Talon Posted July 11, 2002 Share Posted July 11, 2002 As the sun set over the misty plain Jack rode from the den of his foe, now slain. The price for his unlikely win, To lose his soul and lose his kin. He rode shamefully into the town, Seeing his love in her cotton gown. He broke as he said his last goodbye, Daring not to see young Sarie cry. He follwed a seraph to the gate, the realm where his soul would meet it's fate. The angel pointed him to his quest. Jack's soul would fight, unable to rest. Forever passed, and Jack still fought In the Nine Hells, his skill unwrought. As the years rooled on, Jack did not age. He'd fight 'til he ended Hextor's rage! The God started at Jack for many a year, As he met his end, he shed no tear. None had come away from Jack alive, Hextor fell against Jack Rive! Jack rode into Heaven as he smiled wide, Glad to see his love there, for Sarie had died. She ran to Jack, their love Heaven could see, Jack threw to the ground the Blade of Eternity! The blade retrieved, the quest at an end. The happy couple a gift Heaven did send. Jack would live forever, alonside his bride, Sarie, for he had retrieved the Blade of Eternity... [color=sky blue]So, tell me, honestly, how is it?[/color] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Phantom Posted July 11, 2002 Share Posted July 11, 2002 *smiles* honeslty, i could not come up with that in the time you did, so praise you shall receive... good every line rhymed..i mean if you wanted to get more complex your stanzas would have more complex rhyming patterns but hell man your very good at it... want me to critique it? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Talon Posted July 11, 2002 Author Share Posted July 11, 2002 Do what ye will, friend. I could have done more for the rhyming pattern, but I didn't want to confuse anybody. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Boo Posted July 11, 2002 Share Posted July 11, 2002 Man! This poem really was great! *all three thumbs up :D* Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Talon Posted July 11, 2002 Author Share Posted July 11, 2002 Three...thumbs? *hides from the demon* Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BearsBaby635 Posted July 11, 2002 Share Posted July 11, 2002 I love it! hehe but I love you more Sweetie! ^_^= *kisses you* VERY nice!and Mike...is sounds better the way it is...hehe..woohoo *claps* sowwie..I'm still hyper ah well I love you,Fox! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mist Posted July 11, 2002 Share Posted July 11, 2002 [color=red][size=1] I love it! It was unique, and you did a decent job on rhyming. The length was that to rival some of mine. (Which I think is a good thing...) Anyway, Bravo! (If you were a girl, you'd have to say Brava! Of couse, that's Latin, though...)[/color][/size] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Talon Posted July 11, 2002 Author Share Posted July 11, 2002 ...Are you suggesting something? And lemme guess...I have NO choice but to write ANOTHER poem, or a story, huh? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
vegeta rocker Posted July 17, 2002 Share Posted July 17, 2002 loved it, you have real talent in the rhyming and imagry(sure i spelled that word wrong) it was a pleasure to read. i look forward to more of it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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