A Densha Otoko Type Forum

[Botar]

[quote name='mryekcim' date='13 July 2010 - 02:19 AM' timestamp='1279001941' post='697218']
I got some what good news. She asked if we could hang out. I don't know if it means strait to the friend zone or not but it feel nice. I cant drive yet but my permit test is in two days. I don't know what to do. Is it a date or just really hanging out? a little help please.
[/quote]

both, just play it cool and hug her before she leaves.

[Korey]

[quote name='chibi-master' date='12 July 2010 - 11:29 PM' timestamp='1278970176' post='697191']


It's not someone he barely even knows, though. According to him, they're friends. I don't know how close of a friendship they have, but admitting romantic feelings could possibly ruin a friendship of any kind.
[/quote]
[font="Garamond"]Right and what I was intending was mainly to CaNz, not to myrekim. Of course the relationship dynamic is different when you actually know the person.

As for your little hanging out thing, don't treat it as a "date" sort of thing, because then you will have expectations and when they are/aren't fullfilled you may find yourself a little underwhelmed. Just enjoy her company and if you want to see if she wants to hang out again, mention somethings you may be doing with friends later on in the week/month/next few months. But here's the important part. Don't invite her right away. Move onto another topic and leave her wondering why she wasn't instantly invited. Then, as the conversation starts to wind down, you can say "OH HEY! You should totally join us, we need a person like you to add to our group." If she asks what "a person like her" means, then just say "Someone interesting" with a smile.[/font][size="2"][/size]

[CaNz]

cool bro tip at the end Korey... and i know looks are not the thing that matters most, but its an exceptional confidence builder, which is very important. plus it does help to avoid the friend zone (the only real problem with doing only what you said), when she notices how good you look. thats really the only benefit of it. plus thats actually something he could work on... since if she ends up not liking his personality, what hope did could he ever have? habits are easy to change... but trying to change who you are is not. i was just trying to give him a few bro tips on improving his odds... not throw harsh realities.

Im glad to see your making progress Myrekim[font="Verdana"], Stay confident, patient, and perceptive. Watch for good opportunities to say things like Korey's line (which really is pretty good in my opinion) or pick your own style. just remember to moderate yourself. figure out her feelings about you. if you think she could possibly be interested, flirt more... if she sees you as a friend, try to become better friends before perusing her... or do what you think is right for the occasion. Good luck, we are all rooting for you.[/font]

[chibi-master]

[quote name='mryekcim' date='13 July 2010 - 02:19 AM' timestamp='1279001941' post='697218']
I got some what good news. She asked if we could hang out. I don't know if it means strait to the friend zone or not but it feel nice. I cant drive yet but my permit test is in two days. I don't know what to do. Is it a date or just really hanging out? a little help please.
[/quote]
Like Korey said, don't raise your hopes too high or treat it like a date. If it isn't, she'll become uncomfortable. Good luck, though!

[mryekcim]

Sorry for not posting for a long time. I turns out she wanted me for moral support when she had to take her senior portrait which was at 10. I got there really early but she did not show up until 30min after i did. I had a really good time after we went to eat and she left at around 12. I manages get the to go to the movies with my friends and I to go see inspection. I forgot after i asked her that i forgot she dose not really know my fiends that well. How should i treat the movies? Just like after the portrait ?

[CaNz]

if she dose go to the movies with your friends, introduce her as your friend, (i would let the rest of your friends know that you are trying to date this girl... so they don't make her feel uncomfortable)
obviously, sit next to her and keep her included with the group. as far as winning her over wise... you still have to figure out her feelings before telling her yours. however if she doesn't know you like her after this you might want to give hints.

What i mean by this is you don't come on to her, but you express interest, like saying things like how pretty she is, or something else along those lines. if she responds well to complements, keep giving them to her. if she just gives a casual thanks, she could be trying to tell you something.
what you dont want to do is force her into a take-it-or-leave-it deal. if her friendship is important to you, put effort into finding out her feelings for you, rather than just confessing yours and hoping it all works out.

[Heaven's Cloud]

[quote name='mryekcim' date='19 July 2010 - 01:24 PM' timestamp='1279560290' post='697458']
Sorry for not posting for a long time. I turns out she wanted me for moral support when she had to take her senior portrait which was at 10. I got there really early but she did not show up until 30min after i did. I had a really good time after we went to eat and she left at around 12. I manages get the to go to the movies with my friends and I to go see inspection. I forgot after i asked her that i forgot she dose not really know my fiends that well. How should i treat the movies? Just like after the portrait ?
[/quote]

[color=indigo]No, don't treat it the same. Definitely try to cop a feel during the film. If you don't get to second base by the end of the date you'll never get anywhere. It is in the "Girl's Handbook", seriously, page 22 states "if said guy doesn't try to get some play during the second date dump him, he is a follower".

Honestly, just have fun at the movies with her and your friends (don't exclude her). But afterward be a man and ask her on a real date, the worst that could happen is that she will say no.
[/color]

[CaNz]

[quote name='Heaven's Cloud' date='19 July 2010 - 08:32 PM' timestamp='1279596754' post='697477'][color="indigo"] the worst that could happen is that she will say no.[/color]
[/quote]
the worst that could happen is more like, she says no and is now so uncomfortable around you that she cant be your friend anymore, meaning your probably not going to ever get a second chance... normally you can tell if that kinda event could happen by paying attention. if you are unsure of her feelings, maybe... but if she looks like she is uncomfortable with the setting, wait for another time. Edited July 20, 2010 by CaNz

[Heaven's Cloud]

[quote name='CaNz' date='20 July 2010 - 02:49 AM' timestamp='1279608567' post='697488']
the worst that could happen is more like, she says no and is now so uncomfortable around you that she cant be your friend anymore, meaning your probably not going to ever get a second chance... normally you can tell if that kinda event could happen by paying attention. if you are unsure of her feelings, maybe... but if she looks like she is uncomfortable with the setting, wait for another time.
[/quote]

[color=indigo]I disagree entirely. In my thirty years I have asked out plenty of girls that ended up not being interested in me, and I have been able to maintain friendships with most of them. Really, it is only an awkward situation if you let it be. You know what sucks though? Not getting a girl because you waited to long to ask her out and she ended up seeing someone else. That sucks far worse.[/color]

[CaNz]

i have maintained relationships after i dated them and it didn't work, but after being rejected, i can only think of one person and i haven't talked to her in at least six months.

how do you not let a rejection be awkward? i could use the help on that one personally. I usually stay friends for a while... but unless the girl changes her mind the whole thing usually dies on me. any advice on that one? Edited July 20, 2010 by CaNz

[Heaven's Cloud]

[quote name='CaNz' date='20 July 2010 - 09:51 AM' timestamp='1279633898' post='697510']
i have maintained relationships after i dated them and it didn't work, but after being rejected, i can only think of one person and i haven't talked to her in at least six months.

how do you not let a rejection be awkward? i could use the help on that one personally. I usually stay friends for a while... but unless the girl changes her mind the whole thing usually dies on me. any advice on that one?
[/quote]

[color=indigo]I should clarify, there is no way rejection isn't going to be little awkward right away. However, it is awkward for both parties involved. If you are friends with the person that rejected you before hand then I think, as the rejected, you need to be the one to extend the olive branch. I do it through my typical lame attempts at making jokes. Maybe I'll jokingly criticize her on how horribly "cruel" she was (boy, not even a pity date, huh?), or maybe I'll pick on her for her delivery of the bad news. Whatever you do, you want to let her know (through your actions) that you are cool with the fact that she rejected you and you can move on from it.

One important thing, make sure you want to be friends with the girl after you have been rejected. Rejection often can open your eyes and make you realize that the girl you are pining over isn't really all that cool, and that you liked her solely because you were attracted to her.
[/color]

[Korey]

[quote name='Heaven's Cloud' date='20 July 2010 - 04:32 PM' timestamp='1279636378' post='697515']
[color=indigo]I should clarify, there is no way rejection isn't going to be little awkward right away. However, it is awkward for both parties involved. If you are friends with the person that rejected you before hand then I think, as the rejected, you need to be the one to extend the olive branch. I do it through my typical lame attempts at making jokes. Maybe I'll jokingly criticize her on how horribly "cruel" she was (boy, not even a pity date, huh?), or maybe I'll pick on her for her delivery of the bad news. Whatever you do, you want to let her know (through your actions) that you are cool with the fact that she rejected you and you can move on from it.

One important thing, make sure you want to be friends with the girl after you have been rejected. Rejection often can open your eyes and make you realize that the girl you are pining over isn't really all that cool, and that you liked her solely because you were attracted to her.
[/color]
[/quote]

[Font=Garamond]This whole thing ^

Rejection is never personal anyways. There's plenty of girlies out there ripe for the dating. You just have to show them how smart, funny and one-of-a-kind you are. Best way I know how to do that is to embody a fun and exciting lifestyle. If it helps, try doing more social things around your city. Take up something new that you haven't tried before.

To close the book on the good looks thing, you need to show that you possess good grooming habits. It's fine and dandy to have a face like Brad Pitt and a body like Arnold (when he actually cared), but if you dress sloppily and you smell like you just took a field trip to the dump, then no woman will want to be around you. Taking up good grooming habits is an easy way to stand out. Brush your teeth, use floss and mouthwash. Wear some nice clothes. Get a new hairstyle. Pick up some jewelry that is flashy, but not tacky. Wash your face. If you have a problem with acne, see a dermatologist. If you wear glasses, get contacts (or even just some stunna shades ). Basically, show that you care about your appearance and others will notice.[/Font]

[CaNz]

[quote name='Heaven's Cloud' date='20 July 2010 - 07:32 AM' timestamp='1279636378' post='697515'][color="indigo"] you need to be the one to extend the olive branch.[/color] [/quote]
i am glad that work for someone... i swear i have tried almost exactly that (my jokes were pretty lame too)

its pro'lly just my luck... but even when i fiigure the worst could happen i usually try eventually. it is far better to fail than to never try (i have done both so i can compare it)

[mryekcim]

One more week until the movies. I got another meeting on the day we get our schedule for class. For the meeting we are going to get some doughnuts [ she use to do that with her close friends]. I found out she likes amine and dramas but not like crazy about it. For the movies ill plan to sit next to her and if i tell my friends they act all funny and out of character. She knows them enough to the point where how they normally act. This is an up date . How am i doing?

[PiroMunkie]

[color="#A0522D"][font="Arial"]Honestly, I find it extremely weird you apparently joined this message board only to create this topic and get advice/help for this kind of situation from a bunch of random people you don't know (and that don't know you).[/font][/color]

[CaNz]

i have done weirder things... if i felt i needed relationship help i might have done the same thing.

It seems like your doing the right things mryekcim... maybe you could find out her favorite dramas and animes... if you watch those you can have something interesting to talk about with her. Oh! and don't be gross when eating... you probably already know this, but use a napkin with those donuts! watching a guy stuff his face is very unappealing.

keep up the good work soldier!

[Nony]

This almost feels like OB's "Ins and Outs of Dating" thread now...

[quote name='AvalonAngel' date='20 July 2010 - 08:42 AM' timestamp='1279640538' post='697520']
[Font=Garamond]If you wear glasses, get contacts (or even just some stunna shades ).[/Font]
[/quote]
I have to disagree. Some girls really like glasses. Like me, I like glasses. Depends a bit on the style of the frames, but still. Edited July 25, 2010 by Miss Anonymous

[Nerdsy]

[color=deeppink]I know I've been told I look better with glasses than without. The explanation was that my glasses caused my eyes to "pop," although I'll be damned if I know what that means.

Although I have my suspicions that it's more because of a resistance to change.[/color] Edited July 25, 2010 by Nerdsy

[chibi-master]

[quote name='Nerdsy' date='25 July 2010 - 02:15 PM' timestamp='1280081726' post='697877']
[color=deeppink]I know I've been told I look better with glasses than without. The explanation was that my glasses caused my eyes to "pop," although I'll be damned if I know what that means.[/color]
[/quote]
It means that it makes your eyes stand out. People like eyes. They're the window to the soul. Keep the glasses.

[Nerdsy]

[quote name='chibi-master' date='25 July 2010 - 03:09 PM' timestamp='1280088578' post='697886']
Keep the glasses.
[/quote]

[color=deeppink]Yeah, no. The less I wear glasses the better.[/color]

[CaNz]

it depends on the glasses. my condition is an astigmatism and nearsighted. since this is a compound condition my glasses are more than a centimeter thick. I really cant even wear them a full day because they are so heavy. I love my contacts.

[chibi-master]

[quote name='CaNz' date='25 July 2010 - 07:25 PM' timestamp='1280100313' post='697894']my condition is an astigmatism and nearsighted.
[/quote]
Same here. The eye doctor told me I'm legally blind and that without glasses I'm a menace to society.

[CaNz]

it's almost like we are related or something!

[chibi-master]

[quote name='CaNz' date='25 July 2010 - 08:34 PM' timestamp='1280104484' post='697899']
it's almost like we are related or something!
[/quote]
[attachment=14817:what-you-did-there-i-see-it.jpg]

[CaNz]

I am glad we are at an understanding awkward bird!