The Unholy Newt Posted June 10, 2002 Share Posted June 10, 2002 I thought I might put in a couple of stories of mine. I'll start with the prologue of one of them. It doesn't have a name yet. . . Prologue: The battlefield was littered with the bodies of the fallen. the ground stained with blood and broken weapons. Amidst the dead and dying, two lone figures stood, two paladins of old, one of the light and one of the darkness. They stared each other down, their eternal emnity permeating the very air they breathed. The Paladin of Light, clad in Gold coloured platemail armour, his large two-handed sword which he wielded with only one hand, as easily as he would a rapier, and his large steel shield in the other bearing the likeness of a gold Dragon on the front. He simply stood there his eyes never straying from the ice gaze that were his adversary's. His arch-nemesis, the Paladin of the Darkness in his blood red armour covered with two foot long spikes on hos back and shoulders. His Battle-Axe in one hand and his shield with the image of a red Dragon in the other. For what seemed like hours they stood among the desolate battleground. They then suddenly charged, striking blows at each other, lasting long into the night. Then they stopped, paced back several metres away from one another. They then started tearing their armour off revealing what appeared to be scaly hides, they dropped their weapons and their hands grew into long claws. Their faces grew elongated and their yellow eyes into thin slits as much like a cat's eye. Then long gashes appeared down their backs out of which burst large graceful wings. Then lastly their bodies grew to immense size. Now their metamorphosis was complete and there stood two dragons, one gold and one red. they took to the sky, first circling the battleground, snorting fire and roaring, the sound echoin through the area. Then thet stopped in mid-air, waited, and them charged, scratching and biting and whipping with their tails. They suddenly stopped, dropped to the ground to catch their breath. Then rosed and charged again. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest cloricus Posted June 10, 2002 Share Posted June 10, 2002 It's okay. The descriptive language is good but I feel it need more explaining in the last three sentences. What would be good is if you wrote like this in the rpg's you are in. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Unholy Newt Posted June 10, 2002 Author Share Posted June 10, 2002 What exactly do you mean by more explaining in the last three sentences? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest cloricus Posted June 10, 2002 Share Posted June 10, 2002 Most of it is very descriptive for example the description of the battlefield; it would have been good if you had continued that. Described the sky and the battel in the air better. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Unholy Newt Posted June 10, 2002 Author Share Posted June 10, 2002 When I put in the next parts you should see that it is supposed to be vague Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest cloricus Posted June 10, 2002 Share Posted June 10, 2002 Okay. How big is the next part? Is it a battle sence? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Unholy Newt Posted June 10, 2002 Author Share Posted June 10, 2002 The next part is Chapter 1. The battle between the two dragons is supposed to be vague because you aren't supposed to get an idea who has the advantage or if either are better because that comes in a LOT later. (I haven't even written that far yet) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest cloricus Posted June 10, 2002 Share Posted June 10, 2002 Oh okay I see. Is this going to be a short story? I look forward to reading it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Unholy Newt Posted June 11, 2002 Author Share Posted June 11, 2002 I am not exactly sure, I tell you that when I find out (Yes I know it is my story but hey get over it) lol :p Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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