Flipmodesquad Posted May 10, 2002 Share Posted May 10, 2002 ?As I saw the hay falling over me on top of me, I saw my mother, staring right at my sister. In her eyes I could see she was telling her to come down from the barn. Even though I was just 4 when it all started, I could tell that something is going wrong. When my sister had come down, An ironic thing had happened, my mother had pulled my older sister?s hair. I was terrified of what was going to happen to my sister, and, to me. My mother had asked why she didn?t tell give her the school papers when she got out of school. She simply responded ?I forgot?, because of this excuse she hit her in the back for every single paper she had in her backpack." I need to revise it but please tell me what you think. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Flipmodesquad Posted May 10, 2002 Author Share Posted May 10, 2002 HEY EVERYONE any way if you like this story(based on a true story.ITS FOR REALZ) then plz post something ill make a second part the next time i come in here. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Frankie Posted May 10, 2002 Share Posted May 10, 2002 well i say its good you need to put some depth between the 2 parts there thought if your going to make that a long one you need DETAIL lots of detail and i say you need lots of talking and detail and depth into your story but good nether the less Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pyrophobic Posted May 15, 2002 Share Posted May 15, 2002 THAT's based on a true story! It's so freaky! And a little scary! I think the mother should bite back - again! (for all the violence-lovers out there) She's a little vicious to be a mum, isn't she?! *Look of disbelief* Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Frankie Posted May 17, 2002 Share Posted May 17, 2002 Yes based on a true storie...............and i know most of the truth......i am helping work on this bit by bit ............its not full of ALL FACTS but it is based on a true story......sence its BASED we are sreatching the truth a bit..........all of msot of this really did happen BUT we are not putting real names and putting a few non real events BUT most of this stuff did happen Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Flipmodesquad Posted May 17, 2002 Author Share Posted May 17, 2002 lol well i see my partner has spoken lol thx um ill revise it and my partner shall help me RIGHT!!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Frankie Posted May 17, 2002 Share Posted May 17, 2002 Yup thats what i am here for your writing it i am giveing you the facts Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Flipmodesquad Posted July 2, 2002 Author Share Posted July 2, 2002 lol well shes right sorry i forgot to make a second part i havent been around lately Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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