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DeLarge Otaku

DeLarge

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[center][SIZE=1]In light of DW's recent absence, I've decided to give an amusing OtakuBoards parody a shot. Bear in mind we have different senses of humour, so it will be of a different style, but hopefully still funny.[/SIZE]

[SIZE=1]It's set in the fictional town of Otakubury, a small English town, and revolves around the misadventures of the various inhabitants, particularly the town council. You should recognise many of your favourite members, but you won't have seen them like this before.[/SIZE]

[SIZE=1]So, without further ado, Welcome to Otakubury.[/SIZE]

[SIZE=1]---[/SIZE]

[SIZE=2][B][U]Welcome to Otakubury[/U][/B][/SIZE]

[SIZE=1][B]Volume One: Crime
Chapter One
[/B]
Smart black shoes clicked on hard white linoleum as a man, dressed in a sharp black suit, walked down the long blank corridors. He straightened his tie, cleared his throat and ran a perfectly-manicured hand through his thick brown hair. In the other hand was a manilla folder stuffed thick with papers.[/SIZE]

[SIZE=1]He finally arrived at a vast set of mahogany double doors, intricately carved with beautiful, flowing designs, and raised his free hand to knock smartly three times on the dark wood.[/SIZE]

[SIZE=1][B]"Enter,"[/B] came a deep, ominous voice from inside the room, and the door creaked open of it's own volition. The suited man stepped into the dimly-lit office, facing the wide desk in front of the enormous windows.[/SIZE]

[SIZE=1][B]"I've been expecting y..."[/B] came the same deep, booming, yet slightly giggly voice from the shadowy figure sat behind the desk, but his sentiment was cut off by the suited man interrupting.[/SIZE]

[SIZE=1][B]"Don't you dare finish that sentence,"[/B] he snapped, raising his finger and pointing it at the desk, [B]"You say that every time I come in, and it's getting old. You called me and ordered the meeting, you imbecile! And turn the damn lights on."[/B][/SIZE]

[SIZE=1]The lights flicked on, illuminating a cavernous room, with red velvet curtains, thick shag pile carpets and enormous mahogany bookshelves lining the walls. Sitting behind the giant desk in a black leather swivel chair was a young, tanned man in a dark-blue suit, hanging his head in some semblance of shame.[/SIZE]

[SIZE=1][B]"Sorry, Des,"[/B] he said, looking up at the suited man sheepishly, [B]"I won't do it again."[/B][/SIZE][SIZE=1][B]

"You'd better not,"[/B] Des replied with a scowl, walking the several strides to the desk and slamming the file down on the desk, [B]"You'd better have a long, hard look at this."

[/B][/SIZE][SIZE=1][B]"What is it?"[/B] asked the man behind the desk with the attitude of a bored child whose building blocks had been confiscated.[/SIZE]

[B][SIZE=1]"It's a report including figures and statistics relating to the levels of crime in Otakubury. It makes for fairly bleak reading."[/SIZE]

[SIZE=1]"That sounds boring. Can't I have my building blocks back?"[/SIZE]

[SIZE=1]"You can have them back once you've calmed down. I'll have to remember not to give you lemonade again."[/SIZE]

[SIZE=1]"It was tingly on my tongue."[/SIZE]

[/B][SIZE=1][B]"For God's sake, will you shut up?"[/B] growled Des, [B]"These crime figures are important! We need to come up with a solution to the problem."[/B][/SIZE][B]

[SIZE=1]"Can't someone else do it? I've got my personal magician coming to do a show for me in half an hour."[/SIZE]

[SIZE=1]"With all due respect, Mr Mayor, this is a big decision. It needs to come from the top."[/SIZE]

[/B][SIZE=1][B]"No!"[/B] the Mayor replied, folding his arms and frowning, [B]"Make the town council do it! It sounds boring!"[/B] Des slapped a hand to his forehead, closing his eyes and sighing with despair. Once the Mayor set his mind on not doing something, there was no persuading him otherwise.[/SIZE]

[SIZE=1][B]"Very well, Mr Mayor,"[/B] he said, a heavy air of reluctance in his words, [B]"Whatever you say."[/B] He picked up the folder and walked out, kicking a man in coat-tails and a top hat carrying a black-and-white wand as he went.[/SIZE]

[SIZE=1]---[/SIZE]

[SIZE=1]Loud, blaring noise erupted from the phone, snapping Phill DeLarge, head of the town council, out of his deep, noisy sleep. He spluttered and fell off his chair, slamming his head on the edge of his desk as he went. Scrambling to his feet, he grabbed the phone off the hook and brought it up to his face, missing his ear initially and slamming himself in the eye with the receiver. Finally, with an inordinate amount of effort and cursing, he clamped it to his ear, and croaked:[/SIZE]

[SIZE=1][B]"Hello, town council offices, Phill DeLarge speaking, how can I help you?"[/B] Keeping the receiver close to his ear, he bent down and picked his chair up, taking his seat once again and wiping the thin trail of drool from his chin.[/SIZE]

[SIZE=1][B]"DeLarge? It's Desbreko,"[/B] snapped the voice on the other end, [B]"The Mayor has some urgent business he needs you to attend to. I'm emailing through the details right now!"[/B][/SIZE][SIZE=1][B]

"Right now might be a slight problem, sir,"[/B] replied DeLarge, pouring cold coffee in his eyes and taking a swig of eye drops by accident.[/SIZE]

[B][SIZE=1]"Oh? And why is that, may I ask?"[/SIZE]

[/B][SIZE=1][B]"Someone dropped the plug for the computer in Mountain Dew," [/B]DeLarge said, wincing in discomfort from his coffee eye drops and looking remorsefully at the dripping-wet plug, [B]"Also I've forgotten my password."[/B][/SIZE][B]

[SIZE=1]"Fine! Then I'll get someone to deliver it personally."[/SIZE]

[/B][SIZE=1][B]"Carrier Pigeon?"[/B] DeLarge asked excitedly.[/SIZE]

[B][SIZE=1]"What? No, not a carrier pigeon, you idiot. I'll just send Chibi-Master over or something, it'll get her out of the office at the very least. She's been bouncing off the walls the past few days."[/SIZE]

[SIZE=1]"What is this business James needs us to attend to?"[/SIZE]

[SIZE=1]"Don't call him by his first name or I'll fire you!"[/SIZE]

[SIZE=1]"You've fired me before."[/SIZE]

[SIZE=1]"This time I'll fire you out of a cannon. Into a volcano. Call him Mr Mayor, or the Mayor, or His Mayorness. Just don't call him James!"[/SIZE]

[SIZE=1]"Do you have to fire yourself now, Des?"[/SIZE]

[SIZE=1]"What? Just shut up, you idiot. God, why do I have to work in a town populated by morons?"[/SIZE]

[SIZE=1]"Because when you worked in London they found those incriminating photos of you with a monkey."[/SIZE]

[/B][SIZE=1][B]"It was a rhetorical question, DeLarge! Just get it done!"[/B] And with that, he slammed the phone down. DeLarge looked at the phone, a little puzzled, then replaced the receiver and hit the intercom buzzer.[/SIZE]

[SIZE=1][B]"Send the team in,"[/B] he said. There was no answer. He buzzed again three times, then got up and walked to the door of his office, opening it a crack and poking his head out.[/SIZE]

[SIZE=1][B]"Team, you can come in now,"[/B] DeLarge said, remembering that he didn't have a secretary. And the intercom didn't connect to anyone. And it wasn't even an intercom, it was a radio.[/SIZE]

[SIZE=1]Two people followed DeLarge back into the room. One was a girl with an enormous starched mohawk, dyed a number of different colours. Her black clothes were ripped and held back together with safety pins, and she had the legs of a goat. The other was a young man with a red and white maple-leaf-design shirt, tousled hair and a well-chewed pencil behind his ear.[/SIZE]

[SIZE=1][B]"Right, Vicky, Lrb, we've got a situation on our hands. The Mayor needs us to do a thing and we've only got an amount of time to do it!"[/B] said DeLarge vaguely. Vicky and Lrb looked blankly at each other, then blankly back at DeLarge.[/SIZE]

[SIZE=1][B]"What is it we've got to do, ey?"[/B] asked Lrb stereotypically.[/SIZE]

[SIZE=1][B]"I don't know that yet, you Canadian cretin,"[/B] replied DeLarge rather racistly, [B]"But I do know that Des is going to fire me out of a cannon if I don't get it done."[/B][/SIZE][SIZE=1][B]"DeLarge, are you ever going to put some trousers on?"[/B] asked Vicky, chewing a piece of gum very slowly and cockily.[/SIZE]

[B][SIZE=1]"I don't have time for that right now! We need to get the delivery off Chibi-Master and then get to work!"[/SIZE]
[/B]
[SIZE=1]At that moment, something crashed through the window behind DeLarge's desk, sending showers of broken glass cascading down to the floor. DeLarge jumped on Vicky, who pushed him off, insisting that she was gay, and Lrb felt left out, so he jumped on himself.[/SIZE]

[SIZE=1]A strange calm washed over the office, as DeLarge got to his feet and inched his way over to where the object had fallen. He took a deep breath, extended his foot, and nudged the thing which had smashed the window...[/SIZE]

[SIZE=1]---

So that's the end of part one. Bear in mind it's not supposed to be a literary masterpiece, just a bit of fun. Stay tuned for part two.
[/SIZE][/center]
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Vicky Senior Otaku

Vicky

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[quote name='DeLarge'][center]
[SIZE=1]At that moment, something crashed through the window behind DeLarge's desk, sending showers of broken glass cascading down to the floor. DeLarge jumped on Vicky, who pushed him off, insisting that she was gay, and Lrb felt left out, so he jumped on himself.[/SIZE]

[/center][/QUOTE]

[SIZE=1]My favourite part, haha. I can imagine Lrb jumping on himself.

I certainly like this and it's actually good to see some OB parodies back, I was beginning to miss them. I can't wait to read more. The description of the members is also quite clever, rather than using their avatar or posted photos, haha.

Nice one.[/size]
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Mykul Otaku

Mykul

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That was great! Lrb tackling himself...I would say that you have this parody humor down.

If I could make one suggestion: If you made sure to start a new paragraph whenever there is a change of speaker, it might read a little easier.

Post more soon!
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Gavin OB Legend

Gavin

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[SIZE="1"]Nicely done Phil, I always enjoy reading OB parodies even if I never offer any constructive criticism to the writer. I personally found the argument between the pair about what to call James the funniest, because it was so silly and worked so well. Though Lrb jumping on himself was also rather amusing.

Lord knows how you'll portray me Phil but I'm sure it'll be funny. D'Ann, Ace and I making up the most dysfunctional family in Otakubury but you, you can't spell dysfunctional without fun.[/SIZE]
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Vicky Senior Otaku

Vicky

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[size=1]I'm just around to hurt people and smash things, aren't I? >_<;;

However, the DW and DeLarge conversation is bloody hilarious. Has to be said it was my favourite part, especially DW's rambling. I'm sure I talked like that once XD.[/size]
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Ellerby Senior Otaku

Ellerby

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[FONT="Tahoma"][COLOR="DimGray"]This is great!~ xD

If you were aiming for DW's humour you've nearly nailed it with a flare of your own. It's surprising how much slapstick you've managed to fit in, which is nice.

All in all it was very funny, especially chibi-master bursting through the window at the end of the first chapter. Write more! But maybe make the next chapter a little bit longer?[/COLOR][/FONT]
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Drizzt Do'urden Senior Otaku

Drizzt Do'urden

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In my opinion this post was HORRIBLE, okay not me that was the dissapointment over having to leave without a cookie takling....(thanks for the cameo)

Another great post DeLarge, you're really doing a great job. I always go back and forth between this post and the "I forget what you people look like" thread in the Lounge, just trying to picture Chibi-master bouncing off the walls and destroying things.

Hope to see a lot more of these
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chibi-master OB Superstar

chibi-master

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[quote name='Drizzt Do'urden']I always go back and forth between this post and the "I forget what you people look like" thread in the Lounge, just trying to picture Chibi-master bouncing off the walls and destroying things.[/QUOTE]

Aww, I'm flattered! In fact, I do enjoy doing that in reality.

I love this! I just re-read it about 7 times and I'm still laughing! I've still got tears in my eyes from laughing so hard, too!
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Raiha OB Legend

Raiha

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[COLOR="DarkOrchid"][FONT="Times New Roman"]Bad news, I really do have a full black pvc oufit. More bad news, I prefer red lipstick to other gothic colors, but I don't have black hair.

I do however have very nice whips.

GET OUT OF MY HEAD![/FONT][/COLOR]
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Vicky Senior Otaku

Vicky

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[size=1]Haha I loved this part the best. It was full of a good laugh, especially the 'hard on' and 'n.o.b detector'. Very good stuff, I did actually lol at most parts or even chuckle at the others.

I love myself in this XD.[/size]
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Ezekiel Senior Otaku

Ezekiel

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[SIZE="1"]N.O.B. Detector made me lawl out loud. Gavin and Raiha are the most hilarious couple ever, too. And Vicky's destruction of everything makes her my most favourite character.

Also; Des = win. FOREVER.

So nice to see really good OB fiction kicking around still, I shall eagerly continue reading.[/SIZE]
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chibi-master OB Superstar

chibi-master

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[quote name='DeLarge']
[SIZE=1][B]"Don't talk back to me, girl! Do you know who I am?" [/B]shouted Des, as Chibi-Master held a sign up behind his back, which proclaimed in bold letters: "HE AM DEBRESKO!"
[/SIZE][/QUOTE]

Best part of the whole post!!! XD I absolutely adore this! Can't wait to see what happens next! Ah, you were framed...or were you?:smirk:
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Allamorph OB Superstar

Allamorph

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[FONT=Arial]Unfortunate that I have to break up the party now.

[COLOR="DarkRed"]DeLarge[/COLOR], you've been around the boards for some time, accounts and handles notwithstanding, so I'm sure you remember the forum rules being scaled back; and I know you've been around long enough to read them at least once, so I'm surprised to have to do this.

The content of your latest chapter was unacceptable. As [COLOR="DarkRed"]James[/COLOR] made clear in the [URL="http://www.otakuboards.com/showthread.php?t=56606"][COLOR="Blue"]Content and Quality Standards[/COLOR][/URL], this is a family-oriented site, and your humor recently has been nowhere near tasteful. As much as I hate to begin censoring the writers here, you have one week to rewrite and clean up your fan fiction?all of it?or it will be taken down.

[CENTER]-------------[/CENTER]

I've been extremely forgiving about the works posted in this forum so far, scanning most posts and giving them the benefit of the doubt. I wish I could keep doing that. From now on, I will be closely monitoring all works posted here for content. Any new works deemed excessive or unnecessary will be notified for editing. Any already posted works deemed such will be resolved through private messages.

Seriously, guys. Keep it tasteful and I don't have to be a jerk.[/FONT]
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