is just as relaxed and sweet as ever so my question to everyone (especially those who have experienced this before or are currently parents) is what to expect and how do I prepare mentally?[/QUOTE]

[font=Arial]Persuade her to abort IMHO. Otherwise, your youth is essentially put to an end. No college, no carefree summers, no family stability for your future child. To be totally frank, you're probably not adequately prepared to care for a baby (emotionally or financially). I mean, you're not an adult yourself, so how can you raise a child? How are you going to pay for its expenses? Are you going to get a house with your future wife? And if so, how will you pay for it?

If you have a child, it will be extraordinarily difficult to attend college. I'm not saying it's impossible, only that it will be a great challenge for you. If you end up without a degree, your earning capacity [i]for life[/i] is impacted for the worse. Sure, you can always go back and get a degree later, but the odds are against you in this one too. And not having a degree [i]and[/i] having a child early on in life both significantly decrease the chances of your child going to college. It's going to be a tough cycle to break.

All I'm saying is try to think very long term, not just dealing with this immediately. I just think teenage pregnancy has been sugar-coated too much as of late, so I'm sorry if I come off as "overly negative" or "trying to tear you down". But seriously, consider the profound nature of a childbirth and it's far-reaching consequences. [/font]

[Akieen Cloud]

[COLOR="Navy"][FONT="Comic Sans MS"]I will have to disagree with some thing Retribution. Tying to convince her to abort IMHO is probably one of the worst things you could possibly do. Let her decided that. As far as no family stability goes so not true, if your parents and her parents are willing to help it will be easier. I should know, I've been there done that. College is still definitely an option. As for no carefree summers, still not true. My husband and still have fun with each other and our two kids. We had our first son while we were in high school so Fighter you have one on us but we did alright, we got married, but like others have said not before we knew it was what we wanted, so I mean its not impossible to make it work, oh as a side note, Darren you were looking for a successful teen pregnancy that worked out where the parents got married, my husband and I are one of them. We've been married nearly 2 years and have 2 kids. So there ya go.[/FONT][/COLOR]