Writing My works

[Priest]

I figured I would just make a singular thread for all of my most recent poetry. Hope that's okay. Any criticism is welcome and encouraged, and I hope you enjoy the poems.



[I][B]The Blueprint[/B][/I]

Standing on top of the world
Lights flashing, cars moving
People bustling from place to place without a care
Never stopping, always moving
I can finally see my life for what it is

To the left of me lies my past
Covered windows, children crying
Being abused, both mentally and physically
Yet I still see hope and determination
Strength to rise above what they're expected to become
To become a better person, a better man, a better father

In front of me lies an outline, a blueprint of things to come
A path yet to be blazed, with two distinct possiblilties
I can see the break in it, with two separate directions
One leading back towards the left, to become what is expected of me
And one to the right, towards bright lights emanating change

And to the right is a path covered by brightness
Sight seen, yet sight unseen
There will be a change here, a leap from the pain
This path leads towards the ultimate reward
To the final fulfillment of a boyhood dream

I began to walk down that path today
Towards change, and a new beginning
Finally, fully, accepting that I could escape my past
By taking a leap of faith
By embracing my future





[B][I]A life lived between seconds[/I][/B]

A race against an undefeatable foe
Powerful beyond measure
Yet devoid of any real strength
Back and forward
Past, Present, Future
Fighting without weapons
Yet empowered with the strongest weapon

Each second an attack
A minute a battle lost
An hour holds both devastation
And the gift of life

This night the clock strikes twelve
You've fought time itself
And your only weapon?
Your faith



[B][I]Untitled[/I][/B]

I can't be like the others
Not another soldier to fall in line
So I struggle, kick, flail
Anything to bring choice back, liberate
So I fight back, retaliate

Maybe one day, someday, an epiphany will come
Societys heart will begin to beat again, like a drum
Pulses thrum, chords strum
Choice returns, society burns
People regain control, forge their own path
Instead of waiting to behold the weapons of the war
When the realest weapon, the deadliest weapon, is hidden in an Oval Room


[B][I]More Than Time[/I][/B]

Decorated baskets
Colors, all sorts
Each thread interweaving
That much I am sure
Compromised promises
Where did you go?
The day that you chose not to show...

Beautiful pink poppies
Reaching for air
The colors, they entice me
See two in your hair
Suddenly you're missing
Gone with no trace
The memories I have of your face...

Singing gray sorrows
And wasting the day
Intangible memories
Have nothing to say
Immature kisses
From me to you
Into the air you flew...

Laying together
In a field full of gold
Calmly we engage in laughter
Happy, our affection we show
Beautiful skies
Shine down and we see
Memories of love so serene...

Connected and bounded
A pact, held with trust
Divided, we're conquered
Love becomes lust
A bird flies upon me
Singing mysterious song
Wondering where have you gone...




Thank you to those who take the time to read these, and hopefully respond, it's very appreciated.

[Endrance]

Great, i could really learn something from you.
My fave was More than Time.

Well done.

[Priest]

Thank you for the post. If you're needing some help, just PM me and I will help as much as possible.

Did you have any criticism of anything?

[Drizzt Do'urden]

I'm not a poetry expert in any way shape or form, the only thing I can ever say I've written that would even be close would be my signature (so you can obviously see my skill level :animeshy: )

But I do know what I like, and each one of your poems had something that stuck out to me.

My father was an abusive alcoholic so [I]The Blurprint[/I] hit home there.

The boyish side of me loved [I]A Life Lived Between Seconds[/I]

[I]More than Time[/I] really rung out and reminded me of the time my fiancee and I spent together (about 4 months) before I left for Basic Training. The sorrow I felt, but the joy of spending every moment together, I had her read that one in particular, I hope you don't mind but she printed it and it's on our fridge.

Your untitled piece sort've struck a negative tone with me. I'm not sure if it has something to do with my military service making me a little more of a conformist. I liked the fact it spoke individuality, but I have my own opinions on that. So that was my least favorite, but it was well written.

I'm not sure if these are your only works to date, but I hope you'l add some more to this thread as they come.

[Priest]

Thank you for your kind words as well. I do have some more work, just been fine tuning it as much as possible, then I'll post it on the thread.

No worries on the printing off bit, it's actually made me a bit proud. Each one of the poems had come to me from a distinct memory, The Blueprint is of my own father obviously, or they came from a strong feeling. I understand your dedication to the service, and thank you for it. These are merely my thoughts on the subject itself.