How do you really know who to marry?

[Amphion]

As you probably have learned by now, I think way too much. With that out of the way I will state my .....er.....statement.

How does someone find that special person they will spend the rest of their life with?

I think everyone thinks about this alot not jyst people like me who think to much. I do not think we know exactly what goes on, but its a free country (well for those in the US) so we are able to thoerize. It kind of sucks when you meet that special someone that you just love so much you want to go get married right away, except you can not get passed the fact that, THEY DONT LIKE YOU. Or what about the person you dumped or treated poorly then it turns out you liked them more then you thought or wanted them back and couldnt get them back. What if you just messed up your future? You could have married her in the future and lived happily if you would not have said something stupid or messed up in some other way. It kinda gets you scared to even open your mouth around someone being afraid of messing things up.

My theory is, when you meet the person your going to marry in the future, you just now it. You can just feel it. No I am not married and have not flet this feeling yet, but I am basing this on what I have gathered from many married people. I beleive that your wife is walking around somewhere now or doing something. You dont know who it is yet but shes there and soon you will meet. And when you meet you will just know its right and that thats her and he is him.

So if I am correct, you could sit around your house and never date anyone nd still eventually get married to the girl of your dreams. (or guy for you ladies out there)

But theres always the thought of, what if like time travel and the future, each decision you make changes your future. What if you do (a) and end up with (b) or you choose to do (b) and end up with (a)?You will still know your spous when you meet them but it will be changing untill it actually happens. I find this not as rational as the previous because I think about when and how it is decided when you meet your wife. So if its always changing how does it decide when you meet the current one your at? Are you following? You probably got lost.

thats pretty much it, I could elaborate further and further but you guys are probably already asleep or somwething. Sorry if this bores you, maybe you will be intersted in it. Like I said before, I think too much.

[James]

[color=royalblue]Hmm, interesting.

I don't believe in "love at first sight" for two reasons.

First, it's impossible to [i]love[/i] someone when you first see them. Sure, it might be [i]lust[/i]...but it's not love. Love is something which takes time to mature.

The second point is related to the first, in the sense that as you learn more about a person...you fall more in love with them. When you first meet someone, you know how they look...and not much else. So you can only lust after them -- you can't actually be "in love" with them.

And that is why I think that if you've been going out with someone for a year or two, you can really tell whether or not you want to marry them.

If, after a year or two, you are more in love than you were during the first couple of months...then you know you're really in love.

But if it starts feeling more tired and drawn out as time goes on...then you know you're not really in love with the person.

It's pretty straight forward...and I think a lot of people get married really quickly, which means that they haven't taken the time to really discover whether they're truly in love or not. :)

Ugh, I hope that made sense...I'm really tired. lol[/color]

[Amphion]

Well like I said, mine is only a theory, a half baked one at that. Thats an interesting point you bring up too. Perhaps its different for people, perhaps it just depends on certain things. Some times you dont realize how much you love someone untill they are gone. I cant say that theres one true theory of how its done because I have herd different things from many people. I have heard alot of love at first site things (if you want to call it that, I like the term, "Predestined Soulmate") But I know of several cases locally of what your talking about.

Okay what about this, Some people just realize there love for the other quicker. For some people it may take longer to realize how much you love someone. Some poepl know it when they see them others have to gain it with time. I kinda like this theory better cause it gives me a chance to fix things in my own personal life.

I hope no one spontaneusly combusts trying to comprehend this, please dont have a reletive sue me if you do.

[PiroMunkie]

[SIZE=1][color=red]Types of Love:
[list]
[*][b]Puppy Love[/b] - A crush on a famous person or person of authority
[*][b]Infatuation[/b] - Sets the persons emotions before their own. Only cares to make the other person happy no matter how they feel.
[*][b]Addiction[/b] - Can't live without the person
[*][b]Romantic[/b] - Ruled by the heart, not the head
[*][b]Erotic[/b] - A purely sexual and physical relationship
[*][b]Mature[/b] - A combination of physical attraction with a solid freindship and commitment. One could call this "true love"
[/list]
Any of those sound familiar to any of you?

Like James, I also do not really believe in "love at first sight". You can't just meet a person for the first time and just be thinking "this is who I'm going to spend the rest of my life with". Chances are it is more to the effect of "Holy crap, she/he is so freakin hott! I wonder if she/he will go out with me..?" That is probably the truth in a high majority. For all you know this person is homosexual if you are straight, or straight if you are homosexual. Therefore it could never work out the way you would want it to. The kind of love you want to feel when you know you've met the person you want to marry is the "Mature love" described above.

... I hope that made at least a tiny bit of sense...[/size][/color]

[Amphion]

Well you too are right to a point but I do beleive, and its my opinion, that knowing someone is the person you want to be with the minute you see them is possible. My dad for one said even though he dated other people he still knew that he wanted her to be his wife. My mom did not date much but she said she always knew deep down that she would marry him. Now this could be a communistic lie bu i dont think people would just make something like that up to tell their son. I have also heard stories from othe rpeople that were similar to that. Once again, you cant base everything on that but its good enough, I think, to prove that it is possible.

[James]

[QUOTE][i]Originally posted by Amphion [/i]
[B]Well you too are right to a point but I do beleive, and its my opinion, that knowing someone is the person you want to be with the minute you see them is possible. My dad for one said even though he dated other people he still knew that he wanted her to be his wife. My mom did not date much but she said she always knew deep down that she would marry him. Now this could be a communistic lie bu i dont think people would just make something like that up to tell their son. I have also heard stories from othe rpeople that were similar to that. Once again, you cant base everything on that but its good enough, I think, to prove that it is possible. [/B][/QUOTE]

[color=royalblue]Well, I don't think that it's a lie...it's a nice romantic story.

In truth, they wouldn't have been in love right away; that's just not what love is. That is lust.

Relationships will always start with lust and what people have in common. The true beauty of a relationship is its ability to evolve and grow into love over time. :)[/color]

[Amphion]

hmm....okay I think I am understanding you now. So your theory is this way. that initial feeling is lust but it grows to love very quickly, Its almost Love at first site, but once they start talking and getting to know each other they actually styart to fall in the deep mature love stuff. AM I understanding right?

[9mm Avenger]

Yeah...uaually, if someone really hates u...Or that...First ya get em reak drunk....No, that dosen't work. Really, to get someone to like you(I don't know about marry) try to not do what irritates them...For like, 95% of us, usually love isn't instant, you have to work at it.

[Amphion]

Okay, I guess my thoery is off, way off. I think I figured out what i was shooting for in the previous post.

[Kuja]

[SIZE=1][FONT=century gothic][COLOR=crimson]james is right in that MOST people who get married to fast shouldnt have... but i think there is love@first site... thou it is very very rare

anyway i plan to marry a girl who is my friend first and lover second (same person but being good friends is most important) this way we respect each other and not just the body ;) hehe thou i hope hers is nice ;)... im not saying that lust wont be involved if there isnt lust i wont marry the girl, which is one reason i dont wanna marry one girl who (who will remain nameless less she asks me if it is her ill tell her) but i think that lust is a good thing to an extent because it makes the relationship more intresting (even without the sex)

dont ask me... im only 19 and i wont be able to tell you my final opinion till im on my death bed, im sure i will change my mind on this a million times... but yea... [/COLOR][/FONT][/SIZE]

[Lady Macaiodh]

the way i know if a serious relationship is going to last is i ask myself: "is this the person that will be all i need for the rest of my life?" or something of that nature. i haven't been able to say yes yet. well, there's a maybe, but i'm not sure yet.

anyway, most of you are too young to be thinking about this kind of stuff. enjoy the dating thing while you can. i really agree w/ james... & i will never make the mistake of getting married too quickly. a few of my girl friends got married too young & they regret it now. actually, i'm the only girl i know of my friends who isn't married (though some of them do have really good marriages) & i'm in no hurry, either. i'm praying that getting married is something i'll only have to do once. :)

[Justin]

Well, I usually won't get into an actual relationship(in b/f-g/f terms) unless I actually already care about that person. For instance: I may date a girl a few times, but that doesn't mean I'm am or I am going to form a relationship with her. The g/f I have now is someone I've known and cared for for a very long time. Not just some chick who's phone number I got at the mall or something.

Having said thus, I won't waste my time in a relationship with someone I don't care for. If I'm not going to have feelings for the girl I'm commited to, I'd rather not be commited and be able to roam freely until I find one that I will have feelings for.

-Justin

[PiroMunkie]

[QUOTE][i]Originally posted by Justin [/i]
[B]Well, I usually won't get into an actual relationship(in b/f-g/f terms) unless I actually already care about that person. For instance: I may date a girl a few times, but that doesn't mean I'm am or I am going to form a relationship with her. The g/f I have now is someone I've known and cared for for a very long time. Not just some chick who's phone number I got at the mall or something.

Having said thus, I won't waste my time in a relationship with someone I don't care for. If I'm not going to have feelings for the girl I'm commited to, I'd rather not be commited and be able to roam freely until I find one that I will have feelings for.[/B][/QUOTE][SIZE=1][color=firebrick]Bra-vo my good man! You remind me of myself. I also won't date a girl until I'm sure that the relationship won't be something that's just there. I want it to mean something. I mean, I was thinking about going with this one girl I know for a long time. But again I was making sure that it would be something that would last. But as time went on I noticed that every time we talked to each other the same things were said each time. It became very monotonous. So I figured it probably wouldn't be worth it. I have a good friendship with the person already and I don't what to ruin that with a bad relationship.[/size][/color]

[Queen Asuka]

[color=crimson][size=1]I....want to have a mature relationship like Piro up there was talking about...it sounds nice. I also, one day, want to meet that "someone" that is out there and meant for me, I guess you could say...I think I want to agree somewhat with the theory because I believe that there is someone out there for everyone...but you can't be a lazy bum and not date so that you'll never ever have a chance to meet them, or never experience the "could-have-beens" and so forth. I don't want to get married until I'm out of high school and well into college, and I don't want to have children until I get out of college and have a career underway....yes, I have big plans for myself....I'm still a Junior for at least 30 days, and then a whole 180 more to go as a Senior! I just don't think anyone at this age is mature enough to get married...[/color][/size]

[Nerdsy]

[COLOR=deeppink]I don't really have an opinion that hasn't already been posted, so I'm not going to type it up... Gah, this always happens in debate topics...


I doubt I will get married, though. I don't think I'd be able to handle the responsibility of marriage and fatherhood. I'm not the most reliable person in the world.


I don't have much experience in the field, though. I've never been on a date before.[/COLOR]

[Sara]

[FONT=century gothic]Well, here goes...

I sure as all heck don't believe in "love at first site." Not the way you mean, at least.

Love is a funny thing.

I've loved a lot of people. Been "in love"? Nah, not like that. But I loved them very dearly. Lost each one of them, and the wounds never quite healed... Dear friend of mine says I'm afraid to let anyone get too close...he's referring to himself, of course...:-/

[i]Isn't it curious that [b]love,[/b] so fickle, is placed above [b]friendship,[/b] almost always so worthy?[/i]

Me, get married? Not like I've really thought about it or anything, I'm only barely sixteen. I can't really picture myself ever being married. I don't know if that's something most people do, think about the future? When I was in grade school, girls would always talk about their wedding day, how fancy their dresses would be, and just [i]exactly[/i] how perfect their husbands would look. I never did that...I remember asking one girl why they would talk about those things--I just didn't get it. She looked at me funny and walked off. She didn't really have a good reason, so she just left.

I don't know if there was a point to that story at all...It's late, I'm tired...[/FONT]

[RicoTranzrig]

[COLOR=darkblue]To me, the person I'm going to marry when...

We lock eyes for the first time and we start talking right there and then. After a few months of being friends we get closer to each other. And you just know it...without a shout of a doubt...

Then again, I was listening to the a morning radio station this one day that said.

"Smart Man + Smart Woman = Love/Friendship

Smart Man + Dumb Woman = Unwanted Pregnancy

Dumb Man + Smart Woman = Divorce

Dumb Man + Dumb Woman = Marriage"

Bacically, I think a a man and a woman really have to work things out and be mature and wise for anything to actually happen. If they delve into anything too fast, they'll get burned...[/COLOR]

[velvet paws]

[QUOTE][i]Originally posted by PiroMunkie [/i]
[B][SIZE=1][color=red]Types of Love:
[list]
[*][b]Puppy Love[/b] - A crush on a famous person or person of authority [/color] Nope never had that one...
[color=red][*][b]Infatuation[/b] - Sets the persons emotions before their own. Only cares to make the other person happy no matter how they feel. [/color] Hmmm yep been down that path with Daz...also a little with Jay I guess...
[color=red][*][b]Addiction[/b] - Can't live without the person[/color] Again I've been through this with Daz...
[color=red][*][b]Romantic[/b] - Ruled by the heart, not the head[/color] How can you really tell? Every now and then I listen to what I know is right rather than what I want..but which way round does it go? How do you know?
[color=red][*][b]Erotic[/b] - A purely sexual and physical relationship[/color] I can't cope with this kind of relationship and have never and will never be in one...
[color=red][*][b]Mature[/b] - A combination of physical attraction with a solid freindship and commitment. One could call this "true love"[/color] Heh...I'm working on it..dunno if me and Ian can get there but we'll see....
[/list]
[color=red]Any of those sound familiar to any of you?

Like James, I also do not really believe in "love at first sight". You can't just meet a person for the first time and just be thinking "this is who I'm going to spend the rest of my life with". Chances are it is more to the effect of "Holy crap, she/he is so freakin hott! I wonder if she/he will go out with me..?" That is probably the truth in a high majority.[/color] Yuh-huh I agree with you there. I personally admit to thinking that many a time..or more like "frikin hell they're so hot! dam me being so ugly I ain't even going to embarrass myself trying" heh, I'm low on confidence. [color=red]For all you know this person is homosexual if you are straight, or straight if you are homosexual. Therefore it could never work out the way you would want it to. [/color] :bawl: The cruel-cruel truth! So many people I've wanted to try a relationship with but I'm scared because I don't want them to kick the cr@p outa me for hitting on them if they ain't that way inclind. [color=red] The kind of love you want to feel when you know you've met the person you want to marry is the "Mature love" described above.[/color] Still wish I knew how to tell and get there heh :blush: [color=red]

... I hope that made at least a tiny bit of sense...[/size][/color] [/B][/QUOTE]

[Spikey]

[COLOR=royalblue][B]Well, I don't really beleive in love at first sight. You could see the fatest person in the world, and that could be love at first sight. But just think about it. Wait in that case don't.

How you know who to marry

I think that you just talk to her/him well. Get to know each other really good. Him/her I think should be a little like you. I think that you should just be the best of friends your whole life of being friends.

Although the people who find out that I like this sertan stuff such as : Dragonball z/GT, Pokemon, Digimon, Tenchi, Gundam, and other anime. I don't get much Girl friends (or whatever you want to call them) when they figure out what I like.

I also lose some of my dearest friends for that. I think the marrige should be just that you both shall care about though, no matter what.

That is my theory. ehh.. Kinda boring.[/COLOR][/B]

[Heaven's Cloud]

[color=indigo] I don't know how to awnser your question because I hae never felt like I was ready to marry a girl. I think the most important thing in thinking about marriage is not love, but your own ability to deal with the world and your own life in a responsible manner, because if you are unable to handle your own life the stress of someone elses can break you[/color]

[velvet paws]

[QUOTE][i]Originally posted by Heaven's Cloud [/i]
[B][color=indigo]because if you are unable to handle your own life the stress of someone elses can break you[/color] [/B][/QUOTE]

Wow..this guy know's what he's on about :) I totally agree with that part..

[XxmagentaxX]

I am one of those people that totally believes in love at first sight.
I mean love at first sight is feeling that you should be with that certain person. Sure it may not be very reasonable. Its more romantic and unrealistic. But I think thats what I love so much about love at first sight and that good stuff. As corny as it may seem...