What should I feel?

[Gelgoog Pilot]

So, no one is online with any of my messengers, and I need to get this off my chest. My girlfriend of eleven months is notorious at not returning calls or calling when she says. Now, I'll admit some of this is a woman's prerogative, and so I let it slide for the most part. Tonight however, after being stood up once again, I decided to get pissed off. I mean, I deserve that much right?

Normally something like this is just something to fume over for a day, but she was also suppose to spend the night, this call was to let me know if she indeed was coming. Obviously after the second second hour of hearing nothing I figured she had found something else more important ( namely this 'fight' her roommate was going to get into tonight). Frankly, I don't know why I didn't let it go this time, but after five hours of zero calls I snapped.

I gave her a piece of my mind via text message ( Yes I know, lame but its late and for some reason text messages carry a bit of a finality to them). She responds with this story of how someone tried to break into her apartment, she can't find her roommate and she's scared. She goes on to say she doesn't 'need' my obvious anger right now.

I'm not insensitive so I understand that. What I want to know is, how should I feel. All this happened to her, and she doesn't once tell me that something is wrong? She doesn't turn to me or confide in me about any of it? I feel furious, I feel hurt, and I feel a longing to comfort her,and I feel so many more things. What should I feel? I've racked my brain, I've tried to sleep, nothing works, I need advice, I need someone to talk to.

Now please, don't give me the whole speech about how I should talk to her. I know this and tried, but apparently she just doesn't want to right now. I want to hear someone else's opinion, rather than the hundreds milling about in my head.

[SunfallE]

[COLOR="RoyalBlue"][FONT="Lucida Sans Unicode"]Perhaps you could clarify something for me. I'm getting the impression that you mean girlfriend as in you are dating. But what you're describing is what I would see as a "poor friend" doing instead of someone you're involved with. I'm sure you know the type, the ones who only have time for you if they feel like it.

Because there is [I]no[/I] woman's prerogative for blowing someone off. That's just rude regardless if she's a woman or not. If they keep ignoring you and not calling you, then I'd be re-evaluating whether or not you should even continue doing stuff with them at all.

If it was just a friend who didn't think to call you when things got a bit crazy I could understand, but your girlfriend? Correct me if I'm wrong, but based on what you've said, this sounds more like a relationship that you don't need. Especially since you said she's notorious for not returning calls or calling when she says she will.

That comes across to me as someone who takes you for granted instead of caring about your welfare or how you are doing. Feel free to correct me if you feel I'm wrong since I can only comment based on what little I know. But the fact that you sent her an angry text message tells me that you're feeling used, so I'm imagining that I'm right on this, or at least very close.[/FONT][/COLOR]

[Korey]

[FONT="Franklin Gothic Medium"]I am sorry to say that I've had a similar experience as you are having currently. Once upon a time I had a girlfriend who I loved dearly and was very understanding of me and my schedule. As our relationship continued, however, she stopped being so understanding because she wanted me to take initiative on everything. It got to the point where I was calling all the time and I was always picking her up from her house, because she always had some excuse as to why not (no gas money, car was broken down....etc)

From then on, I decided to ease back and see what she would do. I tested her in the form of not calling her for a week. Just to see if she would call me and wonder why I didn't call her. Alas, I didn't receive any call. So I decided in the long run, it would be better for me to not continue in that relationship because too many things were being asked of me and I wasn't getting any mutual payback. I wasn't being met halfway, in simpler terms.

As to your situation, I can't exactly ascertain any concrete solution to give you, because every situation is unique. I don't know how you and your girlfriend interact around each other. However, I can say that if she is just not returning your phone calls or not calling when she said she would, and it's a chronic problem, you would probably be better served letting her go. It seems to me that you need someone in your life that is a little more involved in the relationship. That's what I did for myself and it turned out ok in the end. Few heartbreaks and speed bumps along the way, but I'm a better person for doing that. [/FONT]

[Sangome]

[SIZE="1"]If we were to judge on just the information you gave us, all signs point to just letting her go. I mean, ask yourself...is it all really worth it headache and heartache? That's something you gotta ask yourself. Korey's right -- every situation is unique, and unless we knee you two personally and watched you all the time, this is all we can really go by.

...I actually had a situation similar. I myself actually [i]did[/i] have a boyfriend...for, probably...a week? Five days? Why did it not go on? Well, for starters, he treated me NO differently than from when we were just friends. Never bothered to ask for my number, never did any of the things [i]I[/i] thought people in relationships could do. I gave him awhile, and after a few days, the idea of being in a relationship with him was honestly eating me alive. So then, because of this, I let him go. I mean, what good is it to have a relationship in which they don't even consider you more than just a friend, you just happened to have the name of your gender attached to the name "friend"? Also, because of that, I do not even consider him my first boyfriend at all. I can't, really, when jack didn't even happen. Plus, I don't like to think about it...it was just a dumb decision.

...Ugh, this post is all over the place. Sorry if it's incoherent at all.[/SIZE]

[Gelgoog Pilot]

No worries paramount, thoughts aren't always coherent in the first place.

I think the grim reality is that something must be done. I agree with every bit of advice you have all given me, and I'm grateful. I'm not sure I want to just let go, that is my last resort, I wish to just tell her things things I have come to read and realize. If things go poorly then I will have to leave her.

I am sorry about the tale being a bit rough around the edges, it was late and I wasn't in the best state for explanations. She is my girlfriend of eleven months, and it hasn't been a bad time, just, little things adding up that have finally forced my hand so to speak. Again, thank you.

[Korey]

[quote name='Paramount'][SIZE="1"]Korey's right --[/SIZE][/QUOTE]

[FONT="Franklin Gothic Medium"]
ZING!:catgirl:

Not a problem Gelgoog Pilot, always glad to be of service. Sometimes you have to swallow the bitter pill and go what's gonna be better for you in the long run. You may have good times with this girl, but you gotta ask yourself..."Is she meeting my needs?" If the answer is anything less than an emphatic 'Yes' , then it's better off for you to just move on and find someone that does. [/FONT]

[Rachmaninoff]

[quote name='Gelgoog Pilot']I am sorry about the tale being a bit rough around the edges, it was late and I wasn't in the best state for explanations. She is my girlfriend of eleven months, and it hasn't been a bad time, just, little things adding up that have finally forced my hand so to speak. [/QUOTE]It's still good to bring it out into the open though. Since it sounds like that habit of hers to not call you really annoys you a lot. If it hasn't been a bad time like you just said, then confronting that irritation will just help to keep it from ever going bad. If that makes sense. So it's good that you intend to bring it up with her. If the relationship is going to continue you're going to need to confront that. Otherwise, as others have said, it just might be time to move on.