Writing Strange little story

[Heaven's Cloud]

[color=indigo]I pace back and forth, back and forth, stepping lightly on the floors so they don't hear them creak. Oh, I know that they are watching, that they are listening. They hear everything, they SEE everything, but they don't know everything...at least, not yet.

I have secrets, secrets that I don't even know I carry, and they need them. They will get them unless I can figure out a way to hide, a way to dissappear. I tried leaving my house, but a man in a black rain slicker followed me, so I went into the corner store and bought a pack of gum. When I came out the man was gone, but they hadn't stopped following me. I saw a man with a suspicious dog walk past. They can't fool me, I know that underneath the fur, the dog was a tangled web of wires and circuts.

No, I can't leave my house, it is too dangerous, but I can't stay either, for it is only a matter of time before they come for me. No there is only one option one escape. I wish I knew what they wanted from me, what secrets I held that they desired so badly. No, they will never use me, never...BOOM.

And somewhere far away a man in a black rain slicker laughs out loud.[/color]

[Spikey]

[COLOR=blue]That's really good. What you have to do though (you don't have to but I recomend you do) Is edit and put more story to it. When you put more story in it sounds a lot better. Keep up the good work.[/color]

[BabyGirl]

[color=deeppink]I like the rhythm...to me it has almost a 'manic' pace to it. Nice :)[/color]

[NorykoAngelcry]

[COLOR=darkred][SIZE=1]I really like the hopelessness that is portraiyed by the character of the story. You did a really good job on this. Though, I have to say, I sorta laughed out loud with the man in the black rain slicker laughing. . . and no, I have NO idea why.. [/SIZE][/COLOR]