Please help me...

[Anime_girl5]

Ok, so I need some help. And I'm praying about it. But I also want to get other peoples advice. :animesmil

I've been going out with my boyfriend for 8 months. But hes never really acted like a boy friend. Mainly because i'm his first girlfriend, and he really doesnt know how to treat a girl.
well today, he came over. we were having a great time. But i've been having seconde thoughts about him. Even tho I claimed to be in love with him, and that I wanted to be with him for the rest of my life.
it all changed today...
we were outside talking. And he tells me he doesnt want to get married. He would rather have a girlfriend for life. :animesigh
I said thats weird. He said, " I dont want kids." which I already knew that. and I think it's weird because I want kids.
He goes, " If I actully get married, I would have to find the perfect girl. someone diffrent."
He didnt break up with me. But I've already told him I wanted to be with him for the rest of my life.
Hes leaving in 3 months to move across the country.
I held back the tears and sucked it up, took him home, and cried and told my mom everything.
She feels so bad for me. In our relationship i've cried to many times to count. Because hes so weird.

what do ya'll think I should do?
Suck it up, and go with the three months, forgetting what he said, and just be happy that I have a boyfriend? and break up with him not long after he moves?

or...

just go ahead and break up with him now and just tell him that we are to diffrent to be together.

Ya'll, this dude has no feelings. and hes really weird.

I am just stuck in the middle. which sucks big time.
I still have feelings for him. But they're not as strong anymore. maybe because he hurt me so badly today...

thanks for reading. <3

[Korey]

[FONT="Franklin Gothic Medium"]Ok few questions...

1) How old are you? I'm 19 and in a relationship and I'm not sure about getting married and having kids right at the moment. I know it may be something that you may think is cool and that you want for yourself, but you have your whole life ahead of you.

2) Did you ever consider your BF's opinions when talking to him about it? As a guy, I have feelings and capable of reasoning about things, and for guys it's not so easy for us to explain emotions and what we are thinking, because we have been programmed to keep things inside of ourselves. So it's easy to say " He has no emotions" because you're not a guy. You can't force him to be emotional. It doesn't work well that way. With guys, you have to give them time to tell you things on their own when they're comfortable.

So here's my diagnosis....

If it's meant to be, it's meant to be. If he's truly the man of your dreams, you'll stick by him. If not, then it's time to give him the ol' heave-ho. Don't waste your time and his by being unsure of yourself. [/FONT]

[chibi-master]

Give it up. Now. No waiting. Long distance relationships don't usually work. I've had one, had it shot down, ressurected said long distance relationship, and had it shot down again. Besides, it sounds like your BF's pretty dense in the ways of relationships.:animesigh

[Mr. Blonde]

Just ask yourself this:

Can you see yourself living without him? If you can, end it.

I know it seems like you'll never find anybody else. If it makes you feel any better EVERYONE feels that way at first. But oh the fishes... they are a many in that sea.

[Lunar]

[COLOR="DarkOrange"]You should've just ended it right there. If he says that you're not the one for him, then so be it. Don't get shaken up so much, okay? You don't need him, and you can live life without him. There are many more fishes in the sea, so don't worry about it. I'm sure you'll find a love like that again, soon. So, do what you feel is right. :catgirl:[/COLOR]

[Anime_girl5]

thanks guys.

[QUOTE]Just ask yourself this:

Can you see yourself living without him? If you can, end it.
[/QUOTE]

I really dont know.
I did ask myself... but it's hard to say.
it's a yes, and a no.


[QUOTE]Give it up. Now. No waiting. Long distance relationships don't usually work[/QUOTE]

I was thinking maybe I could break up with him, not long after he leaves, so that way I wouldnt have to face him at church.
It would be so weird.


[QUOTE]However, I doubt he is, because mister perfect would not say " If I actually get married, I would have to find the perfect girl. Someone different." in any case.
[/QUOTE]

I know hes not perfect, really there is no perfect guy.
when he said that, it really hurt me.
because a few months before he started saying that he wants to be with me forever. and that he loves me. I dont know what changed his mind.



[QUOTE]1) How old are you? I'm 19 and in a relationship and I'm not sure about getting married and having kids right at the moment. I know it may be something that you may think is cool and that you want for yourself, but you have your whole life ahead of you.[/QUOTE]

I'm 17.
and I know I have my whole life ahead of me.
I have my future planned out.and he was part of it.
but because of what he said, it's making me wonder.


[QUOTE]2) Did you ever consider your BF's opinions when talking to him about it? As a guy, I have feelings and capable of reasoning about things, and for guys it's not so easy for us to explain emotions and what we are thinking, because we have been programmed to keep things inside of ourselves. So it's easy to say " He has no emotions" because you're not a guy. You can't force him to be emotional. It doesn't work well that way. With guys, you have to give them time to tell you things on their own when they're comfortable.
[/QUOTE]

Actully yes.
We have talked about it. and we were both part of each others plans.
but I dont know what happened.

I do whatever I can to make him happy.
even if i'm hurt.

when I ment, "he has not feelings."
I mean he always says that. and with pride.
I understand how a guy doesnt share his feelings like a girl does.
I'm not forcing him to be emotional. Actully, I never talk about it. This would be the first.
I give him all the time in the world.
I want him to be happy.

My mom says by the way he was acting, it sounds like he wants to go ahead and break up with me.
If he does, I wish he would.
And hes the type of guy who would never hurt me if his life depended on it.
I know he really cares for me.

But now I see that we are so diffrent, it's hard to explaine.

I dont want to break up with him.
but really? what else could I do?


Korey, I dont know if you have a girlfriend.
but lets say that you do.
is shes sick, would you call her to check up on her?
if you think that you had hurt her feelings, would you make sure that you didnt?
would you make her feel wanted?

just askin. :)
:confused::animedepr

[chibi-master]

[quote name='Anime_girl5']I was thinking maybe I could break up with him, not long after he leaves, so that way I wouldnt have to face him at church.
It would be so weird.[/QUOTE]

You're 17. Suck it up. YOU ARE A STRONG AND INDEPENDANT WOMAN!!! If you're unhappy, don't force yourself for the sake of not having social akwardness. Be assertive!

[TimeChaser]

I would have to agree with what other people have said. You are young, you have many years ahead of you, so it's very early to start making absolute decisions about who you want to spend that life with.

I wouldn't call him weird, but everyone has different priorities. His don't seem to match up to yours, so you would do better to let him go and keep your options open until you DO find that guy who is going to share your hopes and dreams for the future.

You've got time. A bit more growing up and things will be different.

[Yukazi]

[FONT="Tahoma"][SIZE="1"]Normally when I read threads like this on other forums, I tend to tell whoever is having trouble in their relationship to keep trying if there seems to be only one or two things making it go wrong. However, there are some things that make it too difficult to encourage that and your boyfriend has set off one of those red flags, but you are both still young so it could be a misconception.

When he talks about not getting married, it means that he just has trouble with commitment like most men do. Don't take the comment 'it would have to be a perfect girl; someone different' to heart. If you were older I would say that he isn't worth the effort but considering your age (and that he is around yours as well), he is just unsure. These years are the hardest to deal with because your becoming an adult and knowing what you want is a hard thing to decide.

Since you say you are his first girlfriend, he just may not know how to treat you like one. When I had my first girlfriend I treated her more like a best friend which ended up ruining the relationship. It's one of the lessons of life and it helps you later on should things not work out right.

Really, I would say try for a bit longer and let him know you are serious. If he cannot commit, then I say to tell him goodbye. It's not easy, it won't be a clean cut, but it may need to be done. If he realizes how he has been acting then things could be saved, but then it comes down to his moving away. If you want to try a long distance relationship, then by all means try. Just know how hard it will be knowing that the one you love is across the country.

I hope that whatever you choose to do, you do it with the faith that what you are doing is right. Once you reach that point, never wonder about what could have happened. It's hard not to but if you choose to dwell on it you could harm yourself more than you know.

Take cautious steps and make sure to listen to your heart. In the end, if it doesn't work out, at least you know you did what you believed was right.[/SIZE][/FONT]

[Drizzt Do'urden]

I'm going to tell you straight up how it is, honestly. He says he wants a girlfriend for life and no kids? He's full of it, he may be telling you how he feels now, and I'm not going to go with the cliche of "of you guys are just still so young", but in a few years he's be chomping at the bit to be a daddy. One thing I've found is that girls may want to wait to become moms, or may never want to become moms and they can stick with it; a guy on the otherhand can't fight that. People may say its because we're programmed for sex but thats not true, every guy wants to be a daddy and he'd come around.

If you've spent time crying over him its not meant to be. I'm not saying that you can't love someone and make them cry, I've made my fiancee cry once, and it killed me. The difference is the reasoning, by the sounds of it you've cried because of him several times, and thats not good. That sounds to me that you've commited youself and he hasn't, and probably never will. But fear not, when you let him go you'll cry over him one last time and then that'll be it, and trust me it'll hit him a lot harder and it sounds like he deserves to cry over you once, so don't wait until he leaves or he'll just say "oh long distance relationships don't normally work out so it was bound to happen."

Finally, you're 17 and (okay I said I wouldn't but I'm going to) you do have all your life ahead, you just don't realize it. I know you said in your post you do, but you don't. If you planned your life around someone who is going to sit back and watch you cry, then it hasn't sunk in yet. When I was in high school I saw several couples who "planned on being together forever", hell I met my fiancee (though I didn't know who she was yet) when she was engaged to an aquaintance of mine in high school.

I'm not saying that you couldn't find the one you'll spend the rest of your life with in high school, but hell live it up. When you go off to college, or even if you just go close to home, you'll meet so many new people, and yes guys, you'll forget all about him.

So get off here, call break up with him cry for a little bit, and get back on here and let us know how it went.

[Boo]

[quote name='Drizzt Do'urden']So get off here, call break up with him cry for a little bit, and get back on here and let us know how it went.[/QUOTE][size=1]And after that, remember that you should not follow most of the advices from people off the internet, regarding your own life. :whoops:[/size]

[Mr. Blonde]

[quote name='Boo'][size=1]And after that, remember that you should not follow most of the advices from people off the internet, regarding your own life. :whoops:[/size][/QUOTE]

Yeah... Let's just go with that one.

I don't care what any of you people think, and it's going okay.:box:

[Korey]

[quote= anime girl]Korey, I dont know if you have a girlfriend.
but lets say that you do.
is shes sick, would you call her to check up on her?
if you think that you had hurt her feelings, would you make sure that you didnt?
would you make her feel wanted?[/quote]

[FONT="Franklin Gothic Medium"]I do have a girlfriend, and I can't speak on my behalf, because I do all the things you mentioned. I am very concerned for my girlfriend's safety and well-being. I always make sure that people are wanted, but that's just how I am. I can't tell you how your BF feels, because you are with him and not me. I would need on hand experience to tell you, but like I said...you're too young for marriage at this point. Go out, explore the world. Live yourself and no one else. That way you can be happy with yourself. I used to live for someone else and it tore me apart after we went our seperate ways. But now I live for me and only me and I'm happier than I've ever been.[/FONT]

[Darren]

[SIZE="1"]Well, I normally stay out of these types threads, but I don't think you've been receiving the best advice thus far. Not that mine will be any more productive; just a different perspective.

I will start by saying that you're young, but I know plenty of people who have met their soulmate and gotten married at an even earlier age than 17. People who have been together for 10+ years and are still together today. So I understand the difficulty that you're going through. Sure, you will find someone else regardless (I have no doubt about that) But there is the saying: "You never love like your first."

I don't think the answer can be solved with a simple question such as "Can you live without him?" Because the situation itself isn't that simple.[/SIZE]

[quote name='chibi-master']Give it up. Now. No waiting. Long distance relationships don't usually work. I've had one, had it shot down, ressurected said long distance relationship, and had it shot down again. Besides, it sounds like your BF's pretty dense in the ways of relationships.:animesigh[/QUOTE]
[SIZE="1"]Here's where I'm going to completely disagree. No offense to chibi-master, but in my opinion she's too young to hold together a long distance relationship. (No offense is meant by that statement) I also know several couples who are working through a long distance relationship while they attend college. I am also currently in a long distance relationship and it's working out perfectly right now. That's not to say that it will last; it depends on the people, the connection, and how deeply you two truly love each other.[/SIZE]

[quote name='Drizzt Do'urden']I'm going to tell you straight up how it is, honestly. He says he wants a girlfriend for life and no kids? He's full of it, he may be telling you how he feels now, and I'm not going to go with the cliche of "of you guys are just still so young", but in a few years he's be chomping at the bit to be a daddy. One thing I've found is that girls may want to wait to become moms, or may never want to become moms and they can stick with it; a guy on the otherhand can't fight that. People may say its because we're programmed for sex but thats not true, every guy wants to be a daddy and he'd come around.[/QUOTE]
[SIZE="1"][B]Objection![/B]
Not true. Sure, I suppose you can say a guy has commitment issues, but I completely disagree. Children terrify me. And the thought of settling down for the rest of my life just seems impractical. Besides, marriage is just a title and piece of paper to me. To claim that every man wants to be a dad and get married is a little ridiculous.
However. This shouldn't really affect your decision on weather or not to be with him. Relationships are give and take kind of things. Obviously if both of you are very stubborn, it's not likely to work out. The same way that you may (or may not) be willing to try and work out a long distance relationship, he may (or may not) be willing to try marriage and parenthood. This is also a lot of give on your part if you decide that your love is strong enough to stay with him and hope that someday he'll be up for it.

So, you said that he's the type of boyfriend who doesn't ever want to intentionally hurt you. You said that he's also told you that he does want be with you. (But suddenly changed his mind) My opinion on this is that he doesn't think the long distance thing will work out and he's trying to let you down easily without intentionally hurting you... Of course, the only way to discover this is to ask him straight out. I know it's difficult, (especially when it comes to the fear of him saying no) but it's very important that you are both clear on the intentions and what direction both of you are wanting to take this relationship before you end something too soon.

And if you discover that he's just scared about the relationship, but ultimately, you both want to try to work things out, you'll both have to work very had to let each other know that you care for one another and that you trust each other to be however far apart...

I know it's a bit counterproductive, but I don't think it's as simple as just throwing away such an important relationship. I hope this helps.[/SIZE]

[Rachmaninoff]

[quote name='Anime_girl5]Hes leaving in 3 months to move across the country. [/QUOTE]I have one question really, is this move permanent or merely temporary? Because it sounds like he's just uncertain about how that's going to work out. I mean who wouldn't be? Especially if that move was for good. If it's only temporary, it's still similar, being apart for long periods of time is difficult. My only advice would be to actually talk to him about it, oh and this:[QUOTE=Boo][size=1']And after that, remember that you should not follow most of the advices from people off the internet, regarding your own life. :whoops:[/size][/quote]I'd listen to this more than anything and do your best to work through it yourself. It's a little hard for any of us to give you relevant advice when we don't really know you or him, or the full circumstances of what's going on. And even then, we're still not qualified to counsel someone.

[chibi-master]

[quote name='Darren'][SIZE="1"]No offense to chibi-master, but in my opinion she's too young to hold together a long distance relationship.[/SIZE][/QUOTE]

[B]HOLD IT![/B]

Who's too young, me or Anime_girl5? I can't tell. If it's me, I agree. If it's her, I dunno, could be. And I said "usually don't work". Please don't make it sound like I said "THEY NEVER WORK! IT'S IMPOSSIBLE!!! RAWR!!!", 'kay?;)

[Darren]

[quote name='chibi-master'][B]HOLD IT![/B]Who's too young, me or Anime_girl5? I can't tell. If it's me, I agree. If it's her, I dunno, could be. And I said "usually don't work". Please don't make it sound like I said "THEY NEVER WORK! IT'S IMPOSSIBLE!!! RAWR!!!", 'kay?;)[/QUOTE]
I meant you. And you did tell her to quit right now and give up because most don't work out. You were basing that off of your personal experience with long distance relationships. I think you said enough though.

[Drizzt Do'urden]

[quote name='Darren'][SIZE="1"]
[SIZE="1"][B]Objection![/B]
Not true. Sure, I suppose you can say a guy has commitment issues, but I completely disagree. Children terrify me. And the thought of settling down for the rest of my life just seems impractical. Besides, marriage is just a title and piece of paper to me. To claim that every man wants to be a dad and get married is a little ridiculous.[/QUOTE]

I hate to turn this into a debate since its somebodies attempt at gaining advice. Which is what I gave her and of course anyone has the right to object to somebody elses advice. I would have to [B]Overrule[/B] your objection though seeing as you're just as young as she is. I'm not, obviously, an "elder" by anymeans but I felt the same way. The whole not wanting to be tied down thing was one of the reasons I enlisted, then when i got older is when everything changed.

Let's throw this in the time capsule and see how you feel in 4 years. :animeknow...always wanted a reason to use that smiley

[Korey]

[quote name='Rachmaninoff']I'd listen to this more than anything and do your best to work through it yourself. It's a little hard for any of us to give you relevant advice when we don't really know you or him, or the full circumstances of what's going on. And even then, we're still not qualified to counsel someone.[/QUOTE]

[FONT="Franklin Gothic Medium"]Isn't Indi qualified?:catgirl:

In all seriousness, Rach's right...you're better off seeking advice from people that had an insight on your own relationship where you are, because they actually know the parties involved, their emotional states, how things were working out. I would suggest continuing talking to your mother. Mom's are good for that kind of thing.[/FONT]

[Horendithas]

[COLOR="Indigo"][FONT="Arial"][quote name='Korey][FONT="Franklin Gothic Medium"']Isn't Indi qualified?:catgirl:[/FONT][/quote]Until I actually finish and get my doctorate, the answer is no. =P And even then, I'm not a fan of online counseling for many reasons.

Anyway... all I'll be doing is repeating what others have said. Talk to him and to others like your mother who actually understand you and the situation better than any of us here could. Either way, I wish you the best of luck with that.[/FONT][/COLOR]

[Rick Hunter]

My heart really goes out to you, I'm going to give you a little word of advice. I'm not the best person to be giving you some advice on love. But I was recently in a relationship with someone and unfortunately it didn't work out, because she was chemically unbalanced and many issues arised... Anyway, what I learned is sometimes no matter how much you care about a person, feelings can change. Sometimes what you want varies from what your partner wants. Sometimes it's best to end things before both of you end up in tears. No matter how much you love someone or try to make things work sometimes for reasons beyond any human comprehension it's not meant to be.

Tears, miscommunications, and doubt are not a good basis for a relationship to continue to thrive, in fact those are the things that actually end up causing the relationship to end. The best relationships definitely don't come easy, relationships are tough work but I think it's time you discuss things with him and reevaluate your relationship. I can't stress this enough because if your not happy and he's not happy, or worst yet your feelings have changed why waste your time or his. When you can find people you will be happy with.

You can love a person with all your heart, but sometimes that's sadly not enough to keep a relationship alive. Best of luck to you.