Writing All My Emotion

[MerokoYui4]

Hey!:catgirl: This is my current story, which I would love any feedback on. First...my short little Proluge. It's meant to be short to keep things mysterious.

[B]Proluge[/B]

[FONT=Calibri][SIZE=3]I had expected the basins to be on shelves, maybe even tables. But not…floating.[/SIZE][/FONT]

[FONT=Calibri][SIZE=3]The room was stunningly beautiful. The basins, which were made of light gray stone, seemed to be held up by small clouds of purple and white. There were tons of the basins, row upon row, in a seemingly infinite amount. All around me the air was full of a fuchsia-like light. I felt as if I was leaving Earth, and had entered another world. Above me I didn’t see a ceiling, or a sky, but simply the pretty colored light continuing up and up, with little purple-white clouds scattered about.[/SIZE][/FONT]

[FONT=Calibri][SIZE=3]I took a step forward- and the basins shifted. At the speed of sound they moved, until finally one stopped before me. It looked the same as all the others, seemingly plain and simple, but to me it was beautiful. This was because I saw my name carved in the light gray stone and knew it stood for…my freedom…my release… [/SIZE][/FONT]

[SIZE=3][FONT=Calibri]But I was nervous. As much as I wanted this, I knew what it would mean. So, my brain did what it always did when I panic: asked questions. [I]What was the light? Why did it look like that? How did the basins float? Would it move if you pushed it, or is it rooted somehow?[/I][/FONT][/SIZE]

[FONT=Calibri][SIZE=3]I moved my fingers forward, in intention of finding out. Just as they were about to make contact…[/SIZE][/FONT]

[FONT=Calibri][SIZE=3]“I wouldn’t do that if I were you.”[/SIZE][/FONT]

[SIZE=3][FONT=Calibri]I jumped. I didn’t realize I had been followed. But jumping only ended up scaring me more, for it revealed that the floor below me had disappeared, replaced by small stepping stones, on one of which I was standing. Below me, the fuchsia colored light continued. There was no bottom, just as there had been no top…my head began to ache out of nausea. I’d never liked heights.[/FONT][/SIZE]

[SIZE=3][FONT=Calibri]Then I remembered I had been spoken to. “Why?” I croaked.[/FONT][/SIZE]
[SIZE=3][/SIZE]
[SIZE=3][FONT=Calibri]“As soon as you touch the basin, its power is unlocked. You have to be sure,” the lady’s voice answered.[/FONT][/SIZE]
[FONT=Calibri][/FONT]
[SIZE=3][FONT=Calibri]I nodded. This made sense.[/FONT][/SIZE]
[FONT=Calibri][/FONT]
[SIZE=3][FONT=Calibri]“And…I’ll really forget?”I held my hand a few inches away. [SIZE=3][/SIZE]
[SIZE=3][FONT=Calibri]“Your feelings, yes.”[/FONT][/SIZE]
[FONT=Calibri][/FONT]
[SIZE=3][FONT=Calibri]“But my memories?”[/FONT][/SIZE]
[FONT=Calibri][/FONT]
[SIZE=3][FONT=Calibri]The lady laughed, but not in a condescending way.”You overestimate my power if you think I can remove actual memories. I can only remove the emotions behind them.[/FONT][/SIZE]
[FONT=Calibri][/FONT]
[SIZE=3][FONT=Calibri]I took a deep breath. “Ok, I think I’m ready.” Without waiting for her to answer, I reached out to touch the basin, and everything went black.[/FONT][/SIZE]

[Drizzt Do'urden]

Well I must say I'm intrigued, so you did your job with your intro there. I very much do want to know where/when/what is happening.

I'm going to hold my criticisms until I see a chapter, because frankly there isn't much to criticize.

[MerokoYui4]

[B]I hope it's not too lenghty, gomen if it is. :catgirl: Any feedback I would love! This is going to feel very different from the intro: because the world in the intro is at this point hidden from my characters[/B].

[B]Chapter 1[/B]

The sensation itself was quite odd. When I woke up that morning felt invigorated, full of some new kind of light, although I wasn?t sure why. The troubling part was I couldn?t remember where I had been the night before. I remembered leaving the house, remembered falling back into bed, but at least an hour or so was completely blank. And no, I was not drunk.

But my mood felt so light that the problem seemed trivial. After all, it was sunny outside, and a cool spring breeze filtered in through the window. What was there to be sad about?

Standing up to bask in the warm light, I noticed a broken picture frame lying on the ground. That was odd?
The picture was of me?and?who was that? It was hard to tell, as it appeared there had been a weak attempt to cover up the face with pen. Green eyes, gelled up brown-hair?.Darren! Darren?now why did that name seem to spark something? Oh yes, my ex-boyfriend.

And then, suddenly, in a rather annoying rush, the memories began to play.

Like a slideshow in my head, I saw it all over again. Gwen and Darren behind the bleachers, kissing, Gwen smirking at me as Darren told me he didn?t love me anymore?Me, sitting in the same bed I had just exited, crying my eyes out, tissues everywhere. I could even see myself throwing the frame now and hearing the glass crack.

But despite the sorrow I should be feeling over such depressing memories, I didn?t seem to feel anything at all. It was perhaps as if I was remembering something I had seen in a movie, someone else?s life but surely not my own.

I had said I loved him. Now why I had said that? I had been very sure at the time, but now, trying to place the emotion?what was love? It was like when you?re trying to think of something you know you know, but keeps escaping you, right on the tip of your tongue?

I sat down again and put my hands on my temple. All this forgetting stuff was starting to become vexing. My cat, a beautiful Russian Blue, walked into the room and began rubbing against my leg. The sight of her made me smile.

?Well I can be sure of one thing,? I murmured, patting her head. ?Whatever I felt, I sure don?t feel it anymore.?

So now it was time to approach this the way I did everything: logically. I had spent a couple days moping and away from school; I needed to get back right away so I wouldn?t get too far behind on all my work. I checked the time. I still had 20 minutes before I should leave?.maybe I could run a quick straightener through my hair?
I
couldn?t help but squeal when I looked in the mirror. I don?t really consider myself a materialistic person, but my reflection was quite dreadful. For starters, my blue eyes were completely surrounded by mascara that seemed to have flowed down my cheeks when I was crying. I really needed to invest in waterproof. And my long blonde hair was matted and greasy?when had I showered last?

But another look at the clock confirmed that I simply didn?t have time. With a sigh I washed my face, brushed my hair, and put a hat on. It was going to have to do. Slipping on my backpack and grabbing my keys, I headed down the stairs.

?Aerona!? my mom greeted me. She sounded surprised.

?Hey mom, I?m running a little behind, so I should get going.?

I was in a rush to get driving. I didn?t want to talk about why I had acted like a zombie for the last few days.
Now my mom and I are very alike. We both have the same blonde hair, blue eyes, and logical approach to life. And for us, knowing each other so well, she knew the most logical choice was not to mention my sudden change from crippling, broken teenager to a normal, calm girl.

Suddenly my stomach growled. Personal hygiene wasn?t the only thing I had neglected in the last couple days.

?Actually, could I eat something first? Did you make something?? I asked, embarrassed.

Despite the fact we weren?t mentioning my transformation; she couldn?t hide the emotion in her voice as she responded. ?Of course, just grab something from the table.?

I felt horrible; I must have worried her so much. How could I have done that to her, after all she did for me on a daily basis? I grabbed a piece of toast and headed out the door before I could feel any guiltier.

Though initially I had felt pleased to be returning to school and seeing everyone again, I now felt some trepidation. Darren walked a bit of a different social circle then me- I guess you could call him one of ?them (they?re called the Uppers). When he and I had got together it caused quite a stir at the school- and I was sure that our breakup would as well. I wasn?t looking forward to the questions, whispering, and pointing, that would follow.

But before I knew it, I was in the parking lot. People were running, and I heard the bell ring. Splendid. Because walking in after the bell would definitely make my entrance less noticeable. Taking a deep breath, I walked with my head held high and my eyes looking straight ahead, as to hopefully appear strong and confident.

Miraculously my homeroom teacher was running late, and everyone was taking their time getting settled. I quickly spotted Tegan, my preppy brown-haired best friend, who upon noticing my arrival, ran up and hugged me. ?AERONA! I?ve missed you so much!?

?I?m sorry,? I responded awkwardly, aware of the eyes of the ever annoying Beth on me.

Now Beth is the school gossip (every school has one). Besides having the uncanny ability to listen to conversations she shouldn?t have been able to hear, she also knew EVERYONE?S cell phone number, and had set up some sort of odd system that sent it to everyone in the grade at once. Really, she had some sort of technological talent there, too bad she didn?t use it for better purposes.

She was doing her ever famous ?hover? in which she looked exceedingly pre-occupied with something, when in reality she was listening. It wasn?t that it didn?t look convincible- just having spent so much time with the Uppers, I knew many of her tricks.

?BUT,? I said loudly, to be sure she could hear, ?I don?t CARE about DARREN anymore.?

Tegan tipped her head as if I said something confusing. Then she smiled one of those smiles reserved for small children or people in denial. ?Of course you don?t, of course you don?t. That?s a good attitude.?

?I really do-? I stopped myself. I probably wouldn?t be able to make her believe me- and frankly I wouldn?t have believed myself, if you had asked me as recent as yesterday. Once again, the mystery of what had happened last night overwhelmed me, but I quickly shook it off. That was yesterday, and today was today. And today I could care less.

At this point, the teacher walked in the room, which I was grateful for. I made sure to take a seat as far from Beth as possible.

But it seemed she wasn?t through with me just yet. I opened my backpack to get something and noticed my phone flashing.

[B]Beth: So who broke up w/ who? Iv heard some stuff but wanted ur side.[/B]

I sighed, and considered ignoring it. But she would probably keep texting me.

[B]Aerona: He broke up with me. And IDC, I?m fine, so don?t bother spreading im heartbroken or some crap like that.[/B]

I could see her eyebrows go up and saw the light of my phone. I quickly checked to make sure the teacher wasn?t looking. He was speaking about some lockers being vandalized, and his eyes didn?t seem to be near me. Beth didn?t have to check- she never got caught.

[B]Beth: Oh rly, interesting, interesting?this doesn?t happen 2 have anything 2 do with Gwen does it?[/B]

Even my sudden lack of feeling for Darren couldn?t stop my blood from boiling on the sight of her name. She was an absolutely horrible person, and I had tried to be nothing but nice to her! If Darren wanted her, I really was better off. They deserved each other.

[B]Aerona: U ask her urself.[/B]

[B]Beth: Will do.[/B]

[B]Aerona: No point in asking u 2 stay out of my personal life, is there??[/B]

[B]Beth: Nope.[/B]
[LEFT]I sighed. Oh well- not like I hadn?t expected this.

[B]* * * * * * * * * * * * *[/B]
[B]PART B[/B]
When the bell rang for lunch, I thought I might just jump in relief. The day hadn?t been as bad as expected- it had been worse. Beth took no time talking to Gwen, and promptly sent out a report in the form of a couple texts after second period.
[/LEFT]
[B]In case u haven?t heard (even though every1 knows), Aerona and Darren are THRU. Aerona has no comment, but?Gwen says ?Darren just knew what he wanted-if Aerona can?t deal w/ that, then oh well. I heart him!?
[/B]
I felt like I was in episode of Gossip Girl. And who says ?I heart him!? anymore? She sounded like a clichéd, trying-to-hard seventh grader.

And EVERYONE had something to say about it, OF COURSE. A blonde girl I had never met in my life gave me a five minute speech on how to get the perfect revenge on Darren (she was talking so fast I didn?t hear all of it, but it seemed to include a large trash can and a train ride to Canada), while another girl assured me that he would come back, and told me that maybe if I had done my hair this morning I would have made a better statement. I nodded and smiled at them both, trying to be as polite as possible-but inwardly fuming at both Beth and Gwen for causing this.
The most awkward confrontation of all was one by my locker, which had happened before the class I was now exiting.

?Hey!? Gavin had said, grinning. Now Gavin is basically the opposite of Darren. He has black hair that looks natural, compared to Darren?s gelled up concoction. He wears glasses and hangs with the smart crowd at school, you know the over-achievers who want to get into Harvard or something. The Uppers had always considered him a ?lower?, but I had been friends with him anyway.
?Hi,? I said, smiling, although it was mostly fake. I wasn?t in a smiley-mood.

?Oh, I?m sorry, you?re day has sucked hasn?t it,? but although his words were kind, he kept grinning stupidly. And then-he put his hand on my shoulder!
I didn?t want to offend him, but him touching me was so weird, I had to push away. ?What was that?? I tried to keep my tone light.
?Well now that you?re not that with that idiot anymore-you?re free to look at other?options, right?? He was blushing, I could tell the words were hard for him?HE LIKED ME! The thought hit me like a ton of bricks. I had no idea?but now that I thought about it, it was pretty obvious. All the helping me with the homework, IM conversations, avoiding the topic of Darren at all costs?and he had never talked about any other girls. He liked me.

?Ummm?? I had no idea what to say. Gavin was a good friend, but I had NEVER, NEVER, thought of him like that. The idea of kissing him kind of made me want to throw up to be personally honest.

I had to lie. There?s no way I could stand here and totally break his heart. Maybe I couldn?t remember why I loved Darren- but I remembered the misery of heartbreak. I wouldn?t wish that on anyone, even Gwen.

?I?m sorry,? I mumbled. ?But I need time to get over Darren??

I hated the lie the second it left my mouth. I hated watching Gavin's eyes get a little duller in disappointment. I hated the way he shuffled his feet to break the tension.

But his answer surprised me. ?That?s fine, I can wait. And I understand, I would need time too.?

I bit my lip, wondering if what I had done was even worse. Now he had hope- but false hope.

So now I was grateful for a beautiful half-hour of sitting with Tegan, laughing at the horrible cafeteria food but eating it anyway. We had noticed that all the food followed a certain color scheme. Today was red.

?Hey, hey!? Tegan greeted me, placing an apple on her tray. ?I saw Beth?s report. That must suck.?

?It does?? I sighed, grabbing an apple with some weird lump on it and placing it on my own tray.

?Don?t worry about it, it will totally blow over. That Gwen, she?s got another thing coming, let me tell you??

?Speaking of which, why are we heading toward her table??

The ?Uppers? table, which was dead-set in the middle of cafeteria, was already filled with many of the normal people. Oddly Darren wasn?t there- in fact I hadn?t seen him all day. The thought that he was off somewhere with Gwen made me want to throw something across the room, but no, she was at the table.

?I thought?? Tegan started.

?Tegan, you can?t seriously think they?d let us sit there anymore. I?m not one of ?them? now. I had no status without Darren. And honestly, I have no desire to anyway. Almost all of them are heartless egomaniacs.?

Tegan sighed. I knew she had always wanted a little popularity, although she would never say it. She was way too loyal to me. ?Ok, so where should we sit??

I shrugged. ?Anywhere I guess.?

We ended up sitting at a table in the corner. It was noticeably smaller then our usual one, and didn?t look it was as clean. But as soon as I let the thought flow through my mind I chided myself, I had let myself get spoiled.

But when some random junior boy at the table sneezed on my food, I couldn?t help but miss it a little.

[MerokoYui4]

Thank you! I would appreciate it soo much if you do have time to read the chapter, which is posted above. ^^ I just want to improve.

[Drizzt Do'urden]

hmm when I read your prologe I thought you were going in a WAY different direction, which I'm sure you'd planned.

I'm so glad you led with something other then this chapter, nothing personal, but if you would've started with this first chapter it would've been written off as cliche'd quickly.

As far as the chapter length goes, you did a good job with it. It wasn't too long by anymeans, in reality it was just about the perfect length (in my opionion of course.)

You do a good job of writing in the first person, one of the reasons i'm going to be sticking with it.

I'm interested in reading more of this, so keep it coming. Oh and if you're new to the boards don't fret if a lot of people don't comment. It doesn't mean they aren't reading...