Writing here are some of my poems. i just started writing poems so tell me if you like them

[Ykonis]

Love, what is it?
Have you been shown it before?
Do you know how it feels?
Can you show me this "love"?
For what I have been shown,
I know now that love was not the word for it.
Can you help me with something?
I am wondering,
Is there such a thing
As a girl being true, honest, and faithful?
Someone who is kind, affectionate, and beloved?
For I think I have found someone
That is like this,
and to your surprise
That person is you.

As the sky cannot live without the sun
As the stars can not live without the night
As the land cannot live without the water
As I cannot live without you.

Raining,
Raining in a small town.
Raining at a small house.
Raining the tears,
From a sad soul.
Raining from the heart,
To the mind.
Raining.

Thinking aloud quietly,
Almost murmuring.
He transforms from the
Childish ways of his life,
And looks into the future
As a grown man would.
Not scared.
Not nervous.
But anxious to see what
The cruel world of life
Has to offer him.

Looking in the glass mirror,
Stands a confused mortal.
Love isn't pure,
Life misleads him
And he takes it all in.
Knowing that he can't back out,
He starts to pout,
As reality strikes another blow.


please rate each poem a from1-10. thanks

[Mist]

[color=red][size=1]Wow, that was pretty good for a first try. Hmm, I think a 7.5-8 would be a fair rating. Good job! [/color][/size]

[RicoTranzrig]

Yeah, around the mid 8's pretty good. True to the heart.

[Charles]

That poem was interesting, to say the least and I feel like reading poetry so here are my thoughts.

In the first stanza, love appears to be an object. You address it as having an appearance and physical feel. At the same time, the narrator hints at the deception involved with love, whilst having no clue as to what love really is. I like how the end of the stanza personifies love, removing it from the confines of merely being an object.

I didn't care much for the second stanza. Directly after personifying love, you personify the sky, sun, etc. In my opinion, the poem would have been much better, had you, repeated the word "exist" instead of love. Here's my example.

[I]As the sky cannot exist without the sun
As the stars can not exist without the night
As the land cannot exist without the water
As I cannot exist without you. [/I]

I gather that the next stanza explains the pain of the speaker--pain experience through desire. My main concern with that stanza is the repetition of the word "Raining." The previous stanza contained lines that all began with "As." By using repetition in two "linked" stanzas, you're constipating your writing. It's not taking me anywhere.

Next, in the fourth stanza, the point of view suddenly switches from first person narrative to third person. I believe that you should have stuck with your original first person narrative instead of going omniscient. The alteration is unwarranted and unnecessary.

The last stanza really reveals the pain in the narrator and directly connects to the deceitful nature of love that you hinted at earlier in the poem. We never find out exactly what the female did to break his heart or the nature of their relationship. Thus, a mysterious air is left, unresolved. I like that style.

I'll give the poem a 7 out of 10.

Nice work.

[Ykonis]

hey what crazy said confused me because i wrote that there is more than one poem in my thread. There are three(3) poems separated by a space. soory if you didnt know.

[Charles]

[QUOTE][i]Originally posted by Ykonis [/i]
[B]hey what crazy said confused me because i wrote that there is more than one poem in my thread. There are three(3) poems separated by a space. soory if you didnt know. [/B][/QUOTE]

In that case I feel like a complete idiot, lol. Anyway, upon taking a look at the topic name, (Squints eyes) I [I]do[/I] notice that now. Coupled with the fact that I minimized the topic for about ten minutes before responding while doing something else, I guess I forgot about the seperate poems when I saw people just giving out one score. As you can see, although I neglected to remember the subject header, I did read the poems carefully. :D

But maybe this does give you something to think about. For some reason, they all seem to work extremely well together. With the appropriate changes to narration, you could have something there if you combined them.

Once again, sorry about the mistake, heh. ;)

[Ykonis]

hey its no problem crazy. i read it to myself like it is and i got confused.lol. i think i might combine them and just switch some of the words to make it better. thankz for the idea! i greatly appreciate everyones comments. and like always, keep the comments coming as long as they fit the otaku rules.