Writing My first peom.

[Spikey]

This is my first peom so bare with me:

As I watch the clouds,
they resemble my life,
I kid that can't do nothin' right,
as I watch the COOL kids get there girls,
me setting lonly with just my friend,
I try each day,
to feel better about it,
but I am just not popular,
I live the wild life,
and I try-try to feel better

When I see those guys,
they just get me so mad,
I just want to gut them real good,
but I hold myself back,
there ain't no way I can stand it anymore,
I just wish I had my dagger,
so they would stop calling me names,
and try to be better,
but they just won't listen to me,
they really get me angry,
and it burns in my heart,
I just wish I could gut them real good


Do you like it?

[Kittie]

[color=seagreen] i thought it was...akay!

[b]*real criticism[/b] there were some...grammatical errors in it! para example in the third line of the poem '...I kid that can't do nothin' right...' i didn't too much understand that! o_O

some words were mispelled...and the emotion is apparent in the poem...it just seems a bit....raw to me!

all in all it was a nice poem! but every true artist can accept criticism and improve on their work! [/color]

:wave:

[phoenixflames]

That was really good for a first work! my first was comparable to
See Spot Run.
Spot Runs Fast.
Run, Spot, Run.
Yeah. It was that bad. But good things like cheese and writers, get better with time.:freak:

[Raiha]

[COLOR=royalblue]yeah, like Kittie said, grammar is important. I know we aren't perfect, but when the grammar is good, the poem is easier to read and gives the sense of being written by somebody who knows what they're talking about.[/COLOR] :naughty:

[Sida255]

thats good spikey!
n VERY good 4 ur first time!

[Amphion]

That was a good poem, just please dont carry any of those actions out.

[Kain]

[QUOTE][i]Originally posted by Raiha [/i]
[B][COLOR=royalblue]yeah, like Kittie said, grammar is important. I know we aren't perfect, but when the grammar is good, the poem is easier to read and gives the sense of being written by somebody who knows what they're talking about.[/COLOR] :naughty: [/B][/QUOTE]
Yeah!Like me!.......anyway it could have had better grammar but all together it was ok.From a rating from 1 to 10 I would give it a 7.

[Guest Shift]

[SIZE=1][COLOR=darkblue]Nice job Spikey!!!! I definately can't do better thtn that, but u need better grammar you talk fine when your talking to a person directly, but when you type u just seem to make way to many mistakes...But other than that you did a great job!!!!![/COLOR] [/SIZE]

[John2]

I like it:)

[Raiha]

[QUOTE][i]Originally posted by Uriel5 [/i]
[B]I like it:) [/B][/QUOTE][COLOR=royalblue]I think you've said that before..................and BTW Spikey, it would be nice if you could at least spell "peom" right in this thread's title.[/COLOR] :smirk:

[Spikey]

Ok here is one,

What lurks in the deep shadow
A monster
a troll
A cow
Whatever it is?
Let's get away
Lte's run as fast as we can
Get away
I can't move
it got me
s..a..ve ....your...self


So how do you like it?

[Vampire Hunter D]

Awesome poems, I really liked your first one.:)

[Mitch]

It is pretty good for a first poem. Just keep writning them and you will get better. That's what it's like for me. Every poem I write I get better. But, sometimes I get a block, and I can't write a poem worth a crap. And other times, I feel like writing so much and I get a good poem out.