Anyone looking back?

[Chaos]

It’s been a long time. 21 years. That’s incredible to me. So much has happened in that time. War, peace, war again, panics and pandemics, radical advancement of technology. It doesn’t all seem real. I’ve been lurking for a few days now, going back and reading old PMs and threads, seeing things that I missed, missed out on. Seeing how things changed. 

 

I hated it. 

 

I went back and saw how much I hated myself. I always knew I did, always knew I was an ass and acted out blindly and stupidly. Cocky, opinionated, chauvinistic. Truth be told, I hated myself at the time, too. Blamed myself for things I had no control over, blamed others for the things I did. I’m amazed I was tolerated. I guess people saw through the nastiness, saw the reasons written between the lines? I don’t know. 

 

I wouldn’t have been friends with me. 

 

I had a lot dumped on me at the time, had some opportunities that I both had taken away and let slip away. Acted out out of insecurity, of fear and aggression. It’s shameful. I am ashamed of who I was, and to an extent who I am. I think I’m a better person now. Maybe even a good one? 

 

I tacked on ill-fitting pieces of personality, trying to fit myself in to shapes that didn’t work. Tried to “earn” my father’s love and attention, tried to burn away a bad childhood in a blaze of tough-guy, macho jerk that just turned out to be smoke and mirrors. Only thing that really got me was a few too many concussions. 

 

That’s the other part I hate. I don’t remember it all. I remember the feelings, I remember some of the names. I remember them being really important at the time, staying up late into the night and early into the morning having long discussions over AIM and reacting to every little perceived slight so egregiously poorly. I don’t know if it’s the concussions, the chronic insomnia, the depression, time, or something worse that dimmed those memories. My mom got diagnosed with Alzheimer’s and dementia at 65, and it’s horrible. She has good days and bad days and doesn’t remember them after, but everyday I think about “what if that happens to me, too?” 

 

Is AIM even still a thing?

 

I joined the day before 9/11. That’s a weird thing to think about. 

 

Reading this back, I’m giving the wrong impression. I loved this place, and I loved the people in it. Many of them impacted and affected my life, informed on how I grew as a person, and I’m grateful for the time and the companionship. I’d say at one point it very sincerely saved my life. I don’t know what I would have done if I didn’t have this community of friends. I just wish I wasn’t me. That I didn’t inflict my insufferable angst on them. 

 

It’s sad to see such a tight community drift away. I see people flit back every so often, looking at the post histories. It’s like we’re migrating back to the old watering holes, drifting pass as we go on our ways. 

 

How about you? What do you regret? What do you remember? What do you treasure?

[James]

I went back and saw how much I hated myself. I always knew I did, always knew I was an ass and acted out blindly and stupidly. Cocky, opinionated, chauvinistic. Truth be told, I hated myself at the time, too. Blamed myself for things I had no control over, blamed others for the things I did. I’m amazed I was tolerated. I guess people saw through the nastiness, saw the reasons written between the lines? I don’t know. 

I wouldn’t have been friends with me.

I had a lot dumped on me at the time, had some opportunities that I both had taken away and let slip away. Acted out out of insecurity, of fear and aggression. It’s shameful. I am ashamed of who I was, and to an extent who I am. I think I’m a better person now. Maybe even a good one? 

I'm no authority on this, but the ability to introspect is a big part of self-improvement.

That’s the other part I hate. I don’t remember it all. I remember the feelings, I remember some of the names. I remember them being really important at the time, staying up late into the night and early into the morning having long discussions over AIM and reacting to every little perceived slight so egregiously poorly. I don’t know if it’s the concussions, the chronic insomnia, the depression, time, or something worse that dimmed those memories. My mom got diagnosed with Alzheimer’s and dementia at 65, and it’s horrible. She has good days and bad days and doesn’t remember them after, but everyday I think about “what if that happens to me, too?” 

Don't be too hard on yourself about this. It's been a very long time. I mean, I was most active on OB nearly twenty years ago. So much has happened since then, so much has changed in my life and in the world. And, frankly, the last few years have felt like they were filled with a lot of trauma for various reasons. I wouldn't be surprised if a lot of people forgot a lot of the things that happened while they were active on OB.

For me... my memory is generally pretty vague until/unless I am reminded of something. Just browsing through the boards reminds me of a lot of big and little things I'd largely forgotten.

Is AIM even still a thing?

I haven't been on AIM in so long! I have no idea if the app even exists now, heh.

How about you? What do you regret? What do you remember? What do you treasure?

I'm sure if I think about it I probably have a lot of regrets. When it comes to OB, I'm sure I was probably too strict at times, and maybe my behaviour impacted some people more negatively than I realised at the time. It's hard to say, that's just my assumption.

Having said that, I prefer to deliberately think about the good times; the past is the past, and I can't change it now. It's easy to ruminate about the negatives, or to wish I'd done some things differently. But doing that now won't help me or anyone else, you know?

For me, OB was a big part of my life, and the community here was very important to me. Like others, I'd say that OB helped me get through some very difficult times, especially when I first moved out of home. Even though most people have moved on now, I still cherish those years a lot and I have many good memories from that time.

It's been a long time, so maybe my memory is fuzzy...but I always liked you, and thought you added value to discussions here. To be fair, the way we perceive ourselves is often not the same as the way others perceive us. ?

[Leh]

I completely understand where you are coming from, and see it in my own posts from 20 years ago.

But I think we need to remember that as humans, we're meant to grow and change and the fact that you can look back and pinpoint why you acted the way you did says a lot about you. You're self-aware and have the ability to recognize your own past flaws - a trait I don't think many people have.

I spent a lot of time on this forum 20 years ago. I was a kid, brash and eager to stand out from the crowd. I can without doubt say that's not at all who I am now.

Is it cringeworthy? Yes. But it's also a good reminder of how far I (we) have come.

[Japan]

When are we EVER proud of our past selves? I mean honestly. We would all be lying if we thought of ourselves as perfect in every way all the time. A lot of things happened since I was in high school...which was when I was the most active. Throughout middle school, high school and even college I battled depression and suicidal thoughts. So much has changed. I've changed. People I considered close to back then don't really matter. People I thought I would be friends with forever moved on, passed away, etc. Perhaps I moved on too.

AIM no longer exists, nor msn messenger or even Skype I believe? Or was it that msn became skype? Anyway everything is facetime or zoom feels like. I finally got what I wanted (A family and a child) but I'm realizing that not everything is a field of roses. Though generally I have to say I am a lot happier lately. My health has gotten worse a lot lately. Pregnancy and the birth was hard on me. Already had one surgery to fix something and now I am in limbo with the medical field to get another much needed surgery. Only thing that gives me comfort is my daughter and pup. I really should be applying for disability but the thought of even attempting such a thing just makes me freeze up and want to hide in a closet. One thing I realizing more than ever is that life is hard and it just gets worse. I miss spending time here and every time I come here to only be reminded that this place is like a shell of its former beauty. I could really use the connection again...or even someone to talk to like back in the day. I will tell you one thing...I wish I could be so much better than I am right now. I feel like a waste of space sometimes still. Sorry for rambling. I guess my past feelings of depression can still linger even today

[Burori]

Boy howdy am I still dredging through this wonderful thing called life and looked back on my past footsteps. Some directions I regretted taking, some I have no regrets walking, but each person I have come across in my life, in a relationship by platonic means, friendship, or family, each moment helps yourself find and build you into the person you were meant to be. 

I have so many past inspirations and so many future aspirations I desire to achieve. Still daydreaming of being a programmer like Hacker inspired me in my youth. My future goal though is towards Psychology once I can afford to take the courses.

 

But Anime Lives Forever. 

[Evilucian]

This place randomly popped into my head just now.  It's funny how that is.  Decided to come back and see if it still existed.  Looking at my profile, I joined back on October 10, 2006 and last posted on April 16 2011.  I didn't post much while I was here.  Mostly just lurking around, reading checking what was good and what to stay away from.  I wish I interacted with others more while I was here.  I would usually type something up, but never submit my reply for some reason.  I used to hold back in fear of being made fun of or something stupid like that.  That was my regret, to be more outgoing and making better connections with people.

Anyways, thank you to anyone that took the time to read my little random rambling.

Cheers.

[TheShinje]

Damn, I keep missing these mini revivals like ships in the night.

Anyway, I often get nostalgic and look back at my time on OB very fondly, so every now and again I have to come back and at least browse the forum and dig up some old posts I had a blast with, to read how I wrote back then and remind myself of the colourful cast of characters that were once part of my daily life.  OB was what Facebook is to me now, only with the added bonus of not being tied to my real identity and a persona, based on my passions in anime and video gaming.  It's hard to believe that from my signup date to today is just over half my life knowing OtakuBoards is/was a thing.  Not bad for signing up on a whim because I searched for Dragonball Z pictures.

I found this in an archive about a year ago and I can't believe I burned through 4 names in one year. O_O;


 

[Japan]

1 hour ago, TheShinje said:

Damn, I keep missing these mini revivals like ships in the night.

Anyway, I often get nostalgic and look back at my time on OB very fondly, so every now and again I have to come back and at least browse the forum and dig up some old posts I had a blast with, to read how I wrote back then and remind myself of the colourful cast of characters that were once part of my daily life.  OB was what Facebook is to me now, only with the added bonus of not being tied to my real identity and a persona, based on my passions in anime and video gaming.  It's hard to believe that from my signup date to today is just over half my life knowing OtakuBoards is/was a thing.  Not bad for signing up on a whim because I searched for Dragonball Z pictures.

I found this in an archive about a year ago and I can't believe I burned through 4 names in one year. O_O;


 

I feel you there. I wish there was more activity on this site. 

[chibi-master]

I actually just logged in for the first time in forever because my partner and I were talking about our different experiences on the internet and what areas of it we frequented.

I was hit with a massive wave of nostalgia and appreciation for this place. I often feel very grateful when I think about my time on OB because I truly appreciate how kind and patient everyone on this site was to me when I was at the height of my obnoxious 13 year old era. While a lot of people in my life describe the toxic or discouraging communities they found themselves in, I realized that I somehow found myself surrounded by people who took the time to talk to me like a fully-realized person at an age where people in my life were treating me like a small child yet simultaneously expecting me to start acting like an adult.

OB was honestly a safe space that allowed me to experiment and develop during my teenage years. My hyperactive 'lol XD so randomz' energy was tempered without anyone putting me down, and I was able to learn how to actually develop my own opinions instead of just parroting people around me. It might sound like I'm giving too much credit here, but I genuinely believe OB taught me critical thinking skills! Despite being one of the youngest members at the time, other members never talked down to me or made me feel unsafe. It would have been very easy to take advantage of me as a young teen who, upon looking back, was clearly starved for attention of any kind, and yet every member of these forums instead helped in some way to teach me how to dial that back. Additionally, this was all occurring while being given a space to explore some really excellent anime and manga series that became foundational to me in a lot of ways.

I know these forums are kind of dead at this point, but I just wanted to express how much I truly appreciate all of you for making my time on these forums so positively formative! 🥳

[Korey]

Holy moly, this place still exists!

I was having a nostalgia trip on Facebook  of when Boo randomly put song lyrics of an Original Song parody we did on the OB podcast back at its height.

Looking back, the Podcast was one of the most creative things I'd ever done and it was so much fun to interact with so many of you guys in person. The show was just a giant hodge podge of user-generated, user-driven content and it truly embodied how amazing and talented so many of you were.

I remember my early years of OB were just me with a very age-appropriate user name doing random RPs with total internet strangers.

I remember being intimidated to interact in other forums because I felt so out of my depth there, but the regular posters there were so amazing welcoming and kind.

A fond memory (and this really dates me here, lol) is when I got my first invite to a group AIM conversation with several of the staff/regular members. I felt so honored because at the time I was a brand new moderator.  It was so cool to interact with people in real time versus on a forum.

From there it was Skype and Facetime and even IRL meetups. So many of you are so rad.

I hope everyone is doing well!

 

[Japan]

7 hours ago, Korey said:

Holy moly, this place still exists!

I was having a nostalgia trip on Facebook  of when Boo randomly put song lyrics of an Original Song parody we did on the OB podcast back at its height.

Looking back, the Podcast was one of the most creative things I'd ever done and it was so much fun to interact with so many of you guys in person. The show was just a giant hodge podge of user-generated, user-driven content and it truly embodied how amazing and talented so many of you were.

I remember my early years of OB were just me with a very age-appropriate user name doing random RPs with total internet strangers.

I remember being intimidated to interact in other forums because I felt so out of my depth there, but the regular posters there were so amazing welcoming and kind.

A fond memory (and this really dates me here, lol) is when I got my first invite to a group AIM conversation with several of the staff/regular members. I felt so honored because at the time I was a brand new moderator.  It was so cool to interact with people in real time versus on a forum.

From there it was Skype and Facetime and even IRL meetups. So many of you are so rad.

I hope everyone is doing well!

 

I really wish this place was more active but alas. Nice hearing from you I'm doing alright. Recently won a soup contest. 

[Boo]

On 10/15/2024 at 9:09 AM, Korey said:

I was having a nostalgia trip on Facebook  of when Boo randomly put song lyrics of an Original Song parody we did on the OB podcast back at its height.

I still belt out OB Podcast lyrics to songs, and am appalled that no one around me thinks they're funny and nostalgic. "Typing fuuuuter in compuuuuter!" "Mexican Boss with his Hot Sauce" "No you can't eat my christmas caaaaaake" and I still hear Korey's voice instead of Bruno Mars's.