Parents

[Pressure]

[COLOR=purple]Hey guys, well I jsut wanted to take the time to state how bad a relationship I have with my mother. And I was wondering if anyone else has this problem.

Every single day, since I turned 10, my mother has hurt my feelings. Whether intentional or not, she has hurt my feelings. My mom screams at me, has given me the finger, has broken things in her rage at me, has said "You know what Alice, I don't care anymore! Fu.ck you!" and stormed off. She is always at her boyfriends house and hardly ever home. She has told me I'm an as.shole, a bit.ch, has told me I can go to hell, and is always insulting my father who lives in Michigan infront of me.

She tells me that my grades suck and how unfair it is for her but when I complain how things are unfair, she tell me"Life isn't fair so get the fu.ck over it!" and I can barely have a normal average everyday conversation without her bringing up the fact that i never do enough, my grades suck, im worthless, and so on and so forth.

People at school tell me she's wrong and that I'm not like that, but it never seems to help. I've come to school numerous times with my face and eyes red, and cheeks streaked with tears. I cry just about ever day b/c of the way she yells at me and tells me every single thing thats wrong with me day in and day out.

But I gotta ask... am I the one who is stupid here? Am I the one who is a retard b/c I don't hold grudges to her, I let them go and try to be loving every step of the way. Am I stupid b/c every time I do that I just get yelled at more?

There is a saying that goes...

"Always reach out your hand, and when they slap it back, if your care enough, reach it out again"

Am I the moron b/c I believe this and do it every day to no help? What wrong with me?[/COLOR]

[Dan L]

[QUOTE][i]Originally posted by DBZChikaGhan [/i]
[B][COLOR=purple]Hey guys, well I jsut wanted to take the time to state how bad a relationship I have with my mother. And I was wondering if anyone else has this problem.
[/COLOR] [/B][/QUOTE]

There's nothing wrong with you. I can say this with complete confidence cos my dad had the same relationship with his mother. she had 6 sons, rarely bought any of them clothes, shoes, there was rarely much food in the house, and although my dad wasn't brought up in the 'wealthiest' area of my town, this wasn't the problem. the problem was that his mum and dad only spent money on themselves. she was always putting them down in the same way as your mum does to you, he had just as bad a relationship with his father, cos he was never there, he worked all week then slept and went to the pub all weekend.

My 'grandmother' once told me she was putting arsenic in my dad's tea.

we never talk to or see her again (my grandad is dead), and from what we hear every now and then from other members of the family, she is still the same.

she will probably never change. neither will your mum, probably, but if you want to not give up hope then theres no harm or shame in that.

[Dragonfire1477]

Don't you listen to a damn word of that. It's all crap. You're a much better person than that, and you know it. No one can tell you that you are a screwup. It doesn't matter if your mom thinks that, because it's still not true. It gets to you because you accept it, not because it's what your mom says. You can't ever believe you're anything less than great, because I know you. You are far from anything you mom said. As for what to do, you could be like me and ignore her existance. I suck at giving advise on how to fix things like this, but I do know you're a much better person than that. You just have to believe it as much as I do.

[Charles]

It sounds to me like a case of child abuse. A parent has no right to treat their ten year old daughter that way. The mental anguish that she is subjecting you to is even furthered by actually throwing objects in your direction. There is absolutely no excuse for that. My guess is that she's a raging alcoholic by the way you described her. There is only so much that you can take in this situation. Is there any way you can turn to your father or another family member for help? Seriously, you need to get out of that situation and fast.

[k9*]

there is NOTHING wrong w/ you DBZChikaGhan, you are a much better person than your mom sounds like. what i feel you need to do is get out of that situation - it's only hurting you, in more ways than you prob realize. that is not how parents are supposed to act, and you seem sensitive enuf that it will only continue to hurt you (this isn't a bad thing), perhaps you leaving will give her enuf of a shock to start to change, but i doubt that.

[Red]

[B]You shouldn't put up with that, you should sit your mother down and ask her why she says these things to you, and if she doesn't listen or continues ranting and raving, get a close relative to talk to her and ask her why shes doing these things on your behalf[/B]

[The One]

[B]Deus is right, there is nothing wrong with you, I had the same problem with my mom, not as nasty but i still had a problem. Bein a guy i showed my frustration through physical acts, like punching walls, taking a baseball bat to a door etc etc, i'm not saying all guys are like that or that girls can't be violent by the way. Eventually my mom and I sorted things out, we still have arguments about how hard i'm trying in school, my grades, my attitude, the fact i don't read enough, but I should stop talking about me. I consider you amazingly brave to be able to keep loving your mom unconditionally, i admire you and i think you are fine the way you are. If you can, talk it over with your mom, if you can't, don't if you limit contact with her she may begin to feel guilty and try and be nicer. BUT, there is always a chance that she is sorta retarded and can't love her daughter the her daughter loves her, maybe shes afraid, whatever it is, don't give up, You are a great person, even if your mom isn't.[/B] :) [B]That was a smile of encouragement[/B]

[Pressure]

[QUOTE][i]Originally posted by Dragonfire1477 [/i]
[B]Don't you listen to a damn word of that. It's all crap. You're a much better person than that, and you know it. No one can tell you that you are a screwup. It doesn't matter if your mom thinks that, because it's still not true. It gets to you because you accept it, not because it's what your mom says. You can't ever believe you're anything less than great, because I know you. You are far from anything you mom said. As for what to do, you could be like me and ignore her existance. I suck at giving advise on how to fix things like this, but I do know you're a much better person than that. You just have to believe it as much as I do. [/B][/QUOTE]

[QUOTE][i]Originally posted by The One[/i]
[B]Deus is right, there is nothing wrong with you, I had the same problem with my mom, not as nasty but i still had a problem. Bein a guy i showed my frustration through physical acts, like punching walls, taking a baseball bat to a door etc etc, i'm not saying all guys are like that or that girls can't be violent by the way. Eventually my mom and I sorted things out, we still have arguments about how hard i'm trying in school, my grades, my attitude, the fact i don't read enough, but I should stop talking about me. I consider you amazingly brave to be able to keep loving your mom unconditionally, i admire you and i think you are fine the way you are. If you can, talk it over with your mom, if you can't, don't if you limit contact with her she may begin to feel guilty and try and be nicer. BUT, there is always a chance that she is sorta retarded and can't love her daughter the her daughter loves her, maybe shes afraid, whatever it is, don't give up, You are a great person, even if your mom isn't. That was a smile of encouragement[/B][/QUOTE]

[COLOR=purple]*wipes tears from eyes*

Thank you guys, I don't think I'm that bad of a person, I really don't. I DO try in school, I DO try to help around the house, but b/c I'm not Miss.A+ USA... and Miss.Perfect... I'm not good enough for her

its really tragic considering she is a cclinical social worker and hre paniets arent even as f*cked up as our family[/COLOR]

[Hinata]

[QUOTE][i]Originally posted by DBZChikaGhan [/i]
[B]

[COLOR=purple]*wipes tears from eyes*

Thank you guys, I don't think I'm that bad of a person, I really don't. I DO try in school, I DO try to help around the house, but b/c I'm not Miss.A+ USA... and Miss.Perfect... I'm not good enough for her

its really tragic considering she is a cclinical social worker and hre paniets arent even as f*cked up as our family[/COLOR] [/B][/QUOTE][COLOR=darkblue] I think that your mom is still mad at your father and everyday she sees him(dad)in you and she hates that...She wants you to be so much like her that it hurts that you may not turn out like her...

You just stay confident in yourself and don't listen to whatever F*cked up words your mom may say....
But when you get older...(out of her house) and she tries to come down on you again then you can finally put your foot down and voice your opinion...
And when that chance does come do it with the pride and happiness that your have for yourself cause you suceeded with those not so perfect grades and whatever wrongs you may have... if your mother doesn't like what you say...then you won't have to associate with her (that much) b/c you will be an independent woman...

But I wish the best for you until that time comes...[B]BE STRONG AND HAVE FAITH[/B]

If you ask how I seem to know so much...it's b/c I've been iut the same boat..and in a way my mom critisims (although not as harsh as what your mom seems to be giving you) have made me srtonger b/c I plan to prove her wrong...
SO USE HER WORDS AS AMMUNITION TO SUCEED AND I HOPE THE BEST...

P.S. Keep me informed!!!!!!

[/COLOR]

[Guest Akito]

In my opinion, ur mother has anger problems. And there is nothing wrong in having anger problems, unless they take phsycal action against u for no reason. Listen, don't be afraid to fight back, in this world, there are no certainties. Everyday, ppl suffer as bad as u are, and some have it worse. Ur mother does not know what she has, honestly! In truth, some of today's Tycoons were not A+ students, Bill Gates didn't get all A's, matter o fact, he was a A-C's, sometimes even D's, on his report card. And look at him! All he did was give some guy $10,000, and i sure bet the original creator of the program is regretting selling his program to Bill, and now he's a Millionair. Dun listen to her, she's pathetic excuss of human exsistance(of course, we are all, we hate ppl for no reason, thats what makes us pathetic, but there are a few who don't hate ppl for their looks, or the way they act, ppl act the way they do because they do not understand how lucky they have it here in america). Life is one big Bullsh*t, everything in it never makes sense if u look at it closely.

[Lady Macaiodh]

**sigh** want me to kill her for you, alice? i completely understand how you feel. my problems w/ my folks are a lot different from yours, but still just as bad. but i'm not even [I]going[/I] to get started on that subject.

i'll tell you what i did. first, i learned from negative example. i now know the way [I]not[/I] to treat my kids.

second, recognize that you are a stronger person b/c of all this. think about it: take a lump of coal, apply tons of pressure & heat, & a diamond emerges. you're turning into a diamond yourself, metaphorically speaking.

[k9*]

i couldn't have said it half as well lady m.
we're all with you DBZChikaGhan, hang tough :)

[BabyGirl]

[QUOTE][i]Originally posted by Lady Macaiodh [/i]
[B]second, recognize that you are a stronger person b/c of all this. think about it: take a lump of coal, apply tons of pressure & heat, & a diamond emerges. you're turning into a diamond yourself, metaphorically speaking. [/B][/QUOTE]

[color=deeppink]*applause*

DBZChikaGhan...you certainly aren't the problem in this situation. I have a lot of problems with my mother as well, though not to the extent of yours. I think the wisest thing to do is realize that [i]she's[/i] the one with the problem, but don't blame her for it.

The more you blame your mother, the more resentment and conflict it will cause between the both of you.

You also must realize that though you are a victim of her emotional/verbal abuse, she is a victim of whatever is causing her to act the way she is.

Social work can be some tough sh*t...not to mention, dangerous. People can be very affected by what goes on around them every day (well, obviously) when they do work like that, and if they are very sensitive and put their heart into their work, then it can affect them even deeper.

So my greatest advice, while it is hard for even ME to do, is to not blame your mother for how she acts. Yes, she makes a conscious choice to say and do the things she does, but she has yet to conquer something inside of herself to prevent those things from happening.

Perhaps you should talk to your mom about it...you never know what could happen. (Though again, don't come out and say "Mom, I hate it when..." because that will get no where. You have to start it out with something like "Hey mom, how was your day?" or something...it's really hard because I have to do it with my mom as well...but it works when you treat your mom like a normal human being. Perhaps if you do (not saying that you don't already) then she will do the same for you :). )[/color]

[Heaven's Cloud]

[color=indigo] I think everybody has given you really good advice. I'll try and add just a little bit too it because it sounds like your problem is similar to one of mine. I have been struggling with my parents for quite some time, trying to please them in my life especially my mom.

I always would bottle up my anger and turn the other cheek when they hurt me. Two years ago I finally stood up too them, and when they were yelling at me one day I just said "Mom, dad I love you, I'll always love you but I'm tired of you guys being mad at me for not living up to your expectations, and if you don't make an effort to change, I'm gone." And it was as simple as that. Although things aren't perfect between us, they are considerably better and they make a conscious effort to not give me so much crap for no reason. It didn't seem worth it to them not to change because they new I was serious when I told them that I would leave...[/color]

[9mm Avenger]

[QUOTE][i]Originally posted by Deus_Ex_Machina [/i]
[B]My 'grandmother' once told me she was putting arsenic in my dad's tea.[/B][/QUOTE]

Wo, freaky....Yeah, my parents can be wierd some times, but their really okay....Hell, they don't even know about half my tattos! Nah, Some parents are just wacked, and should never have been parents in the first place.

[Zero-Sama]

Thats....Wrong....I have problems with my father,He says the same stuff......But,I say just take it.....DON'T FIGHT BACK!!!!If you do the go off the deep end....People like that don't like being told they are wrong or that they should do stuff like that.....I think this matter is for the cops.

[Avalon]

I fully understand where you're coming from. My mom does that everyday. We get into arguments all the time. Sometimes i think about suicide and stuff like that. She cusses at me and calls me a fat heifer everyday! But you know what, I don't listen to any of the bs because it's not true. And you don't either. F**k what your mom says about you. You are way better than her. Watch, one day she's gonna need you and you'll remember all about the past. I'll happen, beleive me. If you can't take her, just move out. I am in a year, I'll be 18. And I don't give a f**k what she says to stop me! I'm leaving and that's that!! You just remember, you're better than that, all of that! I hope you feel better.

Good Luck with mom!:)

[Pressure]

[COLOR=purple]I'm sure you can all relate...

but ya' know whenever I complain about my mother to anyone.. I keep hearing those god damn lines like "She's doing it because she loves you" or "well you MUST Bering doing something in return"

LM... your right.. this is a VERY bad way to treat yur kids.. my mom was beat as a child, and actually, she is a lot better than my grandmother.. my mom doesnt hit me, she doent lock me out the house.. but her mom did.. maybe i'll fnally be able to break the chain.. who knows?

oh and LM... that Diamond analogy... so purdy warms me heart and soul(i need to stop watching cambell's commercials)

anywhos... I sympathize with you all.. and parents wonder why we cant wait to grow up and move out of the house :rolleyes:[/COLOR]

[Duo Maxwell]

My friends mum is like that.... although my friend might actually provoke this sometimes ... and she belives this stuff (sorta) shes got a complex I reckon, she won't belive me tough...

as for my parents lets see... I love my dad to bits and yet talk to him like he's a moron at times then theres my mum... I'm so like her, but the main thing is I'm way too scared of her to do anything really bad, she's one of those people with abad case of uncontrolable anger...

my dad won't talk to his mum coz she had six kids, then put them in a home and went off with some guy and had three more...

[velvet paws]

i think everyone's given just about all the advice I could...but I'd just like to reasure you that she's the one in the wrong here, NOT YOU. *hugz*