Writing The Wal*Mart Chronicles

[chibi-master]

The room was beeping. An irritating sound, really. I didnâ??t like that sound, but I knew I had to listen to it. For a moment, and only a moment, I considered actually ignoring the shrill noise of the beeps. Then my brain started up and I slapped myself for the mere thought. I rolled over in my bed and turned off the alarm clock. It was a Monday, the beginning of the work week. It didnâ??t matter, seeing as I didnâ??t have a job before 9 at night anyway. I was actually hoping to change that horrid little fact this fine morning. I had been in Otaku City for only a couple years and could never hold down a job.

I tried to work in the Anthology Department, but I was never one for silence and deskwork. The local Art Studio seemed promising, but it was so frustrating to be drowned out by so many people that were far more talented than me. Hardwired Co. was pretty cool, but I was crap at games and couldnâ??t turn on a lamp, much less sell game systems. Iâ??m pretty friendly, so I tried the Convention Center, but there was so much preparation for upcoming cons and I just couldnâ??t keep up. White Noise Media Center was a complete flop. My ears would ring constantly from the loud music that was eternally blaring from the speakers. After that, I took a job at Anime Central Station. The first time I tried to restock one of those colossal, winding shelves that brushed the ceiling, I almost fell to my death. The only reason I survived was because I had landed on an enormous stuffed Ein, successfully knocking over the entire Cowboy Bebop: Complete Collection display.
The Soapbox, as itâ??s called, was a bit boring for me. I had no clue how to solve peoplesâ?? problems, so I didnâ??t know why I even tried to work there. The Theater Districtâ?¦ I visit often, as I am a patron of the arts, but there was so much chaos whenever a new play was in the works that I just had to get away. Manga Alley was the last place I wanted to turn to, but it was one of the highest paying. I had worked with a group that did scanslations by being their delivery person. One day, the big manga companies cracked down hard. The group delved deeper into the alley and I quit, not wanting to add to my arrest records. No, the pranking spree I went on in my earlier days in Otaku City was quite enough for me. Whatâ??s a girl to do?
Well, I had since been doing birthday grams to help make ends meet and even got a second job. With this, I was able to stay in my cramped apartment in The Lounge. I was hardly ever in the room though, staying up late into the night at The Padded Room Party, a club a few floors down, bussing tables and bartending. My family often came to visit. CaNz and Botar mostly came to party and wreak havoc. Korey, Stephanie and Lilt would stay for a while, but knew their limits. They usually ended up helping me drag CaNz and Botar to their rooms. But I needed another job, as my rent had gone up again.

I crawled out from under the covers, grabbed my glasses, and dragged my semi-lifeless body to my closet. The interview was today and I was going to have to look professional if I wanted this job. At least, thatâ??s what I thought. It was just Wal*Mart, after all. I couldnâ??t remember the last time I saw an employee of Wal*Mart look professional. It didnâ??t matter, though. I needed to get this job, and if looking presentable would give me an edge, then dammit, I would look presentable! I picked out a black pair of slacks, the only sneakers I owned, and the only blouse in my closet that wasnâ??t wrinkled, though it was an unfortunate lime green. I usually love the color, but not for interviews that my living situation depends on. I plodded to the bathroom, shocked my hand on the doorknob due to the static electricity I had picked up from the shaggy rug, and entered.

After I got cleaned up and changed, I left the bathroom and grabbed my purse on the way out of the apartment. I tied my hair back as I walked to the bus stop, not wanting it to get in my way. The bus stop was crowded as usual, and I spotted a few familiar faces. I didnâ??t speak up, not feeling like chatting at the moment. Mornings were never good to me. A couple minutes of waiting passed and the bus finally pulled up to the edge of the crowd. I shuffled along with the other residents of Otaku City until I was herded into the vehicle. I made sure to grab a seat quickly, fighting off any that would dare deny me the hard bench. Once the bus was crammed with people, it immediately shot forward. My stomach felt like it was being torn apart from the inside out. I swallowed large breaths to keep down any vomit, but the air tasted like the sweat of the many passengers, so I began breathing through my nose. I closed my eyes tightly, not even thinking about peeking out the window. I made that mistake once, and the blur of colors was so intense that I passed out. I felt the skin of my face being pulled back as the bus shot through an intersection with reckless abandon. I was roughly tossed to the right as the bus made a turn and slammed into the window, bruising my cheekbone. The road grew a bit bumpy and I held on to the seat so that I wouldnâ??t jump up and hit the roof of the bus, knocking my teeth out. At last, my skin shot back into place and my stomach was slowly starting to settle. The bus had stopped, and I needed to get up and get out while I had the chance.
_______________________________________________________________________________________________
Yeah... Trying to learn to write a bit better than I do currently, so I'm trying out new things and getting some practice with this. It will probably change up a little and I may edit it sometimes as I learn more about writing decently. Edited August 10, 2010 by chibi-master

[Gavin]

[font="Tahoma"][size="2"]Remember you signed a non-disclosure form my dear assistant. I'd hate to have to reduce to you a pile of ashes for indiscretion on your part. [/size][/font]

[The Spectacular Professor]

[quote name='chibi-master' date='09 August 2010 - 06:36 PM' timestamp='1281404188' post='699176']
I tried to work in the Anthology Department, but I was never one for silence and deskwork.
[/quote]
[font="Comic Sans MS"]This is a disturbingly accurate description.

As for actual critique, I don't really have much to say. Maybe cut back on the heavy descriptions a little, though. Never use ten words when three will do.

And as usual, keep it up. The best way to improve is to practice.[/font]

[chibi-master]

[quote name='Gavin' date='10 August 2010 - 08:42 AM' timestamp='1281444134' post='699188']
[font="Tahoma"][size="2"]Remember you signed a non-disclosure form my dear assistant. I'd hate to have to reduce to you a pile of ashes for indiscretion on your part. [/size][/font]
[/quote]
I did?
[quote name='NeedMoarRope' date='11 August 2010 - 10:13 PM' timestamp='1281579196' post='699271']
[font="Comic Sans MS"]This is a disturbingly accurate description.

As for actual critique, I don't really have much to say. Maybe cut back on the heavy descriptions a little, though. Never use ten words when three will do.

And as usual, keep it up. The best way to improve is to practice.[/font]
[/quote]
I was just guessing, but I'm glad.

I was very concerned about that while I was writing, so thank you very much for confirming! I'll try to work on that, but it will take some practice for me.
________________________________________________________________________________________________
I put a hand to my injured cheekbone and gently rubbed it as I looked for the Wal*Mart. I scurried around the street, bumping into a trashcan, an old man, and a robot on the way to the big blue building. As I walked up to the automatic sliding doors, I wondered about the interview. Who would be asking me the questions? Would I have to wear that awful blue vest? Would I even get the job? I was torn away from my thoughts by the sight of a door greeter. The greeter was a strange looking man with green-ish skin that seemed to be peeling off. He looked skeletal, like he hadnâ??t eaten in decades. I was confused because the poor soul wasnâ??t even smiling. â??Hiâ?¦ Uhm, how are you today?â? I asked, wanting to get the creeper to talk. He didnâ??t speak to me, though. All he did was open his mouth and groan. I ran into the store and didnâ??t look back. Soon, I located a bright white door with a piece of lined paper taped to it. The paper had, â??Interview Roomâ?, written on it. I knocked on the door and an eerily cheery voice replied.
â??Come in, please!â? My eyebrows lowered at the sound, reminiscent of the beeping alarm clock. I grasped the doorknob and turned it. I tried to pull the door open at first, and then felt like an idiot when it didnâ??t budge. I pushed on the door lightly and it barely creaked. Frustrated now, I put my entire weight on the door as I pushed. The door opened quickly and I tripped forward, landing on the cold floor. This was not my ideal start for an interview.

Readjusting my glasses, I pulled myself up from the ground and into a chair. My face was red from embarrassment, but I was not going to let that embarrassment show otherwise. â??Good morning, maâ??am,â? I said calmly to the woman at the small desk in front of me. She had a big grin with abnormally bright white teeth, and her lipstick was a squint-worthy bright pink. Hair so blonde it was almost white was tied back in a curly ponytail, and she was in desperate need of bangs. I could barely see her dark brown eyes because they were so small. Well, they werenâ??t naturally small; they were just very squinty, the bottom eyelids pushed up by the huge smile. On her earlobes were large, round pink baubles that look like bubblegum balls. As my study of her continued, I noticed that she wore a lot of pink: Pink blouse, pink pants, pink ankle socks and pink heels. I had no idea someone could be this pink!

â??Ahem, Ms. Aster?â? the pink woman asked, breaking the hold her outfit had on my eyes. â??Your application has been reviewed, and the conclusion has been drawn that you are very qualified to work here. I am required to ask, thoughâ?¦ Your name is an alias, correct?â?
â??Uhm, yes. Youâ??re correct. Chibi M. Aster is indeed an alias. Is that a problem?â?
â??Oh, no, no, no, no, no~! We just need you to write your legal name down on this dotted line here, in case we need toâ?¦find you under stressed circumstances.â?
â??What does that even mean?â? I demanded. The pink womanâ??s smile fell slightly. â??You know what? It doesnâ??t matter. Iâ??ll sign, I guess.â? What could I say? I needed the money. â??Uhm, missâ?¦â?
â??Sharona. Sharona Pink,â? the woman corrected. I had to hold back laughter.
â??Yes, Ms. Pinkâ?¦ It sounds a whole lot like youâ??re giving me the job. However, I was under the impression that this was an interview. Was I mistaken?â? I wondered as politely as I could.
â??Oh, donâ??t worry. This is an interview, but the hands-on part will continue this way. If youâ??ll just follow meâ?¦â?
â??Wait. Hands-on? What do you mean?â?
â??Ms. Aster, if you want this job, I think youâ??d do well to learn not to question everything youâ??re told to do.â?
â??Errrâ?¦ Okay, then. Letâ??s go, uh, do this hands-on thing.â?

Ms. Pink guided me through the Wal*Mart at a breakneck pace. While the small woman seemed to be walking, I had to jog to keep up. â??Right this way, Ms. Aster!â?
â??Call me Chibi, if you donâ??t mind,â? I managed to cough as I struggled to meet Ms. Pinkâ??s speed.
â??Here we are, Chibi! Now then, please sign these forms,â? Ms. Pink piped up, holding out some papers. I looked at what was behind her. It was a windowless steel door with a padlock. The door had a plaque on it that read, â??Back Room: Employees Only!â? I looked at the papers and saw that they were release forms. I was about to question the papers, but decided not to. Shrugging, I put my signature and initials on the lines. How bad could it get? â??Very good! Now, please go into the back room. Itâ??s already unlocked.â?
â??Arenâ??t you coming in, too?â?
â??Oh, heavens, no! Iâ??ll keep in contact with you via this walkie-talkie!â? Ms. Pink shoved the walkie-talkie into my hands and sent me into the back room.

[Gavin]

[quote name='chibi-master' date='12 August 2010 - 03:35 AM' timestamp='1281580510' post='699274']
I did?[/quote]

[font="Tahoma"][size="2"]It was in the same section where you forfeited all human rights and agreed to a term of service not less than your lifetime and the afterlife afterwards. Standard employee contract.[/size][/font]

[chibi-master]

More practicing~!!! It's long, though.
____________________________________________________________________________________

When I first entered the back room, the radio crackled. â??Chibi? Please go into the changing room to your left! You will find a set of clothes. Please change into them and exit the room.â? I was a bit suspicious, but decided that this was getting kind of interesting. I walked into the scummy changing room and made my way to a bench. The floor was slick with settled moisture and the air was thick with humidity and steam. I was gasping for air as I grabbed the packet with my name on it. Ripping it open, I found a simple T-shirt and some shorts. Both of the articles of clothing were bright yellow. I frowned at the color choice, but changed into the clothes anyway. I put my other clothes and belongings in a locker. I grabbed the walkie-talkie and left the changing room the same way Iâ??d entered. As I walked out of the humid room, the cold air from the air conditioner hit me full force. I took off my glasses and cleaned the fog off of them with the bottom of my T-shirt. The walkie-talkie started up again, â??Chibi, please walk forward and then open the wooden door in front of you. For the remainder of this interview, you will be known as Agent Yellow.â?
â??â?¦..That sounds really super stupid.â?
â??Good luck, Agent Yellow!â? I rolled my eyes and stepped forward to the wooden door. I turned the knob and pushed forward, this time hanging on to the door and not falling forward.

It was a good thing I was holding on to the door! When I opened it, there was no floor in front! The door seemed to be on the side of a wall! I looked down at the long drop I would have taken had I gone crashing down like I had in the Interview Room. My breath quickened when I saw what lay ahead. The room was rectangle shaped and it was gargantuan. I guessed that from floor to ceiling, it was probably 29 feet. I couldnâ??t gauge the distance across the room because everything was white. The walls were all white, the floor and ceiling were white, white, white, white. Everything seemed to blend together in the blankness of it all. â??Agent Yellow!â? the radio hissed.
â??Uh! Yeah?â? I answered, voice shaking.
â??Agent Yellow, this is an obstacle course. In a few seconds, you will see many structures appear. These structures will move at a constant pace and you will be racing against 5 other applicants. Win this, and you win the job. You do not have the option of quitting now.â?
â??Where are the other 5?â?
â??Theyâ??re about to be shown now, and you will be shown to them.â?
â??Pardon?â? Suddenly, the room seemed to melt. It wasnâ??t melting, though. A white sheet came fluttering down from the ceiling above me. Because everything was white, I couldnâ??t see that the sheet was only a few yards in front of me. As the sheet dropped, I looked around the room. There were 5 other doors on the walls. Each one had a person in a colored T-shirt and shorts. There was apparently an Agent Red, Orange, Green, Blue and Purple as well.

Just as Ms. Pink had informed me, the floor opened up and structures appeared. They were all on high stilts of some kind, and the floor was now covered in murky water. I swore that I saw something move in that water, so I decided that no matter what, I was not going to fall in. â??The race is about to begin. Undo the rope above your head andâ?¦GO!â? the walkie snapped. I spotted a coiled rope above my door and grabbed it. I looked at the stilted obstacle course that was many yards in front of me. I didnâ??t know if I would make it, but I did know I wasnâ??t allowed to quit, and I didnâ??t want to find out what would happen if I tried. I grabbed the rope and took a running jump. I was clinging to the rope like a baby koala to its mom when I left solid ground. Air that stunk of swamp water batted my face while I cut through the air. I felt the rope reach its farthest and I leaped. My limbs were flailing like a rag doll and I hit the edge of the obstacle course. My chin and arms were resting on the wooden planks, but the rest of my body was dangling over the water. I heaved myself up onto the deck and gasped for air. There was no time to rest, though. While I had been clawing and gasping, the others were already ahead of me. This was not goodâ?¦

I sprinted across the deck without any hint of caution when the floor broke. I was falling through the hole, but I grabbed the edges as a reflex. The wooden planks were rotten! I heaved myself up and continued across, but a bit more carefully this time. I heard a crunching noise and flinched. It wasnâ??t me, though. Agent Orange had just fallen through the wood and into the water. I didnâ??t look back at person, though I heard some very agonizing screams. I shivered and finally left the planks. The floor was solid rock this time. At least, I thought it was solid. A perfect circle of the rock beneath shot upward, taking me with it. I cursed under my breath and held on to the rock, knowing it would try to throw me. Suddenly, my vital organs were stuck to my spine. The circle was swiftly descending, and I was reminded of the bus. When the rock was about to slam back into place, I rolled off of it and across the rocky ground. I was about to get to my feet when I was shot up again! I tried to grab the sides of the rock as I had before, but my hands slipped. A feeling of extreme panic overtook me while I rocketed toward the ceiling. Luckily, I stopped rising a foot from it, and I fell down instead. I planned to roll across the ground again when I landed, but I saw another rock pillar rise from the floor and come toward me with unnerving speed. I grabbed the sides of the pillar as it smashed into my torso. My eyes rolled back into my skull and a wave of nausea washed over me. I knew at least one of my ribs was broken now, but I forced myself to ignore most of the pain. The pillar plummeted and I waited. Through teary eyes, I calculated the distance Iâ??d need to jump. It wasnâ??t very far.

The stone pillar met the ground and I sprang forward enthusiastically. I landed on a small yellow platform that began moving toward an edge of the giant structure it was part of. I looked up and saw monkey bars, obviously there as an escape from the platform. Frowning, I hopped up and grabbed onto the bars, almost immediately letting go. I looked down at my hands in surprise, seeing burns beginning to form. The monkey bars were heated and almost unbearable to hold on to. The yellow platform beneath me was getting closer to the edge of the stilted obstacle course and I was starting to panic. I quickly took off my shoes and socks, pulling the socks over my throbbing hands. I shoved my shoes back on my feet and grabbed the monkey bars again. The pain was still there and I yelped a little, but I was not going to let go. I plowed forward, teeth grinding. I searched for the nearest solid surface to land on, and got a good look at the competition. Agents Green and Red were nowhere to be seen. I assumed they had become victims of some sort of twisted trap that this stilted playground of sorts was littered with.

At the end of the monkey bars, there was no solid ground. There was only an impressively large net made of ropes as thick as my arms. â??Great. Just great,â? I hissed. I made it to the end of the monkey bars and swung off onto the net. The other two colors were also on the ropes. At this point, I finally remembered why I was risking my life. â??Aw, crap! I need this job!â? I gasped. With singed hands, I climbed up the rope and debated with myself. Eventually, I reached a decision. I needed to get rid of at least one of the other competitors. Purple was the closest. I growled a little and sprang forward. Agent Purple was a woman with wavy brown hair and a scowl. I grabbed her ankle and yanked her downward.
â??HEY! What the hell?!â? she shouted. â??What are you doing?!
â??Doing what I have to in order to get this job! Nowâ?¦ LET. GO,â? I snarled, pulling harder on Agent Purpleâ??s ankle. The desperate competitor threw a kick at my head, but I dodged and shook her leg more. The net was starting to shake and bounce, so it was getting hard to hold on. I looked up and saw that Agent Blue was almost to the end of the ropes. Frustrated, I hooked my knees around the rope and lifted Agent Purple with both arms. I roared loudly as I tossed her over the edge of the net heartlessly. Her shrill curses sent chills up my spine, but I continued after Agent Blue.

Agent Blue was waiting at the end of the net. He swung himself over the edge and I lost sight of him. After a little less than a minute of climbing, I made it to the same edge. As I pulled myself onto the small platform, my walkie-talkie sqwuaked. â??Congratulations, Agent Yellow! You are now at the last challenge!â?
â??What would that be?â? I demanded.
â??A giant leek battle, of course,â? Agent Blue answered from the other side of the platform.
â??Pardon?â?
â??Iâ??m already an employee here. In order to pass the interview process, you must defeat me in a battle of giant leeks.â?
â??Wellâ?¦ I guess that doesnâ??t sound too hard,â? I chirped hopefully.
â??Donâ??t be too sure. Thereâ??s a reason that so many employees here are zombies. No one newâ??s been hired for quite some time.â?
â??Ah, I see.â?
â??Letâ??s hurry. This interview is cutting into my break time,â? Agent Blue sighed, tossing me a giant leek. As soon as I caught the weapon, I was barraged with a series of strikes. My heart stopped when I was almost tossed over the edge of the open platform. I wasnâ??t being given any time to counter at all! I quickly dropped down to the floor and knocked Agent Blueâ??s legs out from under him with the leek. As he came down, he plowed the leek onto the top of my head, knocking off my glasses. My sight was now useless due to my 20/200 vision. I saw only blurs and I was panicking. When I caught sight of a blue blur rising, I swung wildly with my weapon. Missing by a mile, I was left wide open.

A green and white blur stabbed my torso and knocked me to the edge. My head was dangling over open space, fear and surprise making me sick. I saw the blue blur again and knew that Agent Blue was coming to finish me. Without thinking, I thrust my leek at him. I heard him lose his breath and felt the impact. Lifting my leek up and over me, I catapulted Agent Blue into the swampy water below. I couldnâ??t hear anything. I saw black spreading across my sight. A feeling similar to that of sinking underwater took over. Distantly, I heard my walkie-talkie crackle.
â??Chibi M. Aster, youâ??re hired.â? It didnâ??t sound at all like Ms. Pink. Edited February 18, 2011 by chibi-master

[The Spectacular Professor]

[quote name='chibi-master' date='20 October 2010 - 05:48 PM' timestamp='1287622127' post='701190']
At the end of the monkey bars, there was no solid ground. There was only an impressively large net made of ropes as thick as my arms. â??Great. Just great,â? I hissed. I made it to the end of the monkey bars and swung off onto the net. The other two colors were also on the ropes. At this point, I finally remembered why I was risking my life. â??Aw, crap! I need this job!â? I gasped. With singed hands, I climbed up the rope and debated with myself. Eventually, I reached a decision.[b] I needed to get rid of at least one of the other competitors[/b]. Purple was the closest. I growled a little and sprang forward. Agent Purple was a woman with wavy brown hair and a scowl. I grabbed her ankle and yanked her downward.[/quote]

[quote name='chibi-master' date='20 October 2010 - 05:48 PM' timestamp='1287622127' post='701190']
A green and white blur stabbed my torso and knocked me to the edge. My head was dangling over open space, fear and surprise making me sick. I saw the blue blur again and knew that Agent Blue was coming to finish me. [b]Without thinking, I thrust my leek at the him. I heard him lose his breath and felt the impact. Lifting my leek up and over me, I catapulted Agent Blue into the swampy water below[/b]. I couldnâ??t hear anything. I saw black spreading across my sight. A feeling similar to that of sinking underwater took over. Distantly, I heard my walkie-talkie crackle.
â??Chibi M. Aster, youâ??re hired.â? It didnâ??t sound at all like Ms. Pink.
[/quote]

[img]http://www.theforce.net/kids/coruscant/probe_droid/palpatine.jpg[/img]

[chibi-master]

I know, crappily done, akward sentence structure... I'm trying, though.

[The Spectacular Professor]

[quote name='chibi-master' date='20 October 2010 - 06:12 PM' timestamp='1287623556' post='701195']
I know, crappily done, akward sentence structure... I'm trying, though.
[/quote]
[font="Comic Sans MS"]Nah, it was fine. I was just pointing out that your merciless, unfeeling determination clearly pleases the Gavin.

[spoiler]Oh, except for the "the him" part, you can go ahead and correct that if you want.[/spoiler][/font]

[chibi-master]

[quote name='The Professor' date='20 October 2010 - 09:17 PM' timestamp='1287623867' post='701197']
[font="Comic Sans MS"]Nah, it was fine. I was just pointing out that your merciless, unfeeling determination clearly pleases the Gavin.

[spoiler]Oh, except for the "the him" part, you can go ahead and correct that if you want.[/spoiler][/font]
[/quote]
Hurray for making the boss happy!

Yeah, I fixed that... How'd I miss it?! X[ Edited October 21, 2010 by chibi-master

[chibi-master]

It was about three in the afternoon when I woke up. My ribs ached violently while I made a few attempts to sit up. "Where the hell am I?" I grumbled, not really expecting anyone to answer. I looked around the room and discovered that I was on the floor of a cleaning closet. A grimy lightbulb illuminated the glorified filth that encompassed the bleach-scented room. I lifted myself up onto my feet, knocking over some brooms, mops and laser guns in the process. I reached toward the door, but was stunned to find that there was no door knob. In an instant, I panicked. "HEY! HEEEEEEYYY!!!!! Somebody get me out of here!" I shouted. I was about to start clawing at the door when it swung open.
"What the hell are you screaming about, new girl?!" some guy with a scraggly beard roared with a thick southern drawl.
"I-! I just... I couldn't get out! There was no...," I trailed off when the bearded man only stared at me with annoyance.
"You could have just pushed on the door, you damn fool."
"Uh... Sorry. Look, I was just going through an interview process and, uh... Where am I, anyway?"
"Wal*Mart. Now get the hell out of my closet."
"Wal*Mart? I'm still here?" I looked down and realized I was still wearing the awful yellow attire. "Huh... I guess I remember passing out..."
"Hey! Rainbow Brite! Did I say I needed to know your life's story?! No, I sure as hell didn't! Get out of my closet or so help me I will send in a comlaint to Mr. Gavin!"
"Okay, okay!" I snapped back, hurrying out of the closet. I tore away through the store in search of Ms. Pink or anyone in uniform that wasn't a zombie.
"What in the-! You knocked over my laser guns, you little hooligan!" I heard the bearded man howl as I turned a corner.

"Ms. Aster!" giggled a shrill voice, making me stop immediately. "I see you've finally decided to get up!"
"Ms. Pink! Uhm... Before I passed out, I heard someone say I got the job... Is this true?"
"Why, yes! Mr. Gavin himself decided to inform you of your victory!" suddenly, Ms. Pink's face darkened. "He was a little insulted that you fainted while he told you, though. He was concerned that you might not have heard him, and Mr. Gavin does not like to repeat himself."
"Wow... Mr. Gavin sounds like a strict boss..."
"Positively terrifying."
"I'm not sure what I think about that."
"Well, it doesn't matter what you think. Just do your work perfectly and you will not find any trouble."
"No trouble at all?" I asked cautiously.
"Well, that's not entirely true. If he's around and gets angry, he might incinerate you. See, our dear boss has a habit of spontaneously combusting, in a way." I was about to question this statement when Ms. Pink added, "Oh, silly me! You need to go get changed! Your clothes are still in the changing room from earlier! Go change and I'll have an employee guide you through your first day of work here. Ah, and you'll need this!" she finished, tossing me a blue vest with a name tag on it. Shaking my head, I turned and headed for the changing room.

"Ready for your first day?" someone asked when I walked out from the back room.
"I'm not sure. There are scorch marks on this, and I'm a little concerned bacause of it," I muttered, gesturing to my vest.
"Oh, that was Kimberly's. She was one aisle over when Mr. Gavin got mad at Ronald. May they both rest in peace," the guy sighed.
"What have I gotten myself into?"
"Hell in its most concentrated form. Now then, let's get to work before we anger the infamous boss ourselves. I am Guideman17."
"Is that your real name?"
"Is Chibi M. Aster yours?"
"Well said."

We started off by stocking shelves and putting price tags on stuff. It was pretty boring, and I started to sow down a little. "Chibi, you'd better pick up the pace before the manager shows up or something," Guideman17 warned. However, it was too late.
"YOU! Why are you working so slowly?! What gives you the right to work at a snail's pace?" demanded some guy in a fedora. I stared for a few tense moments, but couldn't help giggling at the odd combination of the fedora and blue vest. "What are you laughing about?!"
"Oh, just ignore her, Ace. It's Chibi's first day and she's not very good yet. Also, she's a little bit stupid," Guideman explained, kicking my shin.
"Not good yet? Have that fixed by tomorrow, or the Dark Lord will fry her. Just sayin'," Ace remarked, stomping away.
"What with him?" I whispered, putting a price sticker on a picture frame.
"Oh, he's just a little arrogant. He's the manager and the boss' favorite. Probably going to inherit the Wal*Mart Empire."
"Huh. You know, none of the stuff that's happened or been brought up today was in the job description."
"Makes life a bit more interesting that way."

[The Spectacular Professor]

[font="Comic Sans MS"]I love how I've apparently become [url="http://www.court-records.net/contest/spritecup/spacecoyote-neil-c_hat(a).gif"]Neil Marshall[/url], except with a blue vest and a slightly lower-key hat.

Also I'm not dead.[/font]