Writing Otaku Prose Contest Round 1 (Mr. Maul VS. Anomaly)

[Mykul]

[CENTER][SIZE="4"][FONT="Arial Black"]THE GREAT OTAKU PROSE CONTEST[/FONT][/SIZE]

Round 1

[SIZE="4"][FONT="Lucida Sans Unicode"][U][COLOR="Gray"]MR. M[/COLOR]A[COLOR="Silver"]UL[/COLOR][/U][/FONT] [FONT="Impact"]VERSUS[/FONT] [COLOR="Silver"]A[/COLOR]|[COLOR="Silver"]N[/COLOR]|[COLOR="Silver"]O[/COLOR]|[COLOR="Silver"]M[/COLOR]|[COLOR="Silver"]A[/COLOR]|[COLOR="Silver"]L[/COLOR]|[COLOR="Silver"]Y[/COLOR] [/CENTER][/SIZE]

[CENTER]
[SIZE="1"]Voting is open to ALL Otaku members except Mr. Maul and Anomaly. Voters, please state your vote clearly. Also, please give your reason for casting your vote the way you do. [COLOR="Red"]Voting will close on Friday, January 23.[/COLOR][/SIZE][/CENTER]

[SIZE="4"][FONT="Courier New"][B][U]The Challenge: The Rewrite[/U][/B][/FONT][/SIZE]
Each contestant will write a short story. Each story should consist of between [SIZE="3"]200[/SIZE] and [SIZE="3"]600[/SIZE] words. For the essay, each contestant will pick a story that already exists and rewrite a scene from that story. This story can be a movie, book, video game, etc. Contestants may rewrite any scene or completely replace a scene with one of their own.

[OMNOMNOMALY]

[FONT="Garamond"]This might be too specific but I'm a freak for specifics - do you mean rewrite as in what we would have done with the scene instead, or a rewrite as in leaving the events the same but putting our own style into it?[/FONT]

[Mykul]

[quote name='Anomaly'][FONT="Garamond"]This might be too specific but I'm a freak for specifics - do you mean rewrite as in what we would have done with the scene instead, or a rewrite as in leaving the events the same but putting our own style into it?[/FONT][/QUOTE]

Both. Either. Helpful, I know :confused:.

This is basically a prompt that lets you use characters, settings, and subplots that already exist; something the other contestants obviously can't do. Make your own scene with an already existing story, or take a scene that already exists and change it however much you like. Don't sweat the specifics. As long as you use elements of a pre-existing story in [I]some way,[/I] you're fine.

Here's an example for you.

Rexikat XVI wrote a scene from a war. That would not be acceptable in this thread. However, if this scene was somehow linked to a story that already existed, in any little way, it would be fine.

[OMNOMNOMALY]

[FONT="Garamond"]Haha, beauty! I guess the less attractive way of putting it is fanfiction. At least a little bit =P Anyways, this is my piece, it's based on Fight Club. Enjoy!

[B]LANGUAGE WARNING![/B]

------

Tyler taps his startlingly clean nails on the table.

[I]Tap.

Tap.

Tap.[/I]

I examine my own, nicotine stained and scratched.

The noise is hypnotic, and I concentrate on it. I match my breathing.

I am Jack’s loss of control.

I stare down at my hand; the chemical burn still throbs dully, sometimes.

“Stop that.” Tyler narrows his eyes at me.

“Stop what?”

“Thinking. Wondering. What if-ing. Stop all of it. To explore the alternatives is to admit there is fear in your choice. It is weakness and it is exploitable.”

“Tyler, you mean to tell me that you’ve never wanted to take one step back? Never wished you’d done something else?” I shake my head. “You’re a fucking liar.”

“No. I’m a fucking dumbass. I’m a fucking screw up. But I am not a fucking liar.” We stand in silence. Tyler is right. He probably isn’t a fucking liar. He’s a concealer in order to reveal, but he is not a liar. I pour glycerin into another container. “You, however, are.” He adds.

The silence continues.

“So?”

“So? So confront me on that. Don’t shy away from the truth.” Eyes narrow further. Tyler stops what he is doing. I don’t know if I should tread more carefully but I do know I don’t want to add another chemical burn to make myself more symmetrical.

I read somewhere once that the most attractive feature of a person is their symmetry. At work for awhile I took to cropping photos in half and then copying the half left over to make a full face so I could decide whether or not it made them more attractive. I started doing it to colleagues and finally to myself. According to Science, I was [I]this[/I] close to being attractive. I stare down into the container.

“Okay, Tyler, how am I a fucking liar?” another unknown substance added. I am afraid. I have been through hell and back and I am still afraid of this one man and his opinion. Tyler smirks and doesn’t look up from what he is doing.

“Because you won’t admit it.” Tyler Durden has the most roundabout way of getting to a point.

“Admit what?”

“Exactly! Anything! Goddamnit, you won’t admit anything. You don’t know and if you did, you [I]still[/I] wouldn’t admit anything. You’re scared of humanity and you’re scared to be human. You’re scared of your broken routine and you wonder if you missed out on normalcy. It’s so backwards, so… broken. All this, is to fear your mistakes when they are what make us great. You’re a liar. I told you to wake up. What are you waiting for?”

Silence. More silence. I wonder if I’m concentrating symmetrically.

“So…”

“So fuck what if! ‘What if’ is to look for order where there should be none. And in the end it doesn’t make a difference. Not one. Because we have the capacity to make mistakes and we always will. That is fact, inevitable. To believe otherwise is to believe in orderliness. To give random events order is to forget what makes them great. It is letting God win.”

Tyler is right, like he usually is. I took all that I’d learned from that night – the realization – and filed it away, wanting it to come back in due time. I am adjusting. I am not ready. I don’t know anything – but I know I shouldn’t be afraid.[/FONT]

wc: 561. cutting it close xD

[Allamorph]

[FONT=Arial]Despite the forfeit of three opponents, and the resultant lack of need to vote, I still feel the remaining competitors deserve some feedback.

When I began reading your short, [COLOR="DarkRed"]Anomaly[/COLOR], I was immediately struck by the "startlingly clean" nails. Not that I mean you had my attention. You had my [I]confusion[/I].

Now, I can understand fingernails being extraordinarily clean. But at that point, at the very first sentence in the narrative, what reason is there that their cleanliness should be so startling? We have nothing else with which to compare them. We don't even know what Tyler has been doing that might suggest his nails should [I]not[/I] be clean.

You kind of touched on that later, but I didn't feel satisfied with what I felt was a token explanation, a nod of recognition at something that needed clarifying.

Aside from that, I felt you portrayed both characters quite well. I find it a shame that [COLOR="DarkRed"]Mr. Maul[/COLOR] declined to enter, for I think he would have given you a fair competition, but he would not have been able to half-effort his entry either.

Well done, and good luck in the next round![/FONT]

[OMNOMNOMALY]

[FONT="Garamond"]Thanks, Allamorph. I really appreciate that you took the time to crit =) I don't want to try and defend myself, but since I suppose that's exactly what I'm doing, nevermind =P

I introduced Tyler's nails as "startlingly" clean because, if you have seen or read Fight Club then you know Tyler is everything that 'Jack' wants to be. It seemed like a logical conclusion, especially considering the dirty job Tyler has. A bit of a juxtaposition. Tyler might make soap, but the guy deals with Liposuction-ed human fat xD Also, where I would put this, at this point in the story they are well into weekly Fight Club sessions. Perhaps next time some background would be due? If that makes any difference. I didn't really chronologically set it as well as I could've and I definitely admit I am assuming a lot of any readers. That is my bad, I'll work on that with any future pieces requiring a backstory.[/FONT]