Writing FF Jerry Springer

[Sephiroth]

Meh, messa got bored....

Jerry Springer : Good evening ladies and gentlemen. Today the topic is ?The Boy is Mine.?
Audience : Hoeray!!! Woo-hoo!!
J.S : We?ll have a number of visitors but let us first start with Tifa Lockeheart. Good evening, Tifa.
Tifa : Good evening Jerry.
J.S : So tell us your story. You told us you were having some troubles with a friend of yours called Cloud.
Tifa : Yes, that?s right. You see, I?ve loved Cloud for a very long time. During our adventure against Sephiroth, I was always be his side, watched his back, even helped him get back his memory after a Mako exposure. And what does he do? Completely ignores me, instead he loves this Aeris girl. She did absolutely nothing for him.
Audience : Boo, boo, boo!!!
Voice from audience : Hey, Tifa, I know exactly how you feel.
J.S : Alright then, tell us your story.

{walks up the stairs to the back row, which is filled with moogles and a small purple headed girl all eating popcorn and drinking coca cola}

J.S : Okay, tell us your?.HEY, wait a sec. How old are you?
Eiko : I?m six. The name is Eiko.
J.S : Then how the {peep} did you get here?
Eiko : Well, actually we were all planning to see Moogle Wannabe 2. That is the reason why we all bought popcorn but we kinda got lost so we decided to see your show instead. Morrison here is a BIG fan of yours.
The moogle called Morrison : Kupo! Kupo!
J.S : Okaaayyy, so what was your story?
Eiko : I fell in love with this guy called Zidane but he fell in love with this other girl called Dagger.
J.S : You?re six years old and you fell in love?
Eiko : Yes, I?m very mature for my age. What? Don?t you believe me?

{summons [b][color=indigo]Fenrir[/color][/b], that bashes Jerry Springer sky-high}
{falls back to earth}

J.S : Ooohh, I hate it when those RPG characters do that.
Eiko : Serves you right for not believing me.
J.S : So did you feel rejected like Tifa did?
Eiko : Yes at first but then Dagger and I became good friends, so I?m okay with them going out. Besides I got some great friends in return when I met Zidane. Especially a little guy named Vivi. Hey, Vivi, love you!!!

{Moogles all take out boards which say ?We love Vivi? and start cheering}

Eiko : Hope he?s watching.
J. S : {mumbles} he probably turned off his TV after seeing that.
Eiko : What did you say? Are you making fun of me again?

{Summons [b][color=indigo]Fenrir[/color][/b] again, sending Jerry Springer sky high}

J.S : Not again!!!

{falls back to earth}

J.S : Uh, hmmm. Well, thank you for telling us your story, Miss.
Eiko : Eiko!!! It?s Miss Eiko.
J.S : Whatever.

{sprints away before Eiko can summon [b][color=indigo]Fenrir[/color][/b] again}

Tifa : I know, it?s unfair. Guys are so blind. We do everything for them and they don?t even notice.
J.S : Well, Tifa. We have a surprise for you. Here is Aeris.
Tifa : What!!!

{jumps up in surprise as Aeris walks into the room.}

Audience : Boo, boo, boo!!!
Tifa : How can you be alive? Sephiroth killed you.
Aeris : Well, none of you thought of ever reviving me with a Phoenix Down, huh? I had to wait for ages down in that lake until finally someone revived me.
J.S : Alright, Aeris. What do you have to say to Tifa?
Aeris : Well, I don?t see what Tifa is making such a big deal out. Cloud loves me, it?s as simple as that.
Audience : Ooohh, auuuuwww.
Tifa . What?!? I did everything for him. I devoted my life to him, you stupid {peep}. You didn?t do anything!!! All you did was give him a stupid flower.
Aeris : Excuse me? If it wasn?t for me, everyone would be dead by now. Who summoned Holy? Huh? Huh?
Tifa : That didn?t even work. In fact, it only made matters worse, you twit!!
Aeris : I fixed it in the end, didn?t I? By summoning the life force.
Tifa : Ohh, aren?t we all strong and powerful?
Aeris : That?s it!!! I wouldn?t take any insults from a SIDE- KICK!!!
Tifa : What!?!? You take that back!!
Aeris : NEVER!! You stupid {peep, peep, peep}.

{Aeris gets into the attack position and casts a fire spell. Tifa replies to this by doing her limit attack Final Heaven. Badly bruised Aeris launches herself onto Tifa, pulling her hair and trying to scratch her eyes out. The audience starts to chant : ?Cat fight! Cat fight!? and security guards rush in to pull them apart. }

J.S : Alright ladies, calm down. Now, we have a surprise for you two. Here?s Cloud. Come on in Cloud.
Audience : Boo, boo, boo!!!
Cloud : Aeris!!! You?re alive!!!
{runs over to Aeris and embraces her tenderly. She then slaps him hard across the face}
Cloud : What was that for?
Aeris : For abandoning me, you son of a {peep}
Cloud : I?m sorry
Aeris : I don?t care, you selfish git!!!

{suddenly Aeris rises up in the air Matrix style and kicks Cloud across the room. Cloud gets up moaning and takes out his huge sword.}

J.S : Hey, Cloud, you?re not allowed to use {peep}.
Cloud : What?
J.S : I said you?re not allowed to use {peep}
Cloud : Huh? I still can?t hear you. That ?peep? sound is blocking my hearing.
J.S : You mean I?m not allowed to use the word {peep}?
Cloud : Still can?t hear you.
J.S : Alright, knock off the peeping sound for a minute, okay?
Microphone : Beep.
J.S : Right, okay, Cloud, I was saying you can?t use weapons here.
Cloud : Why not?
J.S : ?Cause this is America and you are not allowed to show weapons on TV,
Cloud : Oh, okay.

{Cloud puts his huge sword away and sits down.}

Aeris : Hey, can I continue kicking his ***?
Tifa : Leave him alone!!
Cloud : Tifa, SHUT UP!!! I don?t need you defending me. You?re only a side-kick.
Tifa : I?m not!!!
Cloud : You are too!!! You?re a useless character who shouldn?t even have been in the game.
Tifa {in a sad voice} : That?s not true.
Cloud : Yes, it is and furthermore?..you can?t cook.
Tifa : NOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!! That?s not true!!! {starts to cry}
WHEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!! WHEEEEEEEEE!!!!
Audience : Auw!!! My ears!!!

{Tifa runs out of the studio, still crying and screaming}

J.S : So Aeris, I assume you don?t love Cloud.
Aeris : No, I don?t. Not after he abandoned me.
Cloud : But I said I was sorry. I?.

{Falls to the ground with a seizure, clasping his head and shaking violently}

Aeris : Oh, knock off that stupid seizure thing. We all know you?re faking it. All Jenova?s cells have already been removed, you?re normal again.

{Cloud stops, sits back in his chair }

Cloud : I know. I just like doing it.
J.S : Okaaaayy. Aeris, what are you gonna do now?
Aeris : I don?t know. Start over again, you know a new life.
J.S : Well, thank you for sharing your story with us. Please join us after the break for our next guest.

{Commercial break sets in}
{A few minutes later, Jerry Springer appears again}

J.S : Good evening, ladies and gentlemen. Tonight we have a great show. The topic is ?The Boy is Mine? and we just had our first guests, Cloud, Aeris and Tifa from FF7. Unfortunately Tifa was left our show. But now to our next guest, who is a bit unusual. Please welcome Kuja?. ?The Saviour of The World??
Kuja : That?s right, Jerry. I am the saviour of the world.
J.S : But I thought you tried to destroy it?
Kuja : Oh, that all depends on who?s view point you take. I was just trying to free your minds. To show you what the Matrix really is.
J.S : Excuse me?
Kuja : Oh nothing, you wouldn?t understand.
J.S : Right, okay. Kuja, you?re here ?cause you love someone but she doesn?t love you back.
Kuja : Yes, that?s right, Jerry. I?m in love with Princess Garnet or Dagger as she is also known. Unfortunately, she fell in love with Zidane.
J.S : Wait a sec. Are you talking about the same Zidane as Miss??
Eiko : EIKO!!! The name is Eiko!!
J.S : Whatever.
Kuja : Yes, indeed.
J.S : Right, well. Please welcome Dagger.

{Dagger walks in, waving and smiling at the camera}

J.S : Hello, Miss Dagger.
Dagger : Hello Jerry.
J.S : Dagger, do you know why??
Aeris : Holy moly, you look exactly like Rinoa!!
Dagger : Huh?
Aeris : Yes, I?m sure of it now. You?re Rinoa?s great great great great great great {takes a deep breath} great great great great great great grand daughter.
Dagger : Really, I am? I never knew that.
J.S : So you?re really Rinoa?s Rinoa?s great great great great great great {takes a deep breath} great great great great great great grand daughter?
Dagger : So it seems. This is so cool. I?ve always wondered about my family background. Oh, I?m so happy now.
J.S : Okay, that?s great, Dagger but do you know why you?re here?
Dagger : No, not really.
Kuja : Dagger, you are The One.
Dagger : Huh?
Kuja : Yes, you are The One. Our saviour in our times of need. You might have been looking for me the past two years but I have been looking for you my entire life.
Dagger : I wasn?t looking for you.
Kuja : Doesn?t matter. You are The One.
Dagger : Alright, stop that. You?re scaring me.
Kuja : Don?t be afraid, my little canary. I will show you the path.

{Kuja suddenly gets up, grabs Dagger and flies straight up towards the sky}

J.S : What is it with these RPG characters and the Matrix?
Crew member : Um, excuse me, Mister Springer?
J.S : What do you want? Can?t you see I?m in the middle of a show here?
Crew member : Yes sir but we have a bit of a problem.
J.S : What problem? This show is always filled with problem cases.
Crew member : I know, I know but you see?.we can?t make Miss Tifa stop crying. She is in the back of the studio and at the rate she is going, she?s gonna flood the studio.
J.S : What!!!

{Walks out of the show, followed by a camera crew. They go down a flight of stairs and find Tifa in one of the back rooms, still crying and up to her waist in water}

J.S : Holy {peep}, she?s flooding my studio!! You?re ruining my show!! Miss Tifa, stop crying NOW!!!!
Tifa : Wheeeee!!! I can cook. Boo-hoo-hoo!!!
J.S : Miss Tifa, I?m sure you?re a great cook but would you PLEASE stop crying?

{All of a sudden, a strange looking character walk in to the room}

J.S : Hey, who are you?
Quina : Me Quina. Me help Tifa how to cook. Eiko call me and ask me for help.
J.S : Who?s Eiko?
Eiko : I?m Eiko and stop forgetting my name, you meanie!!!

{summons [b][color=indigo]Fenrir[/color][/b] again, who sends Jerry sky-high again}

J.S : Hey, I can see Kuja and Dagger. Oops, going down again. ARGGHHH!!!

{falls down to earth but luckily the water breaks his fall}

J.S : Uh, auw, would please not do that again, Miss Eiko?
Eiko : Hey, you remembered my name.
Quina : What you say, Tifa? You let me teach?
Tifa {dries her tears} : Okay, thank you Quina and thank you Eiko.
Eiko : No problem.

{Quina, Tifa and Eiko all give each other a warm hug}

J.S : Alright, ladies and gentlemen. That concludes our show for today. Everyone is happy, studio has been wrecked by floods and Eidolans. But let?s not forget an important lesson here. There all comes a time when we must let go of past loves and embrace new ones. Only by doing this will we be able to lead a happy life. So take good care of yourself and each other.

End of Show.

meh, man I'm weird....

[Charles]

[QUOTE][i]Originally posted by Sephiroth [/i]
[B]Meh, messa got bored....

meh, man I'm weird.... [/B][/QUOTE]


Sheesh, you can say that again. Great stuff, but I think you missed those awesome audience questions where they rub Steve's head and say lame insults! Man, a Jar Jar Binks impression combined with Springer and Final Fantasy; is nothing sacred?!!! :drunk:

[JCBaggee]

[color=red][size=3]:wigout: I've officially seen everything.............Jerry! Jerry! Jerry!...sorry.[/color][/size]

[Guest Shift]

[COLOR=indigo]That is sweet i aughta make somtethin' up like that....or maybe not my bwain hoit...[/COLOR]

[Kuja]

[SIZE=3][FONT=century gothic][COLOR=crimson]only problem is... dagger would have been rinoa's grandmother not daughter... think of the technology in the games... FF9 would have come well before FF8 in any world ;)[/COLOR][/FONT][/SIZE]

[Break]

[SIZE=1]Heh... that's pretty cool. You must get [i]really[/i] bored to think that much into a thread, lol :). Still, it's pretty funny and good :).

Kuja stop nitpicking... lol ;).[/SIZE]

[Kain]

Crazy....but I like.

[coolkam007]

well i agree with kuja that the technology dosn't support your dagger is rinoas great.. ....... ... daughter theory.. and its Fenrir ;)

i think you owe me 5 bucks now ^_^

[mystfalcon25]

Very cool text thing that you wrote, Sephiroth.

You should take up writing fanfics, you know?

It's funny, a lot of the characters in games after ff8 seem to look like the characters from ff8; yuna and garnet kinda look like rinoa. Tidus with wet hair looks like Squall. Correct me if I'm wrong.

Sorry, I wasn't trying to change the subject. :whoops:

Great work, Sephiroth, keep it up.

[Sephiroth]

[QUOTE][i]Originally posted by mystfalcon25 [/i]
[B]Very cool text thing that you wrote, Sephiroth.

You should take up writing fanfics, you know?

It's funny, a lot of the characters in games after ff8 seem to look like the characters from ff8; yuna and garnet kinda look like rinoa. Tidus with wet hair looks like Squall. Correct me if I'm wrong.

Sorry, I wasn't trying to change the subject. :whoops:

Great work, Sephiroth, keep it up. [/B][/QUOTE]

heh, thanks, and I do write fanfics, just go read my ff7 fanfic in stories/poetry forum of the boards....

I have 2 more things in the works, FF big brother, and FF survivor, heh heh ^_^

[Desbreko]

[QUOTE][i]Originally posted by Sephiroth [/i]
[B]I have 2 more things in the works, FF big brother, and FF survivor, heh heh ^_^ [/B][/QUOTE]
[color=indigo]This can't be a good thing...

That was really screwed up... That's as bad as me and my friends, after we've stayed up all night yelling at each other over a game of Mario Party 2... :cross:[/color]

[Dan L]

[QUOTE][i]Originally posted by Sephiroth [/i]
[B]
I have 2 more things in the works, FF big brother, and FF survivor, heh heh ^_^ [/B][/QUOTE]

sah-wweet.... there's a 'Deus Ex Big Brother' somewhere.. which was quite funny but I'm not sure whether it's back up yet... it was at deus-ex.org

anyway... good work seph :D keep it up!

[Guest Voodookanaka]

{Falls to the ground with a seizure, clasping his head and shaking violently}

Aeris : Oh, knock off that stupid seizure thing. We all know you?re faking it. All Jenova?s cells have already been removed, you?re normal again.

{Cloud stops, sits back in his chair }

Cloud : I know. I just like doing it.



lol, pretty good, ive read a j.s story bout ff before but i prefered that one :D

[coolkam007]

*grabs seph by the neck and shakes him violently* (j/p) [b]Fenrir![/b]

lol.. the first time i though you made a typo.. second time i thought you made another time.. but then i relized you really didn't know

anyways.. other then that i enjoyed most of it.. o_O' although i think aries should have got her *** kicked..

[Flash]

Heh, pretty funny Seph. Can't wait for FF Big Brother.. ;)

[Sephiroth]

aah! sorry about the fenrir mixup, I thought that was how it was spelt! I'm too lazy to change it to its proper spelling though, lol....

[Guest Zeh]

[QUOTE][i]Originally posted by Sephiroth [/i]
[B]aah! sorry about the fenrir mixup, I thought that was how it was spelt! I'm too lazy to change it to its proper spelling though, lol.... [/B][/QUOTE]

[COLOR=indigo]I'll fix it :p

And i can't wait for FF Survivor/Big Brother... that'll be awesome!

I bet it's obvious where i edited it... lol
[/COLOR]

[Flash]

Hmmm, I think this could just about go in the Poetry/Stories forum... Whoops, my finger slipped. :p

[Raiha]

[QUOTE][i]Originally posted by Final_Flash [/i]
[B]Heh, pretty funny Seph. Can't wait for FF Big Brother.. ;) [/B][/QUOTE][COLOR=royalblue]*SLAP* Speaking of Big Bro, you still owe me a prize for winning![/COLOR]

[Andrew]

Great work there Seph, but I agree with kuja about the Dagger Rinoa thing. That's the only part that's lacking! On the whole, good work!

[Chaos]

[QUOTE][i]Originally posted by Raiha [/i]
[B][COLOR=royalblue]*SLAP* Speaking of Big Bro, you still owe me a prize for winning![/COLOR] [/B][/QUOTE]

And you'll most likely never get one, knowing Flash..:rolleyes:


[QUOTE][i]Originally posted by Final_Flash [/i]
[B]Hmmm, I think this could just about go in the Poetry/Stories forum... Whoops, my finger slipped. :p [/B][/QUOTE]

Hey, who told you about moving this to Poetry/Stories? :p :p


[QUOTE][i]Originally posted by Sephiroth [/i]
[B]Meh, [u]messa[/u] got bored....[/B][/QUOTE]

*universe's biggest twitch..EVER*.....YOU......USED.......MY........WORD!!!!!!

*takes out Tun A. Fish* *whacks Seppy* *Brooker S. lands in a garbage can.*

How ya dig that, SUCKA?!?!?!?! :twitch:

[conpiracymonki]

[QUOTE][i]Originally posted by kuja [/i]
[B][SIZE=3][FONT=century gothic][COLOR=crimson]only problem is... dagger would have been rinoa's grandmother not daughter... think of the technology in the games... FF9 would have come well before FF8 in any world ;)[/COLOR][/FONT][/SIZE] [/B][/QUOTE]

[b]But what if all mankind in FF8 were just FF7 people in the future, who were wiped out by an evil Cetra clan from another dimension, who then turned out to be Gaia's saviours, and brought back the memory-losing GFs, who were renamed Eidolons, after the people forgot their original simple names of 'Summons', but then the Cetra became the summoner tribe of Madain Sari, and Rinoa's great-great-great-great Elephant Lady daughter became queen, and her daughter was Garnet?

Wouldn't the Cetra've accidentally destroyed all technology when crash ladning from the somewhere-above-mentioned dimension?

HUH? Never thought about that explanation now, did ya kuji?
Dang I'm good...[/b]

[Chaos]

[QUOTE][i]Originally posted by AJ2K1 4 Life [/i]
[B]

[b]But what if all mankind in FF8 were just FF7 people in the future, who were wiped out by an evil Cetra clan from another dimension, who then turned out to be Gaia's saviours, and brought back the memory-losing GFs, who were renamed Eidolons, after the people forgot their original simple names of 'Summons', but then the Cetra became the summoner tribe of Madain Sari, and Rinoa's great-great-great-great Elephant Lady daughter became queen, and her daughter was Garnet?

Wouldn't the Cetra've accidentally destroyed all technology when crash ladning from the somewhere-above-mentioned dimension?

HUH? Never thought about that explanation now, did ya kuji?
Dang I'm good...[/b] [/B][/QUOTE]

*blinks twice, before slooooooooooowllllllllly backing away* Oooooooooooooooook. Seph, have any more? :D

[Sephiroth]

[QUOTE][i]Originally posted by SuperSayian [/i]
[B]

*blinks twice, before slooooooooooowllllllllly backing away* Oooooooooooooooook. Seph, have any more? :D [/B][/QUOTE]

you mean FF jerry springer? hmm, I suppose I could get working on it, but then that would mean doing "work", which I am too busy for, lol, anyway, FF survivor should be up tomorrow....

[Guest Shift]

That's funny as hell Safer i need more!!!