Writing Beyond Simplicity's Perspection

[Poetic Prophet]

hmmm, newcomer to this type of board, well i post on lyrical/freestyle boards, but never posted anything on a anime board. well lets see if you guys are complex enough for me, open up your 3rd 3y3 :freak: .


I halt my speech to absorb my surroundings,
Withdrawing inspiration and knowledge compounding

Together those things one may consider insignificant objects,
Looking past the exoskeleton, ignoring the conglomerate,

Letting those things you neglect permeate into my soul,
While neglecting those things the mainstream holds,

Developing my syntactics,
Manifesting my words into something those accepting simplicity would consider hazardous,

Proceeding beyond the fleshy mold of life,
Peering, strolling, residing within the marrow, broadening my sight,

Overlooking horizons that the ignorant fail to stand upon,
Falling in love with the things they cant see beyond

The skyline, beyond the vast blue?s periphery,
Beyond heaven and hell, beyond what they conceive,

Beyond the physical image produced within the cornea,
Beyond the joy of every breath and the glory of

Existence, and every sunset that concludes another day,
The beauty of night and the light the stars emit, like the light to which we pray,

See I look beyond the bible, the words of God, and a physical image,
Because God isn?t a single being, he is the aura of the world, he is the essence, he is what life is,

I look beyond a sole structure, into the foundation,
Look beyond those definitions of life you perceive, its more than a creation,

Its a work of art exposed to all, old and young, boys and girls,
I see it because, I am universal, therefore, I look beyond the simplicity of the world.

[Justin]

Bravo! Perhaps the world would be a better place if we could all be so complex and far seeing...

-Justin

[Poetic Prophet]

cmon i cant even get replies here!
stop sleeping
UPPIN
one

[asar]

mmmm, don't assume that because you know a whole lot of nice big words that the rest of us aren't as complex as you are. I can assure that isn't the case.

As for your poem, i think that there is a point somewhere beyond the 4th stanza, where it picks up greatly in quality. The first four are, in my opinion, just big words that rhyme, and unless it's being read by the Roget, the audience will miss your meaning and it'll lose impact. After the 4th i really like your imagery and some of the lines that you've used, they really are quite beautiful. Well done, but i would look at making the first part a little more digestible. Keep it up!

[Poetic Prophet]

why is it that when someone says complex everyone else says 'big words'. i didnt say i was more complex then anyone here, and i dont think my knowing big words means im complex. what i mean by, if anyone here is complex enough for me, is by understanding this for what it means about my love for poetry and my ability to write and see things others cant. thats my definition of being complex.
one

[Raiha]

[COLOR=royalblue]CAN IT GENTLEMEN!!!!!!!!!!!

*listens for the crickets*
Thank you. Now about your poem Poetic Prophet, it is nice, there are some flow and grammatical errors, but that's okay, it's alright to f*ck up every now and then. But don't rant about people not replying, it's their choice, not yours.

You can't force people to reply to your topics, and it doesn't matter anyways.[/COLOR]

[Poetic Prophet]

if i made any grammatical and/or any flow errors as you said i did, how about pointing them out, you know. i want crit, not just replies telling me its good, i want to know what needs to be changed in order to get a whole rack of people to reply to this sh*t.
peace

[Raiha]

[COLOR=royalblue]In case you haven't noticed, a whole rack load of people don't show up to read this shît. So deal with it. A good thread doesn't nescessarily have a thousand replies to it. And if you want to post another poem, stick with a thread you've started originally, don't go off making two separate ones.[/COLOR]

[Poetic Prophet]

aight you know, phuck this, i wasnt talking about this post inperticular. this board is wack, i was looking for a new place to get a wide variety of crit, obviouisly yall muh****as dont know what that shyt is, since i havent recieved any since i posted. but, phuck all yall.

[Charles]

[QUOTE][i]Originally posted by Poetic Prophet [/i]
[B]aight you know, phuck this, i wasnt talking about this post inperticular. this board is wack, i was looking for a new place to get a wide variety of crit, obviouisly yall muh****as dont know what that shyt is, since i havent recieved any since i posted. but, phuck all yall. [/B][/QUOTE]

Apparently you haven't heard of the "No Tolerency" rule. I would have expected better language and overall behavior from a poet. So, let me critique your latest post by saying that these boards are better off without behavior like yours.

[asar]

Look, buddy, if you'd properly read my post instead of getting all offended cause i criticised your use of "complex words", you would have realised that i did give you some advice.
I call them "big words" because they are words, and they're big. Go figure. I also go to a selective school and last year topped Ancient History, came 5th in English and 10th in Economics.
You first post WAS condecending, and i quote "well lets see if you guys are complex enough for me". I don't know how you expected that to be read, but it sure didn't read it as you explained it here

"[QUOTE]what i mean by, if anyone here is complex enough for me, is by understanding this for what it means about my love for poetry and my ability to write and see things others cant. thats my definition of being complex. [/QUOTE]

Even this reply is condescending, ie, "My ability to see things that other can't"

I don't know, maybe you just walk around with a big fat telescope strapped to your big head all day, but i certainly know how i would interpret that line. (read - you think your better than us)

The point is, like me your are a new-comer to these boards,yet unlike me, you throw your weight around as if writing a poem entitles you to immediate fame and glory on the boards.
Buddy, a word of advice; not everyone reads poetry firstly, especially when the thread's title includes a non-existant word, and secondly, not everyone is a moron, as you've implied over and over again.
Using those "complex" words doesn't mean your poem is any better than "simple" language, is just means it's a whole lot harder for anyone who doesn't memorise the dictionary to comprehend.

[Raiha]

[COLOR=royalblue]*bows* Thank you asar.[/COLOR]

[Spikey]

[SIZE=1][B]Pretty good. I like how you used the flow of the poem. You thought it, and said it out loud. Well you know what I meen. That was a nice poem. I give it 9/10.[/B][/SIZE]

[Guest Shift]

[COLOR=indigo]That's pretty good...alot better than any of my poems!![/COLOR]