Teen Parent

[Sara]

[quote name='Odin M Yggdrasi']3. Don't even think about getting government aid. They'd be all too willing to hand it out, and you would piss off everyry hard-working middle class person out there by getting handouts at their expense. [/QUOTE]I cannot think of a reply sarcastic enough to express how frustrated I am with your ignorance and self-importance.

[eleanor]

[font=trebuchet ms] I agree with Retribution. I think abortion is an option you should consider seriously. I'm not saying it's something you must do, but I think it's a very solid option. Whether or not you find it ethically moral or not is up to you, however.

It's true that teenage pregnancy has been sugar-coated. I mean, look at this thread. No one even brought up abortion until the second page, and people have so far, in a sense, been saying "it'll be tough but if you cover these bases you'll be fine."

The way I look at it, you won't be 'fine'. Even though you have a good-paying job, you love your girlfriend and are willing to go those extra miles, you're still 18. I looked at your profile, and hell, we were pretty much born around the same time. You're barely an adult, I find it difficult to believe that you have the strength to truly support a child. I'm not trying to be mean about it, either, but my own parents went through hell when they had their first child, and they were in the mid-20s.

There are plenty of teenage pregnancies that have good turnouts, like Knuckles' Girl wrote. But there are plenty of, possibly more, teenage pregnancies that don't turn out well.

If you have already made up your mind, then the advice others have given in this thread (other than Odin M Yggrasi) is here for you. I wish the best for you, and that you'll make a decision that you really believe in.[/font]

[Sabrina]

[FONT="Tahoma"]And for those of you advising abortion... you're forgetting to mention the option they have for giving the child up for adoption. :rolleyes: You don't have to "kill" the kid to hand the burden over to someone else who can better take care of the kid. There are a lot of married couples who can't have kids who would be thrilled to adopt. So before you even consider that option Lonley Fighter, keep in mind that abortion should be the very[I] last [/I]thing you consider, in my opinion. [/FONT]

[Akieen Cloud]

[COLOR="Navy"][FONT="Comic Sans MS"]I agree with Sabrina. I can not believe i didn't think about that as well. My husbands cousin was adopted and she loves them to death. It doesn't mean your bad parents for giving the child for adoption it means your willing to think of whats best for the child. In my opinion the thing that alot of us are trying to say is just think of what's best for the child over all. At least that's what I think is most important.[/FONT][/COLOR]

[DeathKnight]

[color=crimson]I have the great fortune of being three things relevant to this thread: A child born to a teenage mother, an adoptee [or whatever the politically correct term is], and someone who was almost aborted.

To put a child up for adoption you should consider greatly how healthy the system is in your state. For example, I live in Texas and we have a notoriously overburdened, underfunded social welfare system across the board. Reflecting on the good fortune of having been adopted by the same people who adopted my biological mother, I wonder how things would have turned out if I had ended up going through the motions of foster care and trying to find a good family. It may have turned out well but there is no guarantee there. Finding a couple who wants to adopt and circumventing the foster system would give the kid a great deal better chances.

For abortion, personal views come into but it is a good option. Uh, if you do seriously near the point of aborting it you probably shouldn't mention it to them until they are older - hearing that is several levels of psychological discomfort and angst which, for me, gave way to general amusement that I am here only due to a very thin thread of luck that my biological mother's pregnancy we discovered before she could terminate me. How would I feel if I had been aborted? I ask that in a jesting way since, really, I was not alive as far as my memories go until I was around two or three and I hold no negative feelings to my biological mother for considering abortion.

What is best for you as the father, the mother, and the kid-to-be? I don't know, no one in this thread does. Throw away any kind of fanciful dreams and focus on the reality of the situation. Scenarios sound reasonable often until you are in the thick of them, so dwell on it for a bit.[/color]

[Aaryanna_Mom]

Goodness, kids advising another kid on how to approach parenthood. For starters I?ll outright say it, ignore Odin M Yggdrasi?s advice completely, about the only good thing they told you was about making sure your kid gets sex education and that?s it. I assure you, I?m not overlooking the marriage bit, I?ll get to that in a moment here.

Now it?s been said, but aid is there for a reason so don?t overlook a possible resource that can help you take care of your family.

It?s also been said, but the idea that pregnancy means no working for the mother is absolutely absurd. Let the doctor determine that hun. He or she will let you know if your girlfriend needs to not work while she?s expecting. I?ve had both types of pregnancies, one where it was recommended that I not work and others were it was considered fine.

Don?t pass up the chance to let family members help out; I assure you most of us love babysitting our grandkids. That kind of family support is healthy and kids love to be spoiled by grandma or grandpa.

Now I?m going to go against the grain slightly here and tell you that having a kid doesn?t mean instant marriage. If you and her care about each other in that manner then definitely consider it. But if you do not, don?t put the poor kid through that kind of hell. If the parents do nothing but fight, that?s harder on a kid than having parents who aren?t married.

And finally, if you are looking at abortion, consider the adoption stance first; as Sabrina pointed out there are a lot of couples out there who can?t have kids who would be thrilled to have the chance to adopt. Abortion really should be the very last thing you consider unless there are health issues.

[Roxie Faye]

[quote name='SunfallE'][COLOR="RoyalBlue"][FONT="Lucida Sans Unicode"]In my opinion, you're better off getting counseling from someone who really is a counselor Lonley Fighter. There are a lot of programs out there that will help people in your type of situation and they're far better qualified than anyone here. [/FONT][/COLOR][/QUOTE]
[color=#9933ff]You know, I completely agree with that. Fantastic suggestion, SunfallE. (And no, that wasn't sarcasm, I'm being genuine.)[/color]

[eleanor]

[font=trebuchet ms] Yeah, in retrospect, I agree completely with SunfallE. It's not the best idea to look for advice from an online forum on such a serious topic, even if our advice has good intentions. [/font]

[Rachmaninoff]

I'm going to just simply say follow what SunfallE said and talk to someone who actually has a clue what they are talking about. They'll be able to let you know what your options are and actually know what kind of help you can get if you need it. None of us know what we are talking about, other than perhaps the few who are parents who have commented.

[visualkei]

I noticed that some people have brought up the fact that no one's mentioned abortion. Although I thought about suggesting it, the question seemed like Lonely Fighter was asking how to prepare for a pregnancy and family.

And yes, pro-counseling is better than this. lol.

[Ol' Fighter]

Okay here's the deal...abortion is a HELL NOOOO, I on a personal level, am against it and it's just so something I and I know for a fact my girlfriend aren't even considering.

Adoption...how can you guys be so insensitive as to say that to a guy who has never really met his real parents...that's just mean, besides her mother already suggested that and she nearly got her head chewed off.

Another thing...for all you guys who think I'm not "man" enough or too incompetent to handle this overall situation, you got me mixed up with someone else. I have been through so much these past 10 years and every event so far up to now has just made me stronger. I don't care how hard something will potentially be I absolutly will perserver.

Marrage, like I said before is the last thing on our minds right now, we're just focusing on our finances, the baby, and housing that goes as well for college. I will however be looking into taking on LPN classes for better pay next month.

Aid be it from my or her family or the government will be a last resort and I will only consider it if we really need it. I know I can be a bit of a knucklehead somethimes but I will reach out if I need help besides, she'd make me.

And also I really should of from the start talked to other nurses as well as some of the doctors, I do after all work in a hospital...stupid on my part but for everyone that gave their advice I verily thank you but I think I'll go to a proffesional on this one but again thank you everyone.

[DeathKnight]

[quote name='Lonley Fighter']Adoption...how can you guys be so insensitive as to say that to a guy who has never really met his real parents...that's just mean, besides her mother already suggested that and she nearly got her head chewed off.
[/QUOTE]

[color=crimson]Haha, come on man, I've never met my dad and seen my mom four times in the past twenty years. Insensitivity is impossible, we're kindred spirits.

Grab some professional opinions, but I'm not too fast to discredit the advice given in this thread simply because of the intelligence this board is notorious for.[/color]

[Raiha]

[quote name='DeathKnight'][color=crimson]
Grab some professional opinions, but I'm not too fast to discredit the advice given in this thread simply because of the intelligence this board is notorious for.[/color][/QUOTE]

[COLOR="DarkOrchid"][FONT="Times New Roman"]Ah yes, thou shalt separate the wheat from the chaff, the good apples from the bad apples. Oh wait, am I mixing metaphors?

Either way I'm not sure why you'd come to us for advice. Because personally I'm not sure I'd ask angsty self obsessed teenagers if I should kill myself or go on a rampage in a school yard.[/FONT][/COLOR]

[chibi-master]

[quote name='Lonley Fighter']Okay here's the deal...abortion is a HELL NOOOO, I on a personal level, am against it and it's just so something I and I know for a fact my girlfriend aren't even considering.[/QUOTE]

Yeah! I agree completely! Well, good luck with your bundle of joy whenever it comes!:animesmil Just remember to keep smiling...

[James]

[quote]Adoption...how can you guys be so insensitive as to say that to a guy who has never really met his real parents...that's just mean, besides her mother already suggested that and she nearly got her head chewed off. [/quote]

[font=franklin gothic medium]Well, you asked for advice and you got it. Clearly nobody is intending to be insensitive; they are just suggesting one of the many options available to you.

As I said earlier, you seem to have covered all the core necessary bases to be able to provide for your child (i.e. a stable job with reasonable pay and a solid relationship with your girlfriend).

As far as seeking advice on OB in general, I agree with DeathKnight. [i]Some[/i] of us (quite a few of us, actually) are not "angsty teenagers". And there are a lot of people who are capable of giving reasonable, heartfelt advice.

Isn't sweeping everyone into the same group (thereby dismissing all advice here) exactly the same as offering angsty teenage advice anyway? I kind of think it's just as pointless, haha.[/font]

[quote]I think I'll go to a proffesional on this one but again thank you everyone.[/quote]

[font=franklin gothic medium]Good idea. And you're welcome - good luck with everything! :catgirl:[/font]

[Lunar]

[COLOR="Red"]I feel for you. I don't have kids (too young) and I've never babysat anyone except for my two little sisters. Expect alot of things, you know the usual, dirty diapers, the baby crying at 3:30 in the morning, and getting it to eat. I assume you are taking full responsibility, and it will be hard. Expect to argue with your girlfriend, expect your plans for your future to be delayed, expect school to be harder. I don't want you to think that it's all hard. Many awards await you, seeing it grow up, and when you get old seeing the person succeed and maybe become the president of America someday, you will be proud of your child. Yeah, something like that. Heh, you probably know more than me 'cause your older. I know you asked your parents about taking care of a kid. I'm just trying to help!!! I hope this helps, even a little. =)[/COLOR]

[Darren]

[quote name='Lonley Fighter']Adoption...how can you guys be so insensitive as to say that to a guy who has never really met his real parents...that's just mean, besides her mother already suggested that and she nearly got her head chewed off.[/QUOTE]

I'm not trying to persuade you one way or the other at this point. I know you've pretty much made up your mind (and it's for that reason, that I'm surprised you came to us for advice to begin with) and I'm happy that you have decided to talk to someone who knows what they're talking about. I'm only trying to point out what you might have overlooked.
There is a such thing as open adoption. It's usually for people who know they can't take care of their child, (for whatever reason) but don't want to be excluded entirely from their lives. It's a much more common thing nowadays. But since you seem to have your head on straight, I won't say anything more. Have fun. :animesmil

[Retribution]

[quote name='Darren']Have fun. :animesmil[/QUOTE]
[font=Arial]Considering the context, I lol'd.[/font]

[Ol' Fighter]

I'd like to apologize for seemingly grouping everyone together I should of been more precise and if I were I'd say about 70% gave really good advice the 30%...you know who you are...gave questionable advice.

Darren: It's funny that you brought this up because we've previously read something about that just a few days ago but it's something that we're not interested in doing because we believe we can handle it.

CrimsonKnight: Even the smallest of words can be the most heartfelt but yeah looking forward to the drama that is parenthood.

James, Raiha, and DeathKingh: Yeah I forgot the amount of crazy teens on here me being one of them but I do totally agree that there are some very intelligent people on the OB.

Retribution: Dude, you just made my day with that one, lol.

[Sabrina]

[FONT="Tahoma"][quote name='Lonley Fighter']I'd like to apologize for seemingly grouping everyone together I should of been more precise and if I were I'd say about 70% gave really good advice the 30%...you know who you are...gave questionable advice. [/quote]I wouldn't necessarily say that people's advice was questionable, but rather some people have different views on how they would approach the same situation. Like the abortion bit that was brought up, for some people they consider that an acceptable course of action. I don't but that's something that would be better approached in a seperate thread instead of here.

Anyway, that's the problem with asking for advice, especially from people you only know through a computer screen. You're always going to get something you don't agree with because of different viewpoints on life and how to approach it. [/FONT]