Writing The Otaku Prose Contest Round 1.2 (Sabrina VS. Lrb)

[Mykul]

[CENTER][SIZE="4"]THE GREAT OTAKU PROSE CONTEST[/SIZE]

Round 1.2

[SIZE="4"][B]SABRINA [/B]VERSUS [B]Lrb[/B][/CENTER][/SIZE]

[CENTER][SIZE="1"]Voting is open to all Otaku members except Sabrina and Lrb. Voters, please state your vote clearly. Also, please provide information that shows why you voted the way you did. [COLOR="Red"]The deadline for voting is Friday, February 6.[/COLOR][/SIZE][/CENTER]

[U][FONT="Courier New"][SIZE="4"][B]The Challenge: 6 Fiction:[/B][/SIZE][/FONT][/U]
That's right. Again. You know the rules by now: the stories must be exactly [SIZE="3"]6[/SIZE] words. Write [SIZE="3"]3[/SIZE] of 'em. Voters will vote for the author of their favorite [SIZE="3"]1[/SIZE].

[SIZE="1"][COLOR="Red"]Since 6 fiction is not a work-intensive challenge, submissions should be in by Thursday, January 29.[/COLOR][/SIZE]

[Ellerby]

[FONT="Tahoma"][COLOR="DimGray"]?They look happy.? I was devastated.

He was innocent, they cared not.

She pushed his hand away again.[/COLOR][/FONT]

[Sabrina]

[FONT="Tahoma"]A tiny smile, they were thrilled.

An invaders flag, my heart sank.

Blood flows. Why am I cold?[/FONT]

[Boo]

[quote name='Lrb'][FONT="Tahoma"][COLOR="DimGray"]?They look happy.? I was devastated.[/COLOR][/FONT][/QUOTE]
[size=1]The first one in the thread is immediately my favourite one. With only six words; Lrb managed to add a proper quote; includes a line of thought; [i]and[/i] the reader understands the story completely and does not have to let their imagination run free completely. The hardest part about writing a 6 Word Fiction is that they become incredibly vague, so it was handy of Lrb to take a kind of common subject.

The one I liked best next after that was probably "A tiny smile, they were thrilled." However, there was one who simply stood out by itself and that was "She pushed his hand away again." This one did not use the same "Guy did this. I felt this." idea, which was really refreshing. But the first one of all pulled that trick off well enough to get my vote.[/size]

[Vicky]

[quote name='Sabrina'][FONT="Tahoma"]

Blood flows. Why am I cold?[/FONT][/QUOTE]

[size=1]Wins my vote.

That may be rather cliched for me but oh well. It's hard to actually vote on six words (because I'm also under the impression a short story can even be fifty pages) so I'm just going for my favourite one here. I did like Lrb's last one but still, I'm going for my favourite.

[B]Sabrina[/b] gets it.[/size]

[OMNOMNOMALY]

[FONT="Garamond"][quote name='Lrb'][FONT="Tahoma"][COLOR="DimGray"]She pushed his hand away again.[/COLOR][/FONT][/QUOTE]

Loved it. My vote goes to Lrb.
[/FONT]

[Aaryanna_Mom]

Both of them had stories that fit the six story guideline quite well, making a choice rather difficult in my mind. So with that in mind and looking at this:[quote name='Sabrina][FONT="Tahoma"']A tiny smile, they were thrilled.[/FONT][/quote]I give my vote to [B]Sabrina[/B] for having the one I enjoyed the most out of all of them.

[Shy]

[size=1]I love Sabrina's first one. It's so simple, yet tells a complete story. White also had some strong entries, but I connected more to Sabrina's.

Sabrina gets my vote.

-Shy[/size]

[Haku877]

I have to vote for Lrb. Those 3 for me related to love. and lately. its confusing =P

[chibi-master]

Hmm...it's a bit of a personal taste thing for me, but Sabrina gets my vote.

[DeLarge]

[SIZE=1]It's been really difficult, and I've been going over this in my head for the best part of a week. However, Lrb's third one wins it for me - it breaks the usual formula of Six Fiction stories, but it almost works better than the normal formula.

My vote goes to Lrb.
[/SIZE]

[Allamorph]

[FONT=Arial]Hmm.

[QUOTE][I][FONT="Tahoma"][COLOR="DimGray"]?They look happy.? I was devastated.

He was innocent, they cared not.[/COLOR][/FONT][/I][/QUOTE]
[QUOTE][I][FONT="Tahoma"]A tiny smile, they were thrilled.

An invaders flag, my heart sank.[/FONT][/I][/QUOTE]
I saw these four entries and shrugged. Easy format, easily replicated. A does B, C did D.

The problem with these entries, I think, is not so much the format, though, but that they try to encompass too much. Looking at each one, I see two events mentioned which means that each contestant was in essence attempting to evoke twice as much imagery in half the amount of words. And that's insanely hard, especially when you limit yourself to complete clauses. Consider again the example I gave [COLOR=DarkRed]chibi-master[/COLOR]: [B]For sale: baby shoes, never worn[/B]. That's six words, a fragment (headline, really) and most importantly, [I]one event[/I]. Reducing the focus to that one event allows you build just a touch more around it just by having twice as many words available to you.

Take, for instance, [I]"A tiny smile; they were thrilled."[/I] The obvious lead here is an infant, and that may very well be . . . but why the people around are thrilled is left ambiguous. It could be that the infant merely smiled, or it could be that the infant was in danger of dying shortly after birth, or it could be that something happened to the the infant's parent and it is the rest of the family taking comfort in that tiny smile.

[I]Or[/I] it might not be an infant at all. It might be a person who has never smiled before in their life; or someone who has gone through a terrible traumatic experience or loss and has been ensconced in desolate emotions for an unhealthily long time, and has just now responded to friends' attempts to ease whatever pain was there.

It's not definite. Hemingway's was definite, and captured more than just the surface event. He hit on so many past events and emotions that you can almost see a story for nine months before that line even takes place.

I just feel those four were too much reached for, and too little achieved. So that leaves me the last from each. And my verdict?

[COLOR=DarkRed]White[/COLOR], by one word.

[QUOTE][I][FONT="Tahoma"][COLOR="DimGray"]She pushed his hand away [B][U]again[/U][/B].[/COLOR][/FONT][/I][/QUOTE]
That single word pushed the story so much further than even the previous five could set up. It spoke volumes about the previous relationship. The other entry, [I]"Blood flows. Why am I cold?"[/I] is just too ambiguous, even more so than the AB-CD entries. It seems to border on the esoteric, the pseudo-philosophic, rather than evoke a scene with emotions attached.

[B]Lrb[/B]. (Dude, White was such a better name. Seriously. :p)[/FONT]

[Mykul]

[FONT="Courier New"][SIZE="3"][B]Allamorph was the tie-breaker. By one vote, the winner is[/B][/SIZE][/FONT]

[FONT="Impact"][SIZE="4"]Lrb[/SIZE][/FONT]