Writing The End of the World

[JJ]

Ok This will get confusing so i will go ahead and xplain it now. This is set in 3098 and Earth as been blow up by the Confuzulation of planet Zuphalazonaza. The main characters are Frankie(14) Niko (14) Tom (14) and Erin (15) Niko and Tom are twins.
Part 1
Weird Auction Guy "Yes Step right up this is a genuine jornal from a kid that was in one of the Spaceships that left Earth during the invasion."
Erin "MAn I hate the village idoits whothink they can sell stuff!"
WAG"Do I hear free?"
Frankie "Yeah right here!"
WAG "Sold to the little lady in the back. come get it!"
Frankie gets it and the 4 friends walk to Niko and Tom's house to read it.
Niko "Hey Frankie how 'bout I get Dex to read it aloud."
F "Sure"
May 14, 2067
The Sky has been darkining over for some time now. Mom says its the freaky weather we've been haveing Though she knows its the aliens coming for thier young.
Tom "Wait a minute you mean we stole young ones from the aliens?"
E "I guess so though all the places I looked there is nothing about it."
N "Can we get back to the Jornal now and discuss later?"
E,T,andF "Yeah hurry up Dex!"
Dad has been down in the cellar for some time now workin on some secret project. my boyfriend and I borke up today when I saw him making out with Clarieabell in the bathroom. Evelyn told me it had ti be done but it is so hard. Jornal what would you have done? End of Entry
E "OK This wierd Dex si this the first page?"
D "Yes it is."
N "Well i guess we should NIKO TOM Dinners ready! Frankie your mom said your needed at home and Erin you can stay for dinner. F "Well I guess we can meet here after lessons tomorow."
E,T,N "OK bye!"

So what does everyone think?

[Spikey]

It's pretty good. What you need to do is put a little more story to it. I like the story to it, just tell a little more.

[JJ]

Sorry i haven't posted
Part 2
The next day Erin and Niko become sick with pnemonia and are unable to be seen. Frankie and Tom try to do other stuff other than think about Niko and Erin but they can't so they go to the hospital to see them
F"How? Why? How? Why ect?"
T "Frankie calm down your making me nervus!"
N in a whisper that is heard only to the friends "Dont look at the journal."
F Why?
N Because....." Niko falls into a coma just as Erin does on the other side of the hospital.
F "I guess we have to read the journal tpo find out how to cure them"
T Why do you think the cure would be in there?"
F Because before Niko fell unconsious (sp?) he said something about the cure is in the power of the maker.
T Whats that mean?
F I have no...
Over the intercom
You are all being hostage I would suggest you all come out in the open so we don't have to kill you.
F We need to get out and save Erin and Niko
T I know but we need not do anything irrational
F Irrational my butt we have to save them
T I know but we can't jst start running out in the open
F No but i know who can.
Who is Frankie talking about? WHat was Niko talking about? Why was the Hospital takin hostage?
Find out in Part 3 of the End of the World!